Fic: Steady As She Goes (33/86), Blue Cortina, dakfinv
Title: Steady As She Goes (33/86)
Author: dak
Word Count: 3071 this part; [59,622 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart.
Summary this Part: Sam searches for answers, Ray comes to a crossroads, and Gene makes a decision.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: none here; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: To make up for the shorter chapters I've posted lately, here's one of the longest ones yet! Continued thanks for all the comments. It means a lot to know people are still sticking with this story!
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
"Almost there. You can do it. That’s it Sam!"
With Annie’s help Sam stepped backwards and collapsed onto the bed. "Well done I’d say," she smiled.
"I walked two steps Annie," he sighed as he caught his breath.
"Technically four. You did have to get back to where you started."
"I’ll be running marathons in no time." If Sam had been a typical seventies male he would have been embarrassed that he’d needed a woman’s help to get out of bed. As it was, being a typical twenty-first century man, he was embarrassed he needed anyone’s help getting out of bed.
"Not with an attitude like that you won’t. Now come on, close those eyes. Time for a rest." She pulled the sheets over his legs, tucking him in like a worried mother.
"I don’t need to rest," Sam argued, forcing his eyes not to betray his words and shut of their own accord. "Let me see the file."
"You’ve read it a hundred times, sir. There’s nowt there." Annie understood his reasons for wanting to press on but the added stress wasn’t doing anything for his health.
"Then I’ll read it a hundred more. There’s something there. I know there is. Please Annie."
Annie knew she should find it harder to refuse him. She only didn’t because...because he was her superior officer. She picked up the file and held it just out of reach. "One more time and then you get some rest. I’ll use force if necessary. Understood?"
"Loud and clear Detective Constable."
Annie dropped the file into his waiting hands then watched silently as he read through the pages as if for the first time. If the situation weren’t so serious she’d find it endearing how he was trying to absorb the facts before his body quit and plunged him into sleep.
"I was taken from my flat the night after I’d been released from the hospital. For the concussion." Sam decided if he spoke his thoughts out loud it would help him stay awake. It wasn’t that the silence in the room was just too much.
"That’s right. Guv went round early afternoon. Saw signs of a struggle and came straight back to the station."
"There was one. One then three."
Annie saw his eyes glazing over and squeezed his hand. "What do you mean Sam?"
"Uhm," Sam felt his head clear as Annie anchored him to the present. "Only one man came into my flat. Knocked me out. When I woke up there were two more."
"The three men who killed..."
"I must have seen something. The day of Chris’ shooting." Sam was getting frustrated now. The memory of that day had returned to him in a dream but like a dream the details had slipped away almost as soon as he’d woken.
"Can’t you remember anything?" Annie encouraged.
"Doesn’t matter what I saw. Maybe if..." Sam shook his head. "They incriminated themselves with the killings when they took me. I heard them...they talked about it. They kept asking me what I knew."
"They took you to get information."
"I don’t think they knew why they took me. They just knew I was a witness and that witnesses were bad." Sam smirked. "Weren’t the brightest lot. Made Ray look like Stephen Hawking."
"Who?"
Maybe it wouldn’t be good if Annie did his evaluation. "No one. Wait." Sam nearly felt his brain click into high gear. "They didn’t know what they were doing with me. All their actions were sporadic. Uncoordinated. They argued over every move."
"So they’d never kidnapped anyone before."
Sam wished he had his tape recorder so he could dictate his notes. Writing all this down would take too much effort. "But even first time kidnappers know why they’re doing it. They have a plan. Abduct to kill. Abduct to get information."
"For ransom," Annie helped.
"Exactly. They had me and had no clue what to do with me. Except..." Sam motioned to his healing body, "...the obvious."
"But how does this help?"
Sam had no idea. He started leafing through the file again. "They were scared. Scared about what they had done. About getting caught. So scared they snatched a copper just because he may have seen something."
"It was their first time kidnapping, maybe it was their first time killing someone as well? Well, first and second."
A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. Dr. Merrick entered the room carrying a tray of what smelled like soup. "Lunchtime Sam. Nurse asked me to bring this in." He closed the door and noticed Annie for the first time. "Oh! Sorry. Didn’t know you had company." He moved Sam’s files and set the soup on the bed table.
"Dr. Merrick this is WDC Annie Cartwright."
"Ah. The infamous psychology major."
Annie blushed as she shook the doctor’s hand. "And you would be?"
"Head of Psychiatry here at St. Mary’s." He noticed the fear that spread through Annie’s body language. So did Sam.
"He’s here to help with my panic attacks."
"Oh. Well I’ll leave you two to it then." Annie picked up her purse and Sam reached out and took her elbow.
"You don’t have to leave," he said, obviously worried.
"No, it’s alright sir. I should be getting back to the station anyhow. Guv’ll be wondering where I am." She smiled and removed her hand from her elbow, clasping it in her own.
"But you’ll come back?" Sam wondered where this fear of abandonment was coming from. Ever since Gene had left...
"I can, after my shift, if you’d like."
Sam nodded.
"That’s that then. Good day sir."
"Bye Annie."
She smiled and left the men alone in the room. Sam felt his chest tighten as the door closed. His muscles were cramping up. The room was going out of focus.
"I’d hate to see a woman like that leave, too." Merrick sat next to Sam ready to talk him through this. "Are you two close?"
"We’re...we’re just friends." Sam whispered through clenched teeth.
"She seems like a good friend. If she said she’d come back later, would she keep her word?"
Sam nodded vigorously.
"But still you’re worried. Do you know why?"
Why was it so hard to breath? Why was everything starting to spin?
"Sam. You’re safe. You’re in hospital and you’re okay. There’s nothing to worry about. Can you look at me Sam? Sam?"
Sam finally recognized the attack for what it was. He’d controlled it before he could do it again. He could do this. He focused on Merrick’s voice, his face, forcing himself to stay in the here and now. Slowly his breathing returned to normal. His vision cleared and his muscles relaxed. "It-it’s over. It passed."
"Good. You controlled it well Sam. That can be very hard for some people."
Sam felt like a child getting a gold star. He didn’t appreciate being pandered to like that.
"Sam, what would you say if I told you I’d like to put you on some anti-anxiety medication?"
"I’d say I’ve had enough drugs running through my system lately." Every time he was given drugs in 1973 it translated into something bad in 2006. Or was it the other way around?
"Well, why don’t you eat your lunch here and think it over. I’d like to have your full cooperation on any treatment I might prescribe but that doesn’t mean I need it," Merrick smiled.
"I thought you said you weren’t my psychiatrist?"
"I’ll see you later okay? Sorry I interrupted your visit with Ms. Cartwright."
Merrick left and Sam pulled the soup towards him. Had that been a threat? He took a sip and was pleased it tasted better than the oatmeal and even more pleased that it managed to settle in his stomach.
Maybe he was being paranoid but Sam had felt certain that had been a threat.
*
Sam had finished his soup and twirled the spoon in his fingers. "They were scared. First time killers. Not necessarily first time criminals. Intense homophobia made them kill. But why these two? Why were they so special? They kept their relationship private. Didn’t flaunt their sexuality. Only the girl knew. Weren’t exactly Elton John and David Furnish were they?"
Sam sighed and dropped the spoon back in the empty bowl. Another migraine was coming on. He pressed his hands over his eyes, trying to squeeze any sense out of the whole situation.
Beep. Hiss. Beep. Hiss.
"No. Not now. Please. Not here"
Thank god Merrick was absent from the room at present but if Sam started screaming at the walls he’d have Nurse Ratchett and a bastard big sedative on top of him in no time.
Beep. Hiss. Beep. Hiss.
He was going to ignore it. Of course he could ignore it. Absolutely. No problem.
Beep. Hiss. Beep. Hiss.
"They were scared. They were stupid."
Beep. Hiss. His dilantin levels are too low. Beep. Hiss.
"They knew their mate was locked up and they knew Gene’s reputation."
Beep. Hiss. We think that’s the cause of his recent seizures Mrs. Tyler. Beep. Hiss.
"Didn’t they think Hunt would be able to get information out of him?"
Beep. Hiss. Will my boy be alright? Beep. Hiss
His mother’s voice threw off his concentration.
Beep. Hiss. We are very worried about increased brain trauma. Sam’s been going through a very rough patch lately. Beep. Hiss
"Oh you think?" Wait. He said he wasn’t going to respond to the voices. "They took me to their local. This city’s filled with untraceable, empty warehouses and they took me to their pub."
Beep. Hiss. Hang in there Sammy. I know you’re still there. Beep. Hiss.
"How thick can you be?"
Beep. Hiss. Be strong for your mum. Please Sam. Beep. Hiss.
"But if they’re that stupid how were they able to disappear without a trace?"
Beep. Hiss. Beep. Hiss.
The sounds were fading now. "Where would they go? Where would they hide?"
Beep. Hiss.
"A month now and no sign. Where are they getting food? Money? Where are they sleeping? Have their descriptions popped up in any recent burglaries? Have they been bragging about their kills? How the hell can I look up any of this in here?" He shoved the tray table away from him and the tray and soup bowl clattered to the floor. "Bloody hell," he sighed as a nurse ran into the room.
"Everything alright Mr. Tyler?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I just...the tray."
She crouched down and began picking up the fallen objects. "No worries. You’ll get your coordination back soon enough. Won’t you?" She set the things back on the table and looked Sam over. "You look awful sir. When was the last time you slept?"
"A bit this morning. I guess."
"Well that’s not nearly enough."
"I need to get someone from my station in here."
She pulled up his covers and checked his IV. "You grab some kip and when you wake up I’ll make the call. How’s that sound?"
"How ‘bout I grab some kip while you make the call and sleep til they get here. Please. It’s really important."
"Oh it’s always important with you coppers, innit? Alright then." She picked up the tray and flicked off the lights as she opened the door. "Rest an’ I’ll call for yeh."
Against his will, Sam’s body refused to cooperate with his mind any longer and he was deep in sleep as soon as the door was closed.
*
Annie and Chris were already sitting in a corner of the canteen when a clearly distressed Ray came in to join them.
"What’d the Guv want?" Chris asked innocently.
"Doesn’t matter." He turned to Annie. "So what’s wrong with the Boss that’s got the Guv so riled up? Din’t go die on ‘im did ‘e?"
Annie kept her voice down. "No. I was just telling Chris..." Annie struggled finding the right words to explain Tyler and Hunt’s latest argument without revealing Sam’s secret. "DI Tyler wouldn’t tell me much but, well, I got the feeling DCI Hunt...he doesn’t seem to think Sam’s fit for duty anymore."
"Because...because of..." Chris stammered. "You know the..."
"Because ‘e tried to off ‘imself?" Ray finished for him.
"I think so. I don’t know. I..." Annie rested her head in her hands. "He wants to send him back to Hyde and I don’t see any way of stopping him."
"Hang on. If the Guv don’t think ‘e’s fit for duty, why is he bothering to transfer ‘im? Why don’t ‘e jus’...kick ‘im out of the force?" Ray wondered aloud.
"And ruin his career?" Annie countered.
"Well if ‘e’s a danger--" Ray argued.
"Who said he was a danger?" Annie spat.
"Could you stop arguing?" Chris cut in. " ‘S not helping." Annie and Ray, both slightly ashamed, shut their mouths. "I don’ know about you Ray. Well I guess I do really...but I don’ want the Boss to leave. He’s...he’s taught me a lot. Made me a better copper. All of us. An’ the Guv. I mean, he’s not takin’ backhanders anymore is he? If we could help him...I’d like to try. Least he’d do for us, innit?"
They sat silently for awhile, only the sound of metal on porcelain as Annie stirred her cold tea. Finally she spoke up. "Sam thought if he could find the kidnappers it could help convince DCI Hunt..." She didn’t want to say keep him. That made Sam sound like a pet or toy. Ray and Chris knew what she meant so she continued. "But he can’t do it on his own. Not from a hospital bed. He’ll need us to help him. And that’ll mean..."
"Disobeying the Guv," Ray sighed.
Phyllis marched up to the trio. "What ‘ave we got ‘ere then, the Gloomy Gills club? Boss rang from the hospital. Needs one of yeh down there now."
"I’ll go." Chris said without hesitation.
"You sure?" Annie asked concerned.
"Ray already lied for you once today. Look suspicious if you disappear again. ‘Sides, I can jus’ say me stomach was hurtin’ an’ needed to go lie down."
"He’ll put you back on desk duty." Ray informed him.
Chris just shrugged. "Not permanently."
"Made up your minds then?" An annoyed Phyllis snapped. Chris nodded. "Right then. On your way home DC Skelton?"
Chris looked confused for a moment, then understood. "Yeah, Phyllis. Cheers." He grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair and hurried out.
*
It wasn’t that Ray didn’t want the job. He wanted it more than anything. Work side by side with Gene Hunt as his DI. Learning from the best. Getting groomed to take over CID once Gene decided to retire (or the missus forced him). That had been the plan since he’d first made sergeant.
Then came the Man from Hyde and Ray’s career had stalled in more ways than one. Not only could he no longer advance but he’d even gone backwards. That brief, horrible moment of being a DC again had been the worst of Ray’s life but it was more than that. Tyler hadn’t only taken his job, he easily made Ray feel like an idiot on a daily basis, like any success Ray’d had as a copper before Tyler arrived had been a fluke. Like he shouldn’t be a policeman at all, let alone a DI.
Sometimes he thought Chris felt the same way but Tyler was different with the div. He was patient with him, taught him things, helped him become a better copper. True, Ray had never been that welcoming towards Tyler anyway but Sam had never bothered to help him like he helped Chris, had he? Like he thought Ray could never change.
Of course he wanted the job but he didn’t want it like this. He didn’t want it because Hunt and Tyler had got in one fight too many and in the heat of the moment Ray had seemed like a decent replacement. That’s all he would be then. A replacement part. A cheap imitation of the real thing. Ray wanted to become a Detective Inspector because he’d earned it, not because there’d been no other options.
Ray folded up the application and set it on the top shelf of his locker. What was he supposed to do? Apply for the post, follow the Guv’s orders, stay loyal to Gene? Throw out the application, side with Chris and Annie, do what he thought would be better, and possibly lose one of the most important friendships of his life?
He was damned every way he looked.
*
For the umpteenth time that week Gene sat alone in his office staring into space. So many thoughts were vying for his attention they had formed a traffic jam in his head and none were getting the proper attention from his brain.
All he wanted to think of was Ursula Andress and chip oil. What he kept thinking of was Litton getting abused by his own team. What was the world coming to if he was picturing Litton over, well over anyone.
When the wife had too much on her plate she always made a list. Jot down everything she needed to take care of. Get it out of her mind and onto the paper. A lot like Ty--
Gene reached into a drawer and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. Lists, she said, helped her clear her mind. She could keep track of everything without feeling overwhelmed. It’s how she made it through their wedding, or so she said.
Gene picked up a pen and started filling in the necessary information. The traffic jam wasn’t clearing but one thought had managed to sneak through towards the forefront of his mind. Was he doing the right thing? Would this actually help?
He had filled out everything properly without needing to think. It was all in order except one empty question: Reason(s) for transfer?
The pen hovered over the spot. Was he doing the right thing? Is this what he needed? What would happen to him later? Would he get better back in the suburbs? What if he just got worse? What if there was some crisis in Hyde and they gave him a gun without knowing...
The pen was set down and replaced with a phone. The call was connected and Gene waited. "I need to speak with Dr. Merrick."
Was he doing the right thing?
__________
Part 34