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Hate me
What do you do when you lose your will to live? I'm tired I'm just so tired. -
So you're a cross dresser
I found out about a month ago. For the most past I'm okay with it but as with anything, it brings up worries and anxieties. For starters. the lying. The single most obvious problem was the lie you kept up for 9 years. I have a hard time believing what you say now and doubt and question all the answers you give to my questions. I"m reading "My ( Read more... ) -
Michael
Its been 8 years and it never gets any easier does it? The pain of you not here. The pain of your death. Your birthday. You gave me a gift. The gift of a husband. But it should have been you. You should be here with me. You should have walked me down the aisle. But you didnt. Because youre gone. I cant forgive myself. I cant fogive you. Please dont ( Read more... ) -
sing me to sleep...
Predictable bullshit. That's what I deal with every day. It's not the good predictable bullshit either. It's everyone around me stressing me out. I can't do this on my own anymore. I've been here too long. I've endured this for way too long. I'm stuck in this perpetual guilt trip. "Kid's who parents suicided never get over it." Great so I'm ( Read more... ) -
Some things never change.
I'm fucking statving myself for you. Forcing myself to only eat once a day. I'm not taking medications I know will help me not want to kill myself because I know if I take them I'll get fat again. I know that before I got pregnant you adored me. When I started getting fat from the pregnancy is when you stopped caring. And I'll keep doing this until ( Read more... ) -
My response to someone on a facebook post that said..
“When you've had one call after another and your little one is tugging on your shirt, remember what really matters. When the milk is splattered all over the floor and those little eyes are looking at you for your reaction, remember what really matters. It takes 5 minutes to clean up spilled milk; it takes much longer to clean up a broken spirit.” - ( Read more... ) -
It saddens me...
To see the long line of hate and ill will I have for myself over the years. I don't think I'll ever be secure and that saddens me. People say the older you get the more you change. I can tell you I haven't changed one damn bit. I still can't handle my depression, I can't handle Nic's exs, I can't handle always feeling like I'm not good enough, will ( Read more... ) -
Play Catch Up.
I am trying to get my life in order. Like, I really am; and its really frustrating. I think my problem is that I try to make too many changes at once. I get all pumped up thinking I can be super woman and it doesn't work that way. Being Borderline I have an all or nothing attitude about things. I see things in all or nothing, black or white. No in- ( Read more... ) -
feeling down.
I don't know what to do today. I'm not super depressed but I am down. My DH is thinking about going back to school and while I'm proud and excited for him, I can't help but feel a little jealous. I hate my financial situation and hate everything about the EMT world. It was a huge mistake to go through EMT school. I can't take all the stress that ( Read more... ) -
Weight loss is hard work
Weight loss is super hard work! I'm trying to lose weight for my hiss face. I'm eating my calorie limit and exercising my butt off but I don't feel any different. I hope I get to my goal weight of 130lbs. I know it's gonna take over a year but I really want to lose this weight. Hiss Ordered me a fitbit and it arrives tomorrow, I'm super excited. I ( Read more... )