FIC: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my! (19b/?)
Name: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my!
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, some minor OCs, the Doctor, Donna.
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace THANK YOU!
My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.
Look, look, I managed to get it out before midnight. So it's still a chapter a day!
LiveJournal fu...flipping hates me! So this is split into three parts and I can't be bothered to post C tonight. I'll post that one in the morning. Sorry 'bout this.
Thanks to skullgirl013 for beta'ing :)
Previous chapters: Ch.1 Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11a Ch.11b Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Interlude #1 Ch.16a Ch.16b Ch.17a Ch.17b Ch.18a Ch.18b Ch.19a
Chapter 19b: Arrangements.
20:01
The cog door opened and Spike sauntered in.
“You’re late,” Buffy commented, greeting him with a peck to the lips. “I’m going out on patrol!” she shouted towards Jack’s office.
“No you’re not!”
She turned round to see a very stern looking Ianto stood there.
“Why not?” she enquired.
“Because you’re helping me tidy up the targeting range.” He pushed a broom into her hands. “Now.”
“But ... patrol!” Buffy whined.
“But nothing; Spike and Faith can go on patrol. You can help me.”
“Hey, mate, you’re not in charge around here. She’s second in command, you can’t order her around,” Spike said, angrily.
“We had an agreement, didn’t we, Buffy?” Ianto said, with a smirk.
Buffy sighed and took the broom. “Yeah, we did.” She turned to Spike. “Have fun on patrol with Faith,” she said, with another sigh, before following Ianto down into the targeting range.
Spike turned to Faith. “Oy! Other Slayer!” he yelled. “Patrol!”
Faith poked her head out of the kitchen. “Why do I have to patrol with you?” she demanded, irritably.
Spike grinned. “Boss’s orders!”
“Since when is she the boss?” Faith enquired.
“I wasn’t talking about Buffy,” Spike retorted, smirking.
Faith laughed and vaulted the railing, dropping to the floor before Spike with a grin. “Alright. Patrol it is.” She grabbed her leather jacket from the coat rack and pulled it on around her shoulders. “Off on patrol with Spike!” she yelled towards Jack’s office.
Jack poked his head out. “I thought Buffy was going with Spike?” he enquired, curiously.
“Your boyfriend kidnapped her, Harkness!” Spike retorted. “So I have to go with this one instead.” He pointed at Faith.
“Oh, okay,” Jack said, retreating back into his office. Ten seconds later he poked his head out again. “Oh, Faith?”
“Yep?”
“Don't stake Spike by mistake.”
20:12
Buffy let out a whimper at the state of the targeting range. “You didn’t say it was worse,” she whined.
“Didn’t I?” Ianto smirked. “Willow and Tosh continued their practice with the gun after you left. Willow isn’t a very good shot.”
Buffy held the broom up. “Since she’s the witch, shouldn’t she be the one with the broom?”
“Nice try.” Ianto held up a small shovel and a bag. Buffy took them gingerly. “You start sweeping the small bits into the bag and I’ll put the large bricks into the wheelbarrow.”
Buffy looked at the shovel. “This is midgety,” she commented.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “How do you ever get anything done?” he asked. “You get distracted by everything.”
“But it is! It’s tiny! It’s a shovel for midgets!”
Ianto took off his suit jacket and placed it in the corner of the room, away from the brick dust, then turned back to Buffy. “The shovel is small. I agree. Now use it.” He glared at her.
She sighed and walked over to the pile of bricks. “I have a suggestion.”
“If it involves making the shovel bigger, god help me I’ll hit you with it,” Ianto said, with a grin.
Buffy grinned back. “No. I was going to suggest you sweep, I scoop and move the bricks.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because I can carry multiple bricks in one hand. I’m strong like that.” She smirked. “And it’ll be easier for you to sweep into the shovel instead of trying to sweep one handed and shovel one handed.”
Ianto blinked. “That’s ... not a bad plan.”
“See? I do have a brain! And sometimes I use it!” Buffy held out the broom to Ianto, who took it with a smirk and loosened his tie off a bit.
“Alright,” he said. “Hold the shovel.” He gripped the broom and started sweeping the remnants of the wall into the bin bag. After a moment, he said, “Do you ever wish you were in a more ... conventional ... relationship?”
“You mean do I wish I wasn’t shagging a vampire?” She blinked. “Oh no, I’ve gone native.” She opened the bin bag and poured in the contents of the shovel.
“Native?”
“Using the word ‘shagging’.”
Ianto laughed then asked, “Do you?”
“Do I what?” Buffy asked blankly.
“Wish you were in a more conventional relationship?”
Buffy shrugged. “A long time ago I wished I was normal ... and all that got me was a lot of dead people and a boy who only wanted to date me to kill vampires with me.” She sent Ianto a sad smile as he brushed more hub remnants into the bin bag. “I accepted long ago that I’d never be in a normal relationship.”
“But is it even heard of for a Slayer to go off with a vampire where you come from?”
Buffy laughed. “Nope.” She looked up at him, curiously. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ve known you over six months now, Ianto, couple that with the fact you’re a lousy liar and I know you’re not telling me the truth.” She picked up a couple of bricks and carried them across to the wheelbarrow, placing them in carefully. “Tell me why you asked.”
Ianto sighed, deeply. “Just ... Jack, and everything. My family still hasn’t accepted our relationship. It’s a sweep-under-the-rug kind of deal.”
Buffy nodded understandingly. “Like me and Angel. Though it’s hard to sweep something under the rug when it keeps coming out to bite and try and kill you.” She smirked.
Ianto laughed and helped carry some bricks. “It’s just that sometimes I wish I could be ... normal.” He shrugged. “You know, not have a cyberwoman hidden in the basement, not be shagging and living with the boss ... not catch aliens for a living.”
“At least you have a choice,” Buffy pointed out. “You could always walk away and be RetCon’d, go back to a normal life. I’m a Slayer whether I like it or not.” She broke a brick in half that wouldn't fit and walked back across to where Ianto was sweeping more remnants into a pile.
She paused. “What’s a cyberwoman?”
Ianto pulled an awkward face at her. “Don't ask,” he begged. “Please.”
Next: Part C (LJ hates me -whimper-)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, some minor OCs, the Doctor, Donna.
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea - and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of missthingsplace THANK YOU!
My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.
Look, look, I managed to get it out before midnight. So it's still a chapter a day!
LiveJournal fu...flipping hates me! So this is split into three parts and I can't be bothered to post C tonight. I'll post that one in the morning. Sorry 'bout this.
Thanks to skullgirl013 for beta'ing :)
Previous chapters: Ch.1 Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11a Ch.11b Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Interlude #1 Ch.16a Ch.16b Ch.17a Ch.17b Ch.18a Ch.18b Ch.19a
Chapter 19b: Arrangements.
20:01
The cog door opened and Spike sauntered in.
“You’re late,” Buffy commented, greeting him with a peck to the lips. “I’m going out on patrol!” she shouted towards Jack’s office.
“No you’re not!”
She turned round to see a very stern looking Ianto stood there.
“Why not?” she enquired.
“Because you’re helping me tidy up the targeting range.” He pushed a broom into her hands. “Now.”
“But ... patrol!” Buffy whined.
“But nothing; Spike and Faith can go on patrol. You can help me.”
“Hey, mate, you’re not in charge around here. She’s second in command, you can’t order her around,” Spike said, angrily.
“We had an agreement, didn’t we, Buffy?” Ianto said, with a smirk.
Buffy sighed and took the broom. “Yeah, we did.” She turned to Spike. “Have fun on patrol with Faith,” she said, with another sigh, before following Ianto down into the targeting range.
Spike turned to Faith. “Oy! Other Slayer!” he yelled. “Patrol!”
Faith poked her head out of the kitchen. “Why do I have to patrol with you?” she demanded, irritably.
Spike grinned. “Boss’s orders!”
“Since when is she the boss?” Faith enquired.
“I wasn’t talking about Buffy,” Spike retorted, smirking.
Faith laughed and vaulted the railing, dropping to the floor before Spike with a grin. “Alright. Patrol it is.” She grabbed her leather jacket from the coat rack and pulled it on around her shoulders. “Off on patrol with Spike!” she yelled towards Jack’s office.
Jack poked his head out. “I thought Buffy was going with Spike?” he enquired, curiously.
“Your boyfriend kidnapped her, Harkness!” Spike retorted. “So I have to go with this one instead.” He pointed at Faith.
“Oh, okay,” Jack said, retreating back into his office. Ten seconds later he poked his head out again. “Oh, Faith?”
“Yep?”
“Don't stake Spike by mistake.”
20:12
Buffy let out a whimper at the state of the targeting range. “You didn’t say it was worse,” she whined.
“Didn’t I?” Ianto smirked. “Willow and Tosh continued their practice with the gun after you left. Willow isn’t a very good shot.”
Buffy held the broom up. “Since she’s the witch, shouldn’t she be the one with the broom?”
“Nice try.” Ianto held up a small shovel and a bag. Buffy took them gingerly. “You start sweeping the small bits into the bag and I’ll put the large bricks into the wheelbarrow.”
Buffy looked at the shovel. “This is midgety,” she commented.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “How do you ever get anything done?” he asked. “You get distracted by everything.”
“But it is! It’s tiny! It’s a shovel for midgets!”
Ianto took off his suit jacket and placed it in the corner of the room, away from the brick dust, then turned back to Buffy. “The shovel is small. I agree. Now use it.” He glared at her.
She sighed and walked over to the pile of bricks. “I have a suggestion.”
“If it involves making the shovel bigger, god help me I’ll hit you with it,” Ianto said, with a grin.
Buffy grinned back. “No. I was going to suggest you sweep, I scoop and move the bricks.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because I can carry multiple bricks in one hand. I’m strong like that.” She smirked. “And it’ll be easier for you to sweep into the shovel instead of trying to sweep one handed and shovel one handed.”
Ianto blinked. “That’s ... not a bad plan.”
“See? I do have a brain! And sometimes I use it!” Buffy held out the broom to Ianto, who took it with a smirk and loosened his tie off a bit.
“Alright,” he said. “Hold the shovel.” He gripped the broom and started sweeping the remnants of the wall into the bin bag. After a moment, he said, “Do you ever wish you were in a more ... conventional ... relationship?”
“You mean do I wish I wasn’t shagging a vampire?” She blinked. “Oh no, I’ve gone native.” She opened the bin bag and poured in the contents of the shovel.
“Native?”
“Using the word ‘shagging’.”
Ianto laughed then asked, “Do you?”
“Do I what?” Buffy asked blankly.
“Wish you were in a more conventional relationship?”
Buffy shrugged. “A long time ago I wished I was normal ... and all that got me was a lot of dead people and a boy who only wanted to date me to kill vampires with me.” She sent Ianto a sad smile as he brushed more hub remnants into the bin bag. “I accepted long ago that I’d never be in a normal relationship.”
“But is it even heard of for a Slayer to go off with a vampire where you come from?”
Buffy laughed. “Nope.” She looked up at him, curiously. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ve known you over six months now, Ianto, couple that with the fact you’re a lousy liar and I know you’re not telling me the truth.” She picked up a couple of bricks and carried them across to the wheelbarrow, placing them in carefully. “Tell me why you asked.”
Ianto sighed, deeply. “Just ... Jack, and everything. My family still hasn’t accepted our relationship. It’s a sweep-under-the-rug kind of deal.”
Buffy nodded understandingly. “Like me and Angel. Though it’s hard to sweep something under the rug when it keeps coming out to bite and try and kill you.” She smirked.
Ianto laughed and helped carry some bricks. “It’s just that sometimes I wish I could be ... normal.” He shrugged. “You know, not have a cyberwoman hidden in the basement, not be shagging and living with the boss ... not catch aliens for a living.”
“At least you have a choice,” Buffy pointed out. “You could always walk away and be RetCon’d, go back to a normal life. I’m a Slayer whether I like it or not.” She broke a brick in half that wouldn't fit and walked back across to where Ianto was sweeping more remnants into a pile.
She paused. “What’s a cyberwoman?”
Ianto pulled an awkward face at her. “Don't ask,” he begged. “Please.”
Next: Part C (LJ hates me -whimper-)