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Aug 04, 2008 20:10

More work and fun ( Read more... )

daughter, army

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Comments 35

skitten August 5 2008, 02:32:32 UTC
any possibiliity of an open marriage & rethinking the marriage's definition?

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ovate14 August 5 2008, 19:57:56 UTC
She thinks there's a possiblity, I don't know if our two personalities can work together like that.

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skitten August 5 2008, 20:06:12 UTC
hmmm- I really hope you guys can figure out what's best for both of you... *hug*

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ovate14 August 5 2008, 20:14:22 UTC
The problem is, she's absolutely certain what's best (staying together) and I'm utterly confused what is best.

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donnalee_kiss August 5 2008, 04:23:09 UTC
How long before you start cheating because you don't get what you want from her?

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ovate14 August 5 2008, 19:56:07 UTC
Cheating I won't be doing again. Part of what we've talked about is that I am not monogamous, never was and never will be. I've told her flat out that I won't be faithful to her. She thinks she can handle that. I don't think that she can.

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skitten August 5 2008, 21:16:41 UTC
well hmmm... complete honesty might just resolve this situation unless she tries to hang on for dear life.....

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donnalee_kiss August 5 2008, 21:26:59 UTC
Right now, since he's not seeing anyone else, she's happy. I say let him come and see me for a week once I recover and the breakdown will happen that much sooner.

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elisad August 5 2008, 04:49:11 UTC
Yeah, Ok. How long before things go back to the screwed up unhappy marriage it was before you deployed? We are talking complete honeymoon phase right now. You just got home from being gone for MONTHS, you told her you wanted to separate. She is really faced with losing you, so she is trying to be what you want.

I could be wrong, but it seems to me like she did this before. I know you tried a separation in Arizona. Just try to be a little more objective.

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ovate14 August 5 2008, 19:55:06 UTC
Yes, I should be more objective, but how can I? The women I've been married to for 14 years is breaking down and my daughter is sleeping peacefully in the next room, I can't be objective.

But yes, there is a lot of honey moon phase still going on, but there are some changes that I know are permanent.

I could stay in this marriage and be happy. I know that if I get out, I'll be happier. Is that worth disrupting my daughter's life so much? That's what I'm so confused about.

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skitten August 5 2008, 21:06:39 UTC
perhaps you should seek a poly friendly marriage counselor?

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ovate14 August 5 2008, 22:43:01 UTC
Would LOVE to, but they're kind of hard to find. When we lived in AZ I think the one we had was ploy friendly, but neither my wife nor me were mature enough emmotionally to get into poly at that time.

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asv7163 August 6 2008, 12:52:43 UTC
I feel like an idiot for wanting to leave a marriage that realy doesn't have that much wrong with it (compared to various marriages that we both hear about) or feel like shit for being so selfish about what I want to be willing to put my daughter through all that. Dazed and confused, it just isn't funny anymore ( ... )

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ovate14 August 6 2008, 15:56:11 UTC
But the thing is, we're happy a lot of the time. I'm not happy with my marriage, but I love my daughter we all three can have so much fun together. If my daughter is picking up on my feelings, I don't see it.

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Goddess WTF? malkatsheva August 12 2008, 15:04:07 UTC
At last, the right moment to approach this issue! Who in the living %#$@^^ is this Goddess you keep wittering on about? I went all over your blog trying to find more out, but there wasn't much there in terms of actual substantive description. In fact, I got the impression from something you wrote that you've never actually met her? That is the very definition of a castle in the air, sir. She may be pretty amazing on the Web, but in real life she craps on the pot just like the rest of us. I'd be a poor friend/netstalker if I didn't call you on that. Paul Simon says, "Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance; everybody thinks it's true." That's what Goddess is to you: a train in the distance, the dream of freedom, the dream of a different life. But in reality, it seems that you know almost nothing about Goddess's real, true, daily life/personality ( ... )

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Re: Goddess WTF? ovate14 August 14 2008, 00:27:20 UTC
She is a woman I dated in High school and still lives in that town. For reason stupid beyond fathoming, I left her when I left for college. She got back in touch with me years later, we had both gotten married and had a child by then. We met again, started an affair, and have both been battling bad marriages and contemplating a divorce.

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Re: Goddess WTF? malkatsheva August 14 2008, 13:20:27 UTC
Well, I am pleased to hear that at least you know this person in real life. That's good news overall. So, okay, let me stay with it a little longer -- she represents something good from a looooong time ago. Maybe it was wonderful then, I don't know. It seems like a bit of a red flag to me when you call her Goddess. If you really love the real her, why don't you just call her, y'know, Suzanne or whatever her name is ( ... )

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