FIC: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my! (16a/?)
Name: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my!
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, some minor OCs, the Doctor, Donna.
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace THANK YOU!
My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.
Lookie, a new chapter within a week of the last. Aren't I good? :P
So LJ decided to be evil and made me split my post into parts A and B. =/ Oh well! Enjoy two parts. =)
Don't kill me at the end of this, please. =)
Previous chapters: Ch.1, Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11a Ch.11b Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Interlude #1
Chapter 16a: Plans.
Monday 19th August
06:49
Captain Jack Harkness had a plan regarding Ianto Jones.
It wasn’t a fiendish plan, or an evil plot ... more like a clever scheme. A very clever scheme, in Jack Harkness’ opinion. But, then again, he was biased.
Of course, this clever scheme would require a lot of planning around Gwen, Tosh and Buffy’s own plans. The plans Jack knew Ianto wouldn't like as much as his plans.
Because his plans, frankly, could not be topped.
Unlike Ianto, who could be, which was fun.
Gwen, Tosh and Buffy’s plans, however, were more elaborate and far less likely to please Ianto. And if Jack knew anything, it was how to please Ianto.
As such, when everyone arrived for work, and Gwen, Tosh and Buffy began bustling around the hub trying to prepare (although they’d already prepared the night before) for Ianto’s arrival, Jack hid away in his office (once he’d been sworn to secrecy - again) and began arranging the coming evening’s ... festivities.
“Come on, Jack!” Gwen complained, as she stood in his office. “Help us out.”
“I am not bringing Ianto inside under false pretences so you can surprise him with a birthday party.” Jack glowered at her. “He’ll be the one ending up cleaning up afterwards!”
Gwen put her hands on her hips and pouted. She actually pouted, sticking her lip out. “Jaaaaaaack,” she whined.
Jack put his head in his hands on the desk. “Fine. On one condition.”
She raised her eyebrow. “Go on.”
“You have the day to throw him a party with cake and presents and” - he put his hands up - “whatever else you want. But at seven tonight, I can take him home for our own party and not be disturbed until morning.”
Gwen blushed.
“Not like that. I want to have a romantic evening with him,” Jack said. “So can we agree on seven?”
“Eight,” Gwen argued.
“Why eight?” Jack asked
“Because ...” Gwen stopped. “Alright. Fine. Seven.”
Jack nodded. “Thank you.” He went back to jotting things down on a piece of paper. Gwen continued to stand there. He looked up. “Something else?”
“You’re supposed to be helping,” she pointed out.
Jack pulled a face. “Oh, fine.” He stood up and walked around. “What do you want me to do?”
She grinned. “Bring him through from the tourist office before he can retreat into the archives and hide.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “How?”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”
07:02
When Ianto let himself in through the door of the tourist office, he had every intention of hiding away in the archives until it wasn’t his birthday anymore. But instead he was assaulted by Jack, who had been lying in wait. After a passionate kiss and grope, Ianto pulled back, flushed and flustered and asked, “Where were you this morning? I missed you.”
“Sorry,” Jack said, slightly guiltily. “Had some work to do. Happy birthday, though!”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Thank you,” he said, warily. “Why didn’t you just wait for me to bring you coffee rather than meeting me here?”
“Um. I wanted to see the man I love?”
“Uh huh.” Ianto moved around the tourist office and rearranged the brochures. “Where’s Anya?” he asked.
Jack bit his lip. “Um. At home?”
Ianto looked at him sideways. “Okay.” He sat down. “I’ll man the tourist office then.” He was looking for an excuse not to go into the hub.
“No, no, no!” Jack said, dragging Ianto to his feet. “I happen to have a birthday present waiting for you in my office so ... come on!” He was about to hit the button when the door opened and Libby walked in, shaking rain off an umbrella.
“Yan!” she squealed, running across and hugging him. “Happy birthday!”
Ianto hugged her back, tightly. “Thanks, Lib,” he said. He looked up at Jack, silently mouthing ‘can she hang around?’ Jack nodded a martyred nod.
“I bought you a present,” she announced, as she slipped her coat off and put it over the desk. She handed him a box.
“Thanks Lib,” he replied.
“Can we go through already? It’s cold in here,” Jack said.
Libby turned, noticing his existence for the first time. “Oh, hi Jack!” she said, with a grin, hugging him too. “Nice to see you. I see you in a totally different light now I know you run this place,” she said.
Ianto hit the button under the desk and the wall slid to one side. “Shall we?” he said. Jack and Libby nodded, heading through the opening into the walkway beyond.
They wandered through until the cog door slid to one side and Ianto stepped in. “Coffee?” he said.
Jack nodded, but Libby said, “It’s your birthday, you shouldn’t be making coffee for everyone!”
“It’s my job, and I wouldn't drink Owen’s if you paid me,” Ianto retorted.
At that moment, from behind all the desks, Buffy, Gwen, Tosh and the others jumped up, yelling, “Surprise!” as streamers and balloons fell from the ... lack of ceiling.
Ianto grimaced and turned round, grinning. “Wow, a surprise party!” he said. “How ... original.” He was surprised when Buffy came over and hugged him.
“Happy birthday,” she said, with a smile, as someone turned loud techno music on.
“Thanks,” he replied, smiling back.
“I did tell them you’d hate it, mate,” Owen said, coming over and clapping him on the back. Ianto merely rolled his eyes. “But they overruled me with the ‘cake’ argument.”
“Ooh, there’s cake?” Libby said.
“Who’s this?” Owen said, flirtatiously.
“Oh dear God!” Ianto spluttered, moving Owen away and sending him towards Tosh. He turned on Libby, who was watching him go, her eyes looking suspiciously like they were gazing at his arse. “Libby!” he scolded. “Please ... please don’t fancy Owen.”
“Why not?” Libby asked. “He’s cute!”
Ianto groaned. “Because ... he’s Owen. And I shot him once. And he almost destroyed the world and ... and he’s Owen!”
Libby rolled her eyes as Buffy came over.
“Nice to see you again,” Buffy said, partly frostily.
“You too,” Libby retorted, as Buffy pressed a glass of lemonade into Ianto’s hand. He eyed it warily. “Oh, by the way,” Libby said. “PC Button called me.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “He did, did he?”
“Yep,” Libby said, grinning. “We went out on a date. Kyle’s lovely. A perfect gentleman.”
“‘Kyle’ now, is it?” Ianto enquired
Libby rolled her eyes. “Yes.”
“How much do you know about this guy?”
“I know he’s a cop, he’s naturally blonde but dyes his hair, he loves sushi, the colour blue and rock music. He hates pink, rap and pop and sprouts.”
“So you know his likes and dislikes! But how much does that tell you about him? And how old is he?”
Libby shuffled her feet. “Twenty-nine.”
“Don't you think he’s a bit old?” he demanded.
Buffy tapped him on the arm. “Last week you told me to stop you if you go into over-protective-brother mode. Well ...”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he said, grumpily.
“Ooh, cake time!” Buffy exclaimed, skipping off across the hub towards Gwen and Tosh, who were bringing out a massive birthday cake from the kitchen. Jack gestured and followed her.
Libby turned to Ianto. “You knew about the party, didn’t you?” she enquired.
“Yep,” Ianto replied. “I guessed the minute Jack met me at the door.”
Libby grinned. “Oh well. I know you hate parties and techno music, but you might as well enjoy it! I spy pressies!” Ianto rolled his eyes as Libby dragged him across the hub to a small pile of presents and the cake.
“Blow out the candles!” Buffy insisted.
Ianto glared at her.
Buffy hit him on the arm.
Ianto rolled his eyes.
Buffy crossed her arms and pointed at the lit candles.
Ianto bent forward and blew them out, swiftly. “They were a fire hazard,” he said, blandly.
Everyone laughed.
“Cheer up,” Libby said. “Open your present!”
Ianto looked down at it and sighed, taking the wrapping paper off. It was a DVD.
“Thanks!” he said, genuinely, hugging his sister.
“Knew you wanted it,” she replied.
“Yep. I want to educate Jack in Star Trek. He’s never watched it!”
Libby giggled. “He doesn’t know Kirk and Picard and Spock and ...?”
“Hey, did you say ‘Spock’?” Jack enquired, from behind Ianto.
“Yes, why?” Libby said. “He’s this Vulcan, logical, alien guy.”
Jack put a hand over his mouth and started laughing. “What is it?” Ianto asked.
“Just something from a long time ago,” Jack said, through his giggles (they were impossible to describe as anything else). “I’ll tell you about it later, I promise.”
Ianto nodded as Tosh put a present into his hands with a small, slightly shy smile. “Thanks, Tosh,” he said, pulling her into a one-armed hug before opening the present. It was a watch. Quite a fancy watch, actually.
He hugged her again, tightly. “Thank you,” he said, again.
She smiled. “No problem. It’s from Willow and me, actually.”
Ianto nodded at Willow. “Thanks,” he said. Willow smiled.
Onwards to Part B
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, some minor OCs, the Doctor, Donna.
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace THANK YOU!
My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.
Lookie, a new chapter within a week of the last. Aren't I good? :P
So LJ decided to be evil and made me split my post into parts A and B. =/ Oh well! Enjoy two parts. =)
Don't kill me at the end of this, please. =)
Previous chapters: Ch.1, Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11a Ch.11b Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Interlude #1
Chapter 16a: Plans.
Monday 19th August
06:49
Captain Jack Harkness had a plan regarding Ianto Jones.
It wasn’t a fiendish plan, or an evil plot ... more like a clever scheme. A very clever scheme, in Jack Harkness’ opinion. But, then again, he was biased.
Of course, this clever scheme would require a lot of planning around Gwen, Tosh and Buffy’s own plans. The plans Jack knew Ianto wouldn't like as much as his plans.
Because his plans, frankly, could not be topped.
Unlike Ianto, who could be, which was fun.
Gwen, Tosh and Buffy’s plans, however, were more elaborate and far less likely to please Ianto. And if Jack knew anything, it was how to please Ianto.
As such, when everyone arrived for work, and Gwen, Tosh and Buffy began bustling around the hub trying to prepare (although they’d already prepared the night before) for Ianto’s arrival, Jack hid away in his office (once he’d been sworn to secrecy - again) and began arranging the coming evening’s ... festivities.
“Come on, Jack!” Gwen complained, as she stood in his office. “Help us out.”
“I am not bringing Ianto inside under false pretences so you can surprise him with a birthday party.” Jack glowered at her. “He’ll be the one ending up cleaning up afterwards!”
Gwen put her hands on her hips and pouted. She actually pouted, sticking her lip out. “Jaaaaaaack,” she whined.
Jack put his head in his hands on the desk. “Fine. On one condition.”
She raised her eyebrow. “Go on.”
“You have the day to throw him a party with cake and presents and” - he put his hands up - “whatever else you want. But at seven tonight, I can take him home for our own party and not be disturbed until morning.”
Gwen blushed.
“Not like that. I want to have a romantic evening with him,” Jack said. “So can we agree on seven?”
“Eight,” Gwen argued.
“Why eight?” Jack asked
“Because ...” Gwen stopped. “Alright. Fine. Seven.”
Jack nodded. “Thank you.” He went back to jotting things down on a piece of paper. Gwen continued to stand there. He looked up. “Something else?”
“You’re supposed to be helping,” she pointed out.
Jack pulled a face. “Oh, fine.” He stood up and walked around. “What do you want me to do?”
She grinned. “Bring him through from the tourist office before he can retreat into the archives and hide.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “How?”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”
07:02
When Ianto let himself in through the door of the tourist office, he had every intention of hiding away in the archives until it wasn’t his birthday anymore. But instead he was assaulted by Jack, who had been lying in wait. After a passionate kiss and grope, Ianto pulled back, flushed and flustered and asked, “Where were you this morning? I missed you.”
“Sorry,” Jack said, slightly guiltily. “Had some work to do. Happy birthday, though!”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Thank you,” he said, warily. “Why didn’t you just wait for me to bring you coffee rather than meeting me here?”
“Um. I wanted to see the man I love?”
“Uh huh.” Ianto moved around the tourist office and rearranged the brochures. “Where’s Anya?” he asked.
Jack bit his lip. “Um. At home?”
Ianto looked at him sideways. “Okay.” He sat down. “I’ll man the tourist office then.” He was looking for an excuse not to go into the hub.
“No, no, no!” Jack said, dragging Ianto to his feet. “I happen to have a birthday present waiting for you in my office so ... come on!” He was about to hit the button when the door opened and Libby walked in, shaking rain off an umbrella.
“Yan!” she squealed, running across and hugging him. “Happy birthday!”
Ianto hugged her back, tightly. “Thanks, Lib,” he said. He looked up at Jack, silently mouthing ‘can she hang around?’ Jack nodded a martyred nod.
“I bought you a present,” she announced, as she slipped her coat off and put it over the desk. She handed him a box.
“Thanks Lib,” he replied.
“Can we go through already? It’s cold in here,” Jack said.
Libby turned, noticing his existence for the first time. “Oh, hi Jack!” she said, with a grin, hugging him too. “Nice to see you. I see you in a totally different light now I know you run this place,” she said.
Ianto hit the button under the desk and the wall slid to one side. “Shall we?” he said. Jack and Libby nodded, heading through the opening into the walkway beyond.
They wandered through until the cog door slid to one side and Ianto stepped in. “Coffee?” he said.
Jack nodded, but Libby said, “It’s your birthday, you shouldn’t be making coffee for everyone!”
“It’s my job, and I wouldn't drink Owen’s if you paid me,” Ianto retorted.
At that moment, from behind all the desks, Buffy, Gwen, Tosh and the others jumped up, yelling, “Surprise!” as streamers and balloons fell from the ... lack of ceiling.
Ianto grimaced and turned round, grinning. “Wow, a surprise party!” he said. “How ... original.” He was surprised when Buffy came over and hugged him.
“Happy birthday,” she said, with a smile, as someone turned loud techno music on.
“Thanks,” he replied, smiling back.
“I did tell them you’d hate it, mate,” Owen said, coming over and clapping him on the back. Ianto merely rolled his eyes. “But they overruled me with the ‘cake’ argument.”
“Ooh, there’s cake?” Libby said.
“Who’s this?” Owen said, flirtatiously.
“Oh dear God!” Ianto spluttered, moving Owen away and sending him towards Tosh. He turned on Libby, who was watching him go, her eyes looking suspiciously like they were gazing at his arse. “Libby!” he scolded. “Please ... please don’t fancy Owen.”
“Why not?” Libby asked. “He’s cute!”
Ianto groaned. “Because ... he’s Owen. And I shot him once. And he almost destroyed the world and ... and he’s Owen!”
Libby rolled her eyes as Buffy came over.
“Nice to see you again,” Buffy said, partly frostily.
“You too,” Libby retorted, as Buffy pressed a glass of lemonade into Ianto’s hand. He eyed it warily. “Oh, by the way,” Libby said. “PC Button called me.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “He did, did he?”
“Yep,” Libby said, grinning. “We went out on a date. Kyle’s lovely. A perfect gentleman.”
“‘Kyle’ now, is it?” Ianto enquired
Libby rolled her eyes. “Yes.”
“How much do you know about this guy?”
“I know he’s a cop, he’s naturally blonde but dyes his hair, he loves sushi, the colour blue and rock music. He hates pink, rap and pop and sprouts.”
“So you know his likes and dislikes! But how much does that tell you about him? And how old is he?”
Libby shuffled her feet. “Twenty-nine.”
“Don't you think he’s a bit old?” he demanded.
Buffy tapped him on the arm. “Last week you told me to stop you if you go into over-protective-brother mode. Well ...”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he said, grumpily.
“Ooh, cake time!” Buffy exclaimed, skipping off across the hub towards Gwen and Tosh, who were bringing out a massive birthday cake from the kitchen. Jack gestured and followed her.
Libby turned to Ianto. “You knew about the party, didn’t you?” she enquired.
“Yep,” Ianto replied. “I guessed the minute Jack met me at the door.”
Libby grinned. “Oh well. I know you hate parties and techno music, but you might as well enjoy it! I spy pressies!” Ianto rolled his eyes as Libby dragged him across the hub to a small pile of presents and the cake.
“Blow out the candles!” Buffy insisted.
Ianto glared at her.
Buffy hit him on the arm.
Ianto rolled his eyes.
Buffy crossed her arms and pointed at the lit candles.
Ianto bent forward and blew them out, swiftly. “They were a fire hazard,” he said, blandly.
Everyone laughed.
“Cheer up,” Libby said. “Open your present!”
Ianto looked down at it and sighed, taking the wrapping paper off. It was a DVD.
“Thanks!” he said, genuinely, hugging his sister.
“Knew you wanted it,” she replied.
“Yep. I want to educate Jack in Star Trek. He’s never watched it!”
Libby giggled. “He doesn’t know Kirk and Picard and Spock and ...?”
“Hey, did you say ‘Spock’?” Jack enquired, from behind Ianto.
“Yes, why?” Libby said. “He’s this Vulcan, logical, alien guy.”
Jack put a hand over his mouth and started laughing. “What is it?” Ianto asked.
“Just something from a long time ago,” Jack said, through his giggles (they were impossible to describe as anything else). “I’ll tell you about it later, I promise.”
Ianto nodded as Tosh put a present into his hands with a small, slightly shy smile. “Thanks, Tosh,” he said, pulling her into a one-armed hug before opening the present. It was a watch. Quite a fancy watch, actually.
He hugged her again, tightly. “Thank you,” he said, again.
She smiled. “No problem. It’s from Willow and me, actually.”
Ianto nodded at Willow. “Thanks,” he said. Willow smiled.
Onwards to Part B