Fic : Demons Part 17
Title: When Demons Come a Calling - Part 17
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.
Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
Part 17
By the time Catherine made it home she was emotionally as well as physically exhausted. She hadn’t slept much the night before because every time she had closed her eyes the ghostly echoes of Sara’s screams would rattle through her soul. She had finally managed to drift off sometime after three but shrieks of pain had followed her and she had woken even more tired than before.
By the time she made it down to PD what little energy she had regained from seeing the brunette had evaporated. The interview itself hadn’t been as bad as she’d thought it would be even though Ecklie had insisted on sitting in. While he had mercifully kept his mouth shut just his presence in the room was enough to put her on edge.
Brass had been right when he when he’d said the Sheriff wanted to make the situation go away as quickly as possible. Atwater had personally conducted the entire meeting, which basically consisted of Catherine going through the events from beginning to end, once. He had only asked a couple of questions on a few small details and then told her he would have the transcript typed up and sent to her home by messenger for her to sign. While he had tried to make it as easy for her as possible it was still painful for her to have to relive those terrifying days so soon.
All Catherine wanted now was to lie down for a couple of hours before she went back to the hospital. Opening her front door the blonde was greeted by the sound of the tv and her mother sitting on the couch with an annoyed look on her face. “Hi Mom, thanks for staying with Lindsey this morning.”
“Catherine you know I don’t mind looking after her but you are her mother, you should have been here. I know you’re concerned about your friend but you should have been spending that time with your daughter. Did you even stop to think how she would feel when you left this morning? We just got you back and already you’re off running around.” Lily had looked on helplessly as her only granddaughter had stood at the window as her mother drove away. And while the girl hadn’t said anything she could see the fear in her eyes that Catherine might not come back this time. Lindsey had learned much too young that bad things could happen to the people she loved.
“First of all Mom, I wasn’t off running around. I was at the hospital to see Sara, the woman who has a rather large hole in her shoulder that was meant for my head. She saved my life and I would think you would be a little more grateful to her. She’s been through a hell of a lot and I’m not just going to abandon her. Secondly I spoke to Lindsey this morning and told her where I was going and why; she didn’t seem to have a problem with it.” This wasn’t the first argument Catherine had had with her mother about how she was raising her daughter. It had been a point of contention between the two women for some time and even though the blonde wasn’t in the mood to get into the same old fight she wasn’t going to back down.
“Believe me I am very thankful that she protected you but your daughter should still some first. You didn’t see that child’s face after you left, she was…”
“I was fine Grandma. I just wanted to go see Sara too.” Lindsey had heard the argument from her room and decided to stop it before they actually started yelling at each other.
Catherine sent a glare towards her mother before going to her daughter and pulling her into a hug. “I know you want to see her Linds but we talked about this. They won’t let you in the ICU, you would’ve had to sit in the waiting room and then I had to go down to the station afterward to give my statement so you would have had sit around there too. When they move her to a regular room I promise I’ll take you to see Sara. Okay?”
Lindsey nodded and tightened her grip on her mom, not quite ready to let her go. She had always liked Sara even though she only got to see the tall woman a couple of times a year. The brunette had been really nice to her when her dad died and now that she had saved her mom’s life that made the CSI a hero in her eyes.
“Have you eaten yet?” Catherine asked as she leaned back to see Lindsey’s face, but didn’t break their embrace. It was so nice to have her daughter not shy away from her touch, or run from the room when she entered.
“I’m not really hungry, just tired.” She hadn’t slept much after her mom was taken and when she did a nightmare always woke up her. Maybe it was the fact the her mother was all she had, her grandmother and aunt were great but they weren’t her parents, because the dreams had been worse than when her dad died. The old nightmares about being trapped in the car came back but with a new twist, this time when her mom tried to get her out, the water would snatch her away. All Lindsey could do was watch as her mom disappeared under the swirling black water. She had woken up so many times with tears running down her face and calling for her mother that she had finally given up on sleeping all together.
“Do you want to come take a nap with me, like when you were little?” Catherine asked as she ran her fingers through Lindsey’s baby-fine hair. She had always loved cuddling up with her daughter whenever she had the chance and could manage to get the overactive child to slow down enough to sleep.
Linds had to think about that for moment. She was really too old to take naps, especially with her mother. On the other hand she had always felt so safe and secure when her mom had wrapped her in her arms and held her close. She wanted to feel that way again especially after the strangling fear she had felt at the thought she might never see her mom again. “Yeah I do.”
“Ok, why don’t you go throw on some comfortable clothes and I’ll be there in a minute.” Catherine waited until Lindsey was out of earshot before she turned her attention back to her mother. “Look Mom, I’m not in the mood to fight with you right now. You’ve made your opinion of how I’m raising my daughter perfectly clear on more than one occasion but you need to remember that she’s my child. Lindsey is always my priority but right now Sara needs me too. You have no idea what that woman has been through, and I don’t just mean the last few days, I’m talking about her entire life. I only know a few bare facts and I can’t believe that she managed to survive much less come out of it the incredible person she is. So I’m going to the hospital this afternoon and if you don’t want to help me out then I’ll just take Lindsey with me.”
Lily knew from experience that it wasn’t easy to be a single parent but Catherine made it harder on herself and Lindsey by working long, odd hours. There were some days that the girl only got to see her mother for thirty minutes between the time she got home from school and her mom left for work. Then there were the days she got called back in after maybe an hour in bed. It wasn’t healthy, for either of them.
The older woman looked carefully at the dark circles under her daughter’s eyes and the deep lines of worry etched into her face. Catherine hadn’t really told them much about what had happened but she could see that it had affected her greatly. She decided to leave the discussion for another time, when they were both a little more rested. “I’ll stay with Lindsey, there’s no need to go dragging her to hospital.”
Cath narrowed her eyes at the older woman. Her mother didn’t usually give in without a fight or at the very least a parting shot at her. She was dead on her feet though and didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Nodding her head in acceptance the blonde left Lily standing in the living room and walked back to her bedroom.
Lindsey was already on the bed curled up in the middle like a kitten. Catherine smiled at the precious image and went to change as quickly as possible. After setting the alarm to make sure she was up in plenty of time to get to the hospital before visiting hours started, the blonde slid across the mattress to snuggle up behind her daughter. Throwing one arm around the girl’s waist to hold her close Cath thanked whatever power that might be listening for this one perfect moment with her child.
“Mom is Sara really going to be okay?” Lindsey had been on the verge of sleep when she felt the bed dip with her mom’s weight. It was a question that had been gnawing at her for a while. She knew that someone had to be really sick or really hurt to be in intensive care and she was afraid her mother wasn’t telling her everything. Maybe Sara was hurt a lot worse than they were letting on.
Catherine’s eyes flew open at the sudden question. She had assumed the girl was asleep until she spoke. “Yeah Linds, she’ll be fine but she’s going to need our help. I want to ask Sara to come stay with us when she gets out of the hospital. How would you feel about that?” She had been thinking about it all morning and found she couldn’t stand the thought of the lanky brunette going home alone once she was released. Sara was stubbornly independent but would need help and she wanted to be the one to give it to her.
“I think its good idea. That way we won’t have to go all the way over to her place every day and you won’t worry when she’s alone.” Lindsey answered after a moments thought.
God her girl was smart, observant too, Catherine thought to herself as she tightened her grip on her daughter. “Thank you.”
“I love you Mom.” Lindsey said softly. She really regretted the fact that the last couple of years she had rarely said it. Her mom could have died not knowing that she didn’t really hate her. She had felt so abandoned when her dad died. He was gone and her mom had always been too busy with work to spend time with her, it had made her so angry. The constant teasing of the kids at school hadn’t helped either. Sometimes the rage was so hot it felt like it would burn her from the inside out if it wasn’t released. Unfortunately her mother was the one she usually directed it at. The longer it went on the worse it got until she didn’t know how to fix it. Linds knew this was her chance and she had to make the most of it.
“I love you too baby.” Catherine answered just as gently as her heart swelled so quickly it felt like it was about to burst out of her chest. She couldn’t remember the last time Lindsey had said that to her and it felt so good it brought a tear of joy to her eye.
Xxx
Catherine hurried into the ICU ward, her daughter in tow, with barely five minutes to spare. It had been harder to get out of the house than she had thought it would be. Lindsey had wanted to come with her and while she had tried to convince her that she would be bored and wouldn’t get to see Sara, the girl had refused to be left behind. In the end she hadn’t had the heart to say no. “Linds I want you to promise me that you won’t leave this room for any reason.”
“Mom, I’m not a baby. I know not to take candy from strangers or help people find their lost puppies. I’ll be fine.” The exasperation in the girl’s voice was clear. Lindsey was almost thirteen years old and she hated it when her mother treated her like she was still five.
“I know you’re not but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about you, so just promise me please.” Cath wanted to trust her daughter but after the hitchhiking incident last year it was hard, she just needed a little extra reassurance.
Lindsey resisted the urge to roll her eyes, barely. “I promise I’ll sit right here and not move or talk to anyone.”
Catherine planted a kiss on top of the girl’s golden head and turned to go make her way to Sara’s room. That’s when she spotted the last person she wanted to see. She should have expected Grissom to show up but she had hoped that he would’ve taken her words that morning to heart.
It was obvious as he walked past her towards the nurses’ station that he was ignoring her but Catherine wasn’t going to let him. She hurried after the entomologist and caught up just as he stopped at the desk. Grabbing his arm she forced him to face her. “Gil what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m going to see Sara.” Grissom nearly growled at her. He had been thinking ever since he’d left that morning and he was determined not to give up no matter what the blonde said. He had seen exactly what he had to lose and this time he wasn’t going to just sit back and let Sara slip through his fingers.
“Oh no you’re not. You are going to stop being so damn selfish and give her time to recover before you start trying to put a move on her.” Catherine’s voice was low and dangerous. She was just as fiercely determined to protect the brunette as he was to make a complete ass out of himself.
“Actually neither of you are going to see Miss Sidle.” The nurse spoke up before a fistfight started.
“What? You can’t keep me out of there.” Catherine turned to the elderly woman behind the desk, her eyes throwing flaming daggers.
“Oh yes I can and I am. Miss Sidle has asked not to have visitors. So unless you would both like to be escorted out by security I suggest you leave quietly.” Nurse Cooper was sympathetic towards them, she really was. It was hard having a loved one ill or in pain and even harder when they wouldn’t allow their friends and family to help them, but she had to respect the patient’s wishes.
“This is your fault.” Catherine spat at the man beside her. “If you hadn’t been such a self-centered bastard Sara wouldn’t be keeping us out.”
Grissom wanted to yell at the blonde that it couldn’t possibly be because of him, that Sara was just being Sara. She loved him, he knew that she did. Even though she had never said the words he had seen it in her eyes, in her actions, time and time again. After she asked him out to dinner things had become strained between them but lately they had been growing close again. She had shared her painful past with him. That had to mean something.
Turning around in hopes of finding someone to make an appeal to Gil saw Nick and Warrick glaring at him, arms crossed over their chests. Judging by their body language they must have heard the entire conversation and by the looks on their faces, even if he found a doctor that would agree to let him see Sara they would find a way to stop him. There was only one option left open to him, retreat quietly and wait for his chance.
Catherine watched Grissom stalk off, back ramrod straight, and knew that he wouldn’t give up. When the man got an idea in his head he was like a pit bull with a bone, he wouldn’t let it go come hell or high water. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and turned to look into Warrick’s sympathetic eyes but it was Nick that spoke.
“What the hell was he thinking?” The Texan knew his former supervisor had feelings for Sara, a blind man could’ve seen that. He just couldn’t believe that Grissom would do something like that after what the brunette had just been through.
“I think he just realized how much he had to lose. I think we all did.” Warrick didn’t agree with what the older man had done, but he understood it. They had all been forced to do a lot of soul searching during those three desperate days.
“What are you guys doing here? Shouldn’t you be on your way to the lab?” Catherine asked changing the subject. It was hitting a little to close to home. It had taken her five years, a kidnapping and a near death experience to show her what she had refused to see.
“Yeah, we just wanted to stop by to see her first and with the boss not there we figured we could be a few minutes late. I guess we better go tell Greggo he can catch a few more hours of sleep and get out of here.” Nick looked away from his friends towards the waiting room where the newest CSI was talking animatedly with Lindsey.
“No just leave him where he is, I’m going to need his help.” A plan was forming in Catherine’s mind and it would take two people to pull it off.
“Cath what are you up to?” Warrick asked, his brows knitted together in concern. The blonde had a devious look on her face and a dangerous glint in her eyes. He really hoped she wasn’t plotting Grissom’s demise.
“I’m going to see Sara.” Catherine repeated Gil’s words with a wicked smile. She figured the worst thing that could happen was that she would get kicked out of the hospital and since she had already been barred from the brunette’s room that wouldn’t be such a big deal. It was worth the minimal risk if she could get to Sara and change her mind.
“Do you want us to stick around in case you need bail money?” Nick ribbed her gently with a grin on his face.
“No you two get to work. Just because I’m not there doesn’t mean you get to slack off.” Catherine retorted with a smile. She knew her guys would never fall down on the job.
“Yeah picture that. We’ll see you in the morning after shift. Call us if you need anything.” Warrick was happy to see the blonde joking and smiling. After the all she had gone through and her concern for Sara weighing so heavily on her it was good to see that she could enjoy a little lame humor.
“Wait a second, what do you mean after shift? You guys get off long before morning.” The comment struck the blonde as odd. When they worked nights it was normal for them to leave around daybreak but these days they left a lot earlier.
“We’re going to cover for Sofia tonight so she can get some rest. She’s been driving herself into the ground since you and Sara were taken. On top of running interference with Ecklie and day shift to get us information she covered most of the cases coming in by herself so we could concentrate on finding you. She really came through for us.” Warrick knew there was no love lost between the lab’s two blondes but Cath needed to know what the other woman had done for them.
Catherine was more than a little stunned. She and Sofia weren’t exactly on friendly terms and she wouldn’t have thought Curtis had been on the graveyard shift long enough to get close to Sara. “I’ll have to thank her when I get back. Now get out of here before I write you both up for tardiness.”
After accepting hugs from Warrick and Nick and giving her word to call them if she needed anything Catherine caught Greg’s attention and waved him over. It took less than a minute to explain the problem and her solution to him. He readily agreed to help and the plan was set in motion.
Greg sauntered up to the desk and slipped around it as nonchalantly as he could. He ignored the woman sitting there when she called out for him to stop, he was on a mission and failure was not an option. He was halfway down the corridor when the nurse caught up to him. Putting on his best innocent look Greg turned to face the woman. “Yes?”
“Sir you have to check in at the desk before you can visit a patient.” Nurse Cooper said in an icy tone. The rules were there for a reason and it ticked her off when people decided that they didn’t apply to them.
“A patient? No, I’m just looking for the vending machines. My friend’s daughter is a little hungry and I thought I would get her a candy bar or something to hold her over.” Greg gave the woman the most charming smile he had in his repertoire as he chanced a glance up the corridor. He breathed a tiny sigh of relief when her he saw Catherine slipping unnoticed into Sara’s room.
“Young man this is the Intensive Care Unit not a convenience store. There are candy machines one floor up next to the elevators although you’re going to ruin the girl’s appetite this close to dinner time.” Cooper was tempted to grab the man’s ear instead of his arm as she led him back the way they had come. She had a very low tolerance for ignorance.
Catherine waited until she saw the nurse run after Greg before she moved away from the fake plant she had half hidden herself behind. She walked confidently down the hall as if she belonged there and hoped no one would question her. The blonde made it into Sara’s room without a problem but stopped short of the bed. Sara was clearly awake but hadn’t noticed Cath yet, as her eyes were fixed on the monitor that was displaying the steady rhythm of her heart. It was clear to her that the brunette had been crying, though her eyes were dry now, they were red and swollen.
Taking the last few steps forward Cath reached out and brushed a lock of stray hair away from the lanky woman’s face and tucked it behind Sara’s ear before she let her hand come to rest on a pale cheek. “Sara, why are you doing this? Why do you want to shut us out, shut me out?”
“Because I have to.” Sara answered hoarsely, closing her eyes even as she leaned into the contact. She had tried so hard to do the right thing but one touch from Catherine and she was undone. The brunette should have known the tenacious blonde would find a way to get into her room. The woman would argue with a mountain that it was in her way until she convinced it move.
Catherine cringed at the harsh raspy sound of the brunette’s voice. It was a reminder of how much Sara had been through, how she had screamed until she couldn’t scream anymore. “No you don’t. You don’t have to be strong now, you can let me be your strength for a little while.”
“How?” She could barely choke out the word as her throat constricted painfully. Catherine shouldn’t feel like she needed to put her own trauma aside and help her just because Sara had been shot trying to make up for what she had done.
“Just lean on me, let me take the burden for a while. You’re not alone anymore Sara, I’m here.” Catherine was struck hard by the question. The younger woman must have never had anyone she could turn to or depend on. She’d only had herself to rely on for so long that now she didn’t know how to let someone help her.
Sara moved her head away from Catherine’s hand, unable to continue taking comfort at the other woman’s expense. “No. How can you stand to look at me, or even be in the same room with me after what I did to you, after what he did to you because of me? I sexually assaulted you, I’m a monster.”
Cath was taken aback. Did she really believe that? Of course she did. And Sara being Sara, she of course would feel responsible for actions she’d had no control over.
Catherine reached out, grasped the broken woman’s chin and turned her head, forcing Sara to look at her. “Now you listen to me Sara Sidle and you listen good. Thomas didn’t rape me, he never touched me. As for you, you didn’t do a damn thing to me. I looked into your eyes and you weren’t there. He had tortured you for days, done god only knows what to you, and your mind ran away and hid. When I needed you though, you came back and saved my life, not once but twice, even though you had to be in indescribable pain. That man was the monster, not you.”
“You were afraid me. I saw it on your face.” A lot of what had happened during those agonizing days was blurry and disjointed but Sara remembered that very clearly. That look had sent a knife through her soul and shaken her to her core.
Catherine wasn’t sure how she should respond to that. Should she be completely honest and perhaps feed Sara’s self destructive beliefs, or lie? The younger woman would mostly see trough any deception and it would simply reinforce her fears. “I wasn’t afraid of you, not at first, not when you touched me. And let me tell you that I’ve had worse gropes standing in line at the grocery store. It was when he put the knife in your hand that I got scared. The look in you eyes was terrifying. There was so much fear and pain and hatred there, and I thought it was directed at me.”
Sara shook her head. There was no denying that she had touched the other woman in an unwelcome and inappropriate manner and regardless of what the blonde said, nothing could excuse that behavior. Her actions had caused Catherine pain, were still hurting her, so even though she didn’t want to talk about it she had to tell the older woman the truth. “It wasn’t you. The knife was just like the one my mother used to murder my father. Seeing it in my hand brought back everything from that night. The way my mother smiled as she sank it into his chest. The way the blood looked as it flew around the room and covered everything, including me. The way it smelled. The terror I felt, not knowing if she was going to turn on me next. How much I hated her for dragging me out of bed and making me watch her do it. All of it came slamming back and I was reliving it for a minute. I’m sorry I scared you, I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Hot tears scalded their way down Catherine’s face. How could a mother do that to her child? What else had the brunette suffered at the hands of such a woman? And Thomas had said her father was abusive, what had he done to the innocent child he was supposed to protect? “Oh god Sara please don’t, you have nothing to be sorry for. Do you know how proud I am, no, how honored I am just to know you? The things you’ve lived through would have broken most people, twisted them, but not you. You survived everything and came out of it a compassionate, strong, brave, dedicated woman that fights tooth and nail to get justice for the victims regardless of the emotional or physical damage to yourself. I’m the one that should be apologizing to you. I never gave you a fair chance. I took out all my frustrations on you because you were a convenient target. I let my fears and insecurities blind me to what a beautiful person you are. Please forgive me?”
“Only if you forgive me.” Sara’s own tears where coursing down her cheeks at the heartfelt outpouring from the blonde. She desperately wanted absolution even though she knew she deserved it. What she had done would always be a shadow lurking in the back of her mind. Thomas had planted a dark seed inside of her and she would have to keep a close watch on it to make sure its black roots didn’t strangle what was left of her soul. If she thought that was happening she’d eat her gun before she could hurt someone else.
Catherine reached out and wiped the tears off the brunette’s face. “There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for but if that’s what you need then I’ll give it without reservation. I forgive you Sara.”
“Thank you.” It was all Sara could do to force the words out past the lump in her throat as a tiny bit of the crushing weight of her guilt lifted. She’d never be completely free of it but it was a little lighter.
Letting her fingers linger on Sara’s flushed cheek Cath knew that she hadn’t banished the younger woman’s fears, only pushed them back for a little while. It would take more than a few words to get the brunette to believe that she couldn’t, and shouldn’t, be held responsible for what happened. At least now she knew the reason why Sara had refused to see anyone. “So I can tell the guys that we can all see you in the morning? Because I might get away with using Greg to distract Nurse Ratchet one more time but I don’t think he could get her away from the desk long enough to get everyone back here.”
Sara bit her lip in indecision. Catherine said she forgave her, but would the others? She thought about what she had said to her doctor when he questioned her about not wanting visitors. ‘Have you ever done something so reprehensible, so atrocious, that it would turn everyone you know against you? I did.’ “I’m scared to see them. I’m scared that now that they know what happened they’ll hate me. I don’t think I can stand to see the repulsion in their eyes.”
“They don’t know, no one does and no one will. It’s not in my statement so you don’t have to worry.” Catherine tried to ease Sara’s fears. She had made the decision to hold back some details of their ordeal the moment they were rescued. It wouldn’t hurt or help a dead man and could only bring the brunette harm.
“What? Cath you can’t do that! That’s filing a false report, tampering with evidence, obstruction of justice, you could get fired.” Sara was terrified of everyone finding out but she didn’t want Catherine to lose her job, not for her.
“Sara you’re not the one under investigation and Michael Thomas is dead. Some of the things that were said and done in that room are no ones’ business but ours. The only thing that would be accomplished by making it public record would be to have Ecklie and the Sheriff scrutinizing your every move. I’m trying to protect you. Please let me do that?” Catherine was begging the brunette. After their little argument in the halls of the lab and Sidle’s subsequent blow up at the Assistant Director, he was looking for any excuse to get rid of Sara. The job meant too much to the younger woman for her to allow that to happen because of two little touches that Sara had been forced into committing.
Sara wanted to argue. She knew that everything Catherine had said was true but it went against every thing in her to cover up a crime, even if it was to save her own skin. But what about to save someone else, someone she had seriously wronged? The blonde had given her sworn statement, a legally binding document. If she gave a different account now it would get only get the older woman into trouble and she couldn’t do that to her. “Okay, but only because I can’t let you get fired because of me.”
Catherine didn’t stop to think, she just acted. Standing up she leaned over the brunette and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. As she murmured a thank you against the pale skin she heard the younger woman gasp. She realized that while she had quickly gotten use to this small act of connection it was the first time she had done it while Sara was awake. Blushing furiously the blonde stood up and took a step back, afraid she had offended the woman. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No it’s all right. I was just surprised.” Shocked was more like it. Catherine often showed such physical affection towards the guys, a peck on the cheek or a hug when they’d had a bad day, but until this entire nightmare began the blonde had never once extended that sort of mothering towards her. In the space of a few days the older woman had hugged her, held her hand, gently dried her tears and now she had kissed her. Sara liked this side of the other woman being directed at her.
Cath could see the sincerity in Sara’s mahogany eyes but she could also see a bone-deep weariness. The blonde was completely exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the last few days and she knew the brunette had to be feeling it much more acutely with her injuries and subsequent surgery. “I’ve kept you up too long, you need your rest.”
As if the blonde’s words had flipped a switch, Sara’s eyelids began to droop. She couldn’t believe how much she had been sleeping. Sure they had her doped to gills but usually she was lucky to get three hours in a row before a nightmare woke her up. Today she couldn’t seem to stay awake for more than an hour at a time. Of course that meant more dark dreams to haunt her, with no way to escape while she was in the thrall of the pain killing drugs. She was already half asleep when she realized she was speaking. “Can you stay a little longer?”
“I’m not going to move from this spot until they run me out of here for the night and I’ll be back first thing in the morning along with the guys.” Catherine quickly promised at the unexpected question. Perhaps she had gotten through to Sara after all.
“Ok, but not Grissom. I can’t…”
“No sweetheart, not Grissom. I’m not going to let him hurt you again.” Catherine felt a renewed rage at her old friend as sleep overtook the younger woman. That man was going to have to get his act together and soon. The last thing Sara needed was a love sick, emotionally stunted, workaholic throwing himself at her while she tried to put herself back together. Well if she had to handcuff Gil, barricade and nail his door shut, cut his phone lines and steal his car, she was going to keep him away from Sara until the brunette said she was ready to see him.
As Cath got as comfortable as she could in the hard plastic chair she realized that she hadn’t asked Sara to stay with her when she was released. Picking up the brunette’s uninjured hand the blonde figured it could wait until tomorrow. The woman on the bed wasn’t going anywhere, there was time.
TBC
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.
Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
Part 17
By the time Catherine made it home she was emotionally as well as physically exhausted. She hadn’t slept much the night before because every time she had closed her eyes the ghostly echoes of Sara’s screams would rattle through her soul. She had finally managed to drift off sometime after three but shrieks of pain had followed her and she had woken even more tired than before.
By the time she made it down to PD what little energy she had regained from seeing the brunette had evaporated. The interview itself hadn’t been as bad as she’d thought it would be even though Ecklie had insisted on sitting in. While he had mercifully kept his mouth shut just his presence in the room was enough to put her on edge.
Brass had been right when he when he’d said the Sheriff wanted to make the situation go away as quickly as possible. Atwater had personally conducted the entire meeting, which basically consisted of Catherine going through the events from beginning to end, once. He had only asked a couple of questions on a few small details and then told her he would have the transcript typed up and sent to her home by messenger for her to sign. While he had tried to make it as easy for her as possible it was still painful for her to have to relive those terrifying days so soon.
All Catherine wanted now was to lie down for a couple of hours before she went back to the hospital. Opening her front door the blonde was greeted by the sound of the tv and her mother sitting on the couch with an annoyed look on her face. “Hi Mom, thanks for staying with Lindsey this morning.”
“Catherine you know I don’t mind looking after her but you are her mother, you should have been here. I know you’re concerned about your friend but you should have been spending that time with your daughter. Did you even stop to think how she would feel when you left this morning? We just got you back and already you’re off running around.” Lily had looked on helplessly as her only granddaughter had stood at the window as her mother drove away. And while the girl hadn’t said anything she could see the fear in her eyes that Catherine might not come back this time. Lindsey had learned much too young that bad things could happen to the people she loved.
“First of all Mom, I wasn’t off running around. I was at the hospital to see Sara, the woman who has a rather large hole in her shoulder that was meant for my head. She saved my life and I would think you would be a little more grateful to her. She’s been through a hell of a lot and I’m not just going to abandon her. Secondly I spoke to Lindsey this morning and told her where I was going and why; she didn’t seem to have a problem with it.” This wasn’t the first argument Catherine had had with her mother about how she was raising her daughter. It had been a point of contention between the two women for some time and even though the blonde wasn’t in the mood to get into the same old fight she wasn’t going to back down.
“Believe me I am very thankful that she protected you but your daughter should still some first. You didn’t see that child’s face after you left, she was…”
“I was fine Grandma. I just wanted to go see Sara too.” Lindsey had heard the argument from her room and decided to stop it before they actually started yelling at each other.
Catherine sent a glare towards her mother before going to her daughter and pulling her into a hug. “I know you want to see her Linds but we talked about this. They won’t let you in the ICU, you would’ve had to sit in the waiting room and then I had to go down to the station afterward to give my statement so you would have had sit around there too. When they move her to a regular room I promise I’ll take you to see Sara. Okay?”
Lindsey nodded and tightened her grip on her mom, not quite ready to let her go. She had always liked Sara even though she only got to see the tall woman a couple of times a year. The brunette had been really nice to her when her dad died and now that she had saved her mom’s life that made the CSI a hero in her eyes.
“Have you eaten yet?” Catherine asked as she leaned back to see Lindsey’s face, but didn’t break their embrace. It was so nice to have her daughter not shy away from her touch, or run from the room when she entered.
“I’m not really hungry, just tired.” She hadn’t slept much after her mom was taken and when she did a nightmare always woke up her. Maybe it was the fact the her mother was all she had, her grandmother and aunt were great but they weren’t her parents, because the dreams had been worse than when her dad died. The old nightmares about being trapped in the car came back but with a new twist, this time when her mom tried to get her out, the water would snatch her away. All Lindsey could do was watch as her mom disappeared under the swirling black water. She had woken up so many times with tears running down her face and calling for her mother that she had finally given up on sleeping all together.
“Do you want to come take a nap with me, like when you were little?” Catherine asked as she ran her fingers through Lindsey’s baby-fine hair. She had always loved cuddling up with her daughter whenever she had the chance and could manage to get the overactive child to slow down enough to sleep.
Linds had to think about that for moment. She was really too old to take naps, especially with her mother. On the other hand she had always felt so safe and secure when her mom had wrapped her in her arms and held her close. She wanted to feel that way again especially after the strangling fear she had felt at the thought she might never see her mom again. “Yeah I do.”
“Ok, why don’t you go throw on some comfortable clothes and I’ll be there in a minute.” Catherine waited until Lindsey was out of earshot before she turned her attention back to her mother. “Look Mom, I’m not in the mood to fight with you right now. You’ve made your opinion of how I’m raising my daughter perfectly clear on more than one occasion but you need to remember that she’s my child. Lindsey is always my priority but right now Sara needs me too. You have no idea what that woman has been through, and I don’t just mean the last few days, I’m talking about her entire life. I only know a few bare facts and I can’t believe that she managed to survive much less come out of it the incredible person she is. So I’m going to the hospital this afternoon and if you don’t want to help me out then I’ll just take Lindsey with me.”
Lily knew from experience that it wasn’t easy to be a single parent but Catherine made it harder on herself and Lindsey by working long, odd hours. There were some days that the girl only got to see her mother for thirty minutes between the time she got home from school and her mom left for work. Then there were the days she got called back in after maybe an hour in bed. It wasn’t healthy, for either of them.
The older woman looked carefully at the dark circles under her daughter’s eyes and the deep lines of worry etched into her face. Catherine hadn’t really told them much about what had happened but she could see that it had affected her greatly. She decided to leave the discussion for another time, when they were both a little more rested. “I’ll stay with Lindsey, there’s no need to go dragging her to hospital.”
Cath narrowed her eyes at the older woman. Her mother didn’t usually give in without a fight or at the very least a parting shot at her. She was dead on her feet though and didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Nodding her head in acceptance the blonde left Lily standing in the living room and walked back to her bedroom.
Lindsey was already on the bed curled up in the middle like a kitten. Catherine smiled at the precious image and went to change as quickly as possible. After setting the alarm to make sure she was up in plenty of time to get to the hospital before visiting hours started, the blonde slid across the mattress to snuggle up behind her daughter. Throwing one arm around the girl’s waist to hold her close Cath thanked whatever power that might be listening for this one perfect moment with her child.
“Mom is Sara really going to be okay?” Lindsey had been on the verge of sleep when she felt the bed dip with her mom’s weight. It was a question that had been gnawing at her for a while. She knew that someone had to be really sick or really hurt to be in intensive care and she was afraid her mother wasn’t telling her everything. Maybe Sara was hurt a lot worse than they were letting on.
Catherine’s eyes flew open at the sudden question. She had assumed the girl was asleep until she spoke. “Yeah Linds, she’ll be fine but she’s going to need our help. I want to ask Sara to come stay with us when she gets out of the hospital. How would you feel about that?” She had been thinking about it all morning and found she couldn’t stand the thought of the lanky brunette going home alone once she was released. Sara was stubbornly independent but would need help and she wanted to be the one to give it to her.
“I think its good idea. That way we won’t have to go all the way over to her place every day and you won’t worry when she’s alone.” Lindsey answered after a moments thought.
God her girl was smart, observant too, Catherine thought to herself as she tightened her grip on her daughter. “Thank you.”
“I love you Mom.” Lindsey said softly. She really regretted the fact that the last couple of years she had rarely said it. Her mom could have died not knowing that she didn’t really hate her. She had felt so abandoned when her dad died. He was gone and her mom had always been too busy with work to spend time with her, it had made her so angry. The constant teasing of the kids at school hadn’t helped either. Sometimes the rage was so hot it felt like it would burn her from the inside out if it wasn’t released. Unfortunately her mother was the one she usually directed it at. The longer it went on the worse it got until she didn’t know how to fix it. Linds knew this was her chance and she had to make the most of it.
“I love you too baby.” Catherine answered just as gently as her heart swelled so quickly it felt like it was about to burst out of her chest. She couldn’t remember the last time Lindsey had said that to her and it felt so good it brought a tear of joy to her eye.
Xxx
Catherine hurried into the ICU ward, her daughter in tow, with barely five minutes to spare. It had been harder to get out of the house than she had thought it would be. Lindsey had wanted to come with her and while she had tried to convince her that she would be bored and wouldn’t get to see Sara, the girl had refused to be left behind. In the end she hadn’t had the heart to say no. “Linds I want you to promise me that you won’t leave this room for any reason.”
“Mom, I’m not a baby. I know not to take candy from strangers or help people find their lost puppies. I’ll be fine.” The exasperation in the girl’s voice was clear. Lindsey was almost thirteen years old and she hated it when her mother treated her like she was still five.
“I know you’re not but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about you, so just promise me please.” Cath wanted to trust her daughter but after the hitchhiking incident last year it was hard, she just needed a little extra reassurance.
Lindsey resisted the urge to roll her eyes, barely. “I promise I’ll sit right here and not move or talk to anyone.”
Catherine planted a kiss on top of the girl’s golden head and turned to go make her way to Sara’s room. That’s when she spotted the last person she wanted to see. She should have expected Grissom to show up but she had hoped that he would’ve taken her words that morning to heart.
It was obvious as he walked past her towards the nurses’ station that he was ignoring her but Catherine wasn’t going to let him. She hurried after the entomologist and caught up just as he stopped at the desk. Grabbing his arm she forced him to face her. “Gil what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m going to see Sara.” Grissom nearly growled at her. He had been thinking ever since he’d left that morning and he was determined not to give up no matter what the blonde said. He had seen exactly what he had to lose and this time he wasn’t going to just sit back and let Sara slip through his fingers.
“Oh no you’re not. You are going to stop being so damn selfish and give her time to recover before you start trying to put a move on her.” Catherine’s voice was low and dangerous. She was just as fiercely determined to protect the brunette as he was to make a complete ass out of himself.
“Actually neither of you are going to see Miss Sidle.” The nurse spoke up before a fistfight started.
“What? You can’t keep me out of there.” Catherine turned to the elderly woman behind the desk, her eyes throwing flaming daggers.
“Oh yes I can and I am. Miss Sidle has asked not to have visitors. So unless you would both like to be escorted out by security I suggest you leave quietly.” Nurse Cooper was sympathetic towards them, she really was. It was hard having a loved one ill or in pain and even harder when they wouldn’t allow their friends and family to help them, but she had to respect the patient’s wishes.
“This is your fault.” Catherine spat at the man beside her. “If you hadn’t been such a self-centered bastard Sara wouldn’t be keeping us out.”
Grissom wanted to yell at the blonde that it couldn’t possibly be because of him, that Sara was just being Sara. She loved him, he knew that she did. Even though she had never said the words he had seen it in her eyes, in her actions, time and time again. After she asked him out to dinner things had become strained between them but lately they had been growing close again. She had shared her painful past with him. That had to mean something.
Turning around in hopes of finding someone to make an appeal to Gil saw Nick and Warrick glaring at him, arms crossed over their chests. Judging by their body language they must have heard the entire conversation and by the looks on their faces, even if he found a doctor that would agree to let him see Sara they would find a way to stop him. There was only one option left open to him, retreat quietly and wait for his chance.
Catherine watched Grissom stalk off, back ramrod straight, and knew that he wouldn’t give up. When the man got an idea in his head he was like a pit bull with a bone, he wouldn’t let it go come hell or high water. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and turned to look into Warrick’s sympathetic eyes but it was Nick that spoke.
“What the hell was he thinking?” The Texan knew his former supervisor had feelings for Sara, a blind man could’ve seen that. He just couldn’t believe that Grissom would do something like that after what the brunette had just been through.
“I think he just realized how much he had to lose. I think we all did.” Warrick didn’t agree with what the older man had done, but he understood it. They had all been forced to do a lot of soul searching during those three desperate days.
“What are you guys doing here? Shouldn’t you be on your way to the lab?” Catherine asked changing the subject. It was hitting a little to close to home. It had taken her five years, a kidnapping and a near death experience to show her what she had refused to see.
“Yeah, we just wanted to stop by to see her first and with the boss not there we figured we could be a few minutes late. I guess we better go tell Greggo he can catch a few more hours of sleep and get out of here.” Nick looked away from his friends towards the waiting room where the newest CSI was talking animatedly with Lindsey.
“No just leave him where he is, I’m going to need his help.” A plan was forming in Catherine’s mind and it would take two people to pull it off.
“Cath what are you up to?” Warrick asked, his brows knitted together in concern. The blonde had a devious look on her face and a dangerous glint in her eyes. He really hoped she wasn’t plotting Grissom’s demise.
“I’m going to see Sara.” Catherine repeated Gil’s words with a wicked smile. She figured the worst thing that could happen was that she would get kicked out of the hospital and since she had already been barred from the brunette’s room that wouldn’t be such a big deal. It was worth the minimal risk if she could get to Sara and change her mind.
“Do you want us to stick around in case you need bail money?” Nick ribbed her gently with a grin on his face.
“No you two get to work. Just because I’m not there doesn’t mean you get to slack off.” Catherine retorted with a smile. She knew her guys would never fall down on the job.
“Yeah picture that. We’ll see you in the morning after shift. Call us if you need anything.” Warrick was happy to see the blonde joking and smiling. After the all she had gone through and her concern for Sara weighing so heavily on her it was good to see that she could enjoy a little lame humor.
“Wait a second, what do you mean after shift? You guys get off long before morning.” The comment struck the blonde as odd. When they worked nights it was normal for them to leave around daybreak but these days they left a lot earlier.
“We’re going to cover for Sofia tonight so she can get some rest. She’s been driving herself into the ground since you and Sara were taken. On top of running interference with Ecklie and day shift to get us information she covered most of the cases coming in by herself so we could concentrate on finding you. She really came through for us.” Warrick knew there was no love lost between the lab’s two blondes but Cath needed to know what the other woman had done for them.
Catherine was more than a little stunned. She and Sofia weren’t exactly on friendly terms and she wouldn’t have thought Curtis had been on the graveyard shift long enough to get close to Sara. “I’ll have to thank her when I get back. Now get out of here before I write you both up for tardiness.”
After accepting hugs from Warrick and Nick and giving her word to call them if she needed anything Catherine caught Greg’s attention and waved him over. It took less than a minute to explain the problem and her solution to him. He readily agreed to help and the plan was set in motion.
Greg sauntered up to the desk and slipped around it as nonchalantly as he could. He ignored the woman sitting there when she called out for him to stop, he was on a mission and failure was not an option. He was halfway down the corridor when the nurse caught up to him. Putting on his best innocent look Greg turned to face the woman. “Yes?”
“Sir you have to check in at the desk before you can visit a patient.” Nurse Cooper said in an icy tone. The rules were there for a reason and it ticked her off when people decided that they didn’t apply to them.
“A patient? No, I’m just looking for the vending machines. My friend’s daughter is a little hungry and I thought I would get her a candy bar or something to hold her over.” Greg gave the woman the most charming smile he had in his repertoire as he chanced a glance up the corridor. He breathed a tiny sigh of relief when her he saw Catherine slipping unnoticed into Sara’s room.
“Young man this is the Intensive Care Unit not a convenience store. There are candy machines one floor up next to the elevators although you’re going to ruin the girl’s appetite this close to dinner time.” Cooper was tempted to grab the man’s ear instead of his arm as she led him back the way they had come. She had a very low tolerance for ignorance.
Catherine waited until she saw the nurse run after Greg before she moved away from the fake plant she had half hidden herself behind. She walked confidently down the hall as if she belonged there and hoped no one would question her. The blonde made it into Sara’s room without a problem but stopped short of the bed. Sara was clearly awake but hadn’t noticed Cath yet, as her eyes were fixed on the monitor that was displaying the steady rhythm of her heart. It was clear to her that the brunette had been crying, though her eyes were dry now, they were red and swollen.
Taking the last few steps forward Cath reached out and brushed a lock of stray hair away from the lanky woman’s face and tucked it behind Sara’s ear before she let her hand come to rest on a pale cheek. “Sara, why are you doing this? Why do you want to shut us out, shut me out?”
“Because I have to.” Sara answered hoarsely, closing her eyes even as she leaned into the contact. She had tried so hard to do the right thing but one touch from Catherine and she was undone. The brunette should have known the tenacious blonde would find a way to get into her room. The woman would argue with a mountain that it was in her way until she convinced it move.
Catherine cringed at the harsh raspy sound of the brunette’s voice. It was a reminder of how much Sara had been through, how she had screamed until she couldn’t scream anymore. “No you don’t. You don’t have to be strong now, you can let me be your strength for a little while.”
“How?” She could barely choke out the word as her throat constricted painfully. Catherine shouldn’t feel like she needed to put her own trauma aside and help her just because Sara had been shot trying to make up for what she had done.
“Just lean on me, let me take the burden for a while. You’re not alone anymore Sara, I’m here.” Catherine was struck hard by the question. The younger woman must have never had anyone she could turn to or depend on. She’d only had herself to rely on for so long that now she didn’t know how to let someone help her.
Sara moved her head away from Catherine’s hand, unable to continue taking comfort at the other woman’s expense. “No. How can you stand to look at me, or even be in the same room with me after what I did to you, after what he did to you because of me? I sexually assaulted you, I’m a monster.”
Cath was taken aback. Did she really believe that? Of course she did. And Sara being Sara, she of course would feel responsible for actions she’d had no control over.
Catherine reached out, grasped the broken woman’s chin and turned her head, forcing Sara to look at her. “Now you listen to me Sara Sidle and you listen good. Thomas didn’t rape me, he never touched me. As for you, you didn’t do a damn thing to me. I looked into your eyes and you weren’t there. He had tortured you for days, done god only knows what to you, and your mind ran away and hid. When I needed you though, you came back and saved my life, not once but twice, even though you had to be in indescribable pain. That man was the monster, not you.”
“You were afraid me. I saw it on your face.” A lot of what had happened during those agonizing days was blurry and disjointed but Sara remembered that very clearly. That look had sent a knife through her soul and shaken her to her core.
Catherine wasn’t sure how she should respond to that. Should she be completely honest and perhaps feed Sara’s self destructive beliefs, or lie? The younger woman would mostly see trough any deception and it would simply reinforce her fears. “I wasn’t afraid of you, not at first, not when you touched me. And let me tell you that I’ve had worse gropes standing in line at the grocery store. It was when he put the knife in your hand that I got scared. The look in you eyes was terrifying. There was so much fear and pain and hatred there, and I thought it was directed at me.”
Sara shook her head. There was no denying that she had touched the other woman in an unwelcome and inappropriate manner and regardless of what the blonde said, nothing could excuse that behavior. Her actions had caused Catherine pain, were still hurting her, so even though she didn’t want to talk about it she had to tell the older woman the truth. “It wasn’t you. The knife was just like the one my mother used to murder my father. Seeing it in my hand brought back everything from that night. The way my mother smiled as she sank it into his chest. The way the blood looked as it flew around the room and covered everything, including me. The way it smelled. The terror I felt, not knowing if she was going to turn on me next. How much I hated her for dragging me out of bed and making me watch her do it. All of it came slamming back and I was reliving it for a minute. I’m sorry I scared you, I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Hot tears scalded their way down Catherine’s face. How could a mother do that to her child? What else had the brunette suffered at the hands of such a woman? And Thomas had said her father was abusive, what had he done to the innocent child he was supposed to protect? “Oh god Sara please don’t, you have nothing to be sorry for. Do you know how proud I am, no, how honored I am just to know you? The things you’ve lived through would have broken most people, twisted them, but not you. You survived everything and came out of it a compassionate, strong, brave, dedicated woman that fights tooth and nail to get justice for the victims regardless of the emotional or physical damage to yourself. I’m the one that should be apologizing to you. I never gave you a fair chance. I took out all my frustrations on you because you were a convenient target. I let my fears and insecurities blind me to what a beautiful person you are. Please forgive me?”
“Only if you forgive me.” Sara’s own tears where coursing down her cheeks at the heartfelt outpouring from the blonde. She desperately wanted absolution even though she knew she deserved it. What she had done would always be a shadow lurking in the back of her mind. Thomas had planted a dark seed inside of her and she would have to keep a close watch on it to make sure its black roots didn’t strangle what was left of her soul. If she thought that was happening she’d eat her gun before she could hurt someone else.
Catherine reached out and wiped the tears off the brunette’s face. “There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for but if that’s what you need then I’ll give it without reservation. I forgive you Sara.”
“Thank you.” It was all Sara could do to force the words out past the lump in her throat as a tiny bit of the crushing weight of her guilt lifted. She’d never be completely free of it but it was a little lighter.
Letting her fingers linger on Sara’s flushed cheek Cath knew that she hadn’t banished the younger woman’s fears, only pushed them back for a little while. It would take more than a few words to get the brunette to believe that she couldn’t, and shouldn’t, be held responsible for what happened. At least now she knew the reason why Sara had refused to see anyone. “So I can tell the guys that we can all see you in the morning? Because I might get away with using Greg to distract Nurse Ratchet one more time but I don’t think he could get her away from the desk long enough to get everyone back here.”
Sara bit her lip in indecision. Catherine said she forgave her, but would the others? She thought about what she had said to her doctor when he questioned her about not wanting visitors. ‘Have you ever done something so reprehensible, so atrocious, that it would turn everyone you know against you? I did.’ “I’m scared to see them. I’m scared that now that they know what happened they’ll hate me. I don’t think I can stand to see the repulsion in their eyes.”
“They don’t know, no one does and no one will. It’s not in my statement so you don’t have to worry.” Catherine tried to ease Sara’s fears. She had made the decision to hold back some details of their ordeal the moment they were rescued. It wouldn’t hurt or help a dead man and could only bring the brunette harm.
“What? Cath you can’t do that! That’s filing a false report, tampering with evidence, obstruction of justice, you could get fired.” Sara was terrified of everyone finding out but she didn’t want Catherine to lose her job, not for her.
“Sara you’re not the one under investigation and Michael Thomas is dead. Some of the things that were said and done in that room are no ones’ business but ours. The only thing that would be accomplished by making it public record would be to have Ecklie and the Sheriff scrutinizing your every move. I’m trying to protect you. Please let me do that?” Catherine was begging the brunette. After their little argument in the halls of the lab and Sidle’s subsequent blow up at the Assistant Director, he was looking for any excuse to get rid of Sara. The job meant too much to the younger woman for her to allow that to happen because of two little touches that Sara had been forced into committing.
Sara wanted to argue. She knew that everything Catherine had said was true but it went against every thing in her to cover up a crime, even if it was to save her own skin. But what about to save someone else, someone she had seriously wronged? The blonde had given her sworn statement, a legally binding document. If she gave a different account now it would get only get the older woman into trouble and she couldn’t do that to her. “Okay, but only because I can’t let you get fired because of me.”
Catherine didn’t stop to think, she just acted. Standing up she leaned over the brunette and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. As she murmured a thank you against the pale skin she heard the younger woman gasp. She realized that while she had quickly gotten use to this small act of connection it was the first time she had done it while Sara was awake. Blushing furiously the blonde stood up and took a step back, afraid she had offended the woman. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No it’s all right. I was just surprised.” Shocked was more like it. Catherine often showed such physical affection towards the guys, a peck on the cheek or a hug when they’d had a bad day, but until this entire nightmare began the blonde had never once extended that sort of mothering towards her. In the space of a few days the older woman had hugged her, held her hand, gently dried her tears and now she had kissed her. Sara liked this side of the other woman being directed at her.
Cath could see the sincerity in Sara’s mahogany eyes but she could also see a bone-deep weariness. The blonde was completely exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the last few days and she knew the brunette had to be feeling it much more acutely with her injuries and subsequent surgery. “I’ve kept you up too long, you need your rest.”
As if the blonde’s words had flipped a switch, Sara’s eyelids began to droop. She couldn’t believe how much she had been sleeping. Sure they had her doped to gills but usually she was lucky to get three hours in a row before a nightmare woke her up. Today she couldn’t seem to stay awake for more than an hour at a time. Of course that meant more dark dreams to haunt her, with no way to escape while she was in the thrall of the pain killing drugs. She was already half asleep when she realized she was speaking. “Can you stay a little longer?”
“I’m not going to move from this spot until they run me out of here for the night and I’ll be back first thing in the morning along with the guys.” Catherine quickly promised at the unexpected question. Perhaps she had gotten through to Sara after all.
“Ok, but not Grissom. I can’t…”
“No sweetheart, not Grissom. I’m not going to let him hurt you again.” Catherine felt a renewed rage at her old friend as sleep overtook the younger woman. That man was going to have to get his act together and soon. The last thing Sara needed was a love sick, emotionally stunted, workaholic throwing himself at her while she tried to put herself back together. Well if she had to handcuff Gil, barricade and nail his door shut, cut his phone lines and steal his car, she was going to keep him away from Sara until the brunette said she was ready to see him.
As Cath got as comfortable as she could in the hard plastic chair she realized that she hadn’t asked Sara to stay with her when she was released. Picking up the brunette’s uninjured hand the blonde figured it could wait until tomorrow. The woman on the bed wasn’t going anywhere, there was time.
TBC