(no subject)
it's late, i'm bored. i'm going through my icons and mostly staring at them. carmens birthday didn't seem that exciting. i hope she wasn't disappointed. her and my dad are the same. oh, i don't want anything. it's okay, i'm not doing anything. but what they really mean is, you should know what i could use as a gift by now. they're like women.
i'm watching blue planet. oh whale sharks. and corals. oh shawn <3. had a nice talk with thomas. almost like back in the day when he wanted chris. lol. i couldn't imagine it now. and that fucker lost/stole my My Chemical Romance sweater. i fucking loved that sweater. i already told his mom that if he gave it to one of his ho's i'd fucking kill him. what can she say? he's an asshole and doesn't deserve her defending him at all. i think back and wonder what the fuck i was doing with him and after it all, how could i have loved him? i just thought, if things go badly -as they tend to for me [knock on wood]- will i think the same thing of shawn? but he seems to genuinely love me. he's apathetic, but at times he seems to care as much as i do. of course he loves me. he does so much for me without complaint. i love it when we make love. i miss it right now, but hopefully i'll get over what ever the fuck is wrong with me currently. i want us to live together without other people and their complaints or worries. believe me, they're valid concerns ... but it makes me feel like part of the problem. yea yea yea ... i know i shouldn't ... blah.
even though i feel as things are going well now that i'm not with him every moment we're not working, it makes me miss him. S O. M U C H. M O R E.
it's bad. i need to get groceries for this house. it has become my belief that mexicans do not drink milk. i know i don't, but i'm "not a real mexican." oh bah, every one tells me that. i'm white washed so fuck you. lol. i cried before work today. i need to get over it and suck it up. it took forever to find this job. and i'm not up to going and looking and making myself happy and dressing up. i've barely left the house for ... well since i stopped spending the night with shawn. which to me feels like nearly a week. apparently ... it's not?
i'm gonna go watch this. there's a lot of fish that i almost know their names. lol. this is what happens when you date someone who mainly takes care of fish. if we moved to florida, he could make bank cleaning tanks. thank god he doesn't like it. hurricanes? heat? and hours apart while he's cleaning them? ew. no thank you. i barely get to see him as it is. oh ... dammit ... he has that fish! i can't remember the name. my memory sucks. hard.
i'm watching blue planet. oh whale sharks. and corals. oh shawn <3. had a nice talk with thomas. almost like back in the day when he wanted chris. lol. i couldn't imagine it now. and that fucker lost/stole my My Chemical Romance sweater. i fucking loved that sweater. i already told his mom that if he gave it to one of his ho's i'd fucking kill him. what can she say? he's an asshole and doesn't deserve her defending him at all. i think back and wonder what the fuck i was doing with him and after it all, how could i have loved him? i just thought, if things go badly -as they tend to for me [knock on wood]- will i think the same thing of shawn? but he seems to genuinely love me. he's apathetic, but at times he seems to care as much as i do. of course he loves me. he does so much for me without complaint. i love it when we make love. i miss it right now, but hopefully i'll get over what ever the fuck is wrong with me currently. i want us to live together without other people and their complaints or worries. believe me, they're valid concerns ... but it makes me feel like part of the problem. yea yea yea ... i know i shouldn't ... blah.
even though i feel as things are going well now that i'm not with him every moment we're not working, it makes me miss him. S O. M U C H. M O R E.
it's bad. i need to get groceries for this house. it has become my belief that mexicans do not drink milk. i know i don't, but i'm "not a real mexican." oh bah, every one tells me that. i'm white washed so fuck you. lol. i cried before work today. i need to get over it and suck it up. it took forever to find this job. and i'm not up to going and looking and making myself happy and dressing up. i've barely left the house for ... well since i stopped spending the night with shawn. which to me feels like nearly a week. apparently ... it's not?
i'm gonna go watch this. there's a lot of fish that i almost know their names. lol. this is what happens when you date someone who mainly takes care of fish. if we moved to florida, he could make bank cleaning tanks. thank god he doesn't like it. hurricanes? heat? and hours apart while he's cleaning them? ew. no thank you. i barely get to see him as it is. oh ... dammit ... he has that fish! i can't remember the name. my memory sucks. hard.