Restless Heart Syndrome Ch 19/?
Fic title: Restless Heart Syndrome
Genre: SPN Het
Pairing: Sam/ OFC, Dean/OFC (Lexi, played by Eliza Dushku)
Rating: M
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Summary: New town, new school for Sam. It's his fifth high school in three years but John promises it's going to be Sam' s last one. Dean and Sam settle into their new routine and enjoy being normal. A few months after school starts Sam meets Lexi. He could tell she was trouble the moment he laid eyes on her but it's the kind of trouble he's always wanted. Dean feels the same way about the new waitress at the diner.
*This is a prequel to Under Your Skin and Wayward Son.*
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18
Chapter 19: Would If I Could
*Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters belong to kripke. It's his sandbox, I'm just playing with his characters.* This is a prequel to Under Your Skin and Wayward Son.
“For today I'm lost without you. Forgot the way to be without you. Yeah you know I would stay alone. Yes I would if I could stay alone. Yes I would if I could be alone. But for today I'm lost without you. I need a way to be without you. I need a way to find just a few of you.”
August 16, 2001
Dean's sitting on the hood of the Impala as he watches Lexi put her suitcases into her mother's car. She's leaving for college today and he couldn't be more proud of her. He wishes he didn't have to say goodbye to her even if it is only for two weeks. Part of him wants to tell Marianne Brennan that he'll take Lexi down to New Orleans but the guilt of leaving his dad after what just happened with Sam won't let him. Dean knows he's putting his hopes and dreams on the back burner again but he's done it for so long now he doesn't know how to put himself first. Dean tells himself he's only going to stay with his dad for two weeks. No more than that. Doesn't matter if his father finds another lead to chase after, Dean's going to be in New Orleans in fourteen days. At least, that's what he tells himself today.
Once Lexi has everything in the car she walks over to Dean as her eyes fill with tears, “Dean...”
He gets off the car and pulls her against his chest. She presses her face into the worn cotton of his shirt taking a shaky breath. Lexi's suddenly scared. She doesn't want to say goodbye to Dean. She inhales his scent and closes her eyes while telling herself not cry. She can't help it though, the tears come hard and fast soaking Dean's shirt. His sturdy arms tighten around her making her feel small. She kind of likes the feeling and nuzzles her face deeper into his chest. Dean's whispering soothing words in her ear now, his breath warm against her skin. Once she calms down, he steps back and lifts her chin making her meet his eyes. “Baby, what's wrong?”
She wants to say everything, she wants to tell him she's afraid to be in a new city alone but she doesn't. Instead, she bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. Dean quirks an eyebrow at her and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “Lex...”
“I don't...I don't want to say goodbye...”
Dean leans down and presses his lips to hers. She clutches his shirt returning his kiss firmly because she wants to remember this moment. He pulls away, rests his forehead against hers, then whispers, “It's not goodbye, Lex. It's only two weeks. I'll be there before you know it. Just remember to salt the doors and windows, okay?”
“Okay. You have the address right?”
“Yeah. The apartment building's on the corner of St. Phillips and Royal,on top of the gift shop, second floor.”
“Yes and you'll be there in two weeks.”
“I promise, baby girl, two weeks.”
Dean pulls her into one last hug and kisses the top of her head. They both try to smile at each other as they pull away. Their smiles falter. Lexi worries her bottom lip between her teeth and walks away. Dean watches her cross the street wishing more than ever that he could be a regular guy. She stops suddenly then turns to look at Dean. She walks back over to him staring up at him with wide green eyes, “Dean, be careful.”
Dean looks down at her with a serious expression on his face stating, “Hey, Careful's my middle name.”
Lexi laughs and gives him one last kiss before heading to her mother's car. Dean watches her walk away again this time with a small smile on his lips. He gives a slight raise of his hand when they drive past him before he gets in his own car. He starts the car, puts it in gear and gets back on the road. There's nothing left for Dean in Ashland anymore. Sammy's gone. Lexi's gone too now. His father left yesterday. He has to meet him in Cleveland in two days. Dean looks down on the seat to see the journal Lexi gave him for their anniversary. He can do this. He's not really alone. He can hunt and still be with Lexi.
October 12, 2001
D.B.A.
618 Frenchmen Street
New Orleans
Lexi looked up every time the door opened. She was half expecting to see Dean walk into the bar even though she knew it wasn't going to happen. Dean wasn't in New Orleans. Actually, she had no idea where he was or if he was even still alive. She hasn't seen him in two months. The last time she spoke to him on the phone was six weeks ago. He called her at three am saying he had to stay with his father for a couple more weeks. They got a lead on the demon that killed his mom and his dad needed the back up. Dean ended the call saying, “Lex, I love you. Whatever happens don't forget that.” At the time Lexi thought it was sweet. Dean hardly ever said I love you but when he did, he meant it. As days turn into weeks, Lexi starts to think that maybe Dean was saying goodbye to her. That this was his way of breaking it off with her but she doesn't want to believe that. It's getting harder with every day that passes.
That's why she sitting in D.B.A. smoking and nursing an Abita Amber beer. She's miserable and lonely. Waiting by a phone that never rings is killing her. She came out tonight with the sole purpose of hooking up with some random guy. That's the whole reason she dolled herself up in her favorite dress and fuck me heels. Now that she's here she can't go through with it. It would be cheating and she's not that girl. Even though she doesn't even know if Dean's alive, she can't bring herself to move on. Lexi pushes the thought to the back of her mind and tries to make up excuses why Dean hasn't called or texted her in six weeks. The excuses are flimsy at best and the thought that something bad happened to him keeps creeping up in her mind. She's just about to call his cell again when the bartender places a shot in front of her. Lexi eyes the shot and looks up at the bartender, “I didn't order this.”
“I know the woman at the end of the bar sent this over.”
Lexi glances down the bar to see a very attractive dark haired women smiling at her. She smiles back, blushes and stares down at the shot. Before she can react the dark haired woman is sliding onto the stool next to her saying, “Don't tell me you can't shoot whiskey.”
“I can shoot whiskey. I just um never had a woman buy me a drink before.”
“Oh. Well, I saw you shoot down those frat boys so I figured I'd take a stab. You look like you're looking for some action.”
“I am, I was, I dunno...”
“Well at least take the shot before I get insulted.” The woman laughs deep and throaty.
Lexi lifts the shot, smiles, drinks it in one go then puts the empty glass on the bar. The woman holds out her hand smiling, “I'm Jackie and you are?”
“Lexi.”
They shake hands and Jackie holds her hand a little longer than necessary before letting go and leaning in close. “So, Lexi, you still looking for some action tonight?” Jackie asks with a wolfish grin.
Lexi blushes and tucks her hair behind her ears, “Um no actually. This was a mistake. I don't even know why I came here tonight.”
“Oh I don't buy that. You didn't get all dressed up and come out for no reason.”
“You're right. I was pissed at my boyfriend and I thought I could go to a bar and hook up with someone but that's not me. I should go.”
Jackie eyes her and shakes her head.“No, no, no stay. You look miserable. Stay have some fun.”
“I dunno...”
“Come hang out with me and my friends. I won't even hit on you.” Jackie smiled at her while sliding off the stool, “Come on, Lexi. You're in New Orleans. Laissez les bons temps rouler!”
“Ok, why the hell not.” Lexi laughed as she followed Jackie through the crowd.
By the time Lexi left DBA she had a good buzz on. Everything was fine until she was alone, that's when she started thinking about Dean again. She couldn't help but think that he should be here with her. They should be walking down this very street drunk, laughing and holding each other up. Maybe they would take a little detour to Cafe Du Monde to have coffee and beignets.
Lexi wished he would call or text her already. Even if it was to break it off, at this point she'd welcome it. This limbo she was now in was driving her crazy. She sighed and tried once again to push Dean Winchester out of her mind. She spent the rest of the five block walk down Royal Street to her apartment trying to talk herself into not calling Dean.
Did she really want to drunk dial him and embarrass herself even more? Despite everything she missed him. She just wanted to hear his voice even if it was just his voice mail message. She waited until she was inside her apartment before making the call. 'Hey Dean, it's me again. I'm not mad at you. I mean I don't know if that's why you haven't returned my calls or not. But I'm not mad. I'm worried about you. Just call me, please. I wanna know that you're okay.'
October 12, 2001
The Well
Roadside bar outside of Baltimore, MD
Dean came here tonight with the sole purpose of making some fast cash. It was the perfect place for that. A little whole in the wall roadside bar where no one would bat an eye if he won a few hundred bucks shooting pool. He was distracted though from the moment he had walked in the joint. A girl at the bar had caught his eye. He could only see her profile in the dim light. Her long light brown hair fell in soft curls down her back and he immediately thought of Lexi.
He tried to brush the thought away as he headed towards the pool tables but he couldn't. He wanted to call Lexi so bad but he figured she was probably pissed as hell at him. Not like she didn't have a good reason to be. He hasn't talked to her in over a month. Dean figured at this rate she's probably never gonna talk to him again. But he's dying to hear her voice again. He won't say this out loud but he dreams about her every night and part of him wants to say the hell with everything and go to New Orleans. He doesn't because he believes what his father has told him is true. It's too dangerous for Dean to be in contact with Lexi right now. If the demon somehow found out about her... Dean shakes his head and pushes the thought to the back of his mind. He has a job to do. The job tonight is to make some scratch so him and John can leave town. He walks up to the pool table waiting for his opening.
In only a few hours, he's up four hundred dollars and decides to quit while he's ahead. Dean doesn't want any trouble tonight. He takes his money, thanks the guy and offers to buy him a beer. He walks up to the bar orders a whiskey neat for himself then asks the bartender to send a pitcher of beer to the kid and his buddies. He feels like someone's watching him as he finishes his second drink. Dean looks up in time to see the girl from earlier slide onto the bar stool next time him. He can't help but smile at her. It's an automatic reflex but he still feels guilty as hell. That guilt slowly starts to fade away with each drink though. By their third drink she's leaning in close to him with her hand on his thigh and he's seriously thinking about taking her to the backseat of the Impala. He's just about to ask her when his cell starts to ring. The guilt hits him with full force when he sees Lexi's name on the caller id. He really wants to pick up but he doesn't think that would be such a good idea with Brandi or was it Candy, sitting next to him. Dean puts his phone on silent, throws some bills on the bar to cover the tab then turns to Brandi or Candy, “I gotta go.”
“You married or something?” She asks.
Dean raises an eyebrow, shakes his head no and walks out alone.
Genre: SPN Het
Pairing: Sam/ OFC, Dean/OFC (Lexi, played by Eliza Dushku)
Rating: M
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Summary: New town, new school for Sam. It's his fifth high school in three years but John promises it's going to be Sam' s last one. Dean and Sam settle into their new routine and enjoy being normal. A few months after school starts Sam meets Lexi. He could tell she was trouble the moment he laid eyes on her but it's the kind of trouble he's always wanted. Dean feels the same way about the new waitress at the diner.
*This is a prequel to Under Your Skin and Wayward Son.*
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18
Chapter 19: Would If I Could
*Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters belong to kripke. It's his sandbox, I'm just playing with his characters.* This is a prequel to Under Your Skin and Wayward Son.
“For today I'm lost without you. Forgot the way to be without you. Yeah you know I would stay alone. Yes I would if I could stay alone. Yes I would if I could be alone. But for today I'm lost without you. I need a way to be without you. I need a way to find just a few of you.”
August 16, 2001
Dean's sitting on the hood of the Impala as he watches Lexi put her suitcases into her mother's car. She's leaving for college today and he couldn't be more proud of her. He wishes he didn't have to say goodbye to her even if it is only for two weeks. Part of him wants to tell Marianne Brennan that he'll take Lexi down to New Orleans but the guilt of leaving his dad after what just happened with Sam won't let him. Dean knows he's putting his hopes and dreams on the back burner again but he's done it for so long now he doesn't know how to put himself first. Dean tells himself he's only going to stay with his dad for two weeks. No more than that. Doesn't matter if his father finds another lead to chase after, Dean's going to be in New Orleans in fourteen days. At least, that's what he tells himself today.
Once Lexi has everything in the car she walks over to Dean as her eyes fill with tears, “Dean...”
He gets off the car and pulls her against his chest. She presses her face into the worn cotton of his shirt taking a shaky breath. Lexi's suddenly scared. She doesn't want to say goodbye to Dean. She inhales his scent and closes her eyes while telling herself not cry. She can't help it though, the tears come hard and fast soaking Dean's shirt. His sturdy arms tighten around her making her feel small. She kind of likes the feeling and nuzzles her face deeper into his chest. Dean's whispering soothing words in her ear now, his breath warm against her skin. Once she calms down, he steps back and lifts her chin making her meet his eyes. “Baby, what's wrong?”
She wants to say everything, she wants to tell him she's afraid to be in a new city alone but she doesn't. Instead, she bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. Dean quirks an eyebrow at her and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “Lex...”
“I don't...I don't want to say goodbye...”
Dean leans down and presses his lips to hers. She clutches his shirt returning his kiss firmly because she wants to remember this moment. He pulls away, rests his forehead against hers, then whispers, “It's not goodbye, Lex. It's only two weeks. I'll be there before you know it. Just remember to salt the doors and windows, okay?”
“Okay. You have the address right?”
“Yeah. The apartment building's on the corner of St. Phillips and Royal,on top of the gift shop, second floor.”
“Yes and you'll be there in two weeks.”
“I promise, baby girl, two weeks.”
Dean pulls her into one last hug and kisses the top of her head. They both try to smile at each other as they pull away. Their smiles falter. Lexi worries her bottom lip between her teeth and walks away. Dean watches her cross the street wishing more than ever that he could be a regular guy. She stops suddenly then turns to look at Dean. She walks back over to him staring up at him with wide green eyes, “Dean, be careful.”
Dean looks down at her with a serious expression on his face stating, “Hey, Careful's my middle name.”
Lexi laughs and gives him one last kiss before heading to her mother's car. Dean watches her walk away again this time with a small smile on his lips. He gives a slight raise of his hand when they drive past him before he gets in his own car. He starts the car, puts it in gear and gets back on the road. There's nothing left for Dean in Ashland anymore. Sammy's gone. Lexi's gone too now. His father left yesterday. He has to meet him in Cleveland in two days. Dean looks down on the seat to see the journal Lexi gave him for their anniversary. He can do this. He's not really alone. He can hunt and still be with Lexi.
October 12, 2001
D.B.A.
618 Frenchmen Street
New Orleans
Lexi looked up every time the door opened. She was half expecting to see Dean walk into the bar even though she knew it wasn't going to happen. Dean wasn't in New Orleans. Actually, she had no idea where he was or if he was even still alive. She hasn't seen him in two months. The last time she spoke to him on the phone was six weeks ago. He called her at three am saying he had to stay with his father for a couple more weeks. They got a lead on the demon that killed his mom and his dad needed the back up. Dean ended the call saying, “Lex, I love you. Whatever happens don't forget that.” At the time Lexi thought it was sweet. Dean hardly ever said I love you but when he did, he meant it. As days turn into weeks, Lexi starts to think that maybe Dean was saying goodbye to her. That this was his way of breaking it off with her but she doesn't want to believe that. It's getting harder with every day that passes.
That's why she sitting in D.B.A. smoking and nursing an Abita Amber beer. She's miserable and lonely. Waiting by a phone that never rings is killing her. She came out tonight with the sole purpose of hooking up with some random guy. That's the whole reason she dolled herself up in her favorite dress and fuck me heels. Now that she's here she can't go through with it. It would be cheating and she's not that girl. Even though she doesn't even know if Dean's alive, she can't bring herself to move on. Lexi pushes the thought to the back of her mind and tries to make up excuses why Dean hasn't called or texted her in six weeks. The excuses are flimsy at best and the thought that something bad happened to him keeps creeping up in her mind. She's just about to call his cell again when the bartender places a shot in front of her. Lexi eyes the shot and looks up at the bartender, “I didn't order this.”
“I know the woman at the end of the bar sent this over.”
Lexi glances down the bar to see a very attractive dark haired women smiling at her. She smiles back, blushes and stares down at the shot. Before she can react the dark haired woman is sliding onto the stool next to her saying, “Don't tell me you can't shoot whiskey.”
“I can shoot whiskey. I just um never had a woman buy me a drink before.”
“Oh. Well, I saw you shoot down those frat boys so I figured I'd take a stab. You look like you're looking for some action.”
“I am, I was, I dunno...”
“Well at least take the shot before I get insulted.” The woman laughs deep and throaty.
Lexi lifts the shot, smiles, drinks it in one go then puts the empty glass on the bar. The woman holds out her hand smiling, “I'm Jackie and you are?”
“Lexi.”
They shake hands and Jackie holds her hand a little longer than necessary before letting go and leaning in close. “So, Lexi, you still looking for some action tonight?” Jackie asks with a wolfish grin.
Lexi blushes and tucks her hair behind her ears, “Um no actually. This was a mistake. I don't even know why I came here tonight.”
“Oh I don't buy that. You didn't get all dressed up and come out for no reason.”
“You're right. I was pissed at my boyfriend and I thought I could go to a bar and hook up with someone but that's not me. I should go.”
Jackie eyes her and shakes her head.“No, no, no stay. You look miserable. Stay have some fun.”
“I dunno...”
“Come hang out with me and my friends. I won't even hit on you.” Jackie smiled at her while sliding off the stool, “Come on, Lexi. You're in New Orleans. Laissez les bons temps rouler!”
“Ok, why the hell not.” Lexi laughed as she followed Jackie through the crowd.
By the time Lexi left DBA she had a good buzz on. Everything was fine until she was alone, that's when she started thinking about Dean again. She couldn't help but think that he should be here with her. They should be walking down this very street drunk, laughing and holding each other up. Maybe they would take a little detour to Cafe Du Monde to have coffee and beignets.
Lexi wished he would call or text her already. Even if it was to break it off, at this point she'd welcome it. This limbo she was now in was driving her crazy. She sighed and tried once again to push Dean Winchester out of her mind. She spent the rest of the five block walk down Royal Street to her apartment trying to talk herself into not calling Dean.
Did she really want to drunk dial him and embarrass herself even more? Despite everything she missed him. She just wanted to hear his voice even if it was just his voice mail message. She waited until she was inside her apartment before making the call. 'Hey Dean, it's me again. I'm not mad at you. I mean I don't know if that's why you haven't returned my calls or not. But I'm not mad. I'm worried about you. Just call me, please. I wanna know that you're okay.'
October 12, 2001
The Well
Roadside bar outside of Baltimore, MD
Dean came here tonight with the sole purpose of making some fast cash. It was the perfect place for that. A little whole in the wall roadside bar where no one would bat an eye if he won a few hundred bucks shooting pool. He was distracted though from the moment he had walked in the joint. A girl at the bar had caught his eye. He could only see her profile in the dim light. Her long light brown hair fell in soft curls down her back and he immediately thought of Lexi.
He tried to brush the thought away as he headed towards the pool tables but he couldn't. He wanted to call Lexi so bad but he figured she was probably pissed as hell at him. Not like she didn't have a good reason to be. He hasn't talked to her in over a month. Dean figured at this rate she's probably never gonna talk to him again. But he's dying to hear her voice again. He won't say this out loud but he dreams about her every night and part of him wants to say the hell with everything and go to New Orleans. He doesn't because he believes what his father has told him is true. It's too dangerous for Dean to be in contact with Lexi right now. If the demon somehow found out about her... Dean shakes his head and pushes the thought to the back of his mind. He has a job to do. The job tonight is to make some scratch so him and John can leave town. He walks up to the pool table waiting for his opening.
In only a few hours, he's up four hundred dollars and decides to quit while he's ahead. Dean doesn't want any trouble tonight. He takes his money, thanks the guy and offers to buy him a beer. He walks up to the bar orders a whiskey neat for himself then asks the bartender to send a pitcher of beer to the kid and his buddies. He feels like someone's watching him as he finishes his second drink. Dean looks up in time to see the girl from earlier slide onto the bar stool next time him. He can't help but smile at her. It's an automatic reflex but he still feels guilty as hell. That guilt slowly starts to fade away with each drink though. By their third drink she's leaning in close to him with her hand on his thigh and he's seriously thinking about taking her to the backseat of the Impala. He's just about to ask her when his cell starts to ring. The guilt hits him with full force when he sees Lexi's name on the caller id. He really wants to pick up but he doesn't think that would be such a good idea with Brandi or was it Candy, sitting next to him. Dean puts his phone on silent, throws some bills on the bar to cover the tab then turns to Brandi or Candy, “I gotta go.”
“You married or something?” She asks.
Dean raises an eyebrow, shakes his head no and walks out alone.