and as the bubblegum buzz fades into "i only had one glass" sobriety, life flings back to normal....
no longer disembodied...

movie is over
buzz is gone

and i am fkn bored and eating... again

so i put on Remember Me ( Read more... )

I'm not well 2day. I'm down or out of it or disconnected ( Read more... )

"...There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying --
When I was a child, I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that fever once again,
I cannot explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am

I ... have become, ( Read more... )

"I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading--treading--till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through--
And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum--
Kept beating--beating till I thought
My Mind was going numb--

And then I heard them lift a Box
And creak across my Soul
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space--began ( Read more... )

i feel completely disengaged from myself

while i sit here, an image of myself superimposes itself upon me - neither being me but just pictures of me.

i am not here or there but both here and there.

***************
the more they up my mood stabilizer, the more disconnected i become.

******************************

and so today, the day after an eerie bout of depersonalization, i sit once again at the computer feeling a little TOO "on ( Read more... )

something is wrong with my brain ( Read more... )

it dawned on me the other day that since my meds have been straightened out about 3 months ago, i haven't had one depersonalized/derealized moment/episode.

and you know what?

i miss em.

off all the mental bullshit that goes on in my neurotic skull, why did i have to lose the fun stuff??? !!!

my anoretic behavior is completely lost to the binge ( Read more... )

"there was no one inside him... behind his face... there was no more than a slight chill, a dream someone had failed to dream...
at first he thought that everyone was like him, but the surprise and bewilderment of an acquaintance to whom he began to describe that hollowness showed his error, and also let him know, forever, that an individual ought ( Read more... )