(no subject)
I called my mom today in tears because of the rejection letter. I should stop calling her. It just upsets her. She cried today, and confirmed something I've long suspected. As she put it, she always thought, "Well, at least we won't have to worry about Beth. She's so bright and smart and funny, she'll be able to find a job." In other words, I have to be doubly successful to make up for Eric. Now, she said that the reason she was disappointed was because she "managed to raise two dysfunctional children," because I am sad all the time. So really, I'm a double disappointment. I can't find a professional job even after earning a Master's degree (oh why didn't I listen to professors who told me not to do it?), and I'm horribly depressed about it. So I'm a double failure.
I just wish I could go back in time and undo all my mistakes. Should have stayed in architecture, should have gotten treatment sooner, should have stayed on the drugs I hate. It's too late now.
I just wish I could go back in time and undo all my mistakes. Should have stayed in architecture, should have gotten treatment sooner, should have stayed on the drugs I hate. It's too late now.