blah blah blah
up early with what i believe to be allergies... nose is so stuffy i have gone through a box of tissues and i roll of toilet paper since i ran out of tissues AND money! (payday tomorrow - THANK GOD!)
i upped prozac on my own - taking the 10mg my friend have left over when her shrink (i referred her) upped her's to 20. so until she (shrink) changes mine, i am now on 40mg. helps with appetite and energy as well as mood (as i sensed some depression/dysthymia was creeping its way back to the forefront)
i have nothing to do today save for clean. best friend from home (NJ) is coming to visit saturday and friday i want to pick up paycheck, buy something necessary (like tissues) and ready to meet up with friends for happy hour. i took week off to rest and heal from the sexual assault i suffered at work a few weeks ago... hate seeing one of those fuckin kids at work everyday. the two that attacked me were 17.... one is in jail and kicked out of where i work (school/residential facility for fucked up kids) while the other still walks around fuckin campus) i dissociated at first - even froze up during the attack (which is odd since i usually am able to hold my own in violent situations as there is violence every day at my job... tho never sexual - and needed the time to feel what happened... to allow myself to believe it was bad enough to feel pain and violation and disgust and anger and fear.... in NY they call the crime "forcible touch"... sounds much more innocent than it felt... but at least i was able to get them arrested and stand up for myself for once....
weighed myself this morning and i am 114lbs. keeps fluctuating - sometimes reaching a little over 116/117 by days end. i hate that. always freaks me out. feeling less bloated and fat this morning. not only because of what that evil scale says but just in general. felt fatter recently. know i am NOT fat, but still felt it. body is not perfect - needs toning BIG TIME as i am no longer young anymore (will be 32 in October)... but at least i feel less fat at the moment.. at least i have that today... i will take whatever i can get at the moment.
going through whatever this is sucks but with medication i can almost handle it better so my writing once darker and creative, now bores me... diary entries,,,, ugh!
sorry everyone that i am not nearly as interesting as i was when i first came to LJ. i won't lie, often i miss what medication has taken away.... i miss depth
more later, i assume....
i upped prozac on my own - taking the 10mg my friend have left over when her shrink (i referred her) upped her's to 20. so until she (shrink) changes mine, i am now on 40mg. helps with appetite and energy as well as mood (as i sensed some depression/dysthymia was creeping its way back to the forefront)
i have nothing to do today save for clean. best friend from home (NJ) is coming to visit saturday and friday i want to pick up paycheck, buy something necessary (like tissues) and ready to meet up with friends for happy hour. i took week off to rest and heal from the sexual assault i suffered at work a few weeks ago... hate seeing one of those fuckin kids at work everyday. the two that attacked me were 17.... one is in jail and kicked out of where i work (school/residential facility for fucked up kids) while the other still walks around fuckin campus) i dissociated at first - even froze up during the attack (which is odd since i usually am able to hold my own in violent situations as there is violence every day at my job... tho never sexual - and needed the time to feel what happened... to allow myself to believe it was bad enough to feel pain and violation and disgust and anger and fear.... in NY they call the crime "forcible touch"... sounds much more innocent than it felt... but at least i was able to get them arrested and stand up for myself for once....
weighed myself this morning and i am 114lbs. keeps fluctuating - sometimes reaching a little over 116/117 by days end. i hate that. always freaks me out. feeling less bloated and fat this morning. not only because of what that evil scale says but just in general. felt fatter recently. know i am NOT fat, but still felt it. body is not perfect - needs toning BIG TIME as i am no longer young anymore (will be 32 in October)... but at least i feel less fat at the moment.. at least i have that today... i will take whatever i can get at the moment.
going through whatever this is sucks but with medication i can almost handle it better so my writing once darker and creative, now bores me... diary entries,,,, ugh!
sorry everyone that i am not nearly as interesting as i was when i first came to LJ. i won't lie, often i miss what medication has taken away.... i miss depth
more later, i assume....