[Monday]
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In the time I spent with Tengiz and Avani at their house in Sunnyland, Tengiz gave me a lot to think about. Privacy. Identity. Judgements and how those impact our self concept. Raw food as Earth Worship.
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"When a man ejaculates," Tengiz said, "he gives his life-force to the woman. He ages. There is a formula I can show you for how often a ( Read more... )

Read part one, telling of how things went with Nelum on Friday and Saturday morning, and the beginning of White Whale's party by clicking here.
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Excerpt: {I expected that he would return after stowing it in his car, but ten minutes later he had not returned.}( Read more... )

The morning of my birthday I woke and checked the time. It was around seven o'clock. Hibiscus won't be back from the airport for hours yet, I thought. I went back to sleep and woke again around ten o'clock. I dressed in my "wasabi dress" - a custom-made organic cotton dress I had ordered off of Etsy with the money Hibiscus gave me for Christmas.
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I' ( Read more... )

Leopardus writes: "I'm doing some relationship homework with my dear partner, and I wondered if you'd be interested in joining in the exercise and talking to me about your experience sometime. If you're in, here's the assignment."
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"Oh, I look forward to this!" I replied. December rolled on by, and it was mid-January before I finally read the ( Read more... )

10:45pm
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Late at night, the night before Thanksgiving, I pulled a blindfold over my eyes to protect them. I felt sensitive to everything, raw to the world. I asked Hibiscus to get Paladin up so that he could help me process. Hibiscus felt uncomfortable going up into the attic and waking Paladin for me, but he did it anyway. I was grateful.
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I made ( Read more... )

"I felt the hate rise up in me. I wander out where you can't see. Inside my shell I wait and bleed. ... Everything is turning bad for me." From Slipknot's song Wait and Bleed. I'd been introduced to it when I was twelve or thirteen by Hyena, the infatuation that lasted for six months prior to Wolf, my first love.
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Why, oh why, would these lyrics ( Read more... )

"Somehow I get the feeling that I'll see you cry for me before I see you cry for him," Hibiscus said to me, sometime early in October.
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"You already have, actually. When you were sick." I had felt so guilty. I had felt like it was my fault.( Read more... )

Friday was a slap in the face for my sensitivities and triggers. From cooking fumes generated by Hibiscus's parents to making the mistake of going out to eat with them. I, of course, brought my own food to the restaurant. But even watching Hibiscus eat and drink with his parents . . .
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I'm not a part of this world, I thought. This is a part of your ( Read more... )

Starting at the beginning of August 2015 I began logging a short sentence as the "highlight of my day" or more realistically, whatever was the most memorable to me about the day at the end of it or the next morning when I wrote the sentence. At the end of the month I read through them and then took the most meaningful of the sentences and compiled ( Read more... )

When I was a child I continually found reasons to be isolated and excluded. Usually it was a disagreement with someone and my unwillingness to capitulate, apologize or in any form make amends. My pride would stop me.
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When I wasn't stopped by disagreements I was stopped by illness. Weeks away from school were highly common for me, and on a few ( Read more... )