i am waiting for the fall.

i am tired of the bleary eyed sun,
bleached out lawns &
grown men in shorts.

i am waiting for the spell to come and wrap me up again.
to pull me out of the mundane
reminding me that there is more out there than what we see...

and that those creepy feelings and strange sensations from those we call the Watchers
are but ( Read more... )

I fear the ordinary people... The people who make the ordinary so dreadful, typecasted, banal, cliche and shallow... All sun, no contrast of shade ( Read more... )

I've been trapped both in the world of slave labor and derealization ( Read more... )

His Nausea is my Halloween Acid House... my alice in wonderland disease...

the following are just a few quotes from: Jean-Paul Sartre. Nausea. Trans. Lloyd Alexander. New York: New Directions Publishing, 1964.
The NAUSEA
I live alone, entirely alone. I never speak to anyone, never; I receive nothing, I give nothing� When you live alone you no longer ( Read more... )

i went to therapy today.
in that 55 minute hour, i had to try to convey the complete fragmenting of my mind.
i somehow seemed to convince her i was healthy - insightful - stable.
agreed, i am stable in the sense that i can get up and go to work - maybe even brush my teeth and remember to put gas in the car...

but that is robot-stable.
i feel human-empty ( Read more... )

she is little inside of me ( Read more... )

 i am nowhere ( Read more... )

realization???? could THIS be how it was????
not sure which is scarier - the idea that i was broken BEFORE hand, the idea that i could have hid it from myself or the idea that my brain could have lied to me, telling me things happened physically that maybe possibly only occurred emotionally????

i have always felt like a rape victim. (and i do NOT in ( Read more... )

I'm not numb like before, but I'm still some sort of dissociated. I'm hyper aware of an altered sense of something ( Read more... )

Its happening again ( Read more... )