I want to scream at every person who has ever told me to do what I loved.

I wish I was, I really, truly do.  But every time I find out that someone is doing better than me, I get jealous.  3 years younger than me and you have embarked upon a career?  Fuck you.  I actually wish for people I care about to do as poorly as I do, because if they're doing poorly then it means it's not my fault I'm a loser.  If no one is doing ( Read more... )

I need to decide whether to continue my lease.  Rent will be going up by $25/month for those who won't sign yearlong leases.  The flexible leasing schedule is a main draw of my current housing situation.  It's not the only one, but it is pretty major.  That would put my rent at $385 including bills and and a small amount of food (I'm kept in pasta ( Read more... )

Why am I such a terrible person?  If I hadn't gotten on the internet, I wouldn't be mortified right now, wouldn't be hitting myself for spending hours on the computer, wouldn't be sad that I don't have time to knit and watch an episode of star-trek, wouldn't be dreading tomorrow's sleep deprivation, wouldn't want to erase myself.

Queer? Feminist?  Not a part of the university?  Well tough luck.  You will not have an opportunity to be a part of the community.  If you do manage to break your way in to a group, you will undoubtedly be faced with a bunch of 19 year olds with little to no grasp of theory or history.  There is no such thing as a group of young professional ( Read more... )

I feel like I'm drowning and no one will throw me a life preserver.  All they do is yell "swim, swim" and when I can't they get frustrated and walk off the beach, because I obviously want to drown. 

I called my mom today in tears because of the rejection letter.  I should stop calling her.  It just upsets her.  She cried today, and confirmed something I've long suspected.  As she put it, she always thought, "Well, at least we won't have to worry about Beth.  She's so bright and smart and funny, she'll be able to find a job."  In other words, I ( Read more... )

I just got a rejection letter from the Historical Society.  It was my first interview for a museum in a year.  Both of those interviews were at a place where I had worked before.  This particular interview was with my old boss, who was very happy with my work and told me to talk to him when I graduated. They called my references, two of which were ( Read more... )

God, this weekend has sucked ( Read more... )

That is how I feel right now. Also, I am very annoyed with myself. Some background: There is a 60-70 year old man "G" who is a "friend of the house". Basically he's an old hippie who is a really gifted massage therapist. He's also had a lot of head injuries which make him "off"- but in a loving sort of way. He's constantly giving massages to ( Read more... )