Fic : Demons Part 30 - Conclusion
Thank you to everyone for sticking with me. I know this story might not be everyone's cup of tea and the support I've recieved has been great.
Title: When Demons Come a Calling - Part 30 - Conclusion
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.
Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
Part 30 - conclusion
Sara sighed as Catherine mumbled an excuse and rushed out of the room. They had barely spoken in almost a week and there was no doubt that the blonde was avoiding her. But no matter how many times she asked the older woman what was wrong, she always got the same answer. ‘Nothing’s wrong Sara, why do ask? Oh I just remembered I need to go do laundry’ or dishes or something else that was as far away from the brunette as possible. Catherine wasn’t even sleeping in the bed with her anymore.
The first time Sara had woken up to find the spot next to her empty, long after the older woman should have been home and in bed, was four days ago. She’d quickly found Catherine asleep on the sofa in the living room. The blonde’s explanation that she hadn’t wanted to inadvertently hurt Sara after her first physical therapy session had seemed like a valid enough reason at the time. But the next night when it happened again and the night after that and the night after that, the excuses, that she’d just fallen asleep there or she’d only meant to close her eyes for second or she hadn’t wanted to wake Sara up, just hadn’t rang true.
Sara had wanted to press the issue, find out what was really going on, but she had been too afraid of making it worse. So she had decided that if she left it alone whatever was wrong would work itself out, but things weren’t getting any better. Sara was scared that their friendship, the closeness she’d come to depend on, was about to end if she couldn’t find a way to get Catherine to tell her what it was she had done to upset her.
Stiffening her resolve, Sara decided that one way or another, she was going to get Catherine to talk to her, right now.
Xxx
Catherine leaned heavily against the washing machine and tried to catch her breath. There wasn’t even a dirty sock left in the entire house and the only way she was going to do a load was if she started re-washing the clean clothes. She had really just needed an excuse to get away from Sara.
Since her mothers little intervention, since she’d come to realize the depth of her feelings for Sara, she found it so hard to even be in the same room with the younger woman. She was constantly battling the urge to touch her. And every time she looked in the lanky brunette’s soulful eyes, her resolve not to tell Sara how she felt crumbled a little bit more.
Sara was still emotionally fragile and there was no way to tell how she’d react to the blonde’s revelation. There might be a small chance that the brunette would be open to a relationship with her, but there was also a huge possibility that she wasn’t ready to be involved with anyone, much less the female co-worker she’d had a sometimes combative relationship with until very recently. Catherine could very well lose Sara completely and she’d rather have the younger woman’s friendship than nothing at all.
Besides, hadn’t she practically ripped Grissom’s fat head off his stumpy neck when he’d done the same thing? Of course he’d done it the day after they were rescued while Sara was lying in a near catatonic state in ICU. If there had ever been a more wrong time and place, she didn’t know what it was. But how was she supposed to judge when, or even if, the brunette was ready? She couldn’t, which was exactly why she needed to stay away from Sara even though it was slowly killing her.
Every lie she told tasted like ashes in her mouth. Every hurt look on the brunette’s face sent another rusty knife through her heart. Every night spent on the couch instead of next to Sara made her body ache for the younger woman’s warmth. Every moment she didn’t speak to the lanky CSI, share her day and hear about Sara’s, tore another chunk out of her soul. She really didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up.
Xxx
Sara found the blonde in the laundry room, her head resting against the empty washing machine. She silently regarded the older woman for a moment before shutting the door, effectively cutting off Catherine’s escape route. “Will you please tell me what I did wrong?”
Catherine jumped at the sudden intrusion into her thoughts. She took a deep breath to try to calm her suddenly racing heart before turning to face the other woman. “Don’t be silly Sara, you haven’t done anything wrong. You know I just remembered that I need to wash bed linens. I should get those started so that they’re done before I have to leave for work.”
As the blonde took a step toward her, Sara steeled her nerves and held her ground. “You just washed them two days ago. Please Cat, I can’t take this anymore. Lindsey is the only person in this house still speaking to me and I don’t know why. You’re sleeping on the couch, you won’t talk to me, hell you won’t even stay in the same room as me for more then thirty seconds. Your mother glares at me all the time and the only way riding with her to my PT sessions could get any more uncomfortable would be if Ecklie decided to tag along.
If I really didn’t do anything to upset you then the only conclusion I can come to is you’re tired of having me around and you just don’t want to hurt my feelings by saying so. I understand you know. I actually expected it, because sooner or later everyone wants to get away from me, but I’d rather you tell me that than to just avoid me. I don’t want to lose your friendship and if that means going back to my apartment and fending for myself then that’s what I’ll do.”
Catherine hung her head as each of the brunette’s words drove a red hot spike into her chest. She’d spent so much time and energy trying to keep Sara from seeing how she felt about her, that she’d failed to see how much she was hurting her. “Have you ever wondered why you are the only person on this planet that I allow to get away with calling me Cat? I never really thought about it before but even when we were fighting, I never wanted to rip your lips off for using that damn nickname. Anyone else would be just a greasy spot on the floor, but for some reason I’ve always liked the way you say it.”
The blonde looked into Sara’s eyes and wasn’t really all that surprised to see tears falling from their mournful depths. There was no turning back now. She had to tell her the truth. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you here but I had some things I needed to work out and please believe me when I say that it would have been impossible if I hadn’t put a little distance between us. But the last thing I want is for you to leave.
You really haven’t done a single thing wrong sweetheart. In fact you keep doing everything right and it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I love the way you look after my kid. You let Lindsey sprawl all over you even though I know it still causes you a little bit of pain, no matter how hard you try to hide it, just to make her feel safe. You comfort her when she has a nightmare. You help her with her homework. You’re actually interested in hearing about how her day went and which one of her friends thinks what boy is cute today.
It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you worry about me even though you’re the one that went through ten kinds of hell and damn near died. Don’t think I don’t know you’ve threatened everyone at PD and half the lab if they don’t watch out for me when I’m in the field. It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you how much it means to me that you trust me enough to help you.
It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you get so completely focused on something that you block out the rest of the world. That I love the way you push that bit of stubborn hair behind your ear a hundred times a day, only to have it fall right back down two seconds later. I love the way you chew on your lip when you’re concentrating and the way you sing and hum when you’re in a good mood and forget anyone else is around. I love how you get this little crease between your eyes when you’re confused. I love how deep and expressive your eyes are. I love your smile, god I love your smile when it’s real and big enough to show that adorable gap in your teeth. I love the way your hands are so strong and steady while at the same time they’re soft and gentle. I love how dedicated you are to the victims, how you fight tooth and nail for them, consequences be damned. I love how justice means more to you than politics.”
Catherine took a deep breath. “I love…” She could still back out, she hadn’t said the words yet. She could chalk it all up to hormones or something, but she really didn’t want to. Now that she’d started, she didn’t want to stop. She wanted, needed, to tell Sara the truth. “I love you. And it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I’m falling for you and that I never meant to hurt you or make you think I wanted you to leave because I really really want you to stay and not just today but I think maybe for a very long time.”
With every word Sara felt her knees get a little a weaker until they finally gave out at the end of Catherine’s speech. As she slid to the floor she couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from her mouth. She knew it was so completely the wrong response, but she couldn’t help it, she actually felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. And that thought made her laugh all that much harder as she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this way, or if she ever really had. Did that mean she had never really been in love before? Searching her memory the only answer she could find was no. Not one person one person had ever made her feel as happy and frustrated, safe and out of control, drunk and sober, cherished and worthy of love, all at the same time.
Staring down at the brunette, it felt like someone had ripped out her heart, leaving nothing but a bloody and tattered hole in its place. Catherine had known that there was a huge chance that the younger woman wouldn’t return her feelings, but she had never expected Sara to laugh at her. Hell the brunette had been more understanding with Grissom. She could have handled a gentle let down, or even stunned silence followed by a sputtered ‘I'm flattered but I don’t feel that way about you’, but she couldn’t bear to be mocked. Not by Sara, not after having laid her heart completely bare for the younger woman to see.
Sara felt the door hitting her in the back but it took a few seconds for her euphoria to clear enough to figure out that the blonde was desperately trying to get out of the room. Even though it sent a bolt of pain through her shoulder she reached up and pulled Catherine down into her lap. She wrapped her arms around the older woman and buried her face in the cascade of golden hair. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry Cat.”
Catherine didn’t even try to mask the roughness of her voice or wipe away the tears that had begun to blind her. “Screw you! How could you be that cruel? How could you just laugh at me like that? I thought that you at least cared enough about me to…”
Sara tightened her grip as the blonde began to struggle to get up. “I didn’t mean to, and I wasn’t laughing at you I swear. I was just so surprised and happy and confused and… and happy, it just came out and I couldn’t stop it.”
“Happy?” Catherine halted her escape attempt and turned her head to look at the brunette.
“Yeah, happy. You remember I told you I used to have a little crush on you and that I got over it? Well what I’ve been feeling lately isn’t anything at all like that. It’s so much deeper and stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. But I didn’t think there was even a remote chance that you’d ever return those feelings so I ignored them, or at least I tried to. Then when you told me you loved me it all just kind of hit me at once. And I guess laughing was the only way I had of expressing that, but I swear I wasn’t laughing at you. What I’m trying to say, and making a total mess of, is that I love you too. And I mmph…
Catherine silenced Sara’s rambling the only way she way she really wanted to. She kissed her. For a second the brunette didn’t respond but when she did it was everything the blonde had dreamed it would be. Or it was until Sara jerked away from her.
“You ah, didn’t let me finish.” Sara softly told Catherine. She didn’t think she had ever enjoyed kissing someone as much as she had the blonde, but she couldn’t let it continue, not with what she needed to tell her. “I started to say that I would love to pursue a relationship with you…”
“It works out great then because that’s what I want too.” Catherine leaned in to capture the younger woman’s mouth again but was stopped by two of Sara’s fingers across her lips.
“But I don’t know if it’s such a good idea.” Sara picked up where she left off, determined to make the blonde listen. “I’m pretty screwed up Cat. I was screwed up before Michael Thomas came back into my life. I’ve never been good at the relationship thing. My past has always hung over my head no matter how much I’ve tried to fight it. I’m moody and withdrawn and argumentative. I obsess over cases, I work too much, I shut people out, I have more defense mechanisms than the Army and the Marines combined and I could give China a run for its money in the wall department. I just think you deserve someone better than me.”
Catherine gently pulled the lanky woman’s hand away from her mouth and placed a soft kiss on Sara’s palm. “Sweetie after working with you for five years, most of that is not news to me. But that’s not all you are, or were you not listening a couple of minutes ago when I was extolling your many virtues? And you’re not the only one with a past and issues. I have my own problems and hang-ups, but I think we can work on all of it together. Because I can’t think of one person that even holds a candle to you and if anything, I don’t deserve you. I would love a chance at something more than friendship with you but if you don’t think you’re ready then I won’t push you. I’ll take you in my life anyway you want to be there, just as long as you’re there.”
When Sara could finally swallow the lump in her throat, she reached up and cupped the blonde’s cheek. “What about Lindsey? This would affect her too. What if she doesn’t want us to see each other? I don’t want to do anything that might upset her.”
“See? There you go again being so damn perfect you put every single person I’ve ever been involved with to shame. No one has ever given her more then a passing thought except when I had to cancel or cut dates short for her. And I’m fairly certain that she will be ecstatic. That girl doesn’t just think that you hung the moon; she thinks you carved it out of a mountain and then carried it on your back into orbit. You’re her hero. And before you ask about my mother, don’t. She’ll learn to live with it.” Catherine slid off the warm lanky body and settled next to Sara. “We can go as slow or as fast as you want, hell we can crawl in slow motion if that’s what you need.”
Sara reached over and entwined her fingers with Catherine’s. She was scared to death but this was everything she’d always wanted but had never had, a chance at happiness, a real family that wanted her, love. Maybe it was time to stop living in her parent’s shadow and in the hole Michael Thomas had tried to bury her in. Besides, who knew if she’d ever get another shot, especially with someone like Catherine Willows? “I don’t think it will be necessary to go quite that slow. But I don’t know when I’ll be ready to… um… well you know. But I can definitely handle holding hands, and kissing, kissing is good. Really good.”
“What’s your stance on cuddling?” Catherine grinned at the fierce blush spreading up from Sara’s neck to engulf her entire head. The brunette’s ears were so red they looked like they were about to burst into flames.
“Oh I think cuddling will have to be mandatory. But do you think we could do that somewhere a little more comfortable? This floor with cold and I think my butt is falling asleep.” Sara grinned shyly at the older woman.
Catherine stood and pulled Sara up and into her arms. “Wherever and whenever you want.”
FIN
Title: When Demons Come a Calling - Part 30 - Conclusion
Author: Kimmi
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I only wished I owned Sara and Catherine. Unfortunately CBS does, I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.
Spoilers: Up to Nesting Dolls, after that it takes a sharp left turn.
Authors Notes: This is dark, full of angst and deals with themes of rape and torture, although I don’t think I got too graphic. I also do not have a beta so there will be errors.
Chapters | 1 | 2-3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7-8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
Part 30 - conclusion
Sara sighed as Catherine mumbled an excuse and rushed out of the room. They had barely spoken in almost a week and there was no doubt that the blonde was avoiding her. But no matter how many times she asked the older woman what was wrong, she always got the same answer. ‘Nothing’s wrong Sara, why do ask? Oh I just remembered I need to go do laundry’ or dishes or something else that was as far away from the brunette as possible. Catherine wasn’t even sleeping in the bed with her anymore.
The first time Sara had woken up to find the spot next to her empty, long after the older woman should have been home and in bed, was four days ago. She’d quickly found Catherine asleep on the sofa in the living room. The blonde’s explanation that she hadn’t wanted to inadvertently hurt Sara after her first physical therapy session had seemed like a valid enough reason at the time. But the next night when it happened again and the night after that and the night after that, the excuses, that she’d just fallen asleep there or she’d only meant to close her eyes for second or she hadn’t wanted to wake Sara up, just hadn’t rang true.
Sara had wanted to press the issue, find out what was really going on, but she had been too afraid of making it worse. So she had decided that if she left it alone whatever was wrong would work itself out, but things weren’t getting any better. Sara was scared that their friendship, the closeness she’d come to depend on, was about to end if she couldn’t find a way to get Catherine to tell her what it was she had done to upset her.
Stiffening her resolve, Sara decided that one way or another, she was going to get Catherine to talk to her, right now.
Xxx
Catherine leaned heavily against the washing machine and tried to catch her breath. There wasn’t even a dirty sock left in the entire house and the only way she was going to do a load was if she started re-washing the clean clothes. She had really just needed an excuse to get away from Sara.
Since her mothers little intervention, since she’d come to realize the depth of her feelings for Sara, she found it so hard to even be in the same room with the younger woman. She was constantly battling the urge to touch her. And every time she looked in the lanky brunette’s soulful eyes, her resolve not to tell Sara how she felt crumbled a little bit more.
Sara was still emotionally fragile and there was no way to tell how she’d react to the blonde’s revelation. There might be a small chance that the brunette would be open to a relationship with her, but there was also a huge possibility that she wasn’t ready to be involved with anyone, much less the female co-worker she’d had a sometimes combative relationship with until very recently. Catherine could very well lose Sara completely and she’d rather have the younger woman’s friendship than nothing at all.
Besides, hadn’t she practically ripped Grissom’s fat head off his stumpy neck when he’d done the same thing? Of course he’d done it the day after they were rescued while Sara was lying in a near catatonic state in ICU. If there had ever been a more wrong time and place, she didn’t know what it was. But how was she supposed to judge when, or even if, the brunette was ready? She couldn’t, which was exactly why she needed to stay away from Sara even though it was slowly killing her.
Every lie she told tasted like ashes in her mouth. Every hurt look on the brunette’s face sent another rusty knife through her heart. Every night spent on the couch instead of next to Sara made her body ache for the younger woman’s warmth. Every moment she didn’t speak to the lanky CSI, share her day and hear about Sara’s, tore another chunk out of her soul. She really didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up.
Xxx
Sara found the blonde in the laundry room, her head resting against the empty washing machine. She silently regarded the older woman for a moment before shutting the door, effectively cutting off Catherine’s escape route. “Will you please tell me what I did wrong?”
Catherine jumped at the sudden intrusion into her thoughts. She took a deep breath to try to calm her suddenly racing heart before turning to face the other woman. “Don’t be silly Sara, you haven’t done anything wrong. You know I just remembered that I need to wash bed linens. I should get those started so that they’re done before I have to leave for work.”
As the blonde took a step toward her, Sara steeled her nerves and held her ground. “You just washed them two days ago. Please Cat, I can’t take this anymore. Lindsey is the only person in this house still speaking to me and I don’t know why. You’re sleeping on the couch, you won’t talk to me, hell you won’t even stay in the same room as me for more then thirty seconds. Your mother glares at me all the time and the only way riding with her to my PT sessions could get any more uncomfortable would be if Ecklie decided to tag along.
If I really didn’t do anything to upset you then the only conclusion I can come to is you’re tired of having me around and you just don’t want to hurt my feelings by saying so. I understand you know. I actually expected it, because sooner or later everyone wants to get away from me, but I’d rather you tell me that than to just avoid me. I don’t want to lose your friendship and if that means going back to my apartment and fending for myself then that’s what I’ll do.”
Catherine hung her head as each of the brunette’s words drove a red hot spike into her chest. She’d spent so much time and energy trying to keep Sara from seeing how she felt about her, that she’d failed to see how much she was hurting her. “Have you ever wondered why you are the only person on this planet that I allow to get away with calling me Cat? I never really thought about it before but even when we were fighting, I never wanted to rip your lips off for using that damn nickname. Anyone else would be just a greasy spot on the floor, but for some reason I’ve always liked the way you say it.”
The blonde looked into Sara’s eyes and wasn’t really all that surprised to see tears falling from their mournful depths. There was no turning back now. She had to tell her the truth. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you here but I had some things I needed to work out and please believe me when I say that it would have been impossible if I hadn’t put a little distance between us. But the last thing I want is for you to leave.
You really haven’t done a single thing wrong sweetheart. In fact you keep doing everything right and it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I love the way you look after my kid. You let Lindsey sprawl all over you even though I know it still causes you a little bit of pain, no matter how hard you try to hide it, just to make her feel safe. You comfort her when she has a nightmare. You help her with her homework. You’re actually interested in hearing about how her day went and which one of her friends thinks what boy is cute today.
It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you worry about me even though you’re the one that went through ten kinds of hell and damn near died. Don’t think I don’t know you’ve threatened everyone at PD and half the lab if they don’t watch out for me when I’m in the field. It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you how much it means to me that you trust me enough to help you.
It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you get so completely focused on something that you block out the rest of the world. That I love the way you push that bit of stubborn hair behind your ear a hundred times a day, only to have it fall right back down two seconds later. I love the way you chew on your lip when you’re concentrating and the way you sing and hum when you’re in a good mood and forget anyone else is around. I love how you get this little crease between your eyes when you’re confused. I love how deep and expressive your eyes are. I love your smile, god I love your smile when it’s real and big enough to show that adorable gap in your teeth. I love the way your hands are so strong and steady while at the same time they’re soft and gentle. I love how dedicated you are to the victims, how you fight tooth and nail for them, consequences be damned. I love how justice means more to you than politics.”
Catherine took a deep breath. “I love…” She could still back out, she hadn’t said the words yet. She could chalk it all up to hormones or something, but she really didn’t want to. Now that she’d started, she didn’t want to stop. She wanted, needed, to tell Sara the truth. “I love you. And it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I’m falling for you and that I never meant to hurt you or make you think I wanted you to leave because I really really want you to stay and not just today but I think maybe for a very long time.”
With every word Sara felt her knees get a little a weaker until they finally gave out at the end of Catherine’s speech. As she slid to the floor she couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from her mouth. She knew it was so completely the wrong response, but she couldn’t help it, she actually felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. And that thought made her laugh all that much harder as she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this way, or if she ever really had. Did that mean she had never really been in love before? Searching her memory the only answer she could find was no. Not one person one person had ever made her feel as happy and frustrated, safe and out of control, drunk and sober, cherished and worthy of love, all at the same time.
Staring down at the brunette, it felt like someone had ripped out her heart, leaving nothing but a bloody and tattered hole in its place. Catherine had known that there was a huge chance that the younger woman wouldn’t return her feelings, but she had never expected Sara to laugh at her. Hell the brunette had been more understanding with Grissom. She could have handled a gentle let down, or even stunned silence followed by a sputtered ‘I'm flattered but I don’t feel that way about you’, but she couldn’t bear to be mocked. Not by Sara, not after having laid her heart completely bare for the younger woman to see.
Sara felt the door hitting her in the back but it took a few seconds for her euphoria to clear enough to figure out that the blonde was desperately trying to get out of the room. Even though it sent a bolt of pain through her shoulder she reached up and pulled Catherine down into her lap. She wrapped her arms around the older woman and buried her face in the cascade of golden hair. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry Cat.”
Catherine didn’t even try to mask the roughness of her voice or wipe away the tears that had begun to blind her. “Screw you! How could you be that cruel? How could you just laugh at me like that? I thought that you at least cared enough about me to…”
Sara tightened her grip as the blonde began to struggle to get up. “I didn’t mean to, and I wasn’t laughing at you I swear. I was just so surprised and happy and confused and… and happy, it just came out and I couldn’t stop it.”
“Happy?” Catherine halted her escape attempt and turned her head to look at the brunette.
“Yeah, happy. You remember I told you I used to have a little crush on you and that I got over it? Well what I’ve been feeling lately isn’t anything at all like that. It’s so much deeper and stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. But I didn’t think there was even a remote chance that you’d ever return those feelings so I ignored them, or at least I tried to. Then when you told me you loved me it all just kind of hit me at once. And I guess laughing was the only way I had of expressing that, but I swear I wasn’t laughing at you. What I’m trying to say, and making a total mess of, is that I love you too. And I mmph…
Catherine silenced Sara’s rambling the only way she way she really wanted to. She kissed her. For a second the brunette didn’t respond but when she did it was everything the blonde had dreamed it would be. Or it was until Sara jerked away from her.
“You ah, didn’t let me finish.” Sara softly told Catherine. She didn’t think she had ever enjoyed kissing someone as much as she had the blonde, but she couldn’t let it continue, not with what she needed to tell her. “I started to say that I would love to pursue a relationship with you…”
“It works out great then because that’s what I want too.” Catherine leaned in to capture the younger woman’s mouth again but was stopped by two of Sara’s fingers across her lips.
“But I don’t know if it’s such a good idea.” Sara picked up where she left off, determined to make the blonde listen. “I’m pretty screwed up Cat. I was screwed up before Michael Thomas came back into my life. I’ve never been good at the relationship thing. My past has always hung over my head no matter how much I’ve tried to fight it. I’m moody and withdrawn and argumentative. I obsess over cases, I work too much, I shut people out, I have more defense mechanisms than the Army and the Marines combined and I could give China a run for its money in the wall department. I just think you deserve someone better than me.”
Catherine gently pulled the lanky woman’s hand away from her mouth and placed a soft kiss on Sara’s palm. “Sweetie after working with you for five years, most of that is not news to me. But that’s not all you are, or were you not listening a couple of minutes ago when I was extolling your many virtues? And you’re not the only one with a past and issues. I have my own problems and hang-ups, but I think we can work on all of it together. Because I can’t think of one person that even holds a candle to you and if anything, I don’t deserve you. I would love a chance at something more than friendship with you but if you don’t think you’re ready then I won’t push you. I’ll take you in my life anyway you want to be there, just as long as you’re there.”
When Sara could finally swallow the lump in her throat, she reached up and cupped the blonde’s cheek. “What about Lindsey? This would affect her too. What if she doesn’t want us to see each other? I don’t want to do anything that might upset her.”
“See? There you go again being so damn perfect you put every single person I’ve ever been involved with to shame. No one has ever given her more then a passing thought except when I had to cancel or cut dates short for her. And I’m fairly certain that she will be ecstatic. That girl doesn’t just think that you hung the moon; she thinks you carved it out of a mountain and then carried it on your back into orbit. You’re her hero. And before you ask about my mother, don’t. She’ll learn to live with it.” Catherine slid off the warm lanky body and settled next to Sara. “We can go as slow or as fast as you want, hell we can crawl in slow motion if that’s what you need.”
Sara reached over and entwined her fingers with Catherine’s. She was scared to death but this was everything she’d always wanted but had never had, a chance at happiness, a real family that wanted her, love. Maybe it was time to stop living in her parent’s shadow and in the hole Michael Thomas had tried to bury her in. Besides, who knew if she’d ever get another shot, especially with someone like Catherine Willows? “I don’t think it will be necessary to go quite that slow. But I don’t know when I’ll be ready to… um… well you know. But I can definitely handle holding hands, and kissing, kissing is good. Really good.”
“What’s your stance on cuddling?” Catherine grinned at the fierce blush spreading up from Sara’s neck to engulf her entire head. The brunette’s ears were so red they looked like they were about to burst into flames.
“Oh I think cuddling will have to be mandatory. But do you think we could do that somewhere a little more comfortable? This floor with cold and I think my butt is falling asleep.” Sara grinned shyly at the older woman.
Catherine stood and pulled Sara up and into her arms. “Wherever and whenever you want.”
FIN