sing me to sleep...
Predictable bullshit. That's what I deal with every day. It's not the good predictable bullshit either. It's everyone around me stressing me out. I can't do this on my own anymore. I've been here too long. I've endured this for way too long. I'm stuck in this perpetual guilt trip. "Kid's who parents suicided never get over it." Great so I'm supposed to suffer this with a guilt trip? Things always get worse never better. You don't deserve to be. You are a terrible person. You are a disappointment, a constant fuck up. A blemish on society. A waste of space. That's the message I receive every day from my own husband on what seems a daily bases. He never says it, he just guilt, shames, and blames me. He says it without actually saying it. I have had complete strangers be more understanding and nicer to me then he ever has. So I'm stuck in this perpetual shit loop. Guilt, that's all I ever give myself, that's what I get from other people.
The good feelings never last, they just never do. It's a fleeting trope that I've grown to come to dread. Maybe even more than the sadness. At least the sadness is true and real. At least the sadness isn't a lie like the hope. It's that little bitch hope, that makes me stick around only to be let down again. Hope and despair. "It can't rain all the time" no, no it can't but it can rain 90% of the time.
The good feelings never last, they just never do. It's a fleeting trope that I've grown to come to dread. Maybe even more than the sadness. At least the sadness is true and real. At least the sadness isn't a lie like the hope. It's that little bitch hope, that makes me stick around only to be let down again. Hope and despair. "It can't rain all the time" no, no it can't but it can rain 90% of the time.