So, 33 weeks ago was the last time I wrote in this. Oh, blah blah blah. I feel like I'm going fucking crazy. So many things in my life have changed in the span of a month. I'm newly single (not so fabulous), had my first experience with a black man... pretty much almost fell in love with him. And now I'm stuck in a rut. Great, right ( Read more... )

i'm in a wierd mood. i wish i could learn to trust better. it tears me up all the time. i know he cares, but it's just difficult to trust after everything i've been through in the past. he'd hate me if he read this. but yeah. i just want to get drunk and act like i don't care. sounds so stupid. i really have no choice though.

Okay, I never write in here. I only really write in this when I feel like crap, which is right now. I don't know what makes me think that I can have things that I really can't. I'm just angry at myself. I wasn't myself and that makes me feel so unworthy of everything. Tonight I went over to Brian's. Brian is this guy that I've been talking to for ( Read more... )

I am so stressed out right now. I've actually gotten to point where I've cracked. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm crying for absolutely no reason at all. I just called my mom at three in the fucking morning. I don't know if I'm going crazy or not. Well, I'm typing so I'm not going crazy, but I just feel like a crazy person. I'm doing so bad in ( Read more... )

Okay, well...I never write in here. My lack of updating really shows that my whole purpose of having a livejournal is defeated. Hm...don't have much to update on. I'm doing pretty bad in school lately. It's not like me at all and is really stressing me out. It's taking a toll on me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I just procrastinate and not ( Read more... )

I hate dealing with uncertainty. Today has just been such a wierd day. Well, actually, the past few weeks have actually been pretty wierd all together. I'm back at school now...not really sure of how I'm putting up with schoolwork and friends and such. My daily horoscope today says, "As you move out of this depressed state, be graceful that you let ( Read more... )

Okay, so it's New Years Eve. It doesn't even feel like it at all. I really wish I had something to do or somewhere to be right now, but I really don't. It's like everybody's just saying "It's New Years Eve! Get out! Be somewhere! Party!" but I'm just sitting here, on the computer...thinking, I guess. Think about it, it's just New Year's Eve. I'd ( Read more... )

Well, I feel really shitty right now. Last night I fell asleep super early, ten o clock to be exact, and I woke up at one or two in the afternoon. I guess it was cool getting all that sleep, but eh. I've used up half of my tissues in this kleenex box. I feel sick and sad and mad. And like Dr. Seuss 'cause I just rhymed a lot ( Read more... )

La la. I'm bored. Like, really bored. I really wanna do something tonight. Something fun and drug free. Hmm...pop fireworks! Yes, that's the plan. Well, I'm dying my hair right now and I'm a mess. I have dark pink stains all over my neck and my hands...and my forehead. They look like hickeys. And I feel sick :( I always sleep with my fan on too ( Read more... )

Okay, so it's been a really, really long time since I've written in here. And I'm pretty sure I've written this at least two times before. Ha. Um, well not a lot has been going on with me. I'm on vacation from school and what not. Haven't been doing a whole lot...just sleeping in, hanging out with friends, and being online way too often. I'm kinda ( Read more... )