Bones Fanfic: Stuck In A Moment (9/27)
Title: Stuck In A Moment
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Future Fic! B/B!
Word Count: 1,445
Spoiler: None
Preview Chapters: One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight
A/N: I’m sorry it took so long to update, but I had a complication during surgery and I had to stay way longer in the hospital than I expected, but I’m good now. Healing slowly. Now back to updating this frequently. Hopefully twice a week, but we will see how that goes. This is a sad chapter, so tissues are needed.
Song “Absolute” by The Fray
Is this all we get to be absolute
Quiet but I'm sure there is something here
Tell me everything cause I want to hear
All we are and all we want
40 years come and gone
All we are in photographs
Will never be taken
Chapter 9
Another month passed, and Booth was losing hope. He was also losing his own composure. He had been losing his fighting edge for quite some time. How could he continue this day-to-day existence? Somehow, he woke up every morning. He shaved. He ate. Whatever it took, he certainly didn’t know or care how he did it.
The only time he felt as though he was himself, was when he was with his sons. He tried to tell himself that what he had done was right; there was no other choice. Anything else would have been cruel, and he couldn’t stand to see Brennan in any more pain than she already was. He had witnessed her pain far too many times. He had to protect her at all costs.
The deception had cost him dearly.
He thought back to that day, the worst day of his life.
He was at a meeting at the Hoover, one he couldn’t miss. Brennan was supposed to be home with the kids. He was the one who was supposed to be going to Denver to do interviews for their case, but he was meeting with Deputy Director Cullen, and he had already re-scheduled the meeting twice. They really needed to solve the case fast; the governor of Colorado had been found murdered in Maryland. Since Booth couldn’t go to Colorado, he had sent Brennan to do all of the interviews of family members and the governor’s employees.
Ever since Cooper was born, it was clear they could no longer continue to chase bad guys; it was too dangerous for both of them. So the decision had been made, and they were planning to eventually move out of the field. Their eventually never happened; they kept putting it off.
Since he couldn’t re-schedule his meeting, Brennan offered to go to Denver instead of him. Booth insisted on sending Agent Payton Perotta with her. They left both kids in the care of their nanny, Maddie.
Booth remembered the feeling in the pit of his stomach when Caroline came running in to interrupt their meeting. She told him the news, and he didn’t even remember what he had said to Deputy Director Cullen at the time. He raced out of the Hoover and drove as fast as he could to the hospital.
When he called Brennan, his voice was shaking with the fear he felt. He tried to control it, but he couldn’t.
She told him she would meet him at the hospital. He had spoken to her once more as she called from the plane hours later to let him know that she was finally on her way.
That was the last time they had talked. Booth was sitting in the waiting area with his head down, sobbing like a baby.
He waited there all alone, knowing the hours had passed by, but not how many. She finally arrived. She was out of breath, and her face was deathly pale. She knew. One look at Booth, and she knew. His eyes were bloodshot from crying. His legs shook as he stood to stop her. He caught her as she murmured a soft agonized “No! Please no!”
He held her as her body rocked against his own quaking body. They clung together. She finally broke away. She cried, “I have to see her… please?”
Booth wrapped his arms around her, holding her up as he guided her into the room.
She walked up to the bed slowly. She gazed down at the little girl’s face; Liz looked as though she was dreaming peacefully. Brennan reached out her hand to touch her delicate face. Breaking down, as she realized that her little girl would never wake up again.
Booth watched as silent tears were falling fast. He opened his mouth to tell her.
Brennan sat on the bed stroking back the curls and talking softly.
“I wasn’t here baby. I’m so sorry. Mommy tried. I really did. I would never have left if I’d known… I’m so sorry Liz. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She collapsed on the bed throwing her arms around the little girl, holding her as though she would never let her go. She cried over and over, telling her baby how she should have been there for her, should have kept her from being afraid or cold or alone. Then she looked into Booth’s eyes. “She had you. Maybe… it… she had you.” Her arms wouldn’t let go of the little lifeless body. Booth had to pry her away, and he told her there was nothing more they could do. She had turned on him then, eyes blazing, warning him to let her be.
He had stayed quiet. He let her unleash it on him. She never asked too many questions, and he never provided any answers. The doctors had given the autopsy report. Heart failure, Liz had a defect that could never have been known or detected. Nothing could have been done to prevent it from happening.
Later that night, Booth had called everyone to inform them of what had happened.
The next few days were a total haze. The funeral had to be arranged. He had done that with Angela and Cam’s help. His memories of that time were a blur.
They had to know why their little girl was taken from them. They needed to know where they had failed as parents. But they hadn’t, it wasn’t something that they could have prevented. “Sometimes it just happens,” the doctor said. So they made the arrangements, and he kept quiet. He got through the funeral, and he kept himself together - for her, for Parker and for Cooper.
But now he was alone, and everyday he faced it alone. He lived with it. He told no one. He would take it to his grave. The way he felt inside, that might not be so far off.
Liz. He thought of her little face, the life she brought into the family, her own unique brand of charm. She always made him feel like a hero, like the best dad she could have asked for. She would look up at him with such love in her eyes. Her little hand would curl up inside his big one, trusting him to always take care of her. He had tried to do that. How had he failed so miserably?
So, he did the best he could. He suppressed his feelings to make sure he was there for Brennan and his sons. He couldn’t fail his family again, but the secret had eaten away at him, leaving him more and more vulnerable. There was nothing he could do about it now.
X-X-X-X-X-X
They had all been so wonderful to him and Brennan. Booth knew how much they were loved. He held little hope of anyone changing Brennan’s mind. He wondered what his life would be like without her. He pictured the awkward meetings at Cooper’s school functions. A new fear crept in as he wondered if someday he would be shaking the hand of Brennan’s new spouse. He shook his head, fighting off the chill that entered his body.
Booth rejected the idea that she could ever be with anyone but him. If he accepted that, he would be lost. But how did he get her back? She said she needed time; it had been months and nothing had changed. Would it ever go back to how it used to be? Unfortunately, one of those meetings was next week. He dreaded facing her like a complete stranger, but he promised Cooper he would be there. He never broke a promise to his son.
He felt like his whole life was on pause. He wondered how long he could life that way. How long until he lost hope completely? Did she even care about him anymore?
A/N: I know this one was a tough one to read, but I really wanted to show what happened. So, what did you guys think?