i wanna see ...
things are okay. i've decided that i hate my job. but it's been decent lately, heh, no ones really been in. at least not upstairs. so, right now i'm just being dramatic. i don't like it, but i'm not sure what i would like at this point. i don't really have any passion for anything. it all died ... well, you know. and on top of that, i have absolutely NO ambition. i asked shawn what he was gonna do, tonight. after a couple of jokes, i asked if he was gonna work at the pet shop if we do get married. he wants to invent something and get rich. i have a feeling that i'm gonna be working part or full time jobs. like the kinds you should get in high school. he needed explaining. it's very sad. very. the job thing. i don't wanna be old and still applying at fast food places.
on the home front, carmen and i are on speaking terms. i know, i know ... shes the devil ... but i still do gotta live here. which i haven't really been doing. i came home b/c i've practically been living at shawns house. if it were his moms, i wouldn't mind. but i'm only supposed to be over a couple of nights a week. i've just never been ... so ... 'i need to touch you constantly!' his cat is the same way. hehe. which is funny if you think about it. hah hah. just ... i just miss him all the time. and i love him so much it's fucking disgusting. last night, i asked him if i looked disgusting to him. he said no and eventually said he wants me to be able to see what he does. i told him, i wish i could see it too. tell me. tell me what you see, cuz i wanna see. he said he sees me being lonely. i didn't ask him about that, but believe me it'll be a horrible issue when i do. he just didn't understand the question. it had been a minute of silence before i asked him. his answer just bugs me. it's shit like that i don't like. when he's not a jackass, he makes me feel glad that i'm me. hehehe. he's willing to wait for me to work out my issues. i'm willing to do the same for him. but he was stupid tonight. lol. i gave him $50 to put money on my phone. i only ever get $25 or $15. he put all 50 on it!!! but he was working and i was late. weak. oh well, it happens.
anyway, i love him. tons. gush, gush, gush. i miss marc so bad. all i do is sit around and hang out with shawn, no offense. but i wanna go to the fucking mall or something. i haven't been ... hehehehehe ... shopping hehehe, in so long. i don't think he'd shop or anything. but if we were high, he would. heh. i dunno ...
OH and why the fuck does everyone think i'm so goddamn funny?! nicole thought so once we started talking. and allyssa. then roxy. and now, griselda. i'm just average me. when did i get funny? they're supposed to be laughing A T M E, not with me or b/c of something i said. it's weird.
well, shawn paid me back ... so maybe i will get my nails done. god ... and i've been really wanting to go to the grad. like crazy. he paid me back right away. i almost felt weird taking it. i just don't want us to be like those people on judge joe brown, lol, fighting over money b/c someone thought it was a gift when it was a loan. i told him, i don't wanna be like that. just tell me, hey ... i'm thinking you gave this to me. and i'll either be like, yea ... duh. or fuck you, lol, gimme it back. but it felt good helping him out. being able to. and having $150 to just be like, here.
anyway, i'm gonna finish watching M I K E R O W E, my fucking hero. Good Night kids. [<- apparently, saying 'kid' is funny. go be funny.] ♥
on the home front, carmen and i are on speaking terms. i know, i know ... shes the devil ... but i still do gotta live here. which i haven't really been doing. i came home b/c i've practically been living at shawns house. if it were his moms, i wouldn't mind. but i'm only supposed to be over a couple of nights a week. i've just never been ... so ... 'i need to touch you constantly!' his cat is the same way. hehe. which is funny if you think about it. hah hah. just ... i just miss him all the time. and i love him so much it's fucking disgusting. last night, i asked him if i looked disgusting to him. he said no and eventually said he wants me to be able to see what he does. i told him, i wish i could see it too. tell me. tell me what you see, cuz i wanna see. he said he sees me being lonely. i didn't ask him about that, but believe me it'll be a horrible issue when i do. he just didn't understand the question. it had been a minute of silence before i asked him. his answer just bugs me. it's shit like that i don't like. when he's not a jackass, he makes me feel glad that i'm me. hehehe. he's willing to wait for me to work out my issues. i'm willing to do the same for him. but he was stupid tonight. lol. i gave him $50 to put money on my phone. i only ever get $25 or $15. he put all 50 on it!!! but he was working and i was late. weak. oh well, it happens.
anyway, i love him. tons. gush, gush, gush. i miss marc so bad. all i do is sit around and hang out with shawn, no offense. but i wanna go to the fucking mall or something. i haven't been ... hehehehehe ... shopping hehehe, in so long. i don't think he'd shop or anything. but if we were high, he would. heh. i dunno ...
OH and why the fuck does everyone think i'm so goddamn funny?! nicole thought so once we started talking. and allyssa. then roxy. and now, griselda. i'm just average me. when did i get funny? they're supposed to be laughing A T M E, not with me or b/c of something i said. it's weird.
well, shawn paid me back ... so maybe i will get my nails done. god ... and i've been really wanting to go to the grad. like crazy. he paid me back right away. i almost felt weird taking it. i just don't want us to be like those people on judge joe brown, lol, fighting over money b/c someone thought it was a gift when it was a loan. i told him, i don't wanna be like that. just tell me, hey ... i'm thinking you gave this to me. and i'll either be like, yea ... duh. or fuck you, lol, gimme it back. but it felt good helping him out. being able to. and having $150 to just be like, here.
anyway, i'm gonna finish watching M I K E R O W E, my fucking hero. Good Night kids. [<- apparently, saying 'kid' is funny. go be funny.] ♥