Fic: Supernatural: Dean/Future Cas: The Long Road Back: (22/28)
Special thanks to my beta weslyn who as always helps me make each chapter as good as it can be.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: R
Chapters: 22/28
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but a few OC's and the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 2541 (60,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight Chapter 15
Chapter Two Chapter Nine Chapter 16
Chapter Three Chapter Ten Chapter 17
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven Chapter 18
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve Chapter 19
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen Chapter 20
Chapter Seven Chapter Fourteen Chapter 21
Dean must have dozed off waiting for Cas to return with the colt because he was startled awake by a door slamming. His eyes flew open and he gaped at Cas who was sitting in the passenger seat, one eyebrow raised.
“Maybe I should drive?” Cas suggested, his face impassive.
Dean’s eyelids had weights attached to them; his nap had not helped. He felt worse than he had prior to taking it.
Dean wasn‘t one to relinquish the wheel easily, but today he was willing to make an exception. Hell, it might help to smooth things out between them if he could stop being a dick for five minutes. Yeah, right.
“I think that might be a good idea.” Dean stepped out of the car and headed towards the passenger seat. He stopped halfway there when he noticed Risa, Mark, and Chuck standing nearby. He smiled wearily at them.
The trio walked over to them and they each took turns shaking hands.
When Chuck took Dean’s hand, he was sporting a goofy grin, and his eyes were alive with energy. “I had a dream last night that everything somehow turned out okay.”
“A prophetic dream?” Dean felt his heart rate pick up as hope flared.
Chuck snorted and waved one hand at the sky. “Nah. I stopped having those when the angels left.” His grin got even wider. “I still can’t shake the feeling that it’s going to come true though.”
There went that hope. Dean raised an eyebrow. “Did you drink your breakfast this morning?”
Chuck just kept right on smiling, slapped Dean’s shoulder, and took a few steps back, allowing the others room to see them off.
Dean was too tired, and had too much else on his mind to give much credence to Chuck‘s good vibrations. He pushed it aside and said the rest of his goodbyes.
While Cas finished up, Dean hopped into the vehicle.
Dean watched while Risa and Cas exchanged a quick embrace. They talked a few more minutes; Dean wondered if it was about him, and whether he was going to have to sleep with one eye open when he returned to camp.
Damn, he was starting to act like a chick.
When Cas turned to head towards the car, Dean looked straight ahead, pretending he hadn’t been wishing he had superman’s hearing.
He didn’t even glance over when Cas got in and started the car.
They pulled out of the camp.
“Here,” Cas’s tone was unreadable as he held the colt out.
Dean took it and placed it inside his jacket pocket. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to use, but realistically he wanted to have the option should an unexpected guest make a surprise visit. It was always good to have a Plan B.
Dean settled back in his seat for several miles and tried to ignore the fact that the air was so thick with tension, he was practically gagging on it.
Dean felt as if anything he said to try and fix what he’d broken would come out wrong. Talking seemed to make things worse, but not talking, that was becoming painful. They were only twenty minutes into a seven hour drive. This could not go on; it would make him crazy. It was amazing how fast things had gone to hell. Only last night things had been freaking great.
Dean felt his eyes start to burn. They’d been amazing.
It had been a long time since Dean had let anyone get this close; the more you let someone in, the more it hurt when they got sick of you. Sure he’d had plenty of one-night stands and lots of spontaneous romps in many a lady’s bed. That was easy.
This was different. This was hard.
He wasn’t sure exactly what he had with Cas, but he knew he didn’t want to lose it.
A small voice in the back of his mind whispered: He’s said he’s not going anywhere, didn’t he?
Dean inhaled deeply and looked at Cas, who was gripping the steering wheel so tightly Dean was amazed it hadn’t cracked yet. He wanted to touch Cas; let him know that he knew he‘d screwed up. Since when did I become so touchy-feely? Dean wondered as he tried to work up the nerve to reach out.
Come on, Dean. You’ve faced down every horrible monster that exists.
Dean swallowed down all the insecure whispers that were clawing at the back of his brain and reached out, resting his hand on top of Cas’s.
At first, he thought his silent plea had fallen on deaf ears.
Cas simply did not react.
Moments later Cas’s breath hitched, and his fingers released their death grip on the wheel and laced with Dean‘s.
Dean rested their entwined hands on his leg and felt some of the pressure on his heart ease.
They were silent for a long time; Dean stroked Cas‘ hand with his thumb, while Cas kept gently squeezing his hand off and on, his gaze still focused straight ahead.
Dean broke the silence. “I told you I’m no good at this kind of shit.”
“Nobody’s good at this, Dean. The key is to find that person who tolerates your bullshit better than anyone else.”
Dean mulled that over a moment. “There any chance you still want that job?”
Cas started slowing down. He pulled the car over, set the brake, and stared at Dean. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“There is that,” he sighed, fought back the urge to chicken out, and said, “Cas, when someone I care about puts themselves in danger, especially for me, I go ape shit. It’s some moronic reflex I have,” he found himself admitting. For some reason shit he didn’t want people knowing tended to slip out around Cas. It was damn annoying.
“I know,” Cas paused, his eyes tightened around the corners.
Of course he did.
“But you have to trust me,” he continued.
“You’re the only one I have left that I completely trust, Cas.” Dean admitted, feeling as though a piece of himself had just broken off and floated into Cas’ lap.
Cas gave him a gentle smile. “Trust also means respecting the other person’s judgment enough to be willing to compromise.” Cas continued his tone serious, but affectionate.
“Compromise?” Dean blurted.
“Yes. That’s something people do when they are involved,“ Cas paused, his shoulders tensed.
Dean got the impression he was waiting for him to object to his particular word choice. He didn’t. Involved worked for him.
It seemed he wasn’t the only one with that insecure voice pestering him.
Cas relaxed, then continued. “Couples discuss things; then come up with a solution that both of them can live with.”
Dean swallowed, then started running his fingers up Cas’s arm. “Sounds easier said than done,” he admitted.
Cas blew out a puff of air, that was exasperated but loving. “Next time try listening to me. Don’t go all cave man.”
“I promise I’ll try,” Dean answered honestly.
“That’s all I ask.“ Cas smiled wearily.
“We okay?” Dean whispered.
Cas leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. That weight on Dean’s heart finally disappeared. Cas started to back away; Dean stopped him with a hand on Cas‘s neck, pulling their mouths back together. It was soft, hard, hot, desperate, and messy. Their teeth collided once or twice as Dean tried to pour everything he felt for Cas into one kiss.
Dean said he was sorry with a gentle brush of his lips. Dean promised he’d keep him safe or die trying with the probing of his tongue. Dean demanded he not go and get himself killed with a nip on Cas’s bottom lip. Dean said how much he needed him by continuing to devour Cas long after his lungs started demanding oxygen.
Both were breathing heavily when they broke apart. Cas’s blue eyes were wide, dark, and too bright. His skin was flushed and his lips a bit bruised.
“Dean,” Cas whispered, his voice heavy with emotion.
Dean knew that somehow, Cas had understood it all. This bond thing wasn’t so bad.
Dean took Cas’s hand again and flashed him a warm smile. “Guess we just survived our first fight.”
Cas blinked a few times, squeezed Dean‘s hand, and smiled. “I guess we did,” he replied while starting forward again, his fingers still clinging tightly to Dean’s.
****
Cas yawned, and felt his body pleading with him to close his eyes, and drift away. Dean had taken over the wheel about ten minutes ago after catching a few hours sleep of his own. He hadn‘t had any visitors, which was a relief. Now it was Cas’s turn to get some much needed rest.
After their fight he’d come very close to going and getting drunk, or seeing if he could find a pill to pop to make things easier.
But he hadn’t.
Cas had been furious as hell at Dean, but he’d still heard his voice telling him over and over that he didn’t need the drugs again. It would only have made things worse with Dean; somehow Cas had known he’d have to choose between using and Dean.
Hurting sucked, but for once in his life he’d wanted to feel it. A few months ago, he would have been too high to feel much of anything. The pain had let Cas know he was alive again; he’d finally woken up. And he’d also realized and how much he was in love with Dean Winchester. Only love could hurt that much.
Now, after their making-up make-out, he knew the feeling wasn‘t completely one-sided.
Dean’s actions always spoke louder than his words.
He’d reached out first.
He was trying even though he was scared it was going to blow up in his face.
Then there was that kiss.
What Cas had felt during it had left him breathless. The power behind Dean’s emotions had pounded against him with the force of a hurricane. He hadn’t felt that much from Dean even when they’d been having sex. Dean was letting him inside the wall of defenses he’d built up over the years.
Was Dean in love with him? Would he ever be? Cas wasn‘t sure, but what he did know was that Dean wanted him, no, he needed him.
They could make this work, he knew it.
Dean reached over and smoothed Cas’s hair down in a few spots. Cas raised an eyebrow. “Just helping you out.” Dean grinned.
“Thanks.” Cas gave him a sarcastic smile.
“Before you crash, you mind if I run something by you?” Dean’s voice was hesitant.
Cas was tired, but knew this was important. “Go right ahead.”
“At the risk of bringing up a sore spot, I wanted to ask you about something else Lucifer said to me that night.”
Cas felt more alert. He sat up straight. “What else was there?”
Dean shifted uncomfortably. “He said that Sam wasn’t home anymore. That he’d gone silent or something like that. Do you think he‘s telling the truth?”
Oh no.
“I don’t want you to sugar coat this for me, Cas. I need the truth,” Dean added, his tone firm.
“I won’t lie to you, Dean. That‘s a promise.” Cas searched for the right words. “What he said, it is possible. Your brother has been ridden by one of the most powerful angels in existence for years. Do you have memories of visiting Raphael‘s vessel?”
“The evil ninja turtle. Yeah, that wasn’t that long ago for me, actually.”
Cas smirked. “So you also remember the Den of Inequity?” he asked, while making finger quotes around the phrase.
“Hell yeah, I do.” Dean flashed his own little smirk.
“That was long ago for me, but I remember it well.” Cas couldn‘t stop the little sigh that escaped his lips. “It was the first night I felt I really belonged somewhere,” he shook his head and said, “Sorry, back to your question, as I was-”
“No, wait. What did you mean by that?” Dean’s voice was genuinely curious.
Cas shrugged, there was no point in being evasive about his non-platonic desires now. “You made me feel like I belonged. You treated me like a friend, not just an ally. It was also the first night my feelings started to shift from friendship to something more,” Cas admitted.
“Really.” Dean smiled sadly. “It was a good night for me too, Cas. You have a unique ability to make me laugh. A real, genuine, laugh. That’s more impressive than it sounds. Trust me,” Dean said, taking Cas by surprise. He’d been doing that more and more lately - sharing.
“That’s…,” Cas trailed off as his throat tightened. He rested his hand on Dean’s thigh and squeezed, before he blurted. “Anyway, Raphael.”
Dean nodded once.
“Raphael’s host was not functional. Lucifer is more powerful than he. Sam’s mind, it would have been overwhelmed. I’m not saying there’s no hope, I’m just saying that he could be telling the truth. Although, if Sam went silent, it could mean he retreated into his mind, in th-”
“That’s what he said,” Dean interrupted. “He said Sam went into the back of his mind and never emerged.”
Cas nodded rapidly. “That may offer him some form of protection. There is a small chance that Sam is still there. Sleeping in a way. ”
“Which means we might be able to wake him up if we can get the Devil to vacate the premises.”
“Possibly.” Cas bit his bottom lip. “It’s just, I don’t want to mislead you. No matter what, Sam will be…damaged. It may be severe, it may not be, but he will not be okay. I need you to understand that. There‘s what his state of mind was at the time Lucifer possessed him to consider as well. In order for Sam to have said yes, I worry that he had given up. I can‘t imagine any other way he would have agreed. That is one more thing we will need to overcome to reach Sam.”
Dean was quiet.
Cas rested his hand on Dean‘s forearm. “I’m sorry, but you asked me not to lie.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. I just need a minute.”
“Take as long as you need.”
Dean swallowed. “Thanks,” he whispered, his lower lip quivered, but his eyes were dry.
“I still think there’s a chance we can pull this off. I really do,” Cas added, his tone firm.
“Don’t worry. I’m not planning on giving up. Besides, didn’t you hear?” Dean lifted one eyebrow and bobbed his head back and forth a bit. “Chuck has a good feeling that everything’s going to turn out just peachy.”
Cas snorted. “I must have missed that. Maybe he started his day with a shot of moonshine.”
Dean laughed, it was a weary laugh, but it was still nice to hear it. “That’s pretty much what I thought.”
“He might be right, though,” Cas murmured.
“Maybe.” Cas felt Dean’s fingertips brush his forehead. “Get some sleep. I’ll be fine.”
Cas settled back into his seat, reclined it, then closed his eyes. Before he fell asleep, he reached his hand out, letting it rest on Dean’s leg - letting him know he wasn’t alone.
Next chapter
Feel free to friend this journal for updates :)
Comments are always loved and adored, how else will I know if anyone is still reading/enjoying this :)
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: R
Chapters: 22/28
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but a few OC's and the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 2541 (60,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight Chapter 15
Chapter Two Chapter Nine Chapter 16
Chapter Three Chapter Ten Chapter 17
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven Chapter 18
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve Chapter 19
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen Chapter 20
Chapter Seven Chapter Fourteen Chapter 21
Dean must have dozed off waiting for Cas to return with the colt because he was startled awake by a door slamming. His eyes flew open and he gaped at Cas who was sitting in the passenger seat, one eyebrow raised.
“Maybe I should drive?” Cas suggested, his face impassive.
Dean’s eyelids had weights attached to them; his nap had not helped. He felt worse than he had prior to taking it.
Dean wasn‘t one to relinquish the wheel easily, but today he was willing to make an exception. Hell, it might help to smooth things out between them if he could stop being a dick for five minutes. Yeah, right.
“I think that might be a good idea.” Dean stepped out of the car and headed towards the passenger seat. He stopped halfway there when he noticed Risa, Mark, and Chuck standing nearby. He smiled wearily at them.
The trio walked over to them and they each took turns shaking hands.
When Chuck took Dean’s hand, he was sporting a goofy grin, and his eyes were alive with energy. “I had a dream last night that everything somehow turned out okay.”
“A prophetic dream?” Dean felt his heart rate pick up as hope flared.
Chuck snorted and waved one hand at the sky. “Nah. I stopped having those when the angels left.” His grin got even wider. “I still can’t shake the feeling that it’s going to come true though.”
There went that hope. Dean raised an eyebrow. “Did you drink your breakfast this morning?”
Chuck just kept right on smiling, slapped Dean’s shoulder, and took a few steps back, allowing the others room to see them off.
Dean was too tired, and had too much else on his mind to give much credence to Chuck‘s good vibrations. He pushed it aside and said the rest of his goodbyes.
While Cas finished up, Dean hopped into the vehicle.
Dean watched while Risa and Cas exchanged a quick embrace. They talked a few more minutes; Dean wondered if it was about him, and whether he was going to have to sleep with one eye open when he returned to camp.
Damn, he was starting to act like a chick.
When Cas turned to head towards the car, Dean looked straight ahead, pretending he hadn’t been wishing he had superman’s hearing.
He didn’t even glance over when Cas got in and started the car.
They pulled out of the camp.
“Here,” Cas’s tone was unreadable as he held the colt out.
Dean took it and placed it inside his jacket pocket. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to use, but realistically he wanted to have the option should an unexpected guest make a surprise visit. It was always good to have a Plan B.
Dean settled back in his seat for several miles and tried to ignore the fact that the air was so thick with tension, he was practically gagging on it.
Dean felt as if anything he said to try and fix what he’d broken would come out wrong. Talking seemed to make things worse, but not talking, that was becoming painful. They were only twenty minutes into a seven hour drive. This could not go on; it would make him crazy. It was amazing how fast things had gone to hell. Only last night things had been freaking great.
Dean felt his eyes start to burn. They’d been amazing.
It had been a long time since Dean had let anyone get this close; the more you let someone in, the more it hurt when they got sick of you. Sure he’d had plenty of one-night stands and lots of spontaneous romps in many a lady’s bed. That was easy.
This was different. This was hard.
He wasn’t sure exactly what he had with Cas, but he knew he didn’t want to lose it.
A small voice in the back of his mind whispered: He’s said he’s not going anywhere, didn’t he?
Dean inhaled deeply and looked at Cas, who was gripping the steering wheel so tightly Dean was amazed it hadn’t cracked yet. He wanted to touch Cas; let him know that he knew he‘d screwed up. Since when did I become so touchy-feely? Dean wondered as he tried to work up the nerve to reach out.
Come on, Dean. You’ve faced down every horrible monster that exists.
Dean swallowed down all the insecure whispers that were clawing at the back of his brain and reached out, resting his hand on top of Cas’s.
At first, he thought his silent plea had fallen on deaf ears.
Cas simply did not react.
Moments later Cas’s breath hitched, and his fingers released their death grip on the wheel and laced with Dean‘s.
Dean rested their entwined hands on his leg and felt some of the pressure on his heart ease.
They were silent for a long time; Dean stroked Cas‘ hand with his thumb, while Cas kept gently squeezing his hand off and on, his gaze still focused straight ahead.
Dean broke the silence. “I told you I’m no good at this kind of shit.”
“Nobody’s good at this, Dean. The key is to find that person who tolerates your bullshit better than anyone else.”
Dean mulled that over a moment. “There any chance you still want that job?”
Cas started slowing down. He pulled the car over, set the brake, and stared at Dean. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“There is that,” he sighed, fought back the urge to chicken out, and said, “Cas, when someone I care about puts themselves in danger, especially for me, I go ape shit. It’s some moronic reflex I have,” he found himself admitting. For some reason shit he didn’t want people knowing tended to slip out around Cas. It was damn annoying.
“I know,” Cas paused, his eyes tightened around the corners.
Of course he did.
“But you have to trust me,” he continued.
“You’re the only one I have left that I completely trust, Cas.” Dean admitted, feeling as though a piece of himself had just broken off and floated into Cas’ lap.
Cas gave him a gentle smile. “Trust also means respecting the other person’s judgment enough to be willing to compromise.” Cas continued his tone serious, but affectionate.
“Compromise?” Dean blurted.
“Yes. That’s something people do when they are involved,“ Cas paused, his shoulders tensed.
Dean got the impression he was waiting for him to object to his particular word choice. He didn’t. Involved worked for him.
It seemed he wasn’t the only one with that insecure voice pestering him.
Cas relaxed, then continued. “Couples discuss things; then come up with a solution that both of them can live with.”
Dean swallowed, then started running his fingers up Cas’s arm. “Sounds easier said than done,” he admitted.
Cas blew out a puff of air, that was exasperated but loving. “Next time try listening to me. Don’t go all cave man.”
“I promise I’ll try,” Dean answered honestly.
“That’s all I ask.“ Cas smiled wearily.
“We okay?” Dean whispered.
Cas leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. That weight on Dean’s heart finally disappeared. Cas started to back away; Dean stopped him with a hand on Cas‘s neck, pulling their mouths back together. It was soft, hard, hot, desperate, and messy. Their teeth collided once or twice as Dean tried to pour everything he felt for Cas into one kiss.
Dean said he was sorry with a gentle brush of his lips. Dean promised he’d keep him safe or die trying with the probing of his tongue. Dean demanded he not go and get himself killed with a nip on Cas’s bottom lip. Dean said how much he needed him by continuing to devour Cas long after his lungs started demanding oxygen.
Both were breathing heavily when they broke apart. Cas’s blue eyes were wide, dark, and too bright. His skin was flushed and his lips a bit bruised.
“Dean,” Cas whispered, his voice heavy with emotion.
Dean knew that somehow, Cas had understood it all. This bond thing wasn’t so bad.
Dean took Cas’s hand again and flashed him a warm smile. “Guess we just survived our first fight.”
Cas blinked a few times, squeezed Dean‘s hand, and smiled. “I guess we did,” he replied while starting forward again, his fingers still clinging tightly to Dean’s.
****
Cas yawned, and felt his body pleading with him to close his eyes, and drift away. Dean had taken over the wheel about ten minutes ago after catching a few hours sleep of his own. He hadn‘t had any visitors, which was a relief. Now it was Cas’s turn to get some much needed rest.
After their fight he’d come very close to going and getting drunk, or seeing if he could find a pill to pop to make things easier.
But he hadn’t.
Cas had been furious as hell at Dean, but he’d still heard his voice telling him over and over that he didn’t need the drugs again. It would only have made things worse with Dean; somehow Cas had known he’d have to choose between using and Dean.
Hurting sucked, but for once in his life he’d wanted to feel it. A few months ago, he would have been too high to feel much of anything. The pain had let Cas know he was alive again; he’d finally woken up. And he’d also realized and how much he was in love with Dean Winchester. Only love could hurt that much.
Now, after their making-up make-out, he knew the feeling wasn‘t completely one-sided.
Dean’s actions always spoke louder than his words.
He’d reached out first.
He was trying even though he was scared it was going to blow up in his face.
Then there was that kiss.
What Cas had felt during it had left him breathless. The power behind Dean’s emotions had pounded against him with the force of a hurricane. He hadn’t felt that much from Dean even when they’d been having sex. Dean was letting him inside the wall of defenses he’d built up over the years.
Was Dean in love with him? Would he ever be? Cas wasn‘t sure, but what he did know was that Dean wanted him, no, he needed him.
They could make this work, he knew it.
Dean reached over and smoothed Cas’s hair down in a few spots. Cas raised an eyebrow. “Just helping you out.” Dean grinned.
“Thanks.” Cas gave him a sarcastic smile.
“Before you crash, you mind if I run something by you?” Dean’s voice was hesitant.
Cas was tired, but knew this was important. “Go right ahead.”
“At the risk of bringing up a sore spot, I wanted to ask you about something else Lucifer said to me that night.”
Cas felt more alert. He sat up straight. “What else was there?”
Dean shifted uncomfortably. “He said that Sam wasn’t home anymore. That he’d gone silent or something like that. Do you think he‘s telling the truth?”
Oh no.
“I don’t want you to sugar coat this for me, Cas. I need the truth,” Dean added, his tone firm.
“I won’t lie to you, Dean. That‘s a promise.” Cas searched for the right words. “What he said, it is possible. Your brother has been ridden by one of the most powerful angels in existence for years. Do you have memories of visiting Raphael‘s vessel?”
“The evil ninja turtle. Yeah, that wasn’t that long ago for me, actually.”
Cas smirked. “So you also remember the Den of Inequity?” he asked, while making finger quotes around the phrase.
“Hell yeah, I do.” Dean flashed his own little smirk.
“That was long ago for me, but I remember it well.” Cas couldn‘t stop the little sigh that escaped his lips. “It was the first night I felt I really belonged somewhere,” he shook his head and said, “Sorry, back to your question, as I was-”
“No, wait. What did you mean by that?” Dean’s voice was genuinely curious.
Cas shrugged, there was no point in being evasive about his non-platonic desires now. “You made me feel like I belonged. You treated me like a friend, not just an ally. It was also the first night my feelings started to shift from friendship to something more,” Cas admitted.
“Really.” Dean smiled sadly. “It was a good night for me too, Cas. You have a unique ability to make me laugh. A real, genuine, laugh. That’s more impressive than it sounds. Trust me,” Dean said, taking Cas by surprise. He’d been doing that more and more lately - sharing.
“That’s…,” Cas trailed off as his throat tightened. He rested his hand on Dean’s thigh and squeezed, before he blurted. “Anyway, Raphael.”
Dean nodded once.
“Raphael’s host was not functional. Lucifer is more powerful than he. Sam’s mind, it would have been overwhelmed. I’m not saying there’s no hope, I’m just saying that he could be telling the truth. Although, if Sam went silent, it could mean he retreated into his mind, in th-”
“That’s what he said,” Dean interrupted. “He said Sam went into the back of his mind and never emerged.”
Cas nodded rapidly. “That may offer him some form of protection. There is a small chance that Sam is still there. Sleeping in a way. ”
“Which means we might be able to wake him up if we can get the Devil to vacate the premises.”
“Possibly.” Cas bit his bottom lip. “It’s just, I don’t want to mislead you. No matter what, Sam will be…damaged. It may be severe, it may not be, but he will not be okay. I need you to understand that. There‘s what his state of mind was at the time Lucifer possessed him to consider as well. In order for Sam to have said yes, I worry that he had given up. I can‘t imagine any other way he would have agreed. That is one more thing we will need to overcome to reach Sam.”
Dean was quiet.
Cas rested his hand on Dean‘s forearm. “I’m sorry, but you asked me not to lie.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. I just need a minute.”
“Take as long as you need.”
Dean swallowed. “Thanks,” he whispered, his lower lip quivered, but his eyes were dry.
“I still think there’s a chance we can pull this off. I really do,” Cas added, his tone firm.
“Don’t worry. I’m not planning on giving up. Besides, didn’t you hear?” Dean lifted one eyebrow and bobbed his head back and forth a bit. “Chuck has a good feeling that everything’s going to turn out just peachy.”
Cas snorted. “I must have missed that. Maybe he started his day with a shot of moonshine.”
Dean laughed, it was a weary laugh, but it was still nice to hear it. “That’s pretty much what I thought.”
“He might be right, though,” Cas murmured.
“Maybe.” Cas felt Dean’s fingertips brush his forehead. “Get some sleep. I’ll be fine.”
Cas settled back into his seat, reclined it, then closed his eyes. Before he fell asleep, he reached his hand out, letting it rest on Dean’s leg - letting him know he wasn’t alone.
Next chapter
Feel free to friend this journal for updates :)
Comments are always loved and adored, how else will I know if anyone is still reading/enjoying this :)