I'm just sittin, waitin for shawn to call so that i can either take a shower and wait, or take a shower and go get my pills. i get so upset with him lately. it feels like he's never there. i just wonder what i'm doing wrong. smothering him? even though we're only together for a couple of hours a day? and during that time i'm just sitting there, ( Read more... )

i'm lonely. i'm sad. i miss him. i want him. things are never what they seem.

after being without for a month. and before that, two months. i'm done with sex. i can't stand wanting it. i'm going back on effexor.

i hate my body. i wish he would just talk to me.

marc called the other day. we talked for a long time. we see eye to eye on a lot of issues. and it makes me wonder why we fought so goddamn hard. i know the last fight was mainly b/c after all the shit she gave hosephina about fucking marc, dana turned around and did the same thing. they ended up going out, but i didn't really talk to either one of ( Read more... )

it's always mine. i put the blame on me so i'm not mad at him. cuz it's always dumb. i know i'll get over it in an hour or so, so why argue at that moment? like last night ... i always wait to eat with him. my dad invited me to eat out with him and the girls. H E I N V I T E D M E. that's a big deal to me. and when shawn got here, he was eating and ( Read more... )

it's late, i'm bored. i'm going through my icons and mostly staring at them. carmens birthday didn't seem that exciting. i hope she wasn't disappointed. her and my dad are the same. oh, i don't want anything. it's okay, i'm not doing anything. but what they really mean is, you should know what i could use as a gift by now. they're like women ( Read more... )

life is lame right now. i miss my boy. i miss marc. people are getting in touch with me like madness right now. and i feel like i've got too much to deal with. but, honestly, i don't think i'm dealing with much. just feeling ashamed. my arms are gross. Veronica knows what i'm talking about. i don't think it's okay to work and not wear long sleeves ( Read more... )

yea, my boyfriend is hilarious ( Read more... )

1. it's interesting. the coincidents that occur in life. when my mom died, we were going over the "stages of death". and it's just weird that i decided to finish watching crossing jordon today, instead of listening to mike rowes voice. hehe. i dunno, it's just funny that it was an episode about death and the stages people go through because of it. ( Read more... )

things are okay. i've decided that i hate my job. but it's been decent lately, heh, no ones really been in. at least not upstairs. so, right now i'm just being dramatic. i don't like it, but i'm not sure what i would like at this point. i don't really have any passion for anything. it all died ... well, you know. and on top of that, i have ( Read more... )

I am fucking miserable. i have been sick for fucking weeks. i swear, ever since the pnuemonia [sp] i haven't been able to get over colds or flus the same. in fact, that's what this feels like. except, i'm still eating and i haven't gotten a heat rash. i want my head to implode. other than that, things are okay. yesterday was the 6 month mark for ( Read more... )