it's late. i want to write more, but this will be short. mainly b/c i'm starting to get the feeling this is mostly for me and not a way to meet new people or make friends. since i've been a shitty friend for the past two years or so. =/ yea, weak. anyway ( Read more... )

i'm killing time til shawn gets here. still tight on money. trying to focus on why i should be sad. which is harder b/c i haven't been on meds in months and i'm hormonal due to my period. and ... my grandma died yesterday at 3am ( Read more... )

things seem weird. not too crazy ... just off in some way. i seem to always refer to a friend as one of my best, and yet it never seems to be true. in reality, i have no best friend. no one is ever always good to me. i try to be my best, but truthfully, i don't really care as much as i used to. sadly, i may have turned into one of those girls that ( Read more... )

I've just been away. away from the internet. I'm trying to take a break from my life. It isn't hard. It's fucking cake. It's been two months, i think i'm officially off my meds. like, i'm pretty sure that they're completely out of my system. So i'm a mess. i can't get in to get more meds UNTIL i see my pysch. which i can't until april b/c he went ( Read more... )

so ... i'll probably do it again. In fact, i plan on it in about 20 mins. I'm currently waiting for milk so i can complete my side dinner. Stuffing and mashed potatos. hrmmm .... so good. I am high. and i was looking around and making food. i haven't done it much in this house, not since i really lived here about ... 2002? I decided to have a drink ( Read more... )

There's mildew growing in my room. i'm not sure if it's the going from cold to very warm or the humidity from the fish tank. Shawn and i got into this little spat about my fish. I was talking about how i hate when they die. And that this one, fido, the only one i named has been dying for a few days now. I don't think he meant anything really, but ( Read more... )

I've been doing overnighters. It didn't really matter, until yesterday. I fell asleep around 8a and slept until 4 pm. i haven't slept since. doesn't seem like that big a deal, but i'm dying to sleep. Then again, not sleeping isn't helped by a very good show. Dexter. The HBO show about a serial killer, only it's ... different from the sociopaths i'm ( Read more... )

I feel terrible. I'm gonna turn into one of those people who loves their family, but refuses to ever talk to them again. I'm so tired of dealing with their drunk depression and guilt and their sorrow. I feel so selfish and mean and like i'm really gonna go to hell for all of this. I miss my mom too. More than they know. maybe it's the guilt and the ( Read more... )

I know i'm not that old. That being 25 isn't anything these days. way back when, i'd almost be at the end of my life. i'm actually starting to feel older and there's this fear inside about almost everything. something tells me that i'm not going to be with shawn forever. but i want to. a lot. and every once in a while, i get into these moods where ( Read more... )

okay, when did game boy advance become obsolete? i hate christmas. i never know what to get anyone. and the way things have been going it seems as though, shawn saves his money but spends mine. which would be kinda okay, if he had told me. seeing as i don't have anything to really pay for, but i've already told him that the way things are going i'm ( Read more... )