"Somehow I get the feeling that I'll see you cry for me before I see you cry for him," Hibiscus said to me, sometime early in October.
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"You already have, actually. When you were sick." I had felt so guilty. I had felt like it was my fault.( Read more... )

Excerpt: Paladin can't even look at what he wants, because he is terrified that going after what he wants means leaving me. But I don't know that I can continue to be there for him when he uses me as an excuse to pile more guilt on himself.( Read more... )

"I feel this crazy fear that you won't love me anymore when I see you," I texted Paladin on Friday evening. I was feeling rather lonely with Hibiscus spending several hours in meetings and having not heard from Paladin by text or phone in all but once in nearly 48 hours.
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A few hours later, while I was napping, Paladin texted me back, "Well, I'm ( Read more... )

I finally got up the guts to start being authentic with Hibiscus about more than just my past, shortcomings and desires - I got up the nerve to critique his food hoarding (which led to much food waste).
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It was Saturday night, and we'd been talking for nearly two hours already. We were on 'my' bed with a little touch-light on and the main light off ( Read more... )

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"My mentor" I called her. Inwardly, I thought of her as a friend. Oryx, a strong woman - one which I loved. I was terrified of seeing Oryx again on many levels, but over the months, that terror died down into mild nervousness.
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The end of July was fast approaching. I'd been traveling so long, that traveling felt like my natural state of being.
.( Our traveling history... )

We were staying with a friend of a friend of Basket Bear's. We were only there for a couple of days after visiting Lilac and Heron. It was the day we were leaving and Paladin was laying in bed. I was feeling increasingly anxious about the time and the fact that he was not yet readying himself to go.
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"Paladin... It's eleven in the morning..."
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"Yes? ( Read more... )