FIC: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh My! (4/?)
Name: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my!
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, other characters may follow later…
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace THANK YOU!
My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.
Yay, another chapter.
missthingsplaceasked for an update sooner than before, so here's my attempt. I was attempting a fluffy episode of fun ... but I'm not sure whether I suceeded. Let me know.
Previous chapters: Ch.1, Ch. 2 Ch.3
Chapter 4: Saturday Morning
Saturday 27th July
About a week later
08:57
“Will, stop fussing, I’m fine,” Tosh complained, as Willow pushed her back onto her bed with a scowl.
“You heard what Owen said. Bed rest for a week,” Willow replied.
Tosh pulled a face. “It’s been over a week. In fact, it’s been eight days, and I’ve been feeling fine for six of them. The only reason I didn’t argue with you already is that your idea of bed rest is quite wonderful.” Tosh grinned at her girlfriend, who blushed in a typically Willow-like manner.
“If I don’t make you rest for a week, Owen will kill me,” Willow informed her. “And I don’t want to die … especially not at his hands.” She winked at her.
Tosh giggled as she stood up again, this time using her magic to stop Willow from shoving her back down onto the bed, like she had the last ten times Tosh had attempted to go to work. “I,” she said, slowly and clearly, “am fine.” She wiggled her fingers around and they crackled with energy, sparks flying. “See? All present and correct.”
Willow smiled and reached out to touch Tosh, just to encounter a large bubble surrounding her, which surface rippled upon contact. “Hey!” Willow whined. “That’s not fair.” Tosh smirked, so Willow continued to poke the bubble, which turned different colours the more Willow poked it, until it turned red, signifying that if she continued to molest the poor bubble, she would be in a lot of trouble. Willow pulled a face and stepped back, holding her hands up in surrender. “Alright, you win. At least have some breakfast before we go to the hub?”
Tosh rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she consented. “Breakfast it is.” Not wanting to let Willow into her kitchen, Tosh pushed her way past her girlfriend, the bubble moving her to one side, and headed through the door and through the flat into the small kitchen. “Pancakes?” she asked.
Willow pulled a face, leaning against the counter and checking out Tosh’s backside at the same time. “Not pancakes,” she complained, “you Brits make them horribly. So ... flat.”
Tosh snorted in an unladylike manner. “I see.” She opened the fridge and rifled through. “Waffles?”
Willow nodded. “Waffles sound heavenly.”
Smiling, Tosh pulled out the ingredients necessary to make waffles and grabbed a bowl from nearby. “So what’s been going on with Torchwood since you banned me from all alien-or-demon-related conversation?” she asked, good temperedly.
Willow smirked. “Not much. We rescued a purple and green alien from being eaten by a Shmock demon.” She hopped up to sit on top of the counter, legs swinging back and forth like a little girl.
“What’s a Shmock demon?”
Repressing a shudder, Willow said, “They’re these demons who can only be killed by drowning and having their middle foot cut off.”
“Middle foot?” Tosh stopped what she was doing to look round at Willow. “Off the counter.”
Willow huffed and slid off the counter, walking behind Tosh and encircling her waist with her arms, linking her fingers together around her exposed navel (and oh how Willow loved how short her pyjama top was!) glad to discover her shield was now down. “The Shmock demon has three feet, that’s why we could catch it so easily,” Willow informed her, whispering the words in her ear seductively (only Willow could seduce Tosh by talking about three-legged demons), “it’s incredibly awkward. Falls over its foot a lot. It kicks rather hard, though ... and a lot.”
Tosh cracked an egg into the bowl. “I hope Buffy didn’t get too banged up.”
Willow snorted. “Buffy wasn’t there. It was me, Owen and Jack trying to wrestle a large purple demon into a crate for disposal.”
Chuckling, Tosh commented, “Next time you do something like that - make sure you film it. I’m sure it was hilarious.”
“Oh, it was,” Willow agreed, leaning her head against Tosh’s shoulder. “We were laughing about it for a couple of hours afterwards. Especially Jack’s attempted belly flop onto the demon.”
“Attempted?”
“The demon ... moved.” Tosh looked round at Willow, craning her neck to see her girlfriend, who moved around to be stood next to her so that Willow could see her more easily. “Jack ended up sprawled across the ground. It was very undignified.”
“And I bet you were all very sympathetic?” Tosh asked, and Willow nodded earnestly. “You laughed didn’t you?”
Trying to keep a straight face, Willow said, “Why would we do a thing like that?” Tosh raised an eyebrow at her. “Okay! Fine, we laughed,” Willow admitted, collapsing in peels of hysterical laughter. “But it was so funny.”
“I’m sure it was.” Tosh extricated herself from Willow’s encircling arms and reached into the cupboard, pulling out her waffle iron and turning it on to heat up. Once the little orange light was on, she turned around, pulling Willow forward so that one of Willow’s legs was between hers and her arms were enclosing Willow’s waist. “You are being careful in the field, right?”
Putting her arms around Tosh’s neck so that her hands rested together behind her, Willow gazed into the Japanese woman’s eyes. “I’m being as careful as I have ever been,” Willow informed her, gently. “If not more so.”
“More?” Tosh asked, kissing Willow gently on the mouth. “Why more?”
“Because I have you to come home to,” she responded, lifting her right hand to lay it, gently, against the side of Tosh’s face, fingering her dark hair. She bit her lip when she realised what she’d said. “I mean ... I have you to ... well ... I wasn’t trying to say here was home I was just ...”
Tosh reached out and placed her finger against Willow’s mouth to hush her. “Willow Rosenberg, would you like to move in with me?”
Willow’s jaw dropped for a moment, before she picked it up again and moved Tosh’s finger from her lips, gently. She reached up and brushed the hair from Tosh’s face, staring deeply into her eyes. “You’re not just asking this because of my slip-up, are you?” she asked.
Tosh shook her head. “No. I’ve wanted to ask you for weeks ... I just ... I wasn’t sure ...”
“... if I’d say yes?” Willow whispered. Tosh nodded and Willow swooped in, capturing her lips in a tender, searching kiss. After a long moment she pulled back. “Of course I would say yes.”
Tosh’s face broke out in a grin as she hugged Willow tightly. “I love you, Willow,” she said.
Willow pulled back, fast, staring at Tosh. “What did you say?”
Eyes widening, Tosh said, “I said I love you.”
“You’ve never said that before,” Willow whispered, softly. “I didn’t think you... I love you too,” she announced, firmly, smiling at Tosh.
Tosh grabbed her face, kissing her hard on the mouth and pushing her backwards so they stumbled against the counter, knocking the bowl of fruit to the ground, sending apples and oranges skittering across the floor. Her hands entwined in the redhead’s hair as their tongues touched and then, breathless, Tosh pulled back. “So was that a yes?” she asked, moving Willow’s hair away from her face to be able to see her more clearly.
Willow gazed up at her from where she was almost lying on the counter. “Yes,” she breathed.
Tosh grinned before kissing her again, one hand finding its way inside Willow’s blouse and tugging it off over the top of her head, then she pulled her upright and dragged her through to the bedroom, pushing her down on the bed and kissing her hard. As she worked her way down Willow’s body, Willow gasped out, “We’re not going to work today, are we?”
The last conscious thought Willow had before being taken over by sensation, was that Tosh’s laugh was even more beautiful when it sounded ever so slightly evil.
09:27
“Oh, come on!”
“No!”
“You’re being childish.”
“No, I’m not. I’m being practical. Me and parents do not mix.”
“They want to meet you!”
“You told me then don't even know I exist.”
“Well ... I said I was dating someone ... and they said they wanted to meet ... her.”
“Ianto!”
“Look, they’re my parents! I can’t tell them that I don't want them to meet the ... person ... I’m living with and shagging every night!”
“Please say you did not say shagging. If I’m going to meet them I want to make at least a decent first impression.”
“So you’ll meet them?”
“No!”
Ianto sighed and glowered across the bed at Jack, who was lying on his back, arms crossed across his chest, pouting like a little child. “You even look childish,” Ianto accused.
Jack turned his head to the right and scowled. “A child does not look this good.”
Rolling his eyes, Ianto kicked him under the duvet. “Jack ... please.” He gave him his most puppy-dog-eyed look.
“Ianto ...” Jack warned. “I told you ... me and parents don't mix.”
“I’m sure my parents will love you,” Ianto informed him, rolling over to sling an arm across his chest and look up at him. “I know I do.”
Jack groaned, knowing he’d lost the battle and would soon give in. “Oh, you’re evil, Mister Jones.”
Ianto grinned. “I know.”
09:49
“Give it here!”
“Nope!”
“I’m going to be late for work!”
“Stay here with me, then!”
“SPIKE!”
Spike stopped in his tracks where he was about to throw Buffy’s breakfast away. He knew that tone. That was the ‘do what I say or get something wooden and pointy thrust through your heart’ tone. Pulling a face, he passed her back her bowl of cornflakes and flopped down on the dining chair. “Why are you so desperate to get in to work today?”
Buffy grinned. “I’m in charge while Jack is off for the day.”
“It’s a Saturday. I can think of better things to do on a bloody Saturday than run Torchwood!”
Hesitating for a moment, Buffy said, “Me too ... but I want to be in charge for a change. I haven’t been in charge for five months. I’m having leader-withdrawal symptoms!” She put the last spoon of cornflakes in her mouth and swallowed. “I promise, I’ll get Jack to give me a whole day and night off soon,” she said, “and we will spend the whole time together.” She walked around to be standing between his knees, staring down at him. He glowered up at her. “Oh come on, throw me a bone?” He continued to glare. “A crumb? Oh, come on, love, just a crumb!” Spike smirked at her. “What?”
“You called me ‘love’.”
Buffy furrowed her brow. “Did I?” He smiled at her fondly and nodded. “Maybe I felt it.” She sighed and rested her hands on his shoulder, bending over him and pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
Her face broke out in a smile as she tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, particularly the strand that was tickling Spike’s nose where it was hanging down. “I’ll be back tonight.” She leaned down and captured his lips with her own.
Before she knew what was happening, he had threaded his fingers into her hair and had pulled her down to straddle his lap, deepening the kiss to such a point that she was moaning into his mouth. He released her, nipping and licking down her neck until she pulled back. “Ah!” she chastened. “Tonight.” She shivered as his cool fingers lifted up her top and slapped his hand away, gently.
“I want you,” he growled.
“And I want to have a day of playing leader,” Buffy responded, climbing off his lap and kissing him tenderly. “You can have me tonight. Torchwood has me today.”
Spike groaned. “At least toss us packet of blood as you leave,” he asked.
Grinning, Buffy opened the fridge and took out a packet of blood, lobbing it across the room, where it was caught by Spike, who was smirking.
10:38
The alarm sounded as the cog door rolled to one side and Buffy entered, her trousers swishing as she walked. As soon as she entered, she was assaulted by Gwen. “Buffy! I’m glad you’re here. We had a call about a demon, but Anya and Xander haven’t shown yet, so we didn’t know what to do.”
Buffy nodded. “What’s going on?” She slipped her bag off her shoulder and dumped it on her desk, putting her jacket over the back of her chair and switching on her computer. Over the five months, the hub had been rearranged somewhat to allow more space for the new members of the team. The autopsy bay now contained emergency supplies and Owen’s computer, the coffee machine had been moved elsewhere and there was a fancy infirmary down in a lower part of the vaults, making room for extra desks.
“Basically, a demon robbed a bank ... and it’s now making off through the town with bags of money.” Buffy raised an eyebrow. “It’s described as being grey, reminding people vaguely of a fish and having strange ... tentacle like things on its head? Oh, and its arms are saw-like,” Owen said, approaching.
“M'Fashnik,” Buffy said.
“Bless you,” Gwen answered, quickly.
Buffy sent her a withering look. “No, that’s the name of the demon.” She looked at Owen. “And I have to say, that was a lousy description.”
Owen snorted. “You still understood it though.”
“The last M'Fashnik demon I slew destroyed half my house,” Buffy said, “right when I couldn’t pay the bills, too.” She reached into her bag and retrieved a large axe. “You don't forget that in a hurry.”
“How the ...” Owen started, obviously wondering if her bag used some sort of TARDIS technology.
“So, where is this demon now?” Buffy asked.
“Heading towards a second bank,” Gwen informed her. “But you’re not going to kill it are you?”
Buffy waved the axe in the Welshwoman’s face. “I have a big axe and a demon robbing banks. What do you think?” Gwen blushed and looked down at her feet as Buffy waved the axe at Owen. “Right, you and me; we go bag this demon. Should be simple enough. You drive the SUV.”
Owen coughed. “Excuse me? And why should we take orders from you?”
“Because Jack left me in charge while he’s not here,” Buffy pointed out as she made a move to leave the hub. “That’s why.” She stood right beside Owen and turned her head to look at him sideways. “Plus, we all know you like me when I take control.”
Owen’s eyes widened at the obvious flirtation, but Buffy didn’t see it, as she was already walking out of the hub, grinning, just imagining the look on his face. It took him five minutes to get outside and climb into the SUV, putting the key into the ignition and starting the car. “I don't fancy you,” he said, glowering at her.
“Just drive.”
“I don't!”
Buffy laughed and leaned back, looking across at him from the passenger seat, her head resting on its ear against the headrest. “I don't mind if you do or do not fancy me,” she informed him. “You’re my friend and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”
“I thought you didn’t like me.”
Rolling her eyes, Buffy said, “I assume you have forgotten all that time we spent talking when I almost died last?”
“But I promised you wouldn’t die and you did ... I let you down.” Owen sighed. She’d never seen him so vulnerable. It was quite endearing.
“You didn’t let me down. I didn’t die, remember? I’m still alive and kicking your ass.”
“And flirting with me.”
“Hey! You started it.” She smiled fondly as she remembered his shameless flirting the day before. Spike had become quite possessive... and that was a fun thing to be exploited.
“You’re right. I did. There’s nothing wrong with flirting,” Owen said, as they drove off.
“As long as you remember I love Spike and I want to be with him.”
Whatever Owen said in response to that was lost on Buffy, who was in her own little world. Had she really just admitted that she loved the evil soulless vampire she was shagging? It was at that moment that, for the first time, she realised that she did, indeed, love Spike. She smiled to herself as Owen rounded a corner at high speed. It was a funny old world.
11:43
“You know, if you wanted this to go well you should have worn a suit.”
Ianto looked down at his jeans and t-shirt-clad form. “Why?”
“Because wearing that, all I want to do is rip it off you!” Jack growled, bringing his face close to Ianto’s. “You’re too sexy for your own good. Especially in jeans.”
Before Jack could kiss him, Ianto pulled back, putting a hand on Jack’s chest. “Let’s not give my parents a show to remember, yes?”
It was at that moment that the front door to his parents’ house opened and a large woman with dark hair like Ianto enveloped her son in a hug. “I’m so glad you could make it, Yan!”
“Mam,” Ianto said, with a grimace. “I hate that name.”
His mother laughed and hugged him closer. “I know,” she said, with a grin that made Jack like her instantly, “I know!” She turned to Jack. “And who are you?” she asked.
“Captain Jack Harkness.” Jack flashed his trademark grin at her and shook her hand. “Pleased to meet you, ma’am.”
Ianto’s mother visibly blushed, causing the young Welshman to roll his eyes and pull Jack backwards, away from his mother, making the Captain smirk. His mother just continued to stare, entranced, at Jack until Ianto said, “So ... can we come in?”
Snapping out of her reverie, his mother glanced at him, back at Jack, then at the house. “Yes, yes, of course,” she stammered, moving to one side and gesturing that the two men should go inside. Ianto grabbed Jack’s hand and dragged him in. The first thing Jack noticed was that Ianto’s parents lived in a beautiful and immaculate home. The second thing he noticed was that Ianto had not released his hand.
“Jack, this is my dad,” Ianto said, gesturing at his father, who was slumped on the sofa staring at the TV. He lifted a hand to wave a bit before returning to the TV. Ianto rolled his eyes. “You won’t get much sense out of him,” he informed Jack. “If it’s not about football or food, he’s not interested.” He turned to his mother, still not releasing Jack’s hand. “Mam, where’s Libby?”
His mother looked around. “I told her to stay down here.” She sighed. “Probably up in her room.”
Ianto nodded. “I’ll go say hi.” He considered, for a moment, going upstairs without Jack. But then he realised it would involve leaving Captain Jack Harkness alone with his parents and changed his mind. Fast. “Come on.” He tugged on Jack’s hand, towing him up the stairs and onto the landing, where he knocked on his sister’s door. “Libby? It’s Ianto and Jack.”
“Come in!”
Ianto pushed open the bedroom door and walked in, almost pulling Jack off his feet with a sharp tug. Jack fell into the room, gripping onto Ianto to stop himself from landing face-first on the floor and smashing his nose in. A young girl, who looked a lot like Ianto, was sat on her bed, her black hair falling loosely around her face. She looked about twenty-two. “Oh!” she exclaimed as they came in. “You sure know how to pick them!” She jumped off the bed and quickly hugged Ianto. “He’s hot.”
Jack grinned and Ianto smirked. “Thanks, Lib.”
“So, this is him, right?” she asked Ianto, who nodded. “Pleased to meet you, Jack. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“I thought you said your family didn’t know about me?” Jack said to Ianto.
Ianto shrugged. “I said my parents didn’t know. My sister knows. She always has.”
“Yep,” Libby confirmed. “It was me he came to when he was eighteen and had fallen for a guy. He knew I wouldn’t judge.”
Ianto scoffed. “You judged!”
“I judged your taste in men.” She turned to Jack and whispered, conspiratorially, “That first guy ... he was not very good looking ... and he had a personality you could die from.”
Jack laughed, earning him a glare from Ianto. “Elizabeth...” he said, warningly.
Libby rolled her eyes. “You can tell when he’s mad at me. He uses my full name.” She looked at Ianto, sternly. “So how are you going to tell mom and dad that Jack is your boyfriend?”
“Partner,” Ianto corrected.
“Oh, cool! Congrats!” Libby exclaimed, excitedly.
“I don't know how to tell them,” Ianto said, awkwardly. “I was thinking of walking around holding his hand and groping him every now and again and hope they’d work it out.”
Libby rolled her eyes. “If you do it right, they’ll accept it and move on. Do it like that and ... well ... you’re doomed.”
Ianto grimaced. “I thought as much.” He looked at Jack, then towards the door, as though he could see through it to downstairs. “This is going to be fun.”
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