FIC: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my! (1/?)
Name: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my!
Rating: PG-13 (Will rise later, most likely. 'tis me after all)
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, other characters may follow later…
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18 (I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace. THANK YOU!
So here you go. The next story in my Magic and Mayhem series (Oh god, did I just say series? I'm doomed now). This takes place approximately five months after Magic and Mayhem :] And, oooh lookie ... we have chapter titles now (these might not stick around. I suck at titles (hence asking
missthingsplace and ic
ickle18 for title ideas)). Oh and notice the new icon. Go on, NOTICE IT! I made it myself, I did, I did. I made a much more funky animated one in the first time but it was ten times too big (no exageration, really), so I couldn't use it. Meh, I say.
If you haven't read Magic and Mayhem at the Rift you probably should. Click here to read it.
Chapter 1: Welcome Back
Friday 18th July 2008
23:37
“Every time I wear a skirt.” Buffy threw up her hands in defeat as she looked around the cemetery she was in. “Every time I wear a bloody skirt.” Yes, she knew Spike’s constant use of the word ‘bloody’ was rubbing off on her but, honestly, she didn’t care. “Every single time ...” she muttered. “Oh, come on out!” She looked around the tombstones. “I know you’re here somewhere and I’m inevitably going to find you, so will you just come out already so I can go back to my date?”
Strong arms snaked around her waist from behind and she relaxed into Spike’s chest. “I think you’re beautiful even when your skirt is like that.”
Buffy looked down to see that her knee-length skirt was not only ripped up the side (but she already knew that, having had to rip it to run from the restaurant) but also covered in mud from the puddles she’d splashed in, as were her bare feet, her heels long abandoned by a roadside somewhere. She made a little ‘oh’ noise, in a small voice. “I shouldn’t go on dates.”
Spike chuckled, sending pleasant vibrations through his and her bodies. “You are the one that persuaded me to start taking you out on dates, love,” he purred in her ear. “Said something about girls liking an excuse to eat fancy meals and wear a pretty dress.” As he said the word ‘dress’ he trailed his hand down her side to her knee, then up again, lifting her skirt and slipping his hand underneath.
Buffy sighed contentedly until she saw the demon she’d been chasing slinking away in the distance. She let out a groan of rage and started running again, across the cemetery, Spike on her heels, until she grabbed the demon from behind and hit it across the head. “My bag!” she yelled at Spike as she pushed the demon to the ground, rolling around a few times until she was straddling it.
She lifted her hand just in time to catch the axe Spike tossed her way, bringing it down on the demon and severing its head from its body.
She waited patiently for it to dust.
It didn’t.
She stood up and looked at her clothes, strands of hair hanging over her face. She whimpered. “This was my only dress,” she complained, realising it was now completely beyond repair. When she had set off with Spike two hours earlier, intent on having a lovely dinner with him (even though he couldn’t eat with her) and enjoying a movie afterwards, she had been wearing a stunning red dress. Now it was a murky brown with green goop on it from the demon.
She put her finger to her ear. “Ianto, are you there?” she said.
Muffled voices came through the earpiece. “Yep,” Ianto replied. “Jack, stop it!” She had a horrible feeling Jack wasn’t stopping, for when Ianto spoke again, he was breathless. “I’m ... here ...”
“You’re busy. So am I. Look, Ianto, I just killed a demon in ...” She looked around, helplessly. “Well, here. In a cemetery near Murrey’s - you know Murrey’s, right? The fancy restaurant I was having a date in?” She sighed. “I could do with some help to dispose of this demon.”
“I’ll call Tosh and ... Jack! Stop it! ... Willow in to ... oh ... don't s-stop ...” There was a gulping sound. “I’ll get Willow and Tosh to dispose of the body as soon as p-possible.” The line went dead.
Buffy chuckled and took her earpiece off. “Okay,” Spike said. “I have to ask ... why do you have an axe in your handbag and your earpiece in on our date?” He looked at her with one eyebrow raised. “What kind of person brings an axe on a date?”
“The Slayer,” Buffy replied, simply.
“Shall we go back?” Spike asked, offering Buffy his arm.
She grimaced. “I think not. They won’t even let me in with my dress like this. I say” - she walked to stand in front of him, her bare feet brushing his boots - “we go home early.”
“I like that idea,” Spike said, bending down to kiss Buffy, gently. “I like that idea a lot.”
Buffy pulled away and looped her arm through Spike’s, something he had, at first, objected to but now found oddly endearing (though he found it was another sign of his becoming a softie). She glanced up at the sky as a droplet of rain hit her nose. “Oh ... typical ...” she moaned, as the rain became torrential. “I hate Cardiff!” she yelled through the noise, as she grabbed Spike’s hand and ran.
Saturday 19th July
09:43
Ring ring ring!
Buffy rolled over in bed and tucked her head beneath Spike’s arm in a desperate attempt to block out the sound of her phone ringing. When the irritating noise didn’t go away, she climbed out of bed, taking the blanket with her, and walked across to the phone on the wall, pulling it off and holding it to her ear. “Have a heart, it’s a Saturday!”
Spike groaned and rolled over in bed, knowing he was doomed to another day in bed alone. Sure enough, within a minute, Buffy was by his side, kissing him on the head and muttering an apology as she fetched her clothes. “What is it this time?” he asked, sitting up in bed, his peroxide-blonde hair messed up from the previous night’s activities.
Buffy pulled on her shorts and sleeveless top and turned to grin at Spike, who rolled his eyes and, before she could speak said, “You forgot your bra.”
Buffy looked down at her top and sighed. “Thanks,” she said, quickly, reaching for her bra, pulling off her top, putting her bra on and replacing her top.
“So, where’s the fire?”
Buffy smiled, flipping out her hair in front of the mirror and running a quick brush through it with a smile. Her hair was long again, tumbling its way down to just below her shoulders; something Spike loved. She had liked it short, thought it suited her, but she didn’t trust a demon and alien infested city to cut her hair for her, so she had left it to grow. “They’re back,” she said, with a grin, turning to Spike and grabbing her bag from nearby.
Spike groaned, rolled his eyes and collapsed backwards onto the bed.
10:37
Buffy walked into the hub with some trepidation, unsure of what the traveller’s attitude towards her would be like. They were stood in the middle of the hub, exchanging hugs and stories with the Torchwood team, huge smiles on their face. As she walked in, they turned.
Anya squealed and ran forward to hug Buffy, Faith smiled slightly and nodded her head and Owen smiled from across the room.
“Xander,” Buffy said, quietly, to the last remaining traveller, who hadn’t greeted her with anything other than a stare.
He swallowed. “Buffy,” he replied, just as quietly.
“How was California?” she asked, after a moment.
“Different. Sunnydale doesn’t exist so it’s actually safe to wander around there at night.”
Buffy nodded. “Sounds good. Any rain?”
He shook his head. “Nope, was dry the whole time we were there.”
“Bet you wish you’d stayed.” She offered him a small smile.
Xander shook his head and walked towards her, putting his arms around his friend. “Never.”
She relaxed into the embrace, burying her face in his neck. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“No,” he said, pulling back slightly and holding her face between his hands. “I’m sorry ... I shouldn’t have reacted like that. What I called you ...”
“... a necrophilliac whore ...”
“Thank you, Anya!” Xander said, exasperatedly, shutting his fiancé up. “I should never have called you that, Buff.”
“I shouldn’t have called you a demon-lover ...” Buffy conceded.
“I am an ex-demon,” Anya said. Xander and Buffy both glowered at her for interrupting again. She sighed and walked off to talk to Ianto.
“... it was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”
Xander pulled her in for another hug, holding her close. “It’s water under the bridge.”
Buffy blinked away tears as she held herself as close to Xander as she could manage. “I love you, Xander, you know that, right?”
“I love you too,” Xander replied, pulling back and kissing her on the forehead.
“I was more annoyed by the ‘whore’ comment than the ‘necrophilliac’, by the way,” she said, with a grin. Xander chuckled and hugged her once more.
“I missed you,” he said.
“Are you done hugging my fiancé yet?” Anya demanded, before Buffy could return the sentiment, emerging from the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
“Yep,” Buffy stepped back from Xander with a smile.
“I notice Spike isn’t here,” Xander said with a grin. “I see you’ve finally come to your senses.”
Buffy bristled and Anya said, “Uh oh.”
“I haven’t ‘come to my senses’, Xander,” Buffy snarled. “It’s light out. He’s at home.”
Xander blinked. “You say ‘at home’ like you live together.”
“It’s not like he lives in his apartment,” Jack said, walking towards the two of them with a grin. “Don't know why we paid for it.” He clapped Xander on the shoulder. “Good to have you back.”
Xander nodded at him, distractedly. “Are you telling me you’re living with chip-boy?”
“He’s not a boy,” Faith said.
“He’s really not,” Buffy agreed, with a fond smile. “Really ... not ...”
Xander looked like he was about to throw up as he turned away from Buffy and went across to stand near Anya. “I don't know you anymore,” he said, quietly, to Buffy.
She looked like she’d been slapped. “Xander ...” she breathed, but he was already walking away with Anya to greet Tosh and Willow, who were approaching from across the hub.
She turned around just to be face-to-face with Owen. “Welcome home,” she said, with a smile, putting her arms around him for a quick hug. Owen, not usually the hugging type, hugged her back for just a second before pushing her away with a snarky comment about having alien goo on her shirt. She looked down at it.
“It’s the pattern, you idiot,” she said, good-temperedly, slapping him on the arm and looking, self-consciously this time, at her shirt. She let out a little whimpering noise. “Be honest with me ... does it really look like alien goo?”
Owen chuckled, holding his arm and trying not to show how much her friendly slap had hurt him. “Nah, darlin’, it looks like road kill.”
Buffy rolled her eyes and looked at Faith, her expression instantly becoming serious. “Welcome back,” she said.
“Thanks, B,” Faith replied, high-fiving the other Slayer. “You should o’ come with us, girl, it was fantastic over there ... not a demon as far as the eye could see ... we just lounged on the beach all day.”
Buffy smiled. “Sounds nice,” she said. “But, I had to stay here to have my private time interrupted by aliens and demons. I tried to go on a date with Spike last night ... but this huge great green Mok’dah demon came running into the restaurant.”
“Sounds like they’re getting rifer.” Faith grinned. “Sounds like fun.”
Buffy pulled a face. “Fun isn’t the word I’d use.”
“You’re getting stuck up again, B!” Faith exclaimed. “Let loose and live a little.”
Buffy sighed. “I know. It’s hard to relax after Cardiff got blown to smithereens by Spike’s exact duplicate.”
“We all survived though, right?” Faith said, with a grin. “What’s the big deal?”
“It was just hard, Faith.” Buffy glanced across at Jack’s office, in which he was now chatting to Xander and Anya. “You can just shrug things like that off ... but some of found it hard to cope with.” She closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. “Everything that’s happened since we joined Torchwood. God, if Spike hadn’t have taken that bullet for Owen ...” She let her hand drop down and snapped out of her reverie. “But ... enough gloom talk. Everyone’s fine and alive and hugging” - she gestured at Tosh and Owen hugging by what used to be the autopsy bay and was now a make-shift infirmary - “and it’s all of the good.”
Faith nodded. “Yep,” she replied. “I guess we were saved by the element of surprise. If John had known how many of us there are now ... he might have set more charges.”
“Yeah.” Buffy looked across the room again at the animated argument going on between Jack and Xander. She absently wondered what it was they were arguing about, until Ianto came over with a large, lidded bucket.
“I wondered if you’d like to come and feed Janet with me,” he said, with a smile, gesturing at the bucket.
Buffy smiled and nodded, following Ianto down to the vaults. It had become almost a tradition between them, since Jack had mentioned to Ianto Janet’s reaction to Buffy, that, if she was in early enough, they would go down to the vaults together and she would feed Janet while Ianto kept an eye on her safety. She was able to go right inside Janet’s cell and empty the bucket into her food trough without any weapons.
Also, Janet appreciated the company.
“Here you go,” Ianto said, with a smile, passing the bucket to Buffy and opening the cell door. The glass slid to one side and Janet looked up, warily, at Ianto, who was sporting a can of anti-weevil spray. Buffy smiled down at her, gently, as she sidled inside and tipped the bucket into the trough, the brown goop (Ianto swore it wasn’t what she thought it was, but Jack’s laughter when she asked told her Ianto was most likely lying) flowed into the trough and she pulled a face, looking sideways at Janet.
“How can you eat this stuff, eh?” she said, as Janet walked over to her and nuzzled against her. Once no goop was left in the bucket she put it on the ground, walking across to sit down on the seating. Janet made a little noise (Buffy assumed it was a happy noise) and moved across to lean her head in Buffy’s lap as she petted her.
Ianto made an impressed noise; the same one he always made. “I have never seen a Weevil behave with a human the way Janet behaves with you.”
Buffy looked up with a smile. “I’m not human,” she pointed out, “remember?”
Ianto nodded. “Of course. You came back ‘different’ and you’re the Slayer. You still seem human to me,” he said.
“You’re the only one then,” Buffy replied, softly, as Janet made a quiet crooning sound.
10:57
Meanwhile
“So, basically,” Anya said, placing a small folder down on Jack’s desk, “the California tourist office we went to said there used to be a place called ‘Sunnydale’ but it was renamed in eighteen fifty-one ...”
“We visited the now renamed Sunnydale and even went as far as inspecting the high school.” Xander looked fondly at Anya. “We passed as very good parents.” Anya grinned back as he continued. “Anyway; the school was completely different ... the library didn’t so much as have a copy of Harry Potter in it. Nothing about demons or Hellmouths or witches ...” His grin vanished. “Though, I have to say, the Principal was mightily creepy.” He shuddered dramatically.
“No mystical convergences, then?” Jack enquired.
“Nope,” Anya told him. “Totally clean. We didn’t see a single vampire or demon and, trust me, we looked everywhere in the first week.” She sighed with a smile. “But, after that, we just enjoyed the holiday.”
“Good ... good ...” Jack thumbed through the file, not really caring about what was inside. After all, it was safe there. “It’s good to have you all back,” he said, after a moment, with a smile. “Anya, are you ready to go back to manning the tourist office?”
Anya nodded madly. “You betcha!” she exclaimed with her usual over exuberance.
“Good ... Xander, could I talk to you in private for a moment, please?”
“Sure,” Xander replied. He turned to Anya. “Could you leave for a minute?” She looked offended. “Ahn, please?”
She sighed, glowered darkly at Jack, and then turned and left the office. After a moment, Xander looked at Jack. Before he could ask what Jack wanted him for, the older man spoke; “I noticed you weren’t getting on too well with Buffy.”
Xander shrugged and sat down on the chair opposite Jack’s desk. “I’ve known her six years ... but now ... I feel like I don't know her at all.”
Jack made a ‘what can you do?’ gesture. “In what way has she changed?”
“She’s ... different.”
“Okay?”
Xander sighed deeply. “She’s been ... standoffish ... since we brought her back... and then, suddenly, she was secretive, but more Buffy-like again. It was nice to see her returning to normal. But now ... God, she’s shagging Spike! The evil dead! At least Angel had a soul.” He let his head fall backwards as he was talking and rubbed his eyes. “I know I shouldn’t have called her what I called her ... but I thought she had more sense. All those times I told Spike to stuff it ... that she wasn’t stupid enough to let him touch her ...”
“You can’t blame her, though, he is sexy ...” Jack muttered. Xander glowered at him and he looked apologetic. “I’m not saying she’s doing the right thing ... but he loves her and” - he had a feeling he’d get yelled at for what he was about to say - “I think she loves him, too.”
“She what?” Xander yelled.
Jack resisted the urge to stick his finger in his ear and pull a face. “You heard me.”
“She can’t love him. He hasn’t got a soul! She’s stupid.”
Rolling his eyes, Jack stood up and walked around until he was bending over the chair Xander was in, leaning on the arm rests. “If your friend is anything, it is not stupid.”
“She’s not my friend anymore.”
Jack groaned and leaned a little closer in. “Look,” he said. “So far, to me, you seem like a nice kid. You don't seem as petty as you’re acting.” He was growling the words. “Buffy is a good girl and she deserves better.” Xander was visibly cowering. “Be nicer or I’ll deal with you myself.”
Jack stepped back, a satisfied smile gracing his features. “Dismissed,” he said. Xander scrambled up out of his chair and ran out of the office, looking back fearfully, before running after his fiancé.
11:07
Faith and Owen watched as Xander ran out of Jack’s office after Anya. Owen sighed. “Do you ever get the feeling we’re missing out?” he asked, after a moment.
She raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”
Owen considered for a minute. “Everyone seems to be pairing off. Xander’s got Anya, Anya’s got Xander, Tosh and Willow have got their thing” - he held up a finger - “which, I have to say, makes me warm and tingly inside to think about” - he turned back to watching across the room - “Gwen’s got Rhys, Martha has her bloke, though she hasn’t mentioned him in a while, Jack and Ianto are living together now and Spike and Buffy are a thing ... we’re the only ones still alone.”
He turned and looked at Faith, who gazed back at him for a moment. “You’re right,” she replied.
Owen nodded. “Maybe we should try out the couple thing.”
Bowing her head in agreement, Faith tucked her hair behind her ear. She glanced across the room at Anya and Xander, who were now arguing, then looked back at Owen. Their eyes met.
“Then again...” Owen said.
Faith finished his thought for him, “... maybe not.”
They turned and walked in opposite directions, laughing at themselves as they went.
~Next chapter~