Fic: Steady As She Goes (55/86), Blue Cortina, dakfinv
Title: Steady As She Goes (55/86)
Author: dak
Word Count: 3038 this part; [102,997 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart while his and Sam's friendship is pushed to the limits.
Summary this Part: Sam's first day back at work.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: none here; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya, Gene/missus
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: Over 100,00! How did that happen? Here's a longer section with more angst than fluff. I knew I couldn't keep it away for long.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
The Guv was late. It was a Monday morning, and only 9:30 at that, so to the general public this was nothing unusual. To those who knew he was housing the injured DI Tyler it was a cause for concern, especially Ray and Chris and even more specifically Annie, who had yet to tell them about Sam’s little relapse yesterday afternoon. She had merely said that after the Guv had calmed down after abandoning him at the prison, he’d been round to collect Tyler from her flat.
As they watched the minutes tick by, Annie expected DCI Hunt to arrive via the back entrance to his office, ignoring his team until he had no other choice but to relay some orders. Chris expected the Guv to burst through CID’s doors shouting demands until he was red in the face. Ray expected Gene to enter calmly, still wiping the blood off his hands as he announced that DI Tyler had gone back to Hyde and don’t bother searching for the body.
None of them expected him to enter quietly and through the front entrance with a shaking DI Tyler nipping at his heels. It had been nearly two months since their Inspector had set foot in the station and they all had become uncomfortably accustomed to his absence. This accounted for the shocked, silent stares the two men received as the bullpen froze to watch DCI Hunt escort Tyler to his desk.
"Sit here," Gene ordered, aware that they were being watched as Sam obediently sat at his desk, everything left exactly as it was despite the long passage of time. "Remember what I told you," Gene whispered too low for anyone else to hear and after giving him a brief pat on the shoulder the Guv went into his office, returning seconds later sans coat and gloves.
"Right then my little minions! We’re up to our arses in paperwork since you lazy sods have been too busy wanking off to finish your reports properly. Usually, being the genial soul I am, I wouldn’t give a toss over whether you actually filed ‘em or used ‘em for rolling papers. But since RCS self-destructed faster than a Soviet missile, the Super has seen fit to personally shove very large sticks up the arses of every other DCI round here in order to save his own. So, unless you want your beloved Guv’nor busted down to traffic duty for the rest of his illustrious career, I suggest you dig out those shiny pens and pencils and become quite intimate with the carbon paper."
Throughout his morning speech, Gene was well aware that all eyes were fixed on Sam, who was avoiding eye contact with anything with a pulse. "Oh. And since forms and filing may not be your cup of tea, I’ve brought in an expert to help with any questions and concerns you might have. You may remember as Sam Tyler, your Detective Inspector." Message received as Gene saw several heads slowly nod in understanding. "Carling, Cartwright. Office."
Gene vanished behind his door as Ray and Annie dropped what they were doing and walked to the front, both pausing by Sam’s desk.
"Boss," Ray grimaced, obviously not pleased about Sam’s return.
"Welcome back, Sam." Annie smiled uncertainly and Sam knew he should smile back so he did.
The bullpen slowly returned to life after the Guv’s address, papers shuffling and detectives grumbling until the general din increased to CID’s normal level. Chris had taken it upon himself to sit close by DI Tyler, nodding along with Sam as every so often the officers would approach to share their well wishes.
"Need anything Boss?" Chris asked after a few minutes, determined to do anything to make Sam more comfortable about being back. He knew exactly what it was like to return after an injury, feeling out of place and useless while everyone else carried on as usual.
"No," Sam said, rearranging items on his desk without purpose. "Actually," he spoke up after moving his stapler for the fifth time, "Chris, do you know where my jacket is?"
Chris broke into a wide grin. "Yeah Boss! Er, wait here." Chris set down the notepad he’d been holding for no reason and scurried over to his desk, ripping open a drawer and pulling out a plastic evidence bag containing a black object. He trotted back over to Sam and held out the bag. "It, I, well, it were evidence, cos of the, y’know..."
"Kidnapping. It’s okay to say it," Sam assured him though he was really only assuring himself and failing miserably.
"Yeah. The kidnapping. An’, well, I know it’s not solved," Chris shifted embarrassedly, "an’ we should hold onto all evidence, even personal property, til the case is closed, like, but I think we got all we could from it, an’ it’s not as if we don’t know who did it anyway..."
Sam took the bag from Chris’ hands. "I think it’ll be okay, Chris." Sam placed the bag in his lap and carefully opened it. It was hard, his hands being what they were, and while the process was immensely frustrating, the fact Chris was wisely not offering to help calmed Sam to no end. After finally opening the bag, Sam’s waning patience was rewarded as his hands clutched the smooth, cold leather. He ran his fingers over it, remembering its shape and feel. He noticed a small tear at the back of the collar, that would have to be repaired, but overall it was just as it was before and he quickly slipped it on. Well, it may have fit a bit better before.
The jacket had just molded itself to Sam’s body when Annie, Ray, and Gene reemerged from the Guv’s lair. "Well, our special education department is back together," Gene stated on seeing Chris and Sam. He also saw Sam’s jacket and, while he said nothing, was obviously satisfied about something. "While remedial school’s back in session Tyler, I’m taking Carling and Cartwright to see Graham’s old lady. See if we can’t dig anything else up on the pathetic bastard. You nonces are in charge of keeping this lot on top of their note taking. Skelton, there’s a pile of cases on my desk I expect to be finished by the end of the day."
"Yes Guv."
Gene nodded, sparing one more look at Sam before ushering Ray and Annie out the door.
*
Sam surprised himself. As the hours ticked by the piles of case folders, carbon copies, and incomplete forms that he’d surrounded himself with brought him more comfort than he ever thought possible. It was odd, perverted, and would earn him plenty of snide remarks when he was fully healed, but right now it was exactly what he needed.
Gene and the others had been in and out throughout the day but true to is word, Sam didn’t leave the office. If he needed a file Chris never hesitated to run down and get it for him. For lunch, Mrs. Hunt had packed Sam a specially prepared meal, knowing herself that anything in the canteen was bound to irk Sam’s sensitive stomach. If he needed to run to the loo a quick look at Gene and a nod from his Guv were all he needed. The effort of staying awake for so many hours straight was certainly taking its toll and the closer they came to quitting time, the more times Chris would have to shake him awake. He had slept about an hour in the locker room after lunch but by this point in a very long day, after a very rough night, that nap might as well have never taken place.
It was nearing 4:30 when the inevitable happened.
Gene and Ray were interrogating a robbery suspect in Lost and Found and Annie had gone downstairs to ask Phyllis about some report logs.
"Chris?" Sam stood, trying to reorganize his now very cluttered desk.
"Yeah Boss?" Chris closed a filing cabinet and popped a piece of Juicy Fruit in his mouth as he walked up to Sam.
"That case the Guv and Ray are working. The robbery over on Chapel Road?" Tyler rubbed his eyes and unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn.
"What about it Boss?"
"It sounds familiar. I think it could be connected to..." Sam yawned again and had to sit down, rubbing is aching eyes. "God. What, what was that one, we had the other week?"
"Other week? When you were...in hospital?" Chris whispered the last phrase, almost as if he believed saying the words out loud would send DI Tyler back into his comatose state.
"I mean, I guess, sorry. The other month? It was before...before the shooting. It was a toy store or..."
"Oh I know the one Boss. It were over in Collyhurst. The model train shop."
"It’s still unsolved, isn’t it?"
"I think so."
"Could you pull the file? I’d like to, uhm..." Sam yawned a third time.
"Got it, Boss. I’ll be right back."
"Cheers Chris." Sam laid his arms on the desk, resting his head in the crook of his elbow but quickly sat up straight, rubbing a hand through his hair. Without Chris to nudge him awake Sam knew it would only take seconds for him to pass out. If Gene saw that, if he thought Sam couldn’t even handle a day’s worth of desk duty, who knows when he’d be allowed to return.
Sam tapped his fingers on his knee and checked his watch, impatient for Chris to bring back the file. He was exhausted and if he wanted to make it through the next half hour he would have to keep moving. Wondering how many case files were left on Gene’s desk for him and Chris to finish, Sam pushed himself up from his chair and shuffled into his Guv’s office.
Tripping over an inconveniently placed file box, he cursed at Gene’s lack of order and steadied himself on the train wreck of a desk. Sam actually hadn’t been in Gene’s office all day. Whenever they had finished with one file, Chris had gone in to grab the next, and in all honesty Sam could not tell which piles were meant for them, which were for Gene, and which were garbage.
Dragging his tired legs around the side Sam was sorely tempted to set himself down in the DCI’s chair. He had been a DCI before anyway but Sam just smirked and decided against it. The way his luck was going nowadays Gene would burst in the moment Sam’s arse hit the seat. So instead he focused on shifting through the misbegotten piles of paper, searching for anything remotely useful.
After skimming a couple of piles and encountering nothing more interesting than old cigarette butts and dusty issues of "Just Jugs," Sam was about to quit and return to his own desk when he caught a glimpse of a tattered green folder sticking out from underneath the desk mat. Sam would’ve just ignored it except he was a detective and the beginning of the folder name began "Tyl".
Sam slid it out from under the mat, careful not to topple over any other piles of paper, and read the full case heading. It was a file on him. The date coincided with his kidnapping. Sam didn’t notice his hands were shaking a bit more forcefully than they been a minute ago. Why would they? After all, he’d read this file before when he was in hospital.
He opened it, unprepared for the pages which scattered to the floor. He knelt down, setting the rest of the file on Gene’s chair, and started to pick up that which he’d dropped. They weren’t just pages. They were photos. Color photos of him. Sam continued to collect them off the floor. There were so many pictures. So many injuries to document.
Why did it matter? He knew what had happened to him. He’d been there and he hadn’t suffered any memory loss. No. No memory loss but had he actually thought about it recently?
Sam shook his head in disbelief. These photos, they shouldn’t matter. They shouldn’t be making him this upset. Was he upset? No. He was a police officer. He’d seen so much worse. He’d seen so much worse than dislocated shoulders.
The chair collapsed, taking him with it. He landed hard on his right shoulder and thought he heard something pop.
Things much worse than wrists red and shredded from restraint.
His hands were bound tightly behind him with thick, rough rope that cut into his wrists.
Things much worse than broken noses swollen to twice their size.
"Guess you want to make things fun, eh copper?" Jerry’s heel came down hard on his face. He felt warm blood seep over his mouth and chin as his nose was broken in two.
Things much worse than chests purple and blue and bloody.
The heavy pipe collided with his stomach. He vomited all over his pants.
One hand clutched on the photos, the other wrapped itself around Sam’s stomach.
He was picked up and thrown into the back of a van. Something popped in his chest and suddenly breathing was rendered nearly impossible.
Sam started padding his pockets.
"What are those?" Jerry asked. "Found ‘em at ‘is flat. Thought I’d get a couple quid for ‘em," Bobby shook the bottle of pills. "You on drugs?" Jerry kicked Sam. "Eh, copper?"
Where were they? Where were they?
He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t get enough air to, so he just coughed up another splatter of blood onto the floor of the van. "Give ‘em ‘ere."
The kidnappers. Where were they? They were still out there.
"What?"
"Give me the bloody bottle, Bobby!" Bobby reluctantly handed over the pills.
Sam’s feet moved mechanically towards the door.
"Hold ‘im." Jerry ordered and he twisted off the cap. As Bobby grabbed his arms, Sam cried out but didn’t lose consciousness. "Open ‘is mouth." Jerry dumped some of the pills into his hand. "You look like you’re in a bit a pain, Inspector. Maybe this’ll ‘elp." Jerry shoved the pills down Sam’s throat.
"Boss I found that file for yeh." Chris stood bewildered as DI Tyler silently bumped into him. "Boss?" Sam looked up at him, eyes filled with sheer terror. Sam opened and closed his mouth, trying to say something but when he couldn’t he ran away from Chris, headed towards the bogs. "DI Tyler?"
Chris quickly set the file on the closest desk, he didn’t want to be responsible for misplacing a key piece of information again, and went after Sam. When he opened the door his eyes went wide. Tyler was curled up underneath the sinks, hugging his knees to his chest, shuddering almost violently as his clouded eyes remained fixed on the police photos in front of him.
Chris ran to him then stopped halfway. He should help him but what if he got violent? Chris wasn’t good at restraining suspects like Ray or the Guv were. Should he walk away and wait for him to return to normal? This weren’t like his other...moments though. This looked more serious. Should he go and get the Guv? He was in the middle of an interrogation though. What if it took awhile to get his attention? What if, while he was gone, DI Tyler tried to...tried to...that again.
Chris crouched down where he was, in the center of the room, and remembered the time when he was ten and had to coax his injured dog out from under the neighbor’s porch. He tried to forget that they’d had to put the dog to sleep.
"Boss?"
Sam ignored him, mumbling incoherently to himself as the tears fell freely down his cheeks. Chris’ approach didn’t seem to be upsetting Tyler any more than he already was so he moved closer, still crouched down to Sam’s level.
"Sam? What’s wrong?" It was a stupid, stupid question Chris thought but he didn’t know what else to say. "D’you need any help?" Sam seemed completely oblivious to his presence so Chris slid forward a tiny bit more. He was close enough to hear what Sam was saying.
"They’re still there. They’re still there. They’re still there. They’re still there."
"We’ll...we’ll find ‘em Boss. ‘S not too late." Chris placed a tentative hand on Sam’s arm and the distraught man finally realized he was not alone. He tore his eyes off the photos and stared helplessly at his Constable.
"What if they come back for me? What if they...stupid. Stupid. Stupid." Sam started hitting himself in the head. Chris tried to hold down Tyler’s arms but he was being too gentle, afraid of hurting him. "I-I shouldn’t be acting like this. I shouldn’t...They were stupid. Ignorant. Imbecile. Not me. I’m a police officer. I’m smart. I’m acting...acting irrationally." Sam laughed hysterically, terrifying Chris.
"You’re tired, Boss. Maybe we should take you home. Get you some rest."
"I can’t calm down. I can’t. I can’t. My heart...it’s. God. Can’t you feel it? Can’t you feel how hard it’s pumping. It’s racing. I can’t. Physically. I can’t. I can’t control my own heart rate. I can’t." Sam tapped his fingers on the tile, mimicking his heart beat. "It’s impossible. I need..." He looked around hopelessly.
"I can get it for you sir. What is it? A cuppa? Or music? D’you need some music, like?"
"I need the doctor. Dr. Merrick. He was right. He knows. He knows what I need. He...it’s so fast. It’s beating so fast. I can’t breathe. I can’t. It’s impossible."
When Sam started to hyperventilate Chris knew he had to find someone. He wasn’t any good at this sort of thing. He wasn’t helping at all.
"Just-just wait here Sam." He ran out into the hall just as Ray and the Guv were leaving Lost & Found, plod escorting the suspect to his cell.
"Well Raymondo, I’d say that was what you’d call a successful--"
"Guv!" Gene turned sharply to see his young DC standing half-in/half-out of the men’s toilets, sweating nervously. "It’s DI Tyler!"
Any thoughts on the case dropped from Gene’s mind as he dashed into the bogs.
________
Part 56
Author: dak
Word Count: 3038 this part; [102,997 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart while his and Sam's friendship is pushed to the limits.
Summary this Part: Sam's first day back at work.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: none here; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya, Gene/missus
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: Over 100,00! How did that happen? Here's a longer section with more angst than fluff. I knew I couldn't keep it away for long.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
The Guv was late. It was a Monday morning, and only 9:30 at that, so to the general public this was nothing unusual. To those who knew he was housing the injured DI Tyler it was a cause for concern, especially Ray and Chris and even more specifically Annie, who had yet to tell them about Sam’s little relapse yesterday afternoon. She had merely said that after the Guv had calmed down after abandoning him at the prison, he’d been round to collect Tyler from her flat.
As they watched the minutes tick by, Annie expected DCI Hunt to arrive via the back entrance to his office, ignoring his team until he had no other choice but to relay some orders. Chris expected the Guv to burst through CID’s doors shouting demands until he was red in the face. Ray expected Gene to enter calmly, still wiping the blood off his hands as he announced that DI Tyler had gone back to Hyde and don’t bother searching for the body.
None of them expected him to enter quietly and through the front entrance with a shaking DI Tyler nipping at his heels. It had been nearly two months since their Inspector had set foot in the station and they all had become uncomfortably accustomed to his absence. This accounted for the shocked, silent stares the two men received as the bullpen froze to watch DCI Hunt escort Tyler to his desk.
"Sit here," Gene ordered, aware that they were being watched as Sam obediently sat at his desk, everything left exactly as it was despite the long passage of time. "Remember what I told you," Gene whispered too low for anyone else to hear and after giving him a brief pat on the shoulder the Guv went into his office, returning seconds later sans coat and gloves.
"Right then my little minions! We’re up to our arses in paperwork since you lazy sods have been too busy wanking off to finish your reports properly. Usually, being the genial soul I am, I wouldn’t give a toss over whether you actually filed ‘em or used ‘em for rolling papers. But since RCS self-destructed faster than a Soviet missile, the Super has seen fit to personally shove very large sticks up the arses of every other DCI round here in order to save his own. So, unless you want your beloved Guv’nor busted down to traffic duty for the rest of his illustrious career, I suggest you dig out those shiny pens and pencils and become quite intimate with the carbon paper."
Throughout his morning speech, Gene was well aware that all eyes were fixed on Sam, who was avoiding eye contact with anything with a pulse. "Oh. And since forms and filing may not be your cup of tea, I’ve brought in an expert to help with any questions and concerns you might have. You may remember as Sam Tyler, your Detective Inspector." Message received as Gene saw several heads slowly nod in understanding. "Carling, Cartwright. Office."
Gene vanished behind his door as Ray and Annie dropped what they were doing and walked to the front, both pausing by Sam’s desk.
"Boss," Ray grimaced, obviously not pleased about Sam’s return.
"Welcome back, Sam." Annie smiled uncertainly and Sam knew he should smile back so he did.
The bullpen slowly returned to life after the Guv’s address, papers shuffling and detectives grumbling until the general din increased to CID’s normal level. Chris had taken it upon himself to sit close by DI Tyler, nodding along with Sam as every so often the officers would approach to share their well wishes.
"Need anything Boss?" Chris asked after a few minutes, determined to do anything to make Sam more comfortable about being back. He knew exactly what it was like to return after an injury, feeling out of place and useless while everyone else carried on as usual.
"No," Sam said, rearranging items on his desk without purpose. "Actually," he spoke up after moving his stapler for the fifth time, "Chris, do you know where my jacket is?"
Chris broke into a wide grin. "Yeah Boss! Er, wait here." Chris set down the notepad he’d been holding for no reason and scurried over to his desk, ripping open a drawer and pulling out a plastic evidence bag containing a black object. He trotted back over to Sam and held out the bag. "It, I, well, it were evidence, cos of the, y’know..."
"Kidnapping. It’s okay to say it," Sam assured him though he was really only assuring himself and failing miserably.
"Yeah. The kidnapping. An’, well, I know it’s not solved," Chris shifted embarrassedly, "an’ we should hold onto all evidence, even personal property, til the case is closed, like, but I think we got all we could from it, an’ it’s not as if we don’t know who did it anyway..."
Sam took the bag from Chris’ hands. "I think it’ll be okay, Chris." Sam placed the bag in his lap and carefully opened it. It was hard, his hands being what they were, and while the process was immensely frustrating, the fact Chris was wisely not offering to help calmed Sam to no end. After finally opening the bag, Sam’s waning patience was rewarded as his hands clutched the smooth, cold leather. He ran his fingers over it, remembering its shape and feel. He noticed a small tear at the back of the collar, that would have to be repaired, but overall it was just as it was before and he quickly slipped it on. Well, it may have fit a bit better before.
The jacket had just molded itself to Sam’s body when Annie, Ray, and Gene reemerged from the Guv’s lair. "Well, our special education department is back together," Gene stated on seeing Chris and Sam. He also saw Sam’s jacket and, while he said nothing, was obviously satisfied about something. "While remedial school’s back in session Tyler, I’m taking Carling and Cartwright to see Graham’s old lady. See if we can’t dig anything else up on the pathetic bastard. You nonces are in charge of keeping this lot on top of their note taking. Skelton, there’s a pile of cases on my desk I expect to be finished by the end of the day."
"Yes Guv."
Gene nodded, sparing one more look at Sam before ushering Ray and Annie out the door.
*
Sam surprised himself. As the hours ticked by the piles of case folders, carbon copies, and incomplete forms that he’d surrounded himself with brought him more comfort than he ever thought possible. It was odd, perverted, and would earn him plenty of snide remarks when he was fully healed, but right now it was exactly what he needed.
Gene and the others had been in and out throughout the day but true to is word, Sam didn’t leave the office. If he needed a file Chris never hesitated to run down and get it for him. For lunch, Mrs. Hunt had packed Sam a specially prepared meal, knowing herself that anything in the canteen was bound to irk Sam’s sensitive stomach. If he needed to run to the loo a quick look at Gene and a nod from his Guv were all he needed. The effort of staying awake for so many hours straight was certainly taking its toll and the closer they came to quitting time, the more times Chris would have to shake him awake. He had slept about an hour in the locker room after lunch but by this point in a very long day, after a very rough night, that nap might as well have never taken place.
It was nearing 4:30 when the inevitable happened.
Gene and Ray were interrogating a robbery suspect in Lost and Found and Annie had gone downstairs to ask Phyllis about some report logs.
"Chris?" Sam stood, trying to reorganize his now very cluttered desk.
"Yeah Boss?" Chris closed a filing cabinet and popped a piece of Juicy Fruit in his mouth as he walked up to Sam.
"That case the Guv and Ray are working. The robbery over on Chapel Road?" Tyler rubbed his eyes and unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn.
"What about it Boss?"
"It sounds familiar. I think it could be connected to..." Sam yawned again and had to sit down, rubbing is aching eyes. "God. What, what was that one, we had the other week?"
"Other week? When you were...in hospital?" Chris whispered the last phrase, almost as if he believed saying the words out loud would send DI Tyler back into his comatose state.
"I mean, I guess, sorry. The other month? It was before...before the shooting. It was a toy store or..."
"Oh I know the one Boss. It were over in Collyhurst. The model train shop."
"It’s still unsolved, isn’t it?"
"I think so."
"Could you pull the file? I’d like to, uhm..." Sam yawned a third time.
"Got it, Boss. I’ll be right back."
"Cheers Chris." Sam laid his arms on the desk, resting his head in the crook of his elbow but quickly sat up straight, rubbing a hand through his hair. Without Chris to nudge him awake Sam knew it would only take seconds for him to pass out. If Gene saw that, if he thought Sam couldn’t even handle a day’s worth of desk duty, who knows when he’d be allowed to return.
Sam tapped his fingers on his knee and checked his watch, impatient for Chris to bring back the file. He was exhausted and if he wanted to make it through the next half hour he would have to keep moving. Wondering how many case files were left on Gene’s desk for him and Chris to finish, Sam pushed himself up from his chair and shuffled into his Guv’s office.
Tripping over an inconveniently placed file box, he cursed at Gene’s lack of order and steadied himself on the train wreck of a desk. Sam actually hadn’t been in Gene’s office all day. Whenever they had finished with one file, Chris had gone in to grab the next, and in all honesty Sam could not tell which piles were meant for them, which were for Gene, and which were garbage.
Dragging his tired legs around the side Sam was sorely tempted to set himself down in the DCI’s chair. He had been a DCI before anyway but Sam just smirked and decided against it. The way his luck was going nowadays Gene would burst in the moment Sam’s arse hit the seat. So instead he focused on shifting through the misbegotten piles of paper, searching for anything remotely useful.
After skimming a couple of piles and encountering nothing more interesting than old cigarette butts and dusty issues of "Just Jugs," Sam was about to quit and return to his own desk when he caught a glimpse of a tattered green folder sticking out from underneath the desk mat. Sam would’ve just ignored it except he was a detective and the beginning of the folder name began "Tyl".
Sam slid it out from under the mat, careful not to topple over any other piles of paper, and read the full case heading. It was a file on him. The date coincided with his kidnapping. Sam didn’t notice his hands were shaking a bit more forcefully than they been a minute ago. Why would they? After all, he’d read this file before when he was in hospital.
He opened it, unprepared for the pages which scattered to the floor. He knelt down, setting the rest of the file on Gene’s chair, and started to pick up that which he’d dropped. They weren’t just pages. They were photos. Color photos of him. Sam continued to collect them off the floor. There were so many pictures. So many injuries to document.
Why did it matter? He knew what had happened to him. He’d been there and he hadn’t suffered any memory loss. No. No memory loss but had he actually thought about it recently?
Sam shook his head in disbelief. These photos, they shouldn’t matter. They shouldn’t be making him this upset. Was he upset? No. He was a police officer. He’d seen so much worse. He’d seen so much worse than dislocated shoulders.
The chair collapsed, taking him with it. He landed hard on his right shoulder and thought he heard something pop.
Things much worse than wrists red and shredded from restraint.
His hands were bound tightly behind him with thick, rough rope that cut into his wrists.
Things much worse than broken noses swollen to twice their size.
"Guess you want to make things fun, eh copper?" Jerry’s heel came down hard on his face. He felt warm blood seep over his mouth and chin as his nose was broken in two.
Things much worse than chests purple and blue and bloody.
The heavy pipe collided with his stomach. He vomited all over his pants.
One hand clutched on the photos, the other wrapped itself around Sam’s stomach.
He was picked up and thrown into the back of a van. Something popped in his chest and suddenly breathing was rendered nearly impossible.
Sam started padding his pockets.
"What are those?" Jerry asked. "Found ‘em at ‘is flat. Thought I’d get a couple quid for ‘em," Bobby shook the bottle of pills. "You on drugs?" Jerry kicked Sam. "Eh, copper?"
Where were they? Where were they?
He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t get enough air to, so he just coughed up another splatter of blood onto the floor of the van. "Give ‘em ‘ere."
The kidnappers. Where were they? They were still out there.
"What?"
"Give me the bloody bottle, Bobby!" Bobby reluctantly handed over the pills.
Sam’s feet moved mechanically towards the door.
"Hold ‘im." Jerry ordered and he twisted off the cap. As Bobby grabbed his arms, Sam cried out but didn’t lose consciousness. "Open ‘is mouth." Jerry dumped some of the pills into his hand. "You look like you’re in a bit a pain, Inspector. Maybe this’ll ‘elp." Jerry shoved the pills down Sam’s throat.
"Boss I found that file for yeh." Chris stood bewildered as DI Tyler silently bumped into him. "Boss?" Sam looked up at him, eyes filled with sheer terror. Sam opened and closed his mouth, trying to say something but when he couldn’t he ran away from Chris, headed towards the bogs. "DI Tyler?"
Chris quickly set the file on the closest desk, he didn’t want to be responsible for misplacing a key piece of information again, and went after Sam. When he opened the door his eyes went wide. Tyler was curled up underneath the sinks, hugging his knees to his chest, shuddering almost violently as his clouded eyes remained fixed on the police photos in front of him.
Chris ran to him then stopped halfway. He should help him but what if he got violent? Chris wasn’t good at restraining suspects like Ray or the Guv were. Should he walk away and wait for him to return to normal? This weren’t like his other...moments though. This looked more serious. Should he go and get the Guv? He was in the middle of an interrogation though. What if it took awhile to get his attention? What if, while he was gone, DI Tyler tried to...tried to...that again.
Chris crouched down where he was, in the center of the room, and remembered the time when he was ten and had to coax his injured dog out from under the neighbor’s porch. He tried to forget that they’d had to put the dog to sleep.
"Boss?"
Sam ignored him, mumbling incoherently to himself as the tears fell freely down his cheeks. Chris’ approach didn’t seem to be upsetting Tyler any more than he already was so he moved closer, still crouched down to Sam’s level.
"Sam? What’s wrong?" It was a stupid, stupid question Chris thought but he didn’t know what else to say. "D’you need any help?" Sam seemed completely oblivious to his presence so Chris slid forward a tiny bit more. He was close enough to hear what Sam was saying.
"They’re still there. They’re still there. They’re still there. They’re still there."
"We’ll...we’ll find ‘em Boss. ‘S not too late." Chris placed a tentative hand on Sam’s arm and the distraught man finally realized he was not alone. He tore his eyes off the photos and stared helplessly at his Constable.
"What if they come back for me? What if they...stupid. Stupid. Stupid." Sam started hitting himself in the head. Chris tried to hold down Tyler’s arms but he was being too gentle, afraid of hurting him. "I-I shouldn’t be acting like this. I shouldn’t...They were stupid. Ignorant. Imbecile. Not me. I’m a police officer. I’m smart. I’m acting...acting irrationally." Sam laughed hysterically, terrifying Chris.
"You’re tired, Boss. Maybe we should take you home. Get you some rest."
"I can’t calm down. I can’t. I can’t. My heart...it’s. God. Can’t you feel it? Can’t you feel how hard it’s pumping. It’s racing. I can’t. Physically. I can’t. I can’t control my own heart rate. I can’t." Sam tapped his fingers on the tile, mimicking his heart beat. "It’s impossible. I need..." He looked around hopelessly.
"I can get it for you sir. What is it? A cuppa? Or music? D’you need some music, like?"
"I need the doctor. Dr. Merrick. He was right. He knows. He knows what I need. He...it’s so fast. It’s beating so fast. I can’t breathe. I can’t. It’s impossible."
When Sam started to hyperventilate Chris knew he had to find someone. He wasn’t any good at this sort of thing. He wasn’t helping at all.
"Just-just wait here Sam." He ran out into the hall just as Ray and the Guv were leaving Lost & Found, plod escorting the suspect to his cell.
"Well Raymondo, I’d say that was what you’d call a successful--"
"Guv!" Gene turned sharply to see his young DC standing half-in/half-out of the men’s toilets, sweating nervously. "It’s DI Tyler!"
Any thoughts on the case dropped from Gene’s mind as he dashed into the bogs.
________
Part 56