Bones Fanfic: Stuck In A Moment (25/27)
Title: Stuck In A Moment
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Future Fic! B/B!
Word Count: 2,241
Spoiler: None
Preview Chapters: One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen - Fourteen - Fifteen - Sixteen - Seventeen - Eighteen - Nineteen - Twenty - Twenty-One - Twenty-Two: Part One - Twenty-Two: Party Two - Twenty-Three - Twenty-Four
A/N: Thanks again for reading and reviewing. We are almost done. One more chapter after this, and a huge epilogue. I’m not sure I’m ready to finish this fic, this has been such a good ride.
Song “Goodbye to You” by Michelle Branch.
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears from behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
Chapter 25
Booth was still out cold on her couch when she returned, no more the wiser to her absence. She sat watching him quietly, indulging in a few selfish tears because she knew exactly what she had to do when he woke up.
She couldn’t help remembering the silly times they had had, the sweet moments of fun, laughter, and those soul-wrenching moments of sharing about their loss and their grief. She would never forget what he had been to her. He had been her sign that there was life after death, her hope that she would find true love and happiness again someday. But now, just knowing that if Brennan could pull it together, it would never be with him, was a little overwhelming. She couldn’t pretend this didn’t hurt her profusely.
She fell into the temptation of what if for a few minutes. What if she told him to go back to Brennan, and he refused? What if when he awakened he saw she was there, and it was all he wanted? She smiled as she daydreamed about that unlikely possibility because for a few moments she succumbed to her selfish, needful wishes. She hoped she would see him rising from the sofa, smiling as he found her there, forgetting all the heartbreak, seeing her smiling back; then he would kneel by her chair and he would take her hand in his. He would say he had come home and he was not ever going to leave her again, and he was happy with her, and only her. They would kiss softly, sweetly with the promise of a new beginning, and a lovely life to share.
She was wearing the Pittsburgh Penguins jersey that stupefied him, and he would tease her, and tickle her into admitting the Pittsburgh Penguins were not good. They would cuddle and kiss; and soon before they knew it, they were admiring the new gold bands that showed their commitment to one another. They would be in bed showing each other the love they felt, the love they cherish dearly, because they both knew what it was to lose it and find it one more time. She would see him leaning over her, with their new born baby and the joy reflected in his chocolate eyes, as he gazed at them totally and irrevocably filled with love. It was a beautiful fantasy, and that was all it would ever be because Brennan had begun her journey back him. She could see it in her eyes, she saw the love and the fear that she was too late; but Brennan would never be too late because Booth would wait forever. That was how it should be.
“Hey…” Booth watched her with a regretful expression before she even knew he was awake.
“Hey there, how are you feeling?”
“I am, feeling I mean, I guess that’s a good sign.” He joked feebly.
“Yeah, you had quite a night.” Emma felt for him, remembering the craziness evident in all the rooms of his home.
“I did, and now it’s over. It’s finally out in the open, and I’m glad. I’m relieved.” He admitted he felt as though a huge burden had fallen off his back.
“Are you?” Emma whispered doubtfully.
“Yeah,” he sat up, rubbing his sweet stubbly chin. “Are you okay, Emma? You looked a little sad when I opened my eyes.”
“I’m not sad. Really I’m not. I think you did the most beautiful thing for your wife, Seeley. It was the most generous gesture of love I’ve ever seen.”
“Emma… ” Booth shook his head.
“No, please let me finish. I think you should go back this morning and check on her, see how she is doing. Don’t just leave things the way they were last night. I know you went through a lot, but really Seeley, I’d be worried about Temperance there all alone, knowing the truth, you really need to go to her…”
“No.” Booth’s eyes denied the need to do that. “No. She made it perfectly clear, she detests me. She doesn’t see it your way at all. She sees it as my most self-centered, self-preserving act ever. That’s what she pretty much sees me as all the time. She’ll never forgive me.” Booth’s eyes closed as he accepted her rejection one last time.
“I thought you decided to fight.” Emma wanted nothing more than to say ‘okay’, and let him think what he thought. But she couldn’t let him stay here when his heart and soul longed to be somewhere else. And that very soggy, dusty, splintered house that was long overdue to become a happy home again.
“I did fight! I fought like a hellcat. But I know when to quit too.” Booth said dejectedly.
“No. You don’t. Don’t tell me you’re stopping so easily! This is not the Seeley Booth I know at all. What’s wrong with you? Since when do you stop after one battle?” Emma urged him to get the courage to go back.
“I can’t go back, I can’t. I think I want to quit.” Booth decided sadly. “I think it’s best to let her go, and let her find her happiness with someone else.”
“Are you crazy?” Emma plowed on, she never expected Booth to give up so easily.
“No, I’m realistic and I’m tired. I’m really just so tired. ” His eyes implored her to understand. “Why are you so bent on sending me away, I thought you said you loved me. Emma, did you change your mind? I mean why are you pushing me to go back to Bones? Isn’t that just a little strange?”
“Yeah, maybe it is. And yes, I love you, Seeley. That won’t change just because you go back; and in fact, it will probably make me love you more. I’m not the woman you love, I’m not the woman you gave up your peace of mind for or the woman you’ve been suffering in silence for. Temperance is and Temperance will always be. You and I both know that. As easy as it would be for me to say ‘yes, stay here and love me and as much as I love you,’ it would never be the same. Because she isn’t gone like Jeff, she isn’t dead. Even though it feels that way to you, she’s very much alive and she’s very much in need of her husband; that’s you, Seeley, and it will always be you. ”
Booth listened with tears falling down his face. He wanted to rebel and prove Emma wrong. He wanted to forget all the anguish; he wanted so many things. He loved her. He knew what he was feeling was the stirrings of new love, and he knew he could find love with her. Here, she was telling him to go home. Why? How did she know Brennan needed him? He remembered waking up just enough to look to see if she was there; but she wasn’t, she was gone. He was so exhausted he succumbed back to sleep. And now he knew for sure where she was. “You went to her, didn’t you?” His eyes challenged her to deny it.
Emma nodded silently, her eyes shone with her resolve not to let him see what it had cost her.
“Oh Emma. Why would you want to subject yourself to her anger?”
“I subjected myself to her grief and her sorrow as a mother, and I didn’t expect it to be easy, Seeley; in fact I was sure it wouldn’t be.”
“What happened?” His voice was filled with dread.
“At first she was hostile, as to be expected; but we talked, though I was the one who did most of the talking.”
He smiled knowing when she had something to say, she wouldn’t stop.
“And she listened.” Emma said smiling a little at his renewed interest. His eyes were not daring to believe it.
“And?”
“And I think she understands a lot better, and she won’t hate you anymore. In fact, she never has, Seeley. That woman loves you. She’s afraid because you told her you felt something for me, but I told her about the night… in the car… and I think she actually thanked me for taking care of you when she couldn’t... are those the words of a woman who hates you?” Emma asked softly, her heart blinking back the tears.
“She thanked you?” Booth couldn’t believe his ears.
“Yes, and she actually said she wished we could have been friends.”
Booth swallowed back the tears because he hadn’t heard anyone talk of Brennan as if she were still behaving like Brennan in so long. This woman who Emma described was his Bones.
“She really doesn’t hate me?” His eyes squeezed shut, holding to the hope.
“She loves you, Seeley, and she’s waiting for you. Your wife is at home waiting for you. It’s time you went home, don’t you think?” Emma tried not to cry, but she already felt the tears coursing down her cheeks. They were a mix of happy and heartbreaking tears.
Booth cried, relieved with heartfelt tears of gratitude. But he knew in the midst of his joy, he was causing Emma untold anguish.
“What will you do?” Booth couldn’t help himself; he did love this amazing woman in some way. He couldn’t help the feelings he had for her. There was a thread between him and Emma, he couldn’t ever deny.
“I’ve decided to go to Europe for Christmas. You know how I told you it was always a dream to study music there, and Jeff left me well taken care of. So I’m going to take my mom to help with Nick, and I’m going to spend a lovely few months pursuing what I love. Who knows, maybe I’ll quit teaching and become a concert pianist.” She smiled reassuringly showing him she would go on, and she would be okay.
“I won’t see you.” Booth realized she was making it easier on both of them.
“No, you won’t. Not for a while, anyway.”
“How will I ever thank you?” Booth’s eyes showed her he felt much more than he could ever express to her.
“Be happy, be whole.” Emma told him softly.
“I will because of you.” He promised. “I want you to be happy too.” Booth never meant anything more. She so dearly deserved to be happy. Her happiness was in his hands, and he felt it slipping through his fingers because he couldn’t give her what he would like to. In another place or another time he would; he knew how sweetly he could. “I’ve never known anyone quite like you, you have this indomitable spirit that is healing and nourishing. I needed you so damn much; but now, I feel as though I’m deserting you, and you’ve become so important to me.”
“You are important to me too, and that won’t ever change, but you and I know we aren’t meant to be now or ever.” She laughed a little sweet longing-for-it-to-be-true laugh. “Maybe we were together in another time or another life, Seeley, and this is why we connected so perfectly now. But we both know this time; your life belongs with Temperance and that wonderful family of yours.”
Booth nodded smiling through the tears. He stood, knowing this was the final goodbye. He knew he couldn’t see her anymore. If he was going to give Brennan the life she needed and deserved, he didn’t ever want to bring her pain again. He knew Emma wouldn’t ever interfere with his happiness. “I’ll always remember…”
“Me too.” She gulped back a sob.
He went to her, hugging her hard, gratefully and longingly because he would miss her terribly. Then one last sweet kiss on the cheek, and he was gone. Emma walked to the window watching him go back to the life he was meant to have. “Be happy, Seeley.” She whispered kissing her fingers and placing them on the window.
A/N: So, what did you guys think?