Any decent books or movies, throw it at me ( Read more... )

My housemate took a pee on my bed. No, really. Because it's funny apparently. But don't get mad, get even, right?  So, I maybe possibly woke him up holding a pillow above his face. What? It's not like I was actually trying to suffocate him. Yeah, AND I got punched in the clit! Like, what kind of lucky shot is that? He was still half asleep ( Read more... )

Oh Mad Dog, you are the downfall of bums everywhere. Paper bag style. I wanted to channel my inner homeless person. Though, I think the bottle of Wild Irish Rose did the trick ( Read more... )

My car committed suicide in the middle of the fucking road. It made some crazy noise, and I was all, "Oh noes! She put a bomb in my car. Goddammit...". It's OK though, I made my housemate collect me and check for bombs/normal car fuck ups (while I slept in the backseat). Some belt thingy snapped. Yay, nobody was trying to kill me ( Read more... )

All night was spent choking down tons of weird music, not sleeping. Thanks go to my friend for that. Wretched bitch just crashed out on me. Sleep is not an option at this point. Lolling around drinking countless cups of coffee until someone wakes up enough to entertain me, while avoiding my phone like it's the giant syphilitic elephant in the room ( Read more... )

Nihilism always peps me right the fuck up. Um, apparently it doesn't hold this quality for most? I wanna know what the flip you pack of wolf monkeys think about anything and everything.

So?

Dear Skins,

Thanks for facilitating confrontations about Pop-tarts.

"Name brand!"

"Store brand! Name brand doesn't have much gooey filling and it's overpriced like a whore, stupid."

See, I tried to turn this into a legitimate debate based on facts there, but then I realized my comment sounded about 15 flavors of wrong. Don't worry. Five seconds after ( Read more... )

Whee! The weekend was lovely. My friend almost got bonked by a horse, or would it be sodomized? I don't know. Whatever, it was funny stuff.

Her plan to make horses not quite as scary has been royally shot to shit. Now when she tries to argue with me I'll only have to say 'tempera-fucking-mental'.

We're now banned from the horse stall thingy place.  ( Read more... )

Dude, nooo! Right. Had to get that out. California is postponed... this is the part where you yell no with me. My friend's family has gone all fruit loop bat-shit so he's flying to Denver to play Mr. Fix-it. Um, he is not good at that role, like, not good at all. That's the surprise in hand number one ( Read more... )

Two more knocks to the noggin and I should have a case of boxer's brain. We'll get there if I keep fighting for my friends. I get punched in the mouth and I'm the one taking care of somebody else.
Still, it was hilarious.

Silly drunks. "Stop trying to drown me in the sink!" Dude, no. You decided to make it rain Smirnoff, and nobody is crashing on ( Read more... )