Fic: Supernatural: Dean/Future Cas: The Long Road Back: (15/28)
Thought i'd get this up before I leave for work, I've got a long chapter for you guys this time :)
I hope whether or not you are happy about certain events in this one, you still enjoy this chapter.
Special thank you to weslyn For helping me a lot on understanding addiction, and for being an awesome beta.
Any errors left are my fault-not my beta's.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: R (maybe NC-17 later to be safe)
Chapters: 15/28
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, eventual slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 3948 (45,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight
Chapter Two Chapter Nine
Chapter Three Chapter Ten
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Seven Chapter Fourteen
Dean felt blood splatter against his face, he jumped back, slamming against the truck. He blinked, and saw the other Dean’s body crumpled on the ground. His head, not quite intact. It was more than a little disturbing.
Things started happening in quick succession from there.
Mark and Risa said his name, he turned his head towards them. They were frozen in place at the back of Cas‘s vehicle. They’d been about to start unloading the trunk before all hell broke lose.
Before Dean could do anything but open his mouth the sound of a lot of footsteps and frantic voices caught his attention. Apparently, the entire camp must have heard the shot, because there were at least twenty people gathering around the parked trucks. And more were still coming. Most of them had a perfect view of the corpse laying at his feet.
He heard a woman scream.
Dean’s gaze shifted in her direction, but instead of finding the source of the scream he noticed Cas standing directly across from where his future self had made his last stand. His gun was drawn. His expression was one of comatose- like shock.
Cas must have snuck up while Bizzaro Dean had been focused on pressing a gun to his head. Dean started hobbling towards him.
When he managed to make it over to his friend, Cas hadn’t moved. Dean placed his hand on top of the gun, and pulled it out of Cas’s trembling fingers.
He handed it to Risa who’d jogged over.
Dean grabbed Cas’s forearms. “It’s okay.”
Cas’s face was ghostly pale and he didn’t react to being touched.
Freaking perfect. Just what Cas needs. That son of bitch found one more way to hurt him before checking out.
“He wanted to die, Cas. It’s not your fault.” Dean leaned in closer and whispered, “You saved my life.”
That got through. Cas blinked and leaned against him momentarily, but still didn’t speak. Dean felt him take a few deep breaths, then pull away. Cas’s eyes were so tired, and at that moment he appeared ancient. Cas stared at the other Dean’s still form for a few moments. Then he turned away, and looked at the crowd that had gathered.
Dean stepped forward, keeping one hand gripped tightly around Cas’s arm. “Everything’s alright. We just had a little technical difficulty. Stay calm. We’ll return you to your regularly scheduled day very soon.” His grin fell flat as he took in all the grim, confused, and terrified faces.
Mark spoke up. “Molly. Dean here needs some medical attention. You think you can look at his leg?”
A young woman, with long blond hair, and curves in all the right places, stepped out of the crowd, and started towards Dean.
“Molly here was a nurse,” Mark told Dean while smiling at her.
“That‘s handy,” Dean smiled, grateful for the distraction from the dead body behind him. She couldn’t have been much older than thirty, Dean wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d only recently graduated from college before the world had gone to the Croats.
Mark continued to address the crowd. “While Molly here takes care of Dean, we are going to need help unloading all the supplies. We had a great haul this time folks. Lots of food, toiletries, and medicine. Let’s focus on that for now. We‘ll handle the rest later.”
Dean nodded his thanks to Mark, and quietly asked him. “What should we do about him?”
“We can bury him later. For now we’ll move and cover the body. Give everyone some time to get cleaned up, get some rest, and do what we have to in the morning.”
Dean glanced at Cas who still hadn’t spoken. His face was a perfect mask, revealing nothing. Dean thought Mark had the right idea.
“Perfect,” Dean slapped Mark on the back.
Dean watched as a few members of the crowd came forward and started unloading things. Risa draped a blanket over the body. These people were truly amazing. No one even mentioned the corpse lying next to the truck. They just did their job.
“Let’s get you checked out,” Molly said pleasantly.
“You won’t hear me argue,” Dean groaned as his injured leg made itself known again.
Molly bent down. “Which leg is giving you problems?”
“Left one.”
She gently hiked his pant leg and took a long look. Dean noticed his knee was more swollen than before. Wonderful. Her fingers probed here and there. “Looks like you might have sprained your knee,” she said her voice soothing. “It could be a lot worse, count yourself lucky.”
Dean snorted. “Ankles sore to.”
She probed at that as well. “Tender?”
He clenched his teeth. “Yep.”
She stood, the top of her head only reaching his chin. “I want to get you off that leg ASAP. Cas’s cabin is a lot closer than the pathetic excuse we have for an infirmary. We’ll go there.”
Molly put one of Dean’s arms over her shoulder, he felt Cas take the other side. Molly might look like a light weight, but she hefted him with no problem. Hard times, bred hard people. Dean reminded himself if this woman was alive it was because she was a fighter.
Each step Dean took the pain seemed to get worse. Lucky my ass.
Fortunately, it wasn’t a long walk.
The steps going up to the cabin weren’t fun, but they managed it, then they helped him onto the bed.
Dean tried to get a good look at Cas, but he was avoiding eye contact.
“Get those pants off for me,” Molly instructed.
A hot nurse ordering him to strip, it was impossible to resist. Dean blurted, “Direct and to the point. I like that in a woman.”
Cas sighed. Dean’s gaze shot to him, his friend turned away, but not before Dean noticed the glower on his face.
Molly chortled and Dean’s attention shifted back to her.
She smiled, put her hands on her hips, and with a roll of her eyes told him, “I’ll be back shortly, I need to grab some supplies. When I return please have your pants off, and everything else covered with that blanket,” she pointed to a blue comforter resting on the foot of the bed. She turned towards Cas. “Could you get him cleaned up for me? It’ll make my job a bit easier.”
“Sure,” Cas murmured.
“I’ll stay away a little longer then.” With that, she turned and left.
“I must be losing my sex appeal,” Dean started to unbutton his jeans.
He felt the bed sag as Cas sat down next to him. He buried his face in his hands and mumbled into them. Dean thought Cas said, “Like a dog in heat.”
Since he was just guessing, he didn’t respond, but at least Cas was speaking. That had to be a good sign. Dean turned his focus on completing his mission before Nurse Molly came back.
Dean went for his zipper. Then he tried to pull them off and realized he had a problem. This was going to be difficult. His eyes drifted to the man sitting next to him.
“Umm, Cas, you mind helping a guy out?” Dean tried, maybe he could distract Cas from the proverbial blood on his hands.
Cas’s head slowly left his hands. Dean gestured towards his wounded leg. “It’ll be a lot less painful if you help me pull them off. Swollen knee and all. ”
Cas’s eyes stayed fixed on Dean’s wounded knee and frustration bled into his words. “You sure it‘s my help your after?”
Dean’s eyes widened in confusion.
Cas stood up, his shoulders ridged. He walked down to the foot of the bed and started taking off Dean’s shoes. He dropped them to the floor. Then he removed his socks. Cas’s face had gone blank, but his eyes were sad.
“Cas?”
“What?” he asked, his tone sullen as he set the socks on the ground.
He’s upset you moron. He just had to kill someone to save your ass.
Dean swallowed and clenched his fists. “I’m sorry you had to kill him. I know you…cared about him,” Dean forced out that last part, he tried to ignore the tiny flare of annoyance he experienced at the thought of Cas caring about the other Dean. How ridiculous was it to be jealous of yourself?
Cas didn’t reply, but some of the tension seemed to leave his body as he started pulling down Dean’s pants. “Lift your ass,” his voice was just tired now and his shoulders sagged.
Dean obliged.
Cas worked the pants down, his fingers brushing against Dean’s hips. Dean felt his heart jump in his chest. Cas’s face was uncertain as he worked them the rest of the way down. He turned and started folding them. Seemed silly to Dean, those jeans were a lost cause, but maybe Cas wanted to keep himself busy.
Dean took advantage of Cas‘s distraction and grabbed that damn blanket, covering himself. A certain portion of his anatomy was starting to wake up.
Dean swallowed-this was a first with a man.
Cas didn’t notice his predicament. His fingers kept picking at his shirt. “I’m going to get a towel and some water. I’ll be right back.”
Dean watched him vanish around the corner with worried eyes. He hoped he wasn’t popping any pills while he was out of sight. Damn this sucked.
Cas returned a few minutes later with two towels, a bucket filled with water, and a bar of soap. His face looked a lot less grimy, he must have given it a quick scrub. “I need to get you cleaned up…is that okay? I can get someone else if you want.” There was that damn uncertainty again.
Dean chuckled. “Cas, no one but you could put up with this smell,“ Dean said as he sniffed under his armpit.
Cas didn’t argue, but he didn’t smile either as washed his own hands and arms, then went to work on Dean’s face. He rubbed all the blood off, his fingers were warm, and surprisingly soft. Dean found himself closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of being touched.
Cas paused, then Dean felt the cloth move down to his neck. “Do you mind removing your shirt?”
Dean felt his skin tingle, it was pleasant and terrifying at the same time. Cas had never had this effect on him so he was completely unprepared for how good it felt. He swallowed, and tried for casual. “No problem.”
He felt Cas’s eyes on him as he pulled the shirt off and dropped it next to him.
Cas said nothing as he started scrubbing the dirt and sweat away. His touch was setting Dean’s nerves on fire. The moist cloth traveled down lower, Cas’s face was calm, he was apparently unfazed by this. Dean wished he could say the same.
Cas ran the cloth across Dean’s lower abdomen.
His dick was now standing at attention. He forced his breathing to remain even and suppressed a groan.
He felt his cheeks heat up, then Cas pulled away and calmly said, “I need to get your legs next.”
Dean counted to ten and thought about one of the many hideous creatures he‘d hunted in an effort to regain control of his idiotic body.
It wasn’t working.
Cas went for the blanket. Dean flung his arms forward.
Cas jumped.
“Sorry, just wanted to get it myself.” Dean carefully pulled the blanket up, exposing himself only up to mid-thigh. Piling the blanket in a way that hid his current problem.
“Okay,” Cas eyed him curiously, then shook his head.
Dean managed to keep his composure as Cas gently cleaned his injured leg, taking extra care not to hurt him. If Cas only knew pain was the last thing he was worried about at the moment.
When Cas started on his inner thigh Dean squirmed, fighting a moan that kept wanting to escape.
“Sorry,” Cas said quickly.
“For what?” Dean blurted, his voice more high pitched than normal.
“For hurting you,” Cas added moving onto the other leg.
“Oh…yeah. It’s okay. I‘ll live,” Dean muttered.
When Cas finally finished Dean’s heart was pounding so hard he was sure Cas would notice.
He didn’t. Instead handing him the other towel to dry off with.
Dean did a quick once over, then laid it off to the side.
“Thanks, Cas,” he said several heartbeats later while shifting the blanket for maximum coverage. He wanted to put his shirt back on, but it to needed a nice, long encounter with a bar of soap. He shifted his gaze back to Cas.
Cas swallowed, looked down, and starting fiddling with the blanket. Dean noticed his hands were trembling more than earlier.
“Dean, he wasn’t the one I cared about anymore. That person died a long time ago-way before you showed up.” His fingers kept playing with the fabric. “I’m not upset because I had to shoot him to save you.”
Dean felt relief flow through him.
Cas ran his fingers through his hair and continued. “I hate that it happened, and it’ll probably be one more thing for me to have nightmares about, but I don’t regret doing it.” He looked up from the blanket, and met Dean’s eyes-he could see the desire to reach out written all over Cas’s face. Then the fear of rejection reared its ugly head and Cas turned away.
It probably wasn’t the perfect moment for this, but Dean saw an opening and he took it.
“Your nightmares are about Bobby aren‘t they?” Dean whispered, surprised at how much easier getting in touch with his less manly side was becoming. Trying to save someone you cared about really put things into perspective. If he didn’t watch it, he was going to be writing poetry and spouting sonnets soon.
Cas shuddered, and looked towards the door.
Dean willed Molly to stay away a little while longer.
“Yes,” he finally whispered.
“You’re not alone with this anymore, Cas.”
Cas finally turned to face him, his body vibrating, his eyes filled with a tentative trust.
Dean sat up and opened his arms, giving Cas the choice.
He collapsed in Dean’s arms, soft sobs racked his body, Dean felt moisture on his shoulder.
This sensitive stuff really wasn’t so bad.
He slid his arms around Cas and squeezed, silently letting him know he was there.
Yeah. Until Zack shows up and takes you back. Dean felt his stomach twist at the thought of leaving Cas here all alone. It’s what you want isn’t it? To go back to your own time. As he ran his arm up and down Cas’s back he had to admit, he wasn’t sure anymore.
Dean saw Molly peek her head inside through the beads, she saw them, her eyes widened in understanding and she backed out.
His leg could wait a few more minutes.
****
Cas was sitting next to him on the bed, his eyes dry, his body more relaxed when Molly walked back in with a bundle of supplies. She gave no indication of what she‘d seen. Dean decided he liked her.
“Let’s get you patched up,” she said.
“I’m going to get cleaned up while you work,” Cas told Molly.
She smiled and nodded.
Cas grabbed the bucket and soap then vanished around the corner.
Dean tried really hard not to imagine Cas getting naked in the next room. He only partially succeeded.
About thirty minutes later both Dean’s knee and ankle were wrapped up nice and tight. Molly propped his leg up on some extra pillows then groaned when she‘d realized she‘d forgotten his painkillers. She left with the promise to return quickly.
Cas had emerged looking much better. He’d also changed into a fresh pair of clothes. He tossed a t-shirt at Dean.
“Thanks man,” Dean pulled it over his head. It was a bit tight in the shoulders, but it would do for now.
Now that they were alone again there was something Dean had to ask, no matter how uncomfortable it was. It was too important to beat around the bush about. “Where‘s your stash?”
Cas didn‘t even flinch. “Under my bed. Not very creative I know, but it‘s not like anyone was checking up on me.”
“Well, there is someone now,” Dean said pointedly while Cas met his gaze. “Anywhere else?” Dean kept his voice gentle but firm.
Cas nodded. He pointed to the spot Dean had discovered the other night. It was encouraging to say the least.
“You holding up okay?” Dean asked, his voice carefully controlled.
“I’m fine.”
Dean gave him a doubtful look.
“Fine,” he huffed. “I feel like shit. I haven’t used in almost two days. My hands won’t stop shaking, I’m nauseous, and my head feels like I banged it against the wall for an hour,” Cas sighed. “Happy now?”
Dean held his hands up. “That you haven’t used? Yes. That you’re hurting? No.”
Dean knew his friend was at war with himself right now. Cas could talk a tough game, but the emotions rippling across his face told a different story. A big part of him did want to quit, but his body and his fears didn’t want him to. For now, it seemed Cas was winning.
Dean still wasn’t taking any chances. “I want to get that stuff out of the house.”
Cas swallowed and replied. “Okay.” Dean knew there was a part of him that wanted to go take a few of those pills right now. He could see it in the way Cas was clinging to the bed like a life preserver, trying to keep himself from making a beeline straight for his bedroom stash.
“We’ll give it to Chuck. He‘s the responsible one now, right? He‘ll take care of it.” Dean tried in a lame attempt to make Cas smile. It didn’t work.
“Yeah. Molly should be back in a minute, I’ll leave you to it.” Cas got up and started to walk away.
Dean caught his arm. “Don‘t go.”
Cas shook his head. “Why?” he seemed confused.
Dean found he didn’t have an answer. He just knew he didn’t want Cas to leave. It was probably just because he was afraid Cas would use, at least that‘s what he told himself as he said, “Do I need a reason?”
Cas seemed to want to say something else, but instead just walked over to the far side of the bed and sat back down.
“I’m glad you haven’t taken anything, Cas.”
“Some of the time, so am I,” he whispered.
“You need a shave,” Dean teased.
Cas turned towards him, his eyebrows arched. “I’ve been busy.”
Dean reached up, and ran the back of his hand against Cas’s cheek. “I like you better without the stubble.” Half a second later he realized that was completely inappropriate, and jerked his hand back. What the hell am I doing?
Cas’s eyes widened, and flashed with surprise. “You are a very confusing man, Dean Winchester.”
Dean grinned like a kid who’d been caught with his hand in a cookie jar and replied, “Tell me about it. I don‘t even understand myself most days.”
Molly walked back in, an orange bottle in her hand. “Here you go.”
He popped the pills, and swallowed them with a swig of water.
Dean made sure she took the rest of the bottle with her when she left. Cas didn’t need that tempting him.
****
He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew it was dark out. Cas was still sitting next to him. “How’re you feeling?” his friend asked.
“Better,” Dean felt like he was floating. Those painkillers were pretty damn amazing.
“Good. I’m going to get some sleep. If you need anything at all just call out. I’ll leave my door open.”
Dean didn’t think before he asked, “Cas, stay with me,” he was surprised how easily that had come out.
Cas bit his bottom lip, Dean could see him hesitating. “Are you sure?”
In response Dean found Cas’s hand that was resting near his on the bed. He squeezed. “Yes.”
Castiel nodded. Dean watched, fighting his ever drooping eyelids, as Cas removed his shoes, then socks. He slid under the covers, Dean shifted a bit, making more room on the small bed. He felt Cas’s head lie down on the pillow.
Cas’s soft fingers brushed his forehead, probably checking for a fever. Then his hand pulled away, Dean wished it hadn‘t.
In his half awake state, Dean realized something amazing. This was going to be the first time in his adult life he’d just slept in a bed with someone. He’d been in many women’s beds, but they hadn’t been sleeping.
Wow these drugs turned you into a sap, the random thought fluttered into his awareness. He ignored it.
It was nice to be this close to someone.
He hoped in the morning when he wasn’t half gone he’d still feel this way.
***
Castiel knew Dean probably wouldn’t remember much of this. He’d taken those particular pain pills before, they were very powerful. He didn’t care at the moment, for just this night, he was welcome here. He snuggled into Dean’s arms and breathed in the scent of him, which thanks to his efforts was much more pleasant.
Cas felt himself harden at the thought of washing Dean’s body. He’d managed to put on a good show, he was pretty sure Dean hadn’t noticed just how much he’d enjoyed touching him.
Although, Dean had been acting differently lately with him. Every time Cas would start to think he was imagining it, Dean would say or do something that made him start to hope again. And hope was a dangerous thing in this world.
Cas had found that if you started hoping, something came along and ripped it right out of your chest, leaving you worse off than before.
Besides, Dean loved the ladies. He’d never shown any interest in anyone that didn’t have breasts. Cas had gotten a wakeup call today watching Dean flirt with Molly.
I just picked the wrong damn gender for my vessel.
Still, Cas couldn’t stop thinking about how lying like this with Dean felt so natural and…right.
It almost made his burning desire to go raid his stash bearable. He’d gone a few days without using, he could make one more. Then maybe if he was lucky, one more after that.
Hell, he’d shot and killed someone that had once been very close to him today and he still hadn’t used. That had to mean something.
Cas knew he should be more upset over what had happened today with the other Dean, but he just wasn’t. It hurt-but not in an all consuming or crippling way. Maybe it just hadn’t hit him yet, or maybe he’d already mourned his death long ago and had already accepted it.
Or maybe it has something to do with the Dean that’s still around. Cas smiled and brushed a strand of hair from Dean’s forehead.
All he knew for certain was that if he had to do it over again, he’d make the same choice. He’d had to kill Bizzaro Dean. If he’d only injured him, he still might have pulled that trigger on the way down - killing or seriously wounding the man who’s bed he was now sharing.
That had been an unacceptable risk.
Cas sighed and snuggled even closer, shoving thoughts of anything other than Dean’s steady breathing out of his mind. He drifted off to sleep counting Dean’s strong heartbeats.
Despite the horrible day he’d had, Castiel didn’t have any nightmares. He felt completely safe.
Next Chapter
Feel free to friend this journal for the insanity :)
Comments are loved and adored. It's nice to know people are reading/enjoying this :)
I hope whether or not you are happy about certain events in this one, you still enjoy this chapter.
Special thank you to weslyn For helping me a lot on understanding addiction, and for being an awesome beta.
Any errors left are my fault-not my beta's.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: R (maybe NC-17 later to be safe)
Chapters: 15/28
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, eventual slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 3948 (45,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight
Chapter Two Chapter Nine
Chapter Three Chapter Ten
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Seven Chapter Fourteen
Dean felt blood splatter against his face, he jumped back, slamming against the truck. He blinked, and saw the other Dean’s body crumpled on the ground. His head, not quite intact. It was more than a little disturbing.
Things started happening in quick succession from there.
Mark and Risa said his name, he turned his head towards them. They were frozen in place at the back of Cas‘s vehicle. They’d been about to start unloading the trunk before all hell broke lose.
Before Dean could do anything but open his mouth the sound of a lot of footsteps and frantic voices caught his attention. Apparently, the entire camp must have heard the shot, because there were at least twenty people gathering around the parked trucks. And more were still coming. Most of them had a perfect view of the corpse laying at his feet.
He heard a woman scream.
Dean’s gaze shifted in her direction, but instead of finding the source of the scream he noticed Cas standing directly across from where his future self had made his last stand. His gun was drawn. His expression was one of comatose- like shock.
Cas must have snuck up while Bizzaro Dean had been focused on pressing a gun to his head. Dean started hobbling towards him.
When he managed to make it over to his friend, Cas hadn’t moved. Dean placed his hand on top of the gun, and pulled it out of Cas’s trembling fingers.
He handed it to Risa who’d jogged over.
Dean grabbed Cas’s forearms. “It’s okay.”
Cas’s face was ghostly pale and he didn’t react to being touched.
Freaking perfect. Just what Cas needs. That son of bitch found one more way to hurt him before checking out.
“He wanted to die, Cas. It’s not your fault.” Dean leaned in closer and whispered, “You saved my life.”
That got through. Cas blinked and leaned against him momentarily, but still didn’t speak. Dean felt him take a few deep breaths, then pull away. Cas’s eyes were so tired, and at that moment he appeared ancient. Cas stared at the other Dean’s still form for a few moments. Then he turned away, and looked at the crowd that had gathered.
Dean stepped forward, keeping one hand gripped tightly around Cas’s arm. “Everything’s alright. We just had a little technical difficulty. Stay calm. We’ll return you to your regularly scheduled day very soon.” His grin fell flat as he took in all the grim, confused, and terrified faces.
Mark spoke up. “Molly. Dean here needs some medical attention. You think you can look at his leg?”
A young woman, with long blond hair, and curves in all the right places, stepped out of the crowd, and started towards Dean.
“Molly here was a nurse,” Mark told Dean while smiling at her.
“That‘s handy,” Dean smiled, grateful for the distraction from the dead body behind him. She couldn’t have been much older than thirty, Dean wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d only recently graduated from college before the world had gone to the Croats.
Mark continued to address the crowd. “While Molly here takes care of Dean, we are going to need help unloading all the supplies. We had a great haul this time folks. Lots of food, toiletries, and medicine. Let’s focus on that for now. We‘ll handle the rest later.”
Dean nodded his thanks to Mark, and quietly asked him. “What should we do about him?”
“We can bury him later. For now we’ll move and cover the body. Give everyone some time to get cleaned up, get some rest, and do what we have to in the morning.”
Dean glanced at Cas who still hadn’t spoken. His face was a perfect mask, revealing nothing. Dean thought Mark had the right idea.
“Perfect,” Dean slapped Mark on the back.
Dean watched as a few members of the crowd came forward and started unloading things. Risa draped a blanket over the body. These people were truly amazing. No one even mentioned the corpse lying next to the truck. They just did their job.
“Let’s get you checked out,” Molly said pleasantly.
“You won’t hear me argue,” Dean groaned as his injured leg made itself known again.
Molly bent down. “Which leg is giving you problems?”
“Left one.”
She gently hiked his pant leg and took a long look. Dean noticed his knee was more swollen than before. Wonderful. Her fingers probed here and there. “Looks like you might have sprained your knee,” she said her voice soothing. “It could be a lot worse, count yourself lucky.”
Dean snorted. “Ankles sore to.”
She probed at that as well. “Tender?”
He clenched his teeth. “Yep.”
She stood, the top of her head only reaching his chin. “I want to get you off that leg ASAP. Cas’s cabin is a lot closer than the pathetic excuse we have for an infirmary. We’ll go there.”
Molly put one of Dean’s arms over her shoulder, he felt Cas take the other side. Molly might look like a light weight, but she hefted him with no problem. Hard times, bred hard people. Dean reminded himself if this woman was alive it was because she was a fighter.
Each step Dean took the pain seemed to get worse. Lucky my ass.
Fortunately, it wasn’t a long walk.
The steps going up to the cabin weren’t fun, but they managed it, then they helped him onto the bed.
Dean tried to get a good look at Cas, but he was avoiding eye contact.
“Get those pants off for me,” Molly instructed.
A hot nurse ordering him to strip, it was impossible to resist. Dean blurted, “Direct and to the point. I like that in a woman.”
Cas sighed. Dean’s gaze shot to him, his friend turned away, but not before Dean noticed the glower on his face.
Molly chortled and Dean’s attention shifted back to her.
She smiled, put her hands on her hips, and with a roll of her eyes told him, “I’ll be back shortly, I need to grab some supplies. When I return please have your pants off, and everything else covered with that blanket,” she pointed to a blue comforter resting on the foot of the bed. She turned towards Cas. “Could you get him cleaned up for me? It’ll make my job a bit easier.”
“Sure,” Cas murmured.
“I’ll stay away a little longer then.” With that, she turned and left.
“I must be losing my sex appeal,” Dean started to unbutton his jeans.
He felt the bed sag as Cas sat down next to him. He buried his face in his hands and mumbled into them. Dean thought Cas said, “Like a dog in heat.”
Since he was just guessing, he didn’t respond, but at least Cas was speaking. That had to be a good sign. Dean turned his focus on completing his mission before Nurse Molly came back.
Dean went for his zipper. Then he tried to pull them off and realized he had a problem. This was going to be difficult. His eyes drifted to the man sitting next to him.
“Umm, Cas, you mind helping a guy out?” Dean tried, maybe he could distract Cas from the proverbial blood on his hands.
Cas’s head slowly left his hands. Dean gestured towards his wounded leg. “It’ll be a lot less painful if you help me pull them off. Swollen knee and all. ”
Cas’s eyes stayed fixed on Dean’s wounded knee and frustration bled into his words. “You sure it‘s my help your after?”
Dean’s eyes widened in confusion.
Cas stood up, his shoulders ridged. He walked down to the foot of the bed and started taking off Dean’s shoes. He dropped them to the floor. Then he removed his socks. Cas’s face had gone blank, but his eyes were sad.
“Cas?”
“What?” he asked, his tone sullen as he set the socks on the ground.
He’s upset you moron. He just had to kill someone to save your ass.
Dean swallowed and clenched his fists. “I’m sorry you had to kill him. I know you…cared about him,” Dean forced out that last part, he tried to ignore the tiny flare of annoyance he experienced at the thought of Cas caring about the other Dean. How ridiculous was it to be jealous of yourself?
Cas didn’t reply, but some of the tension seemed to leave his body as he started pulling down Dean’s pants. “Lift your ass,” his voice was just tired now and his shoulders sagged.
Dean obliged.
Cas worked the pants down, his fingers brushing against Dean’s hips. Dean felt his heart jump in his chest. Cas’s face was uncertain as he worked them the rest of the way down. He turned and started folding them. Seemed silly to Dean, those jeans were a lost cause, but maybe Cas wanted to keep himself busy.
Dean took advantage of Cas‘s distraction and grabbed that damn blanket, covering himself. A certain portion of his anatomy was starting to wake up.
Dean swallowed-this was a first with a man.
Cas didn’t notice his predicament. His fingers kept picking at his shirt. “I’m going to get a towel and some water. I’ll be right back.”
Dean watched him vanish around the corner with worried eyes. He hoped he wasn’t popping any pills while he was out of sight. Damn this sucked.
Cas returned a few minutes later with two towels, a bucket filled with water, and a bar of soap. His face looked a lot less grimy, he must have given it a quick scrub. “I need to get you cleaned up…is that okay? I can get someone else if you want.” There was that damn uncertainty again.
Dean chuckled. “Cas, no one but you could put up with this smell,“ Dean said as he sniffed under his armpit.
Cas didn’t argue, but he didn’t smile either as washed his own hands and arms, then went to work on Dean’s face. He rubbed all the blood off, his fingers were warm, and surprisingly soft. Dean found himself closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of being touched.
Cas paused, then Dean felt the cloth move down to his neck. “Do you mind removing your shirt?”
Dean felt his skin tingle, it was pleasant and terrifying at the same time. Cas had never had this effect on him so he was completely unprepared for how good it felt. He swallowed, and tried for casual. “No problem.”
He felt Cas’s eyes on him as he pulled the shirt off and dropped it next to him.
Cas said nothing as he started scrubbing the dirt and sweat away. His touch was setting Dean’s nerves on fire. The moist cloth traveled down lower, Cas’s face was calm, he was apparently unfazed by this. Dean wished he could say the same.
Cas ran the cloth across Dean’s lower abdomen.
His dick was now standing at attention. He forced his breathing to remain even and suppressed a groan.
He felt his cheeks heat up, then Cas pulled away and calmly said, “I need to get your legs next.”
Dean counted to ten and thought about one of the many hideous creatures he‘d hunted in an effort to regain control of his idiotic body.
It wasn’t working.
Cas went for the blanket. Dean flung his arms forward.
Cas jumped.
“Sorry, just wanted to get it myself.” Dean carefully pulled the blanket up, exposing himself only up to mid-thigh. Piling the blanket in a way that hid his current problem.
“Okay,” Cas eyed him curiously, then shook his head.
Dean managed to keep his composure as Cas gently cleaned his injured leg, taking extra care not to hurt him. If Cas only knew pain was the last thing he was worried about at the moment.
When Cas started on his inner thigh Dean squirmed, fighting a moan that kept wanting to escape.
“Sorry,” Cas said quickly.
“For what?” Dean blurted, his voice more high pitched than normal.
“For hurting you,” Cas added moving onto the other leg.
“Oh…yeah. It’s okay. I‘ll live,” Dean muttered.
When Cas finally finished Dean’s heart was pounding so hard he was sure Cas would notice.
He didn’t. Instead handing him the other towel to dry off with.
Dean did a quick once over, then laid it off to the side.
“Thanks, Cas,” he said several heartbeats later while shifting the blanket for maximum coverage. He wanted to put his shirt back on, but it to needed a nice, long encounter with a bar of soap. He shifted his gaze back to Cas.
Cas swallowed, looked down, and starting fiddling with the blanket. Dean noticed his hands were trembling more than earlier.
“Dean, he wasn’t the one I cared about anymore. That person died a long time ago-way before you showed up.” His fingers kept playing with the fabric. “I’m not upset because I had to shoot him to save you.”
Dean felt relief flow through him.
Cas ran his fingers through his hair and continued. “I hate that it happened, and it’ll probably be one more thing for me to have nightmares about, but I don’t regret doing it.” He looked up from the blanket, and met Dean’s eyes-he could see the desire to reach out written all over Cas’s face. Then the fear of rejection reared its ugly head and Cas turned away.
It probably wasn’t the perfect moment for this, but Dean saw an opening and he took it.
“Your nightmares are about Bobby aren‘t they?” Dean whispered, surprised at how much easier getting in touch with his less manly side was becoming. Trying to save someone you cared about really put things into perspective. If he didn’t watch it, he was going to be writing poetry and spouting sonnets soon.
Cas shuddered, and looked towards the door.
Dean willed Molly to stay away a little while longer.
“Yes,” he finally whispered.
“You’re not alone with this anymore, Cas.”
Cas finally turned to face him, his body vibrating, his eyes filled with a tentative trust.
Dean sat up and opened his arms, giving Cas the choice.
He collapsed in Dean’s arms, soft sobs racked his body, Dean felt moisture on his shoulder.
This sensitive stuff really wasn’t so bad.
He slid his arms around Cas and squeezed, silently letting him know he was there.
Yeah. Until Zack shows up and takes you back. Dean felt his stomach twist at the thought of leaving Cas here all alone. It’s what you want isn’t it? To go back to your own time. As he ran his arm up and down Cas’s back he had to admit, he wasn’t sure anymore.
Dean saw Molly peek her head inside through the beads, she saw them, her eyes widened in understanding and she backed out.
His leg could wait a few more minutes.
****
Cas was sitting next to him on the bed, his eyes dry, his body more relaxed when Molly walked back in with a bundle of supplies. She gave no indication of what she‘d seen. Dean decided he liked her.
“Let’s get you patched up,” she said.
“I’m going to get cleaned up while you work,” Cas told Molly.
She smiled and nodded.
Cas grabbed the bucket and soap then vanished around the corner.
Dean tried really hard not to imagine Cas getting naked in the next room. He only partially succeeded.
About thirty minutes later both Dean’s knee and ankle were wrapped up nice and tight. Molly propped his leg up on some extra pillows then groaned when she‘d realized she‘d forgotten his painkillers. She left with the promise to return quickly.
Cas had emerged looking much better. He’d also changed into a fresh pair of clothes. He tossed a t-shirt at Dean.
“Thanks man,” Dean pulled it over his head. It was a bit tight in the shoulders, but it would do for now.
Now that they were alone again there was something Dean had to ask, no matter how uncomfortable it was. It was too important to beat around the bush about. “Where‘s your stash?”
Cas didn‘t even flinch. “Under my bed. Not very creative I know, but it‘s not like anyone was checking up on me.”
“Well, there is someone now,” Dean said pointedly while Cas met his gaze. “Anywhere else?” Dean kept his voice gentle but firm.
Cas nodded. He pointed to the spot Dean had discovered the other night. It was encouraging to say the least.
“You holding up okay?” Dean asked, his voice carefully controlled.
“I’m fine.”
Dean gave him a doubtful look.
“Fine,” he huffed. “I feel like shit. I haven’t used in almost two days. My hands won’t stop shaking, I’m nauseous, and my head feels like I banged it against the wall for an hour,” Cas sighed. “Happy now?”
Dean held his hands up. “That you haven’t used? Yes. That you’re hurting? No.”
Dean knew his friend was at war with himself right now. Cas could talk a tough game, but the emotions rippling across his face told a different story. A big part of him did want to quit, but his body and his fears didn’t want him to. For now, it seemed Cas was winning.
Dean still wasn’t taking any chances. “I want to get that stuff out of the house.”
Cas swallowed and replied. “Okay.” Dean knew there was a part of him that wanted to go take a few of those pills right now. He could see it in the way Cas was clinging to the bed like a life preserver, trying to keep himself from making a beeline straight for his bedroom stash.
“We’ll give it to Chuck. He‘s the responsible one now, right? He‘ll take care of it.” Dean tried in a lame attempt to make Cas smile. It didn’t work.
“Yeah. Molly should be back in a minute, I’ll leave you to it.” Cas got up and started to walk away.
Dean caught his arm. “Don‘t go.”
Cas shook his head. “Why?” he seemed confused.
Dean found he didn’t have an answer. He just knew he didn’t want Cas to leave. It was probably just because he was afraid Cas would use, at least that‘s what he told himself as he said, “Do I need a reason?”
Cas seemed to want to say something else, but instead just walked over to the far side of the bed and sat back down.
“I’m glad you haven’t taken anything, Cas.”
“Some of the time, so am I,” he whispered.
“You need a shave,” Dean teased.
Cas turned towards him, his eyebrows arched. “I’ve been busy.”
Dean reached up, and ran the back of his hand against Cas’s cheek. “I like you better without the stubble.” Half a second later he realized that was completely inappropriate, and jerked his hand back. What the hell am I doing?
Cas’s eyes widened, and flashed with surprise. “You are a very confusing man, Dean Winchester.”
Dean grinned like a kid who’d been caught with his hand in a cookie jar and replied, “Tell me about it. I don‘t even understand myself most days.”
Molly walked back in, an orange bottle in her hand. “Here you go.”
He popped the pills, and swallowed them with a swig of water.
Dean made sure she took the rest of the bottle with her when she left. Cas didn’t need that tempting him.
****
He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew it was dark out. Cas was still sitting next to him. “How’re you feeling?” his friend asked.
“Better,” Dean felt like he was floating. Those painkillers were pretty damn amazing.
“Good. I’m going to get some sleep. If you need anything at all just call out. I’ll leave my door open.”
Dean didn’t think before he asked, “Cas, stay with me,” he was surprised how easily that had come out.
Cas bit his bottom lip, Dean could see him hesitating. “Are you sure?”
In response Dean found Cas’s hand that was resting near his on the bed. He squeezed. “Yes.”
Castiel nodded. Dean watched, fighting his ever drooping eyelids, as Cas removed his shoes, then socks. He slid under the covers, Dean shifted a bit, making more room on the small bed. He felt Cas’s head lie down on the pillow.
Cas’s soft fingers brushed his forehead, probably checking for a fever. Then his hand pulled away, Dean wished it hadn‘t.
In his half awake state, Dean realized something amazing. This was going to be the first time in his adult life he’d just slept in a bed with someone. He’d been in many women’s beds, but they hadn’t been sleeping.
Wow these drugs turned you into a sap, the random thought fluttered into his awareness. He ignored it.
It was nice to be this close to someone.
He hoped in the morning when he wasn’t half gone he’d still feel this way.
***
Castiel knew Dean probably wouldn’t remember much of this. He’d taken those particular pain pills before, they were very powerful. He didn’t care at the moment, for just this night, he was welcome here. He snuggled into Dean’s arms and breathed in the scent of him, which thanks to his efforts was much more pleasant.
Cas felt himself harden at the thought of washing Dean’s body. He’d managed to put on a good show, he was pretty sure Dean hadn’t noticed just how much he’d enjoyed touching him.
Although, Dean had been acting differently lately with him. Every time Cas would start to think he was imagining it, Dean would say or do something that made him start to hope again. And hope was a dangerous thing in this world.
Cas had found that if you started hoping, something came along and ripped it right out of your chest, leaving you worse off than before.
Besides, Dean loved the ladies. He’d never shown any interest in anyone that didn’t have breasts. Cas had gotten a wakeup call today watching Dean flirt with Molly.
I just picked the wrong damn gender for my vessel.
Still, Cas couldn’t stop thinking about how lying like this with Dean felt so natural and…right.
It almost made his burning desire to go raid his stash bearable. He’d gone a few days without using, he could make one more. Then maybe if he was lucky, one more after that.
Hell, he’d shot and killed someone that had once been very close to him today and he still hadn’t used. That had to mean something.
Cas knew he should be more upset over what had happened today with the other Dean, but he just wasn’t. It hurt-but not in an all consuming or crippling way. Maybe it just hadn’t hit him yet, or maybe he’d already mourned his death long ago and had already accepted it.
Or maybe it has something to do with the Dean that’s still around. Cas smiled and brushed a strand of hair from Dean’s forehead.
All he knew for certain was that if he had to do it over again, he’d make the same choice. He’d had to kill Bizzaro Dean. If he’d only injured him, he still might have pulled that trigger on the way down - killing or seriously wounding the man who’s bed he was now sharing.
That had been an unacceptable risk.
Cas sighed and snuggled even closer, shoving thoughts of anything other than Dean’s steady breathing out of his mind. He drifted off to sleep counting Dean’s strong heartbeats.
Despite the horrible day he’d had, Castiel didn’t have any nightmares. He felt completely safe.
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