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i feel empty tonight
i feel so out of touch right now. lately I have been feeling very depressed, like not wanting to get out of bed depressed. I have been having the urge to cut so much lately. Something that triggered my depression that I know was last week I made a mistake at my job...I work at a movie theater running projection and I started the wrong movie, people ( Read more... ) -
i dont get it
Today was good. I dont know why I always have to let little things bring me down. Roland invited me to his next party friday night. I told him I would go. Its the same night as my sisters hotel party thing, so I'll be going there alone. I think Ill be ok. He told me that I should park my car somewhere, get hammered and spend the night. hehe. Maybe ( Read more... ) -
he puts the weight into my little heart
Today a few students were playing live music out on the quad area, and I was completely amazed at the violinist. As my sister and I were walking I couldnt help but watch, he caught me looking and we exchanged smiles. I shyly looked away. A cute guy rocking out on a violin (ok, so it was more like irish fiddle type of rocking out)... how could I ( Read more... ) -
whats wrong with me?
hey, how do you all deal with party invitations and the like. I dont want to feel like the one left out, but I really dont think I could handle it at a party. A guy at my job throws parties often I heard, and when I found this out I sort of felt left out. They told me that it was late and didnt have everyones number, but would have called me. ( Read more... ) -
....pop something to me
Last week my friend (and I say that lightly, since in all reality I barely know him) had a going away party. We both started work together at the same time this summer and now it was time for him to go back to school out of state. We really hit it off, he was really funny and made work a fun place to be. It seems like the people I can actually ( Read more... ) -
you know Im completely aware that Im conflicted.
Today was my first day back to school and someone that I work with that I pathetically admit I would love to be best friends with because shes everything I'm not and want to be - witty, funny, outgoing, funny, the person that everyone loves and knows they will have a good time as long as they are around. Anyways, we also go to school together and ( Read more... ) -
where is something to numb the pain
Well my therapy session went ok. I told my complicated life story, condensed nonetheless. There was a lot of crying, surprisingly more than I thought. I only scratched the surface though, I hope she knows that. The session ended with her talking about God being our heavenly Father and how lucky we are to have him…yada yada. It felt nice to hear ( Read more... ) -
???
I am about to go to my first therapy session today. I’m really worried how it will turn out. Will I not be able to explain my behaviors well enough? Will she just disregard my problems as minor - just shyness? Gosh I hope things go well and I don’t want to make light of my problems. But there are times that I am worse than others. Anyways, I am ( Read more... ) -
Suffering on the Inside
I have been filling out a lot of job applications and trying to get a job this summer. But I feel my social anxiety creeping up on me recently. Tomorrow I am planning (and dreading) calling “Marta” the manager at Petco, and the manager at one of the theaters I applied at. You know its really hard dealing with this when you can never explain it to ( Read more... ) -
Joy!
Ok, so its 9:00am and I should be leaving right now to go to my class (which is optional since the last quiz was monday). So it's pretty obvious that im not going. Tomorrow will be the final and the last day of my english class, and then I'll finish my bio and math final next monday and tuesday and then I can put a big check mark next to "finish ( Read more... )