Fic: Steady As She Goes (75/86), blue cortina, dakfinv
Title: Steady As She Goes (75/86)
Author: dak
Word Count: 1745 this part; [134,020 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart while his and Sam's friendship is pushed to the limits.
Summary this Part: Gene tells Sam about the new arrangement.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: none here; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya, Gene/missus
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: Going to be pretty the busy the next few days, so don't know when I'll get the next chance to post. Please enjoy!
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
“Guv, I can’t.”
“You have to.”
“But--”
“Do you want this team to stay together or not?”
“Yeah.”
“Then, right now, this is the only way. Rathbone’s waitin’ to tear us apart like he did with RCS. All he needs is for you to say no. I need you to do this Ray. For the team.”
Ray slowly nodded, the information and its consequences beginning to truly sink in. “What about Tyler?”
“Went home for the day. I’ll go over and talk to him.” Gene knew that wasn’t the question Ray was asking, but the new DI nodded again and Gene pat him on the shoulder. “Be at the pub tonight. You can buy me a drink. Inspector.” Gene swept out of the locker room.
His mouth gone completely dry, Ray found it difficult to swallow. He slowly sat down on the bench to keep himself from falling over.
“Inspector,” he whispered to himself. “Inspector,” he said again, trying for more confidence, but the word still left an awful taste in his mouth. He dropped his head in his hands.
“Ray? What’s wrong?”
He didn’t lift his head at the sound of Chris’ voice but his words filled the air clearly. “I got promoted.”
*
It was nearly five by the time Gene had gathered enough courage, Dutch and otherwise, to knock on Tyler’s door. He shouldn’t be upset by having to do this. He’d demoted Sam in the first place. He demoted and promoted his officers all the time. It was part of his job. Just a way of life in the force. Yet he couldn’t shake the thought of what repercussions this would have on Sam’s recovery. Still, it was better he found out now than tomorrow at the station. Here, at least, no one but Gene would see Tyler’s immediate reaction.
Another knock and a bleary-eyed Sam opened the door wearing nowt but his vest and trousers, rubbing his eyes and yawning, short hair all askew. To Gene he looked all of twelve years old. Christ.
“Guv? ‘S not tomorrow, is it?” He asked still half-asleep.
“No. Can I come in?”
Sam should have thought it odd Gene was actually asking to enter his flat but his brain still wasn’t fully functioning after being dragged from sleep so he stood aside and waved his Guv into the flat. The first thing Gene noticed was the new telly.
“You want something to drink?” Sam yawned.
“When’d you get that?” Gene motioned to the TV.
“Earlier,” he replied enigmatically. “I think I have some scotch or something.” Sam padded into the kitchen.
“Why’s it on? Thought you had a migraine.”
“I did.” Sam called back. “Had trouble sleeping. Must’ve left it on when I finally dozed off.” He returned to the other room empty handed. “Sorry. I seem to be all out of alcoholic beverages.”
“Shame. Could’ve used a drink.”
“Don’t tell me your six thousand flasks are all empty, Guv.” Sam smirked, body slowly coming to life.
“I meant for you.” Gene couldn’t look at him.
“Sorry?” The smile was still on Sam’s face but only because he’d forgotten it was there.
“I think you might want to sit down.”
Sam did what he normally did, which was the opposite of what Gene asked him, and took a step closer. “What’s happened? No one’s hurt are they?” Gene saw the fear in his eyes and for a brief second wished that was the case. It would’ve been easier to explain.
“No. Everyone’s fine.”
“Your wife?”
“i said everyone’s fine!” He snapped. “Sorry,” he said without thinking.
“Why did you apologize?” Sam took a step back. “You don’t apologize. Not over yelling at someone. What’s going on Guv?”
“Maybe you should--”
“For God’s sake Gene. Tell me already!”
“I had to make Ray DI!” He hadn’t meant to shout it like that. He’d had a whole script planned out. He had been going to explain the situation calmly and logically but, dammit, when someone yelled at him he was conditioned to yell back. Now he had to hurry the explanation. “Rathbone’s orders. Either promote Ray or he was going to assign someone from another station. I wanted to keep this team together, even if it is out of order.” Gene spat it all out before he could look at Sam again. What he saw was what he had feared most. Sam’s eyes were blank. “I didn’t have a choice.”
Sam stayed silent for a long time. Gene thought he might have fallen asleep standing up. “Gradually heading into a deeper coma,” he suddenly whispered.
“Don’t do this Tyler,” Gene warned, stepping closer, jabbing a finger at his former deputy’s chest. “You hear me? I need you to hold it together Sammy. C’mon.”
His eyes still lost somewhere further than Gene had every been, Sam backed up, legs brushing his bed, and immediately sat down. To Gene it more or less looked like he’d had the spirit ripped right out of him and he kept his gaze locked on Sam, as if that alone could hold him in the here and now.
“Is it...is it...permanent?” Sam asked Gene like he was patient just informed him he’d lost his sight or hearing. Of course to Sam, being a copper was an integral part of his very being. Gene thoroughly believed Tyler would willingly give up any of his five senses and even a limb or two, if it meant he could be Inspector again.
Gene carefully chose his words. “He’ll officially be acting DI but I can’t keep movin’ Carling up and down the ladder like a bloody yo-yo. Not fair to him.”
“No. It’s not.” Sam was winded, in shock, three sheets to the wind but with nary a scotch in sight. Gene had to look away again.
“Ray wants this ‘bout as much as the rest of us, Sam, so I don’t want you goin’ in there tomorrow thinkin’ he’ll be dancing on your grave while keepin’ one hand on the Super’s John Thomas. Okay?”
“No. Of course not.” It was that same tone. That hollow, lifeless, mechanical Hyde tone that made Gene want to lash out and smack the little gobshite right across the face. Every time he tried, every time he raised his hand he saw Tyler huddled in his bathroom sobbing or Tyler lying half-dead on the bank of the canal or Tyler nearly falling off the station roof. He kept drawing back his hand and running the fingers through his tangled hair. He couldn’t hit him, not yet, but he had to do something. He reached for the phone.
“Who are you calling?” There was barely a whisper of curiosity in his voice but it was there.
“Cartwright. I want you staying with her tonight.” Gene waited while he was connected to the station.
“What do you think I’m going to do?” Sam almost laughed.
“Gee I don’t know. Haven’t tried hanging yourself yet, have yeh? What about drowning? See if you can finish what they started, hm?”
“I went to the canal the other night,” he spoke softly. Gene was proud he managed to hang onto the phone but couldn’t stop himself from slamming down the receiver.
“I shouldn’t be hearing this Sam,” he warned but Sam wouldn’t stop.
“The night before last. Before I attacked Walsh.”
“Tyler, I don’t want to know.”
“I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking. I didn’t know what I was going to do.” Sam was staring at his hands. No, Gene noticed, not his hands. His wrists. “I decided I was going to jump.”
Gene’s unwanted dream flashed before him and for a terrifying moment the Sam on the bed was the beaten, bleeding Sam from the dream. “Why are you telling me this, Tyler? I can’t, I shouldn’t know this if you ever expect me to give you your job back!”
“I have no one else to tell!” Sam slowed down, took a breath. “But that’s what stopped me, Gene.” He suddenly leapt from the bed, not exactly smiling but not looking so horribly morose either. “Clearly I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Debatable.”
“I didn’t jump. I didn’t do the proper thing by showing up at the station and proceeding to beat the shit out of a suspect either, but that was mostly due to lack of sleep.”
It was Gene’s turn to be still now as he watched the pale man bounce across the room like he was jacked up on speed. Considering Tyler’s recent history, it was too close an analogy for Gene’s comfort.
“If there’s a chance I can make it back to DI then...” His voice tapered off and his energy seemed to evaporate.
“Then...what? The magic Hyde fairies suddenly whisk you back to Fruitcake Farm?”
“I don’t know. It all makes sense to a point. I have to make it back to DI. Maybe then back to DCI? Or maybe it’s something else. But that has to be the first step. I’m only getting worse going on like this, aren’t I?” Sam was rambling now, completely unaware his Guv was still in the room, watching his every move.
“Tyler!” He barked fiercely, halting Sam’s verbal diarrhea. “Your train’s taking the detour to Nutterville again. Let’s slow this down shall we?”
Sam did stop and he looked at Gene, searching his face for something, anything, to cling to. “Tell me there’s a chance Guv. Please.”
The first thing that crossed Gene’s mind was “not bloody likely.” Sam hadn’t been there to hear Rathbone’s orders. The Super had meant for the new DI to take the position permanently. Gene had made up the “acting DI” bit on the spot to try and give Tyler a little hope. He didn’t know Gladys was going to attach himself to it so tightly, pin all his hopes on Gene’s one, little lie. Sam still waited. Could he do that? Could he suddenly rob Tyler of the only thing keeping his slipping brain tied to this world? He met Sam’s eyes, praying his face was as unreadable as he thought it was.
“If you work hard enough, it’s possible. Slim. But there’s a chance.”
Sam’s face broke out into that childlike grin, the grin so few people ever got to see. “That’s all I need.”
That’s all you’ll have, Gene thought as he finally left the flat. The question was, how long would it last and what would happen when it was gone?
_______
Part 76
Author: dak
Word Count: 1745 this part; [134,020 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart while his and Sam's friendship is pushed to the limits.
Summary this Part: Gene tells Sam about the new arrangement.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: none here; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya, Gene/missus
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: Going to be pretty the busy the next few days, so don't know when I'll get the next chance to post. Please enjoy!
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
“Guv, I can’t.”
“You have to.”
“But--”
“Do you want this team to stay together or not?”
“Yeah.”
“Then, right now, this is the only way. Rathbone’s waitin’ to tear us apart like he did with RCS. All he needs is for you to say no. I need you to do this Ray. For the team.”
Ray slowly nodded, the information and its consequences beginning to truly sink in. “What about Tyler?”
“Went home for the day. I’ll go over and talk to him.” Gene knew that wasn’t the question Ray was asking, but the new DI nodded again and Gene pat him on the shoulder. “Be at the pub tonight. You can buy me a drink. Inspector.” Gene swept out of the locker room.
His mouth gone completely dry, Ray found it difficult to swallow. He slowly sat down on the bench to keep himself from falling over.
“Inspector,” he whispered to himself. “Inspector,” he said again, trying for more confidence, but the word still left an awful taste in his mouth. He dropped his head in his hands.
“Ray? What’s wrong?”
He didn’t lift his head at the sound of Chris’ voice but his words filled the air clearly. “I got promoted.”
*
It was nearly five by the time Gene had gathered enough courage, Dutch and otherwise, to knock on Tyler’s door. He shouldn’t be upset by having to do this. He’d demoted Sam in the first place. He demoted and promoted his officers all the time. It was part of his job. Just a way of life in the force. Yet he couldn’t shake the thought of what repercussions this would have on Sam’s recovery. Still, it was better he found out now than tomorrow at the station. Here, at least, no one but Gene would see Tyler’s immediate reaction.
Another knock and a bleary-eyed Sam opened the door wearing nowt but his vest and trousers, rubbing his eyes and yawning, short hair all askew. To Gene he looked all of twelve years old. Christ.
“Guv? ‘S not tomorrow, is it?” He asked still half-asleep.
“No. Can I come in?”
Sam should have thought it odd Gene was actually asking to enter his flat but his brain still wasn’t fully functioning after being dragged from sleep so he stood aside and waved his Guv into the flat. The first thing Gene noticed was the new telly.
“You want something to drink?” Sam yawned.
“When’d you get that?” Gene motioned to the TV.
“Earlier,” he replied enigmatically. “I think I have some scotch or something.” Sam padded into the kitchen.
“Why’s it on? Thought you had a migraine.”
“I did.” Sam called back. “Had trouble sleeping. Must’ve left it on when I finally dozed off.” He returned to the other room empty handed. “Sorry. I seem to be all out of alcoholic beverages.”
“Shame. Could’ve used a drink.”
“Don’t tell me your six thousand flasks are all empty, Guv.” Sam smirked, body slowly coming to life.
“I meant for you.” Gene couldn’t look at him.
“Sorry?” The smile was still on Sam’s face but only because he’d forgotten it was there.
“I think you might want to sit down.”
Sam did what he normally did, which was the opposite of what Gene asked him, and took a step closer. “What’s happened? No one’s hurt are they?” Gene saw the fear in his eyes and for a brief second wished that was the case. It would’ve been easier to explain.
“No. Everyone’s fine.”
“Your wife?”
“i said everyone’s fine!” He snapped. “Sorry,” he said without thinking.
“Why did you apologize?” Sam took a step back. “You don’t apologize. Not over yelling at someone. What’s going on Guv?”
“Maybe you should--”
“For God’s sake Gene. Tell me already!”
“I had to make Ray DI!” He hadn’t meant to shout it like that. He’d had a whole script planned out. He had been going to explain the situation calmly and logically but, dammit, when someone yelled at him he was conditioned to yell back. Now he had to hurry the explanation. “Rathbone’s orders. Either promote Ray or he was going to assign someone from another station. I wanted to keep this team together, even if it is out of order.” Gene spat it all out before he could look at Sam again. What he saw was what he had feared most. Sam’s eyes were blank. “I didn’t have a choice.”
Sam stayed silent for a long time. Gene thought he might have fallen asleep standing up. “Gradually heading into a deeper coma,” he suddenly whispered.
“Don’t do this Tyler,” Gene warned, stepping closer, jabbing a finger at his former deputy’s chest. “You hear me? I need you to hold it together Sammy. C’mon.”
His eyes still lost somewhere further than Gene had every been, Sam backed up, legs brushing his bed, and immediately sat down. To Gene it more or less looked like he’d had the spirit ripped right out of him and he kept his gaze locked on Sam, as if that alone could hold him in the here and now.
“Is it...is it...permanent?” Sam asked Gene like he was patient just informed him he’d lost his sight or hearing. Of course to Sam, being a copper was an integral part of his very being. Gene thoroughly believed Tyler would willingly give up any of his five senses and even a limb or two, if it meant he could be Inspector again.
Gene carefully chose his words. “He’ll officially be acting DI but I can’t keep movin’ Carling up and down the ladder like a bloody yo-yo. Not fair to him.”
“No. It’s not.” Sam was winded, in shock, three sheets to the wind but with nary a scotch in sight. Gene had to look away again.
“Ray wants this ‘bout as much as the rest of us, Sam, so I don’t want you goin’ in there tomorrow thinkin’ he’ll be dancing on your grave while keepin’ one hand on the Super’s John Thomas. Okay?”
“No. Of course not.” It was that same tone. That hollow, lifeless, mechanical Hyde tone that made Gene want to lash out and smack the little gobshite right across the face. Every time he tried, every time he raised his hand he saw Tyler huddled in his bathroom sobbing or Tyler lying half-dead on the bank of the canal or Tyler nearly falling off the station roof. He kept drawing back his hand and running the fingers through his tangled hair. He couldn’t hit him, not yet, but he had to do something. He reached for the phone.
“Who are you calling?” There was barely a whisper of curiosity in his voice but it was there.
“Cartwright. I want you staying with her tonight.” Gene waited while he was connected to the station.
“What do you think I’m going to do?” Sam almost laughed.
“Gee I don’t know. Haven’t tried hanging yourself yet, have yeh? What about drowning? See if you can finish what they started, hm?”
“I went to the canal the other night,” he spoke softly. Gene was proud he managed to hang onto the phone but couldn’t stop himself from slamming down the receiver.
“I shouldn’t be hearing this Sam,” he warned but Sam wouldn’t stop.
“The night before last. Before I attacked Walsh.”
“Tyler, I don’t want to know.”
“I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking. I didn’t know what I was going to do.” Sam was staring at his hands. No, Gene noticed, not his hands. His wrists. “I decided I was going to jump.”
Gene’s unwanted dream flashed before him and for a terrifying moment the Sam on the bed was the beaten, bleeding Sam from the dream. “Why are you telling me this, Tyler? I can’t, I shouldn’t know this if you ever expect me to give you your job back!”
“I have no one else to tell!” Sam slowed down, took a breath. “But that’s what stopped me, Gene.” He suddenly leapt from the bed, not exactly smiling but not looking so horribly morose either. “Clearly I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Debatable.”
“I didn’t jump. I didn’t do the proper thing by showing up at the station and proceeding to beat the shit out of a suspect either, but that was mostly due to lack of sleep.”
It was Gene’s turn to be still now as he watched the pale man bounce across the room like he was jacked up on speed. Considering Tyler’s recent history, it was too close an analogy for Gene’s comfort.
“If there’s a chance I can make it back to DI then...” His voice tapered off and his energy seemed to evaporate.
“Then...what? The magic Hyde fairies suddenly whisk you back to Fruitcake Farm?”
“I don’t know. It all makes sense to a point. I have to make it back to DI. Maybe then back to DCI? Or maybe it’s something else. But that has to be the first step. I’m only getting worse going on like this, aren’t I?” Sam was rambling now, completely unaware his Guv was still in the room, watching his every move.
“Tyler!” He barked fiercely, halting Sam’s verbal diarrhea. “Your train’s taking the detour to Nutterville again. Let’s slow this down shall we?”
Sam did stop and he looked at Gene, searching his face for something, anything, to cling to. “Tell me there’s a chance Guv. Please.”
The first thing that crossed Gene’s mind was “not bloody likely.” Sam hadn’t been there to hear Rathbone’s orders. The Super had meant for the new DI to take the position permanently. Gene had made up the “acting DI” bit on the spot to try and give Tyler a little hope. He didn’t know Gladys was going to attach himself to it so tightly, pin all his hopes on Gene’s one, little lie. Sam still waited. Could he do that? Could he suddenly rob Tyler of the only thing keeping his slipping brain tied to this world? He met Sam’s eyes, praying his face was as unreadable as he thought it was.
“If you work hard enough, it’s possible. Slim. But there’s a chance.”
Sam’s face broke out into that childlike grin, the grin so few people ever got to see. “That’s all I need.”
That’s all you’ll have, Gene thought as he finally left the flat. The question was, how long would it last and what would happen when it was gone?
_______
Part 76