Fic: Steady As She Goes (23/86), Blue Cortina, dakfinv
Title: Steady As She Goes (23/86)
Author: dak
Word Count: 1805 this part; [42,074 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart.
Summary this Part: A-Division starts to plot a course of action.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: ref to 1.01; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: I should be editing my ficathon fic. Oh well, I still have time...
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
"You lied to me."
"Sam, please listen," Annie tried to approach the him, but Sam shrunk back in the bed.
"You’re not here because you were concerned. You’re just here to evaluate me," he accused.
"That’s not fair. They were going to do it anyway. The Guv thought..."
"Oh brilliant." Sam collapsed his head on his pillow, catching his breath. "So many good things happen when the Guv decides to think." He turned to the door absentmindedly, waiting for the doctor to arrive. "So you get to decide my sanity."
Annie crossed her arms. "I get to decide whether you plan on trying to kill yourself again."
"Well I’m not. That good enough for your report?" He, too, crossed his arms, albeit a bit more delicately, and started to pout.
"Considering this is the second time you’ve tried since I met you, no. I don’t think it is. Sir."
Sam’s jaw dropped ever so slightly. "Second...that was different."
"Was it?"
Sam raked a hand through his short, slightly oily hair, and caught sight of his bandaged wrist. He dropped his hands in his lap and picked at the edge of gauze sticking out under the medical tape. "I thought it was." He leaned his head back again, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. He still hadn’t the strength to argue as long as he usually could. "Annie, look. I wasn’t prepared for this. Not today. Can you come back tomorrow? I’ll feel better then. I promise."
Annie scuffed her feet. "The hospital wants the report in two days."
"Little quick for a full psychiatric evaluation isn’t it?" He noticed her scowling. "Don’t worry. I’ve never missed a deadline."
"Tomorrow. Bright an’ early. And I don’t want to hear any complaints." She marched towards the door, turning at the last second. "And it’ll probably be a good idea not to mention you’re from the future."
Sam felt a knot tightening in his stomach, which loosened only slightly when he realized Annie was only joking. "Right. I’ll leave my TARDIS at home then, shall I?"
Annie allowed a small smile to cross her face as she tugged open the door. Sam adjusted his aching body, unable to get comfortable. "Could you send the nurse in?"
"Sure, sir. See you tomorrow."
As he watched Annie leave, Sam was sad to see her go. He knew that was a good thing.
*
Gene paced round his office. Chris and Ray remained in the corner, hoping to stay out of sight, out of mind.
"We have to tread very carefully," he finally said.
"No offense Guv, but that’s not really our strong suit," Ray interjected, anxiously chewing his gum.
"He’s right Guv."
"I know he’s right Chris. That’s why I haven’t already shoved a stick up his jacksie and strung ‘im up as the CID scarecrow for sayin’ it." Gene finished one ciggie and immediately lit up another. He’d spent an awful lot of money on cigarettes this week, moreso than usual.
"Speakin’ of sticks up his jacksie, what about Tyler?" Ray asked.
Chris suddenly felt like an outsider as he watched a tense look pass between Ray and the Guv. It wasn’t Gene’s usual now’s-not-the-time-to-pick-on-Tyler stare. What was different though, he couldn’t place.
"Tyler’s not fit for duty yet." Gene turned his back on Ray, conversation over. Only for Ray it wasn’t.
"I know Guv. But ‘e’s the one who’s good with all that departmental whatsit--"
"Protocol," Chris helped.
"Yeah, that. If anyone knows how to tread lightly, trap Litton, an’ keep ‘is badge, it’s Tyler." Ray’s gum snapping was the only sound for over thirty seconds, during which time Ray saw the life of his career flash before him. Gene slowly directed his eyes towards Ray, holding him in a hard gaze.
"Cartwright radioed. She’s on her way in." He pointed his finger at Ray. "We do nothing with this, nothing with Sam, til we hear from her."
"Here from her ‘bout what?" Chris asked innocently. He saw Gene and Ray share that look again. It made him nervous, but he still didn’t know why.
"She went to see ‘im this mornin’. So she’ll know how ‘e’s feelin’," Ray spit his gum in the Guv’s bin.
"Right," was all Gene would say. When Chris began to ask again, Gene shut him up quickly. "Gotta make sure the lad’s brain’s in one piece ‘fore we start stickin’ our noses in it. Don’t need the whole case goin’ tits up cos Dorothy forgot to file the right form."
Chris nodded and left the office with Ray. His copper’s gut instinct told him something was off. Either that or his new scar was just itchy again.
*
When did it get so bloody hot in here, Sam wondered as he wiped a thin layer of sweat from his forehead. He pushed down the covers the old nurse had insisted on tucking up to his chin. At least she’d kept the straps off, on Annie’s orders most likely. Sam took a deep breath which set him coughing for a few seconds before his chest settled down. He still couldn’t move much and every inch of him seemed to be in some sort of pain or discomfort. It hadn’t been this bad when he’d first woken up. Of course he’d take a bit of pain over complete emotional numbness any day, but still...
"Nurse?"
Dr. Jayne had been missing for hours. Well, not missing. Sam was sure he was in the hospital somewhere. He was just avoiding Sam. Sam didn’t know the man well but believed he’d be above withholding medication because of a spat with a patient’s boss. At least that’s what he hoped...
"Nurse?"
He coughed again, but got it under control much more quickly. If Annie was still here she would have had the nurse at his bedside in seconds. Annie. Sam could’ve smacked himself for the way he’d treated her today. However he decided another blow to the head wouldn’t help him in his current situation. Of course the hospital would want to perform a psych eval on a patient who’d attempted suicide in their care. It was only proper procedure after all...
"Nurse?"
He tried stifling the cough this time, but it only worsened the feeling in his chest, causing him to cough even more violently than before. He rubbed the area around his IV. It must have been the medical tape that had made his skin start to itch. Sam should have been so grateful towards Annie for standing up to the doctor like that. That took quite an amount of bravery for a woman in 1973, even if she was a police officer. Sam flexed his fingers, trying to stop their gentle shaking...
"Nurse?"
He started coughing once more as the woman finally waddled into the room. She immediately helped him lean forward and rubbed his back.
"Oh I’m sorry, luv. Was all the way down the hall."
"S’alright," Sam smiled as she helped rest him back against the pillows.
"What is it you need then?"
"I’d really like to speak with Dr. Jayne."
The nurse pulled Sam’s blankets up and smoothed them out. "I’m sorry dear, but he’s very busy with a new patient. I’ve already told him you’d like to see him."
The woman stepped away and Sam pushed the blankets off. "Could you tell him again, please? It’s urgent."
The nurse yanked the covers up over him a second time. "Well I’ll see but I can’t promise anything. I’m sure he’ll see you ‘fore the day is through."
"That’s comforting." Sam threw the covers off again.
She plopped her hands on her hips, aggravation seeping through the practiced patience. "You need to keep these sheets on, Mr. Tyler."
"But it’s too bloody hot," Sam sighed. He’d fought with her too long and his limited supply of energy was wearing down.
"You’re not running a fever," she stated with certainty.
"I didn’t say I was. I just said it was hot," he tried to argue with whining.
She slapped a hand on his forehead and held it there. "Hmm, you do feel a bit warm." She removed her hand and used it to pull out a thermometer. "Best to check, just in case."
Sam opened his mouth. The nurse shook her head. "Sorry, luv. Not that kind of thermometer."
"What?"
"Other end."
"You are joking."
The nurse rolled her eyes and waited.
"Okay. Not joking then."
She shook her head from side to side then helped Sam sit up and bend over.
*
For the second time that day Gene watched Annie nearly faint, only this time her grief was displaced with anger. She was staring at his desk so intensely he thought he’d find scorch marks later.
"You think he’s up to it?"
Annie let her anger start to dissipate before she spoke. "He doesn’t have much energy..."
"Mentally. Can he handle this?" Gene sat on his desk, arms hooked around his chest, preparing himself for the answer.
"I think it could be good for him. Give him something to focus on, rather than spending every day thinking about what happened to him. Sam loves his work more than anything."
"But it’ll mean remembering what happened to Chris. What I know he thinks he did to Chris, even though I’ve repeatedly told the bloody fairy he had zip to do with it."
"With all do respect, sir, I think that’s better than him focusing on what he did to himself."
Gene stood up, paced the room a couple of times, then left the office. Annie stood and followed after him. Instead of a grand pronouncement to the whole bullpen, Gene limited himself to Ray’s desk where his gruff sergeant and injured constable were swapping small talk. Gene focused on Ray.
"Fine. Carling, you an’ I’ll go over tonight, lay it all out for him. I get one whiff of this puttin’ too much stress on ‘im, I’m pullin’ the plug on the whole thing."
"Yes Guv."
"Sorry, sir," Annie whispered behind him, "but aren’t you banned from St. Mary’s?"
"We’ll just see about that."
"Can I come Guv?" Chris asked hesitantly.
"You’re still on desk duty, Constable." Gene refused to meet Chris’ pleading eyes.
"But I’d really like to see ‘im sir."
"He’s not a puppy Skelton. You can’t go play with ‘im whenever it strikes your fancy!" Gene knew he shouldn’t have yelled, but knew he would never apologize for it. Chris hung his head and pretended to read the notes in his hands. "Five o’clock Carling."
Ray nodded and Gene left for the safety of his office.
"Hey Ray..." but Ray left before Chris could ask him anything. Chris looked around. Annie, too, had disappeared. Why was he always left out on the important stuff? He glanced up at the clock.
_______________
Part 24
Author: dak
Word Count: 1805 this part; [42,074 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart.
Summary this Part: A-Division starts to plot a course of action.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: ref to 1.01; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: I should be editing my ficathon fic. Oh well, I still have time...
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
"You lied to me."
"Sam, please listen," Annie tried to approach the him, but Sam shrunk back in the bed.
"You’re not here because you were concerned. You’re just here to evaluate me," he accused.
"That’s not fair. They were going to do it anyway. The Guv thought..."
"Oh brilliant." Sam collapsed his head on his pillow, catching his breath. "So many good things happen when the Guv decides to think." He turned to the door absentmindedly, waiting for the doctor to arrive. "So you get to decide my sanity."
Annie crossed her arms. "I get to decide whether you plan on trying to kill yourself again."
"Well I’m not. That good enough for your report?" He, too, crossed his arms, albeit a bit more delicately, and started to pout.
"Considering this is the second time you’ve tried since I met you, no. I don’t think it is. Sir."
Sam’s jaw dropped ever so slightly. "Second...that was different."
"Was it?"
Sam raked a hand through his short, slightly oily hair, and caught sight of his bandaged wrist. He dropped his hands in his lap and picked at the edge of gauze sticking out under the medical tape. "I thought it was." He leaned his head back again, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. He still hadn’t the strength to argue as long as he usually could. "Annie, look. I wasn’t prepared for this. Not today. Can you come back tomorrow? I’ll feel better then. I promise."
Annie scuffed her feet. "The hospital wants the report in two days."
"Little quick for a full psychiatric evaluation isn’t it?" He noticed her scowling. "Don’t worry. I’ve never missed a deadline."
"Tomorrow. Bright an’ early. And I don’t want to hear any complaints." She marched towards the door, turning at the last second. "And it’ll probably be a good idea not to mention you’re from the future."
Sam felt a knot tightening in his stomach, which loosened only slightly when he realized Annie was only joking. "Right. I’ll leave my TARDIS at home then, shall I?"
Annie allowed a small smile to cross her face as she tugged open the door. Sam adjusted his aching body, unable to get comfortable. "Could you send the nurse in?"
"Sure, sir. See you tomorrow."
As he watched Annie leave, Sam was sad to see her go. He knew that was a good thing.
*
Gene paced round his office. Chris and Ray remained in the corner, hoping to stay out of sight, out of mind.
"We have to tread very carefully," he finally said.
"No offense Guv, but that’s not really our strong suit," Ray interjected, anxiously chewing his gum.
"He’s right Guv."
"I know he’s right Chris. That’s why I haven’t already shoved a stick up his jacksie and strung ‘im up as the CID scarecrow for sayin’ it." Gene finished one ciggie and immediately lit up another. He’d spent an awful lot of money on cigarettes this week, moreso than usual.
"Speakin’ of sticks up his jacksie, what about Tyler?" Ray asked.
Chris suddenly felt like an outsider as he watched a tense look pass between Ray and the Guv. It wasn’t Gene’s usual now’s-not-the-time-to-pick-on-Tyler stare. What was different though, he couldn’t place.
"Tyler’s not fit for duty yet." Gene turned his back on Ray, conversation over. Only for Ray it wasn’t.
"I know Guv. But ‘e’s the one who’s good with all that departmental whatsit--"
"Protocol," Chris helped.
"Yeah, that. If anyone knows how to tread lightly, trap Litton, an’ keep ‘is badge, it’s Tyler." Ray’s gum snapping was the only sound for over thirty seconds, during which time Ray saw the life of his career flash before him. Gene slowly directed his eyes towards Ray, holding him in a hard gaze.
"Cartwright radioed. She’s on her way in." He pointed his finger at Ray. "We do nothing with this, nothing with Sam, til we hear from her."
"Here from her ‘bout what?" Chris asked innocently. He saw Gene and Ray share that look again. It made him nervous, but he still didn’t know why.
"She went to see ‘im this mornin’. So she’ll know how ‘e’s feelin’," Ray spit his gum in the Guv’s bin.
"Right," was all Gene would say. When Chris began to ask again, Gene shut him up quickly. "Gotta make sure the lad’s brain’s in one piece ‘fore we start stickin’ our noses in it. Don’t need the whole case goin’ tits up cos Dorothy forgot to file the right form."
Chris nodded and left the office with Ray. His copper’s gut instinct told him something was off. Either that or his new scar was just itchy again.
*
When did it get so bloody hot in here, Sam wondered as he wiped a thin layer of sweat from his forehead. He pushed down the covers the old nurse had insisted on tucking up to his chin. At least she’d kept the straps off, on Annie’s orders most likely. Sam took a deep breath which set him coughing for a few seconds before his chest settled down. He still couldn’t move much and every inch of him seemed to be in some sort of pain or discomfort. It hadn’t been this bad when he’d first woken up. Of course he’d take a bit of pain over complete emotional numbness any day, but still...
"Nurse?"
Dr. Jayne had been missing for hours. Well, not missing. Sam was sure he was in the hospital somewhere. He was just avoiding Sam. Sam didn’t know the man well but believed he’d be above withholding medication because of a spat with a patient’s boss. At least that’s what he hoped...
"Nurse?"
He coughed again, but got it under control much more quickly. If Annie was still here she would have had the nurse at his bedside in seconds. Annie. Sam could’ve smacked himself for the way he’d treated her today. However he decided another blow to the head wouldn’t help him in his current situation. Of course the hospital would want to perform a psych eval on a patient who’d attempted suicide in their care. It was only proper procedure after all...
"Nurse?"
He tried stifling the cough this time, but it only worsened the feeling in his chest, causing him to cough even more violently than before. He rubbed the area around his IV. It must have been the medical tape that had made his skin start to itch. Sam should have been so grateful towards Annie for standing up to the doctor like that. That took quite an amount of bravery for a woman in 1973, even if she was a police officer. Sam flexed his fingers, trying to stop their gentle shaking...
"Nurse?"
He started coughing once more as the woman finally waddled into the room. She immediately helped him lean forward and rubbed his back.
"Oh I’m sorry, luv. Was all the way down the hall."
"S’alright," Sam smiled as she helped rest him back against the pillows.
"What is it you need then?"
"I’d really like to speak with Dr. Jayne."
The nurse pulled Sam’s blankets up and smoothed them out. "I’m sorry dear, but he’s very busy with a new patient. I’ve already told him you’d like to see him."
The woman stepped away and Sam pushed the blankets off. "Could you tell him again, please? It’s urgent."
The nurse yanked the covers up over him a second time. "Well I’ll see but I can’t promise anything. I’m sure he’ll see you ‘fore the day is through."
"That’s comforting." Sam threw the covers off again.
She plopped her hands on her hips, aggravation seeping through the practiced patience. "You need to keep these sheets on, Mr. Tyler."
"But it’s too bloody hot," Sam sighed. He’d fought with her too long and his limited supply of energy was wearing down.
"You’re not running a fever," she stated with certainty.
"I didn’t say I was. I just said it was hot," he tried to argue with whining.
She slapped a hand on his forehead and held it there. "Hmm, you do feel a bit warm." She removed her hand and used it to pull out a thermometer. "Best to check, just in case."
Sam opened his mouth. The nurse shook her head. "Sorry, luv. Not that kind of thermometer."
"What?"
"Other end."
"You are joking."
The nurse rolled her eyes and waited.
"Okay. Not joking then."
She shook her head from side to side then helped Sam sit up and bend over.
*
For the second time that day Gene watched Annie nearly faint, only this time her grief was displaced with anger. She was staring at his desk so intensely he thought he’d find scorch marks later.
"You think he’s up to it?"
Annie let her anger start to dissipate before she spoke. "He doesn’t have much energy..."
"Mentally. Can he handle this?" Gene sat on his desk, arms hooked around his chest, preparing himself for the answer.
"I think it could be good for him. Give him something to focus on, rather than spending every day thinking about what happened to him. Sam loves his work more than anything."
"But it’ll mean remembering what happened to Chris. What I know he thinks he did to Chris, even though I’ve repeatedly told the bloody fairy he had zip to do with it."
"With all do respect, sir, I think that’s better than him focusing on what he did to himself."
Gene stood up, paced the room a couple of times, then left the office. Annie stood and followed after him. Instead of a grand pronouncement to the whole bullpen, Gene limited himself to Ray’s desk where his gruff sergeant and injured constable were swapping small talk. Gene focused on Ray.
"Fine. Carling, you an’ I’ll go over tonight, lay it all out for him. I get one whiff of this puttin’ too much stress on ‘im, I’m pullin’ the plug on the whole thing."
"Yes Guv."
"Sorry, sir," Annie whispered behind him, "but aren’t you banned from St. Mary’s?"
"We’ll just see about that."
"Can I come Guv?" Chris asked hesitantly.
"You’re still on desk duty, Constable." Gene refused to meet Chris’ pleading eyes.
"But I’d really like to see ‘im sir."
"He’s not a puppy Skelton. You can’t go play with ‘im whenever it strikes your fancy!" Gene knew he shouldn’t have yelled, but knew he would never apologize for it. Chris hung his head and pretended to read the notes in his hands. "Five o’clock Carling."
Ray nodded and Gene left for the safety of his office.
"Hey Ray..." but Ray left before Chris could ask him anything. Chris looked around. Annie, too, had disappeared. Why was he always left out on the important stuff? He glanced up at the clock.
_______________
Part 24