FIC: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my! (19c/?)
Name: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my!
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, some minor OCs, the Doctor, Donna.
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace THANK YOU!
My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.
And part C because LJ hated me last night :)
LJ messed up my formatting. I tried to change it. Honest. It just stuck it's tongue out at me.
The phrase: "I give up!" springs to mind.
Thanks to skullgirl013 for beta'ing :)
Previous chapters: Ch.1 Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11a Ch.11b Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Interlude #1 Ch.16a Ch.16b Ch.17a Ch.17b Ch.18a Ch.18b Ch.19a Ch.19b
Chapter 19c: Arrangements.
20:49
The silence was deafening. Spike and Faith walked, side-by-side, through the cemetery, not talking or even looking at each other. Both wanted to be there, just not with the other.
“I still don't approve of you being here,” Faith said after a moment.
Spike glared at her. “Here? The cemetery?”
“No, here, on this Earth. You should be dust by now.”
“Dust would still be on the Earth.”
Faith pulled a stake. “You wanna test that theory?”
Spike dodged, fearfully. “Watch where you’re pointing that stake! Jack said not to stake me by mistake!”
“This won’t be by mistake!” Faith exclaimed.
“Do you want Buffy to stab you again?” Spike pointed out, still dodging the stake.
Faith lowered her hand with a growl. “No,” she said. She sighed. “Nor do I want to be kicked out of Torchwood. It’s the best home I’ve had in ages.” She spun the stake around her fingers as they headed off across the cemetery to some newly dug graves.
“If they jump out, you distract them,” Faith said.
“What, with the scent of Slayer clinging to my even pore?”
“Do vampires have pores?” Faith asked.
Spike blinked. “Of course we do. We just don't use them.”
Faith shrugged. “Alright,” she said, stepping onto the dirt as Spike lit a cigarette. “How do you vampires smoke?” she asked.
“Huh?”
“You don't breathe. You’re physically incapable.”
Spike looked at the cigarette between his fingers, then back at Faith. “I ... don't know?” He put the cigarette in his mouth and took a puff. Faith looked at him curiously. “I still don't know,” he said.
“Well, if you ever work it out then ...” Faith broke off as a hand emerged from the soil, grabbing her around the ankle. She shrieked in a very non-Slayer manner and kicked out as the hand attempted to drag her under. “Spike!” she yelled.
Spike dropped the cigarette and held her hands, pulling her out of the grave harder than whatever was underneath was pulling her. He pulled her all the way out and she scrabbled backwards across the ground away from the newly dug earth, panting heavily. “Thanks,” she said, reluctantly.
“Don't mention it,” Spike replied.
“Don't worry, I won’t.”
21:39
“Are we done yet?” Buffy demanded, exhaustedly.
Ianto gestured at the large hole in the wall. “Does it look like we’re done?” he asked, just as tiredly.
Buffy sighed and sat down on the base of the now upturned, empty wheelbarrow. “Aren't we rebricking it tomorrow?” she asked.
Ianto sat next to her. “No, we’re not.”
She groaned and glared at him. “Have you no mercy?”
He grinned. “The agreement was that you help me tidy up. I never mentioned anything about you helping me rebrick it. It’s fine.”
Buffy blinked hard a few times. “Are you telling me I’m off the hook?”
Ianto shook his head. “Not quite. You have to bring me a mug of coffee while I do the bricking.”
Buffy nodded frantically. “I can do that!” she said. She stopped. “Wait. I didn’t think you anyone to touch your coffee machine?”
Ianto chuckled. “I’ll put it in a thermos or something. You just have to pour.” He smirked at her.
She grinned. “Yay!”
“Yay? You sound like a four year old!” he exclaimed.
Buffy pouted. “And you sound like a grumpy old man,” she complained.
He rolled his eyes and stood up. “I’ll rebrick this tomorrow. Go home, get some rest. You look exhausted.”
“Busy day,” she said, “and all the work with the bricks has worn me down.”
Ianto touched her arm. “Sleep well,” he said.
“Thanks,” she replied, before heading out of the target range.
She walked into the hub just in time to see Spike and Faith walk in, Faith carrying the severed head of ...
Wait... was the head screaming?
“What the hell is that?” Buffy demanded, pointing at it, horror evident on her face.
“Just a zombie that decided to try and pull me underground,” Faith said. “I took its head as a souvenir.” She saw the disgusted look on Buffy’s face. “Relax, B. I took its head so Red can track where it’s being controlled from.”
Buffy stared at it for another long moment then turned to Spike. “I may be a slayer, but I’m exhausted,” she said, “and I’m going home.” She kissed him, lightly, on the cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”
“I’ll be there,” he said, “after another patrol with someone who doesn’t hate me.”
Buffy smiled fondly. Time was he couldn’t have said that without being laughed at, but now he could. She was glad of it. “Love you,” she said, before heading through the cog door.
“Come on,” Faith said. “Let’s get this head to Red. I think she’s with Tosh.”
Next: Chapter 20a
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, some minor OCs, the Doctor, Donna.
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace THANK YOU!
My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.
And part C because LJ hated me last night :)
LJ messed up my formatting. I tried to change it. Honest. It just stuck it's tongue out at me.
The phrase: "I give up!" springs to mind.
Thanks to skullgirl013 for beta'ing :)
Previous chapters: Ch.1 Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11a Ch.11b Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Interlude #1 Ch.16a Ch.16b Ch.17a Ch.17b Ch.18a Ch.18b Ch.19a Ch.19b
Chapter 19c: Arrangements.
20:49
The silence was deafening. Spike and Faith walked, side-by-side, through the cemetery, not talking or even looking at each other. Both wanted to be there, just not with the other.
“I still don't approve of you being here,” Faith said after a moment.
Spike glared at her. “Here? The cemetery?”
“No, here, on this Earth. You should be dust by now.”
“Dust would still be on the Earth.”
Faith pulled a stake. “You wanna test that theory?”
Spike dodged, fearfully. “Watch where you’re pointing that stake! Jack said not to stake me by mistake!”
“This won’t be by mistake!” Faith exclaimed.
“Do you want Buffy to stab you again?” Spike pointed out, still dodging the stake.
Faith lowered her hand with a growl. “No,” she said. She sighed. “Nor do I want to be kicked out of Torchwood. It’s the best home I’ve had in ages.” She spun the stake around her fingers as they headed off across the cemetery to some newly dug graves.
“If they jump out, you distract them,” Faith said.
“What, with the scent of Slayer clinging to my even pore?”
“Do vampires have pores?” Faith asked.
Spike blinked. “Of course we do. We just don't use them.”
Faith shrugged. “Alright,” she said, stepping onto the dirt as Spike lit a cigarette. “How do you vampires smoke?” she asked.
“Huh?”
“You don't breathe. You’re physically incapable.”
Spike looked at the cigarette between his fingers, then back at Faith. “I ... don't know?” He put the cigarette in his mouth and took a puff. Faith looked at him curiously. “I still don't know,” he said.
“Well, if you ever work it out then ...” Faith broke off as a hand emerged from the soil, grabbing her around the ankle. She shrieked in a very non-Slayer manner and kicked out as the hand attempted to drag her under. “Spike!” she yelled.
Spike dropped the cigarette and held her hands, pulling her out of the grave harder than whatever was underneath was pulling her. He pulled her all the way out and she scrabbled backwards across the ground away from the newly dug earth, panting heavily. “Thanks,” she said, reluctantly.
“Don't mention it,” Spike replied.
“Don't worry, I won’t.”
21:39
“Are we done yet?” Buffy demanded, exhaustedly.
Ianto gestured at the large hole in the wall. “Does it look like we’re done?” he asked, just as tiredly.
Buffy sighed and sat down on the base of the now upturned, empty wheelbarrow. “Aren't we rebricking it tomorrow?” she asked.
Ianto sat next to her. “No, we’re not.”
She groaned and glared at him. “Have you no mercy?”
He grinned. “The agreement was that you help me tidy up. I never mentioned anything about you helping me rebrick it. It’s fine.”
Buffy blinked hard a few times. “Are you telling me I’m off the hook?”
Ianto shook his head. “Not quite. You have to bring me a mug of coffee while I do the bricking.”
Buffy nodded frantically. “I can do that!” she said. She stopped. “Wait. I didn’t think you anyone to touch your coffee machine?”
Ianto chuckled. “I’ll put it in a thermos or something. You just have to pour.” He smirked at her.
She grinned. “Yay!”
“Yay? You sound like a four year old!” he exclaimed.
Buffy pouted. “And you sound like a grumpy old man,” she complained.
He rolled his eyes and stood up. “I’ll rebrick this tomorrow. Go home, get some rest. You look exhausted.”
“Busy day,” she said, “and all the work with the bricks has worn me down.”
Ianto touched her arm. “Sleep well,” he said.
“Thanks,” she replied, before heading out of the target range.
She walked into the hub just in time to see Spike and Faith walk in, Faith carrying the severed head of ...
Wait... was the head screaming?
“What the hell is that?” Buffy demanded, pointing at it, horror evident on her face.
“Just a zombie that decided to try and pull me underground,” Faith said. “I took its head as a souvenir.” She saw the disgusted look on Buffy’s face. “Relax, B. I took its head so Red can track where it’s being controlled from.”
Buffy stared at it for another long moment then turned to Spike. “I may be a slayer, but I’m exhausted,” she said, “and I’m going home.” She kissed him, lightly, on the cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”
“I’ll be there,” he said, “after another patrol with someone who doesn’t hate me.”
Buffy smiled fondly. Time was he couldn’t have said that without being laughed at, but now he could. She was glad of it. “Love you,” she said, before heading through the cog door.
“Come on,” Faith said. “Let’s get this head to Red. I think she’s with Tosh.”
Next: Chapter 20a