he puts the weight into my little heart
Today a few students were playing live music out on the quad area, and I was completely amazed at the violinist. As my sister and I were walking I couldnt help but watch, he caught me looking and we exchanged smiles. I shyly looked away. A cute guy rocking out on a violin (ok, so it was more like irish fiddle type of rocking out)... how could I resist. I told my sister I was gonna stay, gave her money for the bus and sat at the benches and watched him from afar. It was beautifull and reminded me of my own love for playing. The desire, the passion and love for playing an instrument never really leaves you if you truely love it, no matter how long you put it aside. Too bad the skill doesnt stick around just as long. I have been contemplating getting a nice instrument that I could begin to practice with again. My dad shut down the idea when I mentioned how much I would spend on one. The price is absolutely great for the instrument I would be getting but to someone that knows nothing about classical instruments it sound like a waste of money. But this is a passion of mine, something that is within me that I just can't keep ignoring. I really would like to see if they have an intermediate orchestra at my school, I know they have begining wind. I decided right there that I would definitely save up the remaining money of my financial aid and my next pay check and get my very own violin. Nothing like the cheep unplayable ones collecting dust in my closet.
Anyways I have been feeling really lonely lately, and completely inlove with this guy at my job. When he talks to me I can't help but take deep breaths when I walk away. *sighs* He was at that party last saturday. He was so sexy walking around barefooted, obviously tipsy....the way he played with his hair spralled out on the lazyboy chair, adorable. He didnt see me until we were leaving, cause im so retarded I stayed in one place almost the whole night. As we were leaving he asked if I just got there...hehe... then appologized. He started talking to me about work and such....just to have him talk to me is a joy. I wanted to reach out and touch his hand as I walked away...I imagined that if we were together that would be the point were we would casually kiss each other good night...nice thought. ha, ok, now Im sounding stalkerish.
Hrm. Oh and I found out that this other guy who left my job did actually have a thing for me. The deal wth him was that he was not the most attractive guy but when I was around him he made me happy. He was so funny, and knew how to make me laugh... I just loved being around him. I sort of suspected that he kind of liked me cause I caught a "look" once. Sadly he left the week after we met, and I found an entry in his journal that Im pretty sure is about me. Its really flattering, you know? I probably have said a few times, "I wish I could be one that guys talk about when Im not around (in a good way)...you know like be the one someone else is thinking about. It was sweet. It would be nice if someone else felt that way about me. I just have been feeling like I really want that closeness with someone. And its so hard for me to get close with anyone, I feel like I treat people like I have secrets. Really I am the big secret - afraid that if I let people get to know the real me they wont like what they find. This guy seems like he would be the sweetest person to be with. If only he knew how I felt. Yeah and he is putting in his two weeks notice tomorrow. Life is sweet at the amc.
Anyways I have been feeling really lonely lately, and completely inlove with this guy at my job. When he talks to me I can't help but take deep breaths when I walk away. *sighs* He was at that party last saturday. He was so sexy walking around barefooted, obviously tipsy....the way he played with his hair spralled out on the lazyboy chair, adorable. He didnt see me until we were leaving, cause im so retarded I stayed in one place almost the whole night. As we were leaving he asked if I just got there...hehe... then appologized. He started talking to me about work and such....just to have him talk to me is a joy. I wanted to reach out and touch his hand as I walked away...I imagined that if we were together that would be the point were we would casually kiss each other good night...nice thought. ha, ok, now Im sounding stalkerish.
Hrm. Oh and I found out that this other guy who left my job did actually have a thing for me. The deal wth him was that he was not the most attractive guy but when I was around him he made me happy. He was so funny, and knew how to make me laugh... I just loved being around him. I sort of suspected that he kind of liked me cause I caught a "look" once. Sadly he left the week after we met, and I found an entry in his journal that Im pretty sure is about me. Its really flattering, you know? I probably have said a few times, "I wish I could be one that guys talk about when Im not around (in a good way)...you know like be the one someone else is thinking about. It was sweet. It would be nice if someone else felt that way about me. I just have been feeling like I really want that closeness with someone. And its so hard for me to get close with anyone, I feel like I treat people like I have secrets. Really I am the big secret - afraid that if I let people get to know the real me they wont like what they find. This guy seems like he would be the sweetest person to be with. If only he knew how I felt. Yeah and he is putting in his two weeks notice tomorrow. Life is sweet at the amc.