Hanging By A Thread 22/?
Title: Hanging By A Moment
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu, Yunho/Jaejoong, Yunho/Changmin
Rating: PG-15 to NC-17 (for some parts)
Genre: fluff, angst, romance
Length: 22/?
Warning(s): violence, some language, mentions of harassment and rape, some bullying
Summary:
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
A/N: updated as scheduled... ^^ been a bit busy with my watch list the whole week so i wasn't able to work on this but, all is well. :)
-22-
JUNSU
I looked at Yoochun and thought about his questions. Is he really similar to Jae-hyung? Does Yoochun really remind me of my brother? I remember him asking me the same question before.
“You’ve asked me this question before, do you remember?” I asked. “My answer is still the same, Yoochun. Yes and no.” I repeated. I took Yoochun’s hands in mine and looked at him. “Is it okay if I change the subject and ask you for the box I gave your earlier?”
Yoochun smiled and took out the small box from his bag.
“I kept it safe, like you asked.” Yoochun said handing me the box back. “Are you sure that you want to give that to me?” he asked looking at the rings as I opened the box.
“I didn’t go through all that trouble just to keep these for myself.” I laughed.
I took out one of the rings and put it on him. I looked at Yoochun and held both his hands.
“Please don’t get fed up with me.” I said. I put my forehead on top of our hands and breathed in deeply. “I’m not… I’m not like Yunho. I’m stupid and reckless and just… Please don’t leave me?”
I kept my eyes closed. I practically begged Yoochun to stay with me. I was never like this with anyone, not even with Taeyeon. I waited for Yoochun’s answer.
Because I knew and felt that Yoochun was different.
I felt Yoochun’s hands move, heard the soft scrape of him carefully taking the other ring out of the box, felt him hold onto my hand so that he could slip the ring on. I wanted to watch him as he did this, but I kept my eyes closed.
“I won’t.” Yoochun murmured. Our hands stayed clasped together. “So long as you don’t get fed up with me too.” He added resting our foreheads together.
~
“Heechul.” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to ask for a favor, Junsu.” Heechul said a worried expression on his face. “Please. You’re the only one she’ll listen to.”
“Why? What’s the matter with Taeyeon-sshi?” Yoochun asked.
“She’s not okay.” Heechul answered. “She’s been asking for you. Her mother had come to ask me for help but she refuses to listen to anyone, even me. She isn’t even eating anymore.”
“Give me a break.” Junsu said. “I don’t want to be part of this anymore. I have my own life to live now. I don’t want to be bothered by her hysterics.”
“But Junsu,” Yoochun started. “Are you just going to leave her like this? Heechul-sshi said that Taeyeon-sshi’s not even eating.”
“She’s just being a spoiled brat!” I said rounding on Yoochun. “I’ve had enough of being tied down and pushed around. Why should I have to deal with her? I’ve had enough. I just want it to be over!”
“You’re being a coward.” Yoochun said. “It’s not over, Junsu. And both of you know it! You’re just trying to run away from the problem!”
“What part of ‘I don’t want to have anything to do with her’ don’t you understand, Yoochun?” I yelled frustrated. “Why can’t you understand that I just want this to stop? I just want to be free from all of that. I’ve had enough.”
“You’re just trying to convince yourself of that.” Yoochun said. “You’re just hiding from the fact that somehow, you still have feelings for her. What? Are you worried about me? Is this your way of protecting me because you don’t want to hurt me? You’re not even being honest with yourself.”
“Stop this, Yoochun.” I said. “You don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand?” Yoochun asked. “That you’re avoiding everything that has to do with what happened in the past? That you’re running away from settling things with Taeyeon once and for all? That you still like Taeyeon, even if your feelings for her aren’t the same as before? Tell me, Junsu, what don’t I understand?”
“Don’t assume and say things as if you understand them.” I said voice cold as ice. “Don’t even attempt to try and put yourself in my shoes just like what Jae-hyung would do.” I added. “You’re not my brother, Yoochun. Stop trying to take care of my problems.”
I regretted the words that came out of my mouth the second I said them out loud. Yoochun looked like he’d been slapped.
“I’m not Jaejoong-sshi.” Yoochun whispered. “I’m not nor will I ever be your brother.”
~
I sighed as I took out my phone for the nth time. I stared at it willing myself to dial Yoochun’s number. I wanted to talk to him. I should’ve talked to him already. I took a breath and just forced myself to call him before I changed my mind. Again.
I waited for Yoochun to answer. He answered on the fifth ring.
There was only silence for the first few seconds.
“Junsu?” Yoochun spoke.
I breathed in deep and huffed it out before speaking.
“Honestly, I don’t know what to say to you right now.” I said. “What I said to you, what I accused you of, I never meant any of it. I’m sorry.”
I paused to take a steadying breath. Yoochun remained silent on the other end.
“I don’t know and I can’t really explain it.” I soldiered on. “You are not my brother, Yoochun. I’m an idiot for even thinking it.”
“I felt so calm being with you. It just felt so good. It almost felt like Jae-hyung was with me again. Almost but I’m just deluding myself.” I continued. “Jae-hyung is already gone and you’re here. You’re different. You’re someone who can somehow fully understand me. You’re someone I can truly trust.”
“I’m rambling.” I paused. “Am I just saying whatever’s easiest to hear? Yoochun? Are you still there?”
“I can’t really explain it either, Junsu.” Yoochun finally replied. “I just… I don’t want you to run away from the truth.”
---
YOOCHUN
I hitched the strap of my bag more securely on my shoulder as I made my way towards my next class.
“Yoochun!”
I turned towards the voice and saw Junsu walking to me, a smile on his face.
“Hi.” I said inclining my head in a slight bow.
“Hey.” Junsu greeted back. “Want to walk to class together?” He asked holding out his hand.
I smiled taking his hand in mine.
“I went to see Taeyeon.” Junsu said nonchalantly. “We talked a lot and finally things are settled between us.”
“I’m glad.” I answered. “Things are okay with you guys now? Is Taeyeon-sshi going to be okay?” I asked.
“Yes.” Junsu replied. “It might take some time, but Taeyeon said that she’s okay with just being friends from now on.”
“That’s good.” I said as we both take our seats in class.
~
“Su,” Yunho started, as he faced Junsu from his seat in class.
I watched the solemn expression on Yunho’s face and then Junsu mirroring his when their eyes met.
“Yes,” Junsu answered, seemingly knowing what Yunho was about to ask him. “We’ll go.” He turned to me. “Yoochun, would you like to come with us?” he asked.
“It’s Jaejoong’s death anniversary.” Yunho answered my silent question. “We want you to come with us to visit him.”
“I want to introduce you to Jae-hyung.” Junsu added.
“Is it really okay, if I come with you?” I asked and both of them immediately nodded. “Okay.”
~
“What kind of flowers does your hyung like?” I asked as I looked around the flower shop we stopped into on our way.
“Jae-hyung wasn’t really particular when it came to flowers.” Junsu answered. “You should ask Yunho though. He should know.”
I picked up a bouquet of soft pink roses as I turned to Yunho. He was holding a similar bouquet, only the flowers were a mix of hydrangeas and lilies. An idea suddenly popped in my head.
“I think we should add these to what you’re already holding.” I said. “What do you think, Yunho?” I asked gesturing to my bouquet.
Yunho just smiled in answer as he took the roses from me and headed towards the counter where he asked the flowers to be arranged together. When he came back, he was holding a beautiful bouquet in soft pink and white.
“This is beautiful.” I said, admiring how the flowers blended and complimented each other so well.
“Jae-hyung would love these.” Junsu added. “This actually looks like a wedding bouquet, Yunho.” He teased.
“Shut up.” Yunho muttered blushing. “Thanks, Yoochun.”
From the small flower shop, it was just a short walk to the cemetery where Junsu’s brother, Jaejoong was laid to rest. All three of us had been silent on the way. I decided to stay silent and the other two probably just didn’t need words as a distraction.
Jaejoong hyung’s grave was like any other the only difference is that there were fresh flowers on his tombstone.
“Heechul and Taeyeon must’ve passed by.” Yunho commented. He knelt down and brushed the dead leaves away from the tombstone as he rearranged both bouquets.
“Hi hyung.” Junsu greeted. “We’d like you to meet someone.” He added as he looked at me and held out his hand. “Jae-hyung, this is Yoochun.”
“Hi, Jaejoong-hyung.” I bowed in greeting. “I’m Park Yoochun, Junsu’s and Yunho’s classmate.”
“He’s an amazing pianist like you are, Jae.” Yunho added. “He’s also good for Junsu.”
“Yah.” Junsu said without heat, smacking Yunho on the shoulder.
“Hyung!”
We all turned to see Changmin jogging over to us with a bouquet of chrysanthemums and daisies in his hand.
“Min, what are you doing here?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Yunho-hyung invited me.” Changmin answered. “Sorry I’m late. A professor wanted a last minute discussion about my thesis.” He said bowing slightly to Yunho.
“It’s okay.” Yunho smiled as he gestured for Changmin to place his flowers beside the one we bought. “You should’ve let me know though.”
“Min, I know you and Yunho have classes together but this is the first time I’m seeing you like this.” I teased. “There’s something you’re not telling.” I added with a smile.
Changmin just smirked before sticking his tongue out at me. I shook my head in amusement.
“Jae, meet Yoochun’s best friend-slash-psuedo-brother.” Yunho introduced. “Shim Changmin.”
“Hello hyung, it’s nice to meet you.” Changmin said bowing. “I heard that you were a pianist like Yoochun not to mention a great cook.” He added with a small smile.
I watched with a smile as Yunho and Changmin talked and smiled at each other before walking towards Junsu who sat underneath a nearby tree.
“Room in there for me?” I asked. Junsu looked at me and smiled, patting the space beside him.
“Junsu?” I started looking at his side profile. “Did you… did you really say that you pushed your hyung to his death?” I finally asked looking at my clenched hands in my lap.
It took a moment for Junsu to answer my question.
“I keep telling myself not to think about it.” Junsu murmured with a sigh. “Every time I start to remember, I get chills and break out in cold sweat. That’s why the doctor said I shouldn’t force it.”
“The doctor?” I asked. “A psychiatrist?”
“Yes.” Junsu answered. “At the hospital when I was treated after…” he took a breath. “I broke down not long after Jae-hyung’s death. My mental state was in such a state that I had to stay for a while.”
“If I could I would’ve stopped thinking about it.” Junsu continued. “When Yunho and I were still with Taeyeon and Heechul, no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I always ended up thinking about Jae-hyung’s death.”
“You told me to not run away from the truth.” Junsu said, looking at me. “But right now, I’m not sure how things are going to go from here. I know it’s not my fault, but I’ve reached my limit and I couldn’t prevent myself from finally breaking down back then even if I wanted to.”
“I don’t want to go back to that, Yoochun.” Junsu whispered eyes pleading.
“Oh, Su.” I murmured wrapping my arms around him in a hug.
Junsu wrapped his arms around my waist to return my hug. I tightened my embrace and just felt for him and gave him as much comfort as I could.
---
one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten
eleven | twelve | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen | eighteen | nineteen | twenty | twenty-one
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu, Yunho/Jaejoong, Yunho/Changmin
Rating: PG-15 to NC-17 (for some parts)
Genre: fluff, angst, romance
Length: 22/?
Warning(s): violence, some language, mentions of harassment and rape, some bullying
Summary:
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
A/N: updated as scheduled... ^^ been a bit busy with my watch list the whole week so i wasn't able to work on this but, all is well. :)
-22-
JUNSU
I looked at Yoochun and thought about his questions. Is he really similar to Jae-hyung? Does Yoochun really remind me of my brother? I remember him asking me the same question before.
“You’ve asked me this question before, do you remember?” I asked. “My answer is still the same, Yoochun. Yes and no.” I repeated. I took Yoochun’s hands in mine and looked at him. “Is it okay if I change the subject and ask you for the box I gave your earlier?”
Yoochun smiled and took out the small box from his bag.
“I kept it safe, like you asked.” Yoochun said handing me the box back. “Are you sure that you want to give that to me?” he asked looking at the rings as I opened the box.
“I didn’t go through all that trouble just to keep these for myself.” I laughed.
I took out one of the rings and put it on him. I looked at Yoochun and held both his hands.
“Please don’t get fed up with me.” I said. I put my forehead on top of our hands and breathed in deeply. “I’m not… I’m not like Yunho. I’m stupid and reckless and just… Please don’t leave me?”
I kept my eyes closed. I practically begged Yoochun to stay with me. I was never like this with anyone, not even with Taeyeon. I waited for Yoochun’s answer.
Because I knew and felt that Yoochun was different.
I felt Yoochun’s hands move, heard the soft scrape of him carefully taking the other ring out of the box, felt him hold onto my hand so that he could slip the ring on. I wanted to watch him as he did this, but I kept my eyes closed.
“I won’t.” Yoochun murmured. Our hands stayed clasped together. “So long as you don’t get fed up with me too.” He added resting our foreheads together.
~
“Heechul.” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to ask for a favor, Junsu.” Heechul said a worried expression on his face. “Please. You’re the only one she’ll listen to.”
“Why? What’s the matter with Taeyeon-sshi?” Yoochun asked.
“She’s not okay.” Heechul answered. “She’s been asking for you. Her mother had come to ask me for help but she refuses to listen to anyone, even me. She isn’t even eating anymore.”
“Give me a break.” Junsu said. “I don’t want to be part of this anymore. I have my own life to live now. I don’t want to be bothered by her hysterics.”
“But Junsu,” Yoochun started. “Are you just going to leave her like this? Heechul-sshi said that Taeyeon-sshi’s not even eating.”
“She’s just being a spoiled brat!” I said rounding on Yoochun. “I’ve had enough of being tied down and pushed around. Why should I have to deal with her? I’ve had enough. I just want it to be over!”
“You’re being a coward.” Yoochun said. “It’s not over, Junsu. And both of you know it! You’re just trying to run away from the problem!”
“What part of ‘I don’t want to have anything to do with her’ don’t you understand, Yoochun?” I yelled frustrated. “Why can’t you understand that I just want this to stop? I just want to be free from all of that. I’ve had enough.”
“You’re just trying to convince yourself of that.” Yoochun said. “You’re just hiding from the fact that somehow, you still have feelings for her. What? Are you worried about me? Is this your way of protecting me because you don’t want to hurt me? You’re not even being honest with yourself.”
“Stop this, Yoochun.” I said. “You don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand?” Yoochun asked. “That you’re avoiding everything that has to do with what happened in the past? That you’re running away from settling things with Taeyeon once and for all? That you still like Taeyeon, even if your feelings for her aren’t the same as before? Tell me, Junsu, what don’t I understand?”
“Don’t assume and say things as if you understand them.” I said voice cold as ice. “Don’t even attempt to try and put yourself in my shoes just like what Jae-hyung would do.” I added. “You’re not my brother, Yoochun. Stop trying to take care of my problems.”
I regretted the words that came out of my mouth the second I said them out loud. Yoochun looked like he’d been slapped.
“I’m not Jaejoong-sshi.” Yoochun whispered. “I’m not nor will I ever be your brother.”
~
I sighed as I took out my phone for the nth time. I stared at it willing myself to dial Yoochun’s number. I wanted to talk to him. I should’ve talked to him already. I took a breath and just forced myself to call him before I changed my mind. Again.
I waited for Yoochun to answer. He answered on the fifth ring.
There was only silence for the first few seconds.
“Junsu?” Yoochun spoke.
I breathed in deep and huffed it out before speaking.
“Honestly, I don’t know what to say to you right now.” I said. “What I said to you, what I accused you of, I never meant any of it. I’m sorry.”
I paused to take a steadying breath. Yoochun remained silent on the other end.
“I don’t know and I can’t really explain it.” I soldiered on. “You are not my brother, Yoochun. I’m an idiot for even thinking it.”
“I felt so calm being with you. It just felt so good. It almost felt like Jae-hyung was with me again. Almost but I’m just deluding myself.” I continued. “Jae-hyung is already gone and you’re here. You’re different. You’re someone who can somehow fully understand me. You’re someone I can truly trust.”
“I’m rambling.” I paused. “Am I just saying whatever’s easiest to hear? Yoochun? Are you still there?”
“I can’t really explain it either, Junsu.” Yoochun finally replied. “I just… I don’t want you to run away from the truth.”
---
YOOCHUN
I hitched the strap of my bag more securely on my shoulder as I made my way towards my next class.
“Yoochun!”
I turned towards the voice and saw Junsu walking to me, a smile on his face.
“Hi.” I said inclining my head in a slight bow.
“Hey.” Junsu greeted back. “Want to walk to class together?” He asked holding out his hand.
I smiled taking his hand in mine.
“I went to see Taeyeon.” Junsu said nonchalantly. “We talked a lot and finally things are settled between us.”
“I’m glad.” I answered. “Things are okay with you guys now? Is Taeyeon-sshi going to be okay?” I asked.
“Yes.” Junsu replied. “It might take some time, but Taeyeon said that she’s okay with just being friends from now on.”
“That’s good.” I said as we both take our seats in class.
~
“Su,” Yunho started, as he faced Junsu from his seat in class.
I watched the solemn expression on Yunho’s face and then Junsu mirroring his when their eyes met.
“Yes,” Junsu answered, seemingly knowing what Yunho was about to ask him. “We’ll go.” He turned to me. “Yoochun, would you like to come with us?” he asked.
“It’s Jaejoong’s death anniversary.” Yunho answered my silent question. “We want you to come with us to visit him.”
“I want to introduce you to Jae-hyung.” Junsu added.
“Is it really okay, if I come with you?” I asked and both of them immediately nodded. “Okay.”
~
“What kind of flowers does your hyung like?” I asked as I looked around the flower shop we stopped into on our way.
“Jae-hyung wasn’t really particular when it came to flowers.” Junsu answered. “You should ask Yunho though. He should know.”
I picked up a bouquet of soft pink roses as I turned to Yunho. He was holding a similar bouquet, only the flowers were a mix of hydrangeas and lilies. An idea suddenly popped in my head.
“I think we should add these to what you’re already holding.” I said. “What do you think, Yunho?” I asked gesturing to my bouquet.
Yunho just smiled in answer as he took the roses from me and headed towards the counter where he asked the flowers to be arranged together. When he came back, he was holding a beautiful bouquet in soft pink and white.
“This is beautiful.” I said, admiring how the flowers blended and complimented each other so well.
“Jae-hyung would love these.” Junsu added. “This actually looks like a wedding bouquet, Yunho.” He teased.
“Shut up.” Yunho muttered blushing. “Thanks, Yoochun.”
From the small flower shop, it was just a short walk to the cemetery where Junsu’s brother, Jaejoong was laid to rest. All three of us had been silent on the way. I decided to stay silent and the other two probably just didn’t need words as a distraction.
Jaejoong hyung’s grave was like any other the only difference is that there were fresh flowers on his tombstone.
“Heechul and Taeyeon must’ve passed by.” Yunho commented. He knelt down and brushed the dead leaves away from the tombstone as he rearranged both bouquets.
“Hi hyung.” Junsu greeted. “We’d like you to meet someone.” He added as he looked at me and held out his hand. “Jae-hyung, this is Yoochun.”
“Hi, Jaejoong-hyung.” I bowed in greeting. “I’m Park Yoochun, Junsu’s and Yunho’s classmate.”
“He’s an amazing pianist like you are, Jae.” Yunho added. “He’s also good for Junsu.”
“Yah.” Junsu said without heat, smacking Yunho on the shoulder.
“Hyung!”
We all turned to see Changmin jogging over to us with a bouquet of chrysanthemums and daisies in his hand.
“Min, what are you doing here?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Yunho-hyung invited me.” Changmin answered. “Sorry I’m late. A professor wanted a last minute discussion about my thesis.” He said bowing slightly to Yunho.
“It’s okay.” Yunho smiled as he gestured for Changmin to place his flowers beside the one we bought. “You should’ve let me know though.”
“Min, I know you and Yunho have classes together but this is the first time I’m seeing you like this.” I teased. “There’s something you’re not telling.” I added with a smile.
Changmin just smirked before sticking his tongue out at me. I shook my head in amusement.
“Jae, meet Yoochun’s best friend-slash-psuedo-brother.” Yunho introduced. “Shim Changmin.”
“Hello hyung, it’s nice to meet you.” Changmin said bowing. “I heard that you were a pianist like Yoochun not to mention a great cook.” He added with a small smile.
I watched with a smile as Yunho and Changmin talked and smiled at each other before walking towards Junsu who sat underneath a nearby tree.
“Room in there for me?” I asked. Junsu looked at me and smiled, patting the space beside him.
“Junsu?” I started looking at his side profile. “Did you… did you really say that you pushed your hyung to his death?” I finally asked looking at my clenched hands in my lap.
It took a moment for Junsu to answer my question.
“I keep telling myself not to think about it.” Junsu murmured with a sigh. “Every time I start to remember, I get chills and break out in cold sweat. That’s why the doctor said I shouldn’t force it.”
“The doctor?” I asked. “A psychiatrist?”
“Yes.” Junsu answered. “At the hospital when I was treated after…” he took a breath. “I broke down not long after Jae-hyung’s death. My mental state was in such a state that I had to stay for a while.”
“If I could I would’ve stopped thinking about it.” Junsu continued. “When Yunho and I were still with Taeyeon and Heechul, no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I always ended up thinking about Jae-hyung’s death.”
“You told me to not run away from the truth.” Junsu said, looking at me. “But right now, I’m not sure how things are going to go from here. I know it’s not my fault, but I’ve reached my limit and I couldn’t prevent myself from finally breaking down back then even if I wanted to.”
“I don’t want to go back to that, Yoochun.” Junsu whispered eyes pleading.
“Oh, Su.” I murmured wrapping my arms around him in a hug.
Junsu wrapped his arms around my waist to return my hug. I tightened my embrace and just felt for him and gave him as much comfort as I could.
---
one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten
eleven | twelve | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen | eighteen | nineteen | twenty | twenty-one