-
if i knew it was that kind of party
depp & cruz hung out with us again... i think lemmer came...
felt like he was around, anyway...
like his company...
makes dealing with depp & cruz easier -
depp & cruz
hung out with depp & cruz...
been talking about it
and finally did it.
frank and laura hung out too.
maybe hanging with them sat....
jesus... i better figure this shit out quick before this spiral gets fucked FAST! -
fuck baseline - let me stay nuts
shrinky dink wants me to consider doing intensive outpatient program (DBT) for my borderline issues and semi-suicidal ideation bullshit. thing is, i have been semi depersonalized/derealized lately and i fucken LOVE that! i don't want to be therapied out of that!!! it keeps me going... it brings life back to life.... magick even.... if i get rid of ( Read more... ) -
escapeism
this is just ideation... and however wrong you think it is, don't worry... i am not killing myself... i do not think death is better than life... i haven't forgotten about God.... i am just "venting" in a way that allows some pressure out... i am ok.... but mostly because this IS on my mind...
( cut for suicidal triggers ) -
stop looking at me
i am going insane.
i am feeling borderline... judged, invisible, abandoned....
i think everyone is mad at me
and i am freakin paranoid as hell about it...
i wana cry...
i feel trapped
and lost
and unable to function
even though i can physically do it
it's not living -
sorry i am fucked up
a friend was truly upset yesterday... she took me to dinner and a drink or two because i am broke til payday and she needed a distraction... sux how that worx - she needed me and had to pay for it!!! i will return the favor, but still ( Read more... ) -
an idiot outside the door (my facebook Note)
the past few months have been stupid. besides fucking annoyingly ridiculous (and one horrific experience), there really is no other way to describe it. in an effort to keep things private and limit my long winded rant to a few paragraphs instead of my normal dissertation, i will skip to the events of this morning ( Read more... ) -
sometimes you have to almost die to realize you are alive
long title... this post will probably be shorter... i assume someday (hopefully soon), i will creatively write about this... how it freaked me out... how (i hope) it changed me ( Read more... ) -
blah blah blah
up early with what i believe to be allergies... nose is so stuffy i have gone through a box of tissues and i roll of toilet paper since i ran out of tissues AND money! (payday tomorrow - THANK GOD ( Read more... ) -
random ramblings
12:28a - just got home from taylor's.... technically it is wed now.... just weighed myself - 116.2!!! what the fuck!!!! was 115.2 this AM (tech tues AM).... gotta see tomorrow's AM weight before i freak out! people say i look healthier now so i know i 100% gained weight. i know i looked like shit at 113 but i felt better than i do now.... but my ( Read more... )