Bones Fanfic: Stuck In A Moment (11/27)
Title: Stuck In A Moment
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Future Fic! B/B!
Word Count: 2,732
Spoiler: None
Preview Chapters: One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten
A/N: Thanks for reading.
Song “Calling All Angels” by Train
I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels
I won't give up if you don't give up
Chapter 11
Booth was standing in Cooper’s school classroom, the little desks and the brightly colored finger paintings doing nothing to lighten his heart. He knew from the message she’d left with Margaret that Brennan was bringing Cooper tonight. Every communication he’d received from her had been through the impersonal messages from Margaret on those damned pink notes. That was his life with Brennan now, pink message pads.
He glanced at his watch, trying to stop gazing at the door. She was late. A part of him couldn’t wait to see her, but another part dreaded it. It was so surreal; his life felt like a nightmare.
Booth felt a tap on his shoulder and found himself staring into the soft brown eyes of an attractive, sort-of-familiar looking woman.
“Hi, are you Seeley Booth?” Her lilting voice was strangely calming to him; he hadn’t thought anything could calm his nerves tonight.
“Yes…” He answered not really paying complete attention; his eyes were firmly aimed on the entrance.
“I’m Nick’s mom… I teach music here… our boys play together sometimes…” She extended her hand to shake his. “I’m Emma Foster.”
He involuntarily accepted the gesture.
The name rang a bell; Nick was definitely one of Cooper’s little friends. He knew he had given Nick a ride home once or twice.
“Hi…” He tried to make a mental note of her features, so he wouldn’t forget her next time. She was about five seven, dark auburn hair, and she had delicate features. He tried to focus on her, but his eyes couldn’t help but drift to the door. No Brennan or Cooper.
“Look, there is no easy way to say this… but I wanted you to know how deeply sorry I am…”
Booth didn’t want to hear this. They’d had a private funeral and a burial for immediate family and friends only. He wasn’t able to cope with the idea of wading through a bunch of pitying stares. He wasn’t good at funerals. Hadn’t been when his mother died, and certainly wasn’t when his daughter died. Why did people think they could come up and say the perfect something that would take the loss away? He hadn’t wanted to hear it then, and he couldn’t deal with it today. It would be enough just to speak with Brennan after all the time away from her. He was a wreck inside. So much for the calming voice.
“Mr. Booth, I’m truly sorry.” He heard it, but he didn’t want to.
He began to nod, his eyes darkening as he turned away, but her hand grasped him arm making him want to shout ‘not now.’
“Mr. Booth, believe me, I wouldn’t approach you here or at all, if I didn’t think… I know what you are going through…” Her voice was full of emotion. “… I lost a child, a son, three years ago.”
He turned back to her when he heard her words. It hit him, and he noticed now her eyes held a poignant sadness. He knew he wasn’t the only one, but the idea that he was actually meeting someone who knew what he was going through... it was both repelling and intriguing. If he was able to speak to someone openly and honestly, it would be freeing, and he knew he needed that. This was a stranger, but she knew what it felt like. He found that fact irresistible.
Booth gave her his full attention. He saw kindness and sympathy in her eyes, where he saw pity in everyone else’s eyes. The way she looked at him meant she understood him. He could certainly use that now.
“Look… maybe you don’t need, or even want… but I do understand…”
He nodded, knowing that she really got it. He sighed deeply, wondering if he should say something to her about her loss.
“Look, Ms. Foster, I’m deeply sorry for your loss too…” His eyes implored her to let him go. He didn’t feel strong enough to face this yet. He needed Brennan to do that and without her, it would never happen.
She nodded gratefully. “I know you don’t want to hear this, and believe me, I didn’t either, but it gets… less painful as time goes on…”
“I appreciate it.” Booth didn’t realize her hands were still on his jacket sleeve. He suddenly looked down knowing to shrug her off would be rude.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m here. If you and your wife need to talk, here’s my number. I don’t know what I would have done without someone who knew what it was like. People who have never been through this can’t understand, at least not the same way. Call me if you ever need to.”
He looked so devastated that she didn’t have to imagine what he was going through. Her heart went out to him and Brennan. She was hoping to see her too. They were only acquaintances, because of their children - they arranged play dates, and helped out with car-pooling. Brennan didn’t even know Emma well enough to know about her loss. But she liked Brennan, and hoped she could reach out to her too.
Booth listened intently; he closed his eyes bracing himself - for what he wasn’t sure. He just knew that bracing himself was a habit now.
“How did you… what did you...” He couldn’t ask the right questions, but having another parent who had gone through this, maybe if he talked to her, she could shed light on Brennan. She was a mother too, who had lost a baby.
She saw he was willing to listen. “It was a car accident… Ben was just five years old.” She knew his little girl was five when she was taken too.
“I’m so sorry.” Here he was uttering the same feeble words to someone else, words he dreaded hearing.
“Thank you. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever gone through… and I know you can’t do it overnight or even in a few months. It’s going to take you both sometime…”
“I would like to talk to you sometime.” Booth made the decision. Maybe there was a ray of hope. Maybe Emma would know what to do to help Brennan.
“Where’s your wife? Perhaps I could speak with her too…”
“We’re separated… she needed some time.” Booth hadn’t said it out loud before and to actually say the words felt bizarre. Why was he telling this stranger that Brennan chose the separation?
“It must be very hard for you now…” Her heart went out to him even more with the idea of having a crumbling marriage while dealing with the grief. “Mr. Booth, don’t lose hope. Grief is a multi-faceted process, and sometimes we do things we don’t even understand ourselves. I’m sure your wife is handling this the only way she knows how to… and that once she gets through a part of the grieving, she will come back to you… just don’t give up…” Emma tried to console him.
“Thanks.” Booth wasn’t sure he would ever call her, but he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t either.
She hugged him warmly, trying to give him some solace. He accepted her hug gratefully; he had so little comfort lately. When they finished the hug and bid each other good bye, Booth looked up to the doorway, and there stood Brennan holding Cooper’s hand. She was over half an hour late.
Brennan saw the little exchange and the card in Booth’s hand. Looked like Booth was here for more than parents’ night. She didn’t give a damn. Let him have his little black book; that would keep him far away from her.
Cooper saw Daddy standing there all alone and broke his mother’s grasp to run to him.
“Hey Buddy.” Booth held him greedily. He couldn’t seem to get enough of Cooper lately. As he was hugging his boy, he took a good look at Brennan over Cooper’s shoulder. The sight of her sent a cold shiver through him. He wouldn’t have recognized her. She had lost a lot of weight and her eyes were dull and lifeless - no beautiful blue sparkle in them anymore. Fear surged through his body as he saw Brennan slowly self-destructing before his eyes.
He managed to swallow the fear. He needed to know her mental state. If the physical was any indication, her mental state was really bad too.
He should have listened to Cam. He had thought she was over-reacting, but she obviously was telling it like it was.
“Hi Bones,” Booth greeted her determined to be civil for Cooper’s sake. He noticed the wall clock behind her. Brennan was never late for anything. She hated to be late... or at least she used to.
“Hi.” Brennan answered grabbing for Cooper’s hand the moment Booth set him down.
“There are a lot of parents here tonight.” He tried to make some excuse not to stare at Brennan’s hollow cheekbones and waif-like appearance.
“It’s parents’ night.” Brennan tried to control the urge roll her eyes. She also tried to control the crush of emotions that threatened to drown her upon seeing Booth. She shrugged it off, she wasn’t about to give in now.
Booth forced a smile; Brennan didn’t bother.
“Coop’s got some great artwork up on the bulletin board.”
“I know, he bought it home first. I have seen it.”
Booth struggled not to bring up the reason why he hadn’t seen it before.
“He takes after his mom.”
Brennan’s eyes flickered in question. How did he know about her paintings? “What makes you say that?” Brennan’s voice was a tad defensive.
Booth gazed into her eyes, trying to read her the way he had so many times before.
“I just mean he’s good, talented, like you.” Booth wanted to reach out and hold her to his chest. She looked like a lost little girl. She was so fragile, and he could see this solitude she desired wasn’t doing her any good.
Brennan decided to change the subject. “What did Nick’s mother want?”
“Hmm…” Booth realized he was still holding the card. “Just some advice about FBI recruits.” He couldn’t tell her, not now anyway. Besides, if he wasn’t ready to talk with Emma Foster, he knew Brennan might never be. She was so closed off, and he had never seen her go this far before. He was concerned about the emotional welfare before, but that concern was mild compared to what he felt now. “She gave me her number,” he said absently as he swallowed back the urge to cry.
Brennan could tell Booth was lying. He was not good at it, especially not with her. She knew Emma was a single mother, and she knew from experience that women liked Booth. Married or not. She wasn’t jealous, facts were facts. Woman tended to be very obvious when it came to Booth.
“She gave you her card? If she was asking for your help, wouldn’t it be more likely for you to give her yours?” Her sharp inquisitive eyes told him she knew better.
Booth was saved as Cooper was approached by his friend and asked to join them at the playground.
“Is it okay?” Cooper’s anxious tone was directed at his mom.
Brennan hesitated, but had no choice. Booth was there. She couldn’t let him see her fear; he would think she was being irrational. “Yeah, but not for too long Cooper.”
As they watched him trot off with his friends, they slowly turned back to each other.
“So… what else did Emma Foster want?”
“Why do you care?” Booth couldn’t keep the irritation out of his response.
“I was just making conversation Booth, trying to be…”
“What? What are you trying to be besides a skeleton? Bones, do you realize how much weight you have lost? My God. Are you eating at all?” Booth was heartsick to see her like this. He couldn’t hold back his anxiety.
“I eat. Is this how you let someone breathe Booth? I’m not your concern anymore,” she reminded him uselessly.
“I have given you time to breathe, Bones. I haven’t called or nagged you; it has been four freaking months.” Now he was the one about to make a scene, but he was desperate for an answer. How much longer was this separation going to continue?
“Oh, so you are making up for lost time?” She wouldn’t be under attack. “This is how you are, the minute you get the chance; you just can’t leave me alone.”
“Well, last time I checked you were still my wife, granted in a very limited capacity, but you are still my son’s mother, and I think that makes your welfare a great concern to me.”
“Oh really? Is that why you are taking phone numbers from lustful single mothers?” She regretted the outburst instantly. She didn’t want him getting the wrong idea.
Booth’s eyes did a double take, and he wondered if Emma Foster had separated from her husband after the accident in which she lost her son. Brennan misread his reaction.
“What difference does it make what I say? You will believe what you want, and you know what Bones, for someone who couldn’t get rid of me fast enough, you are pretty damn curious about my life.” Booth hoped he was hitting a jealous nerve.
“Don’t delude yourself, Booth. I am only looking out for Cooper. You know, seeing you with Emma Foster could be confusing…”
“For him, or for you?” Booth wasn’t about to let her wiggle her way out.
“I don’t give a damn what you do, or who you do it with, as long as our son is a priority for you!” Brennan wasn’t about to show she cared. She wondered what her life would be like after she finally divorced Booth. Would he marry someone else and forget all about his son with her? Would he have more children and put them far ahead of Cooper? Would Booth someday fade away from Cooper’s life? The idea her son would lose out because of her decision was heartbreaking. Cooper deserved a dad, no matter what.
“Cooper and Parker are and will always be the most important things in my life. How could you even question that for a moment?” Booth was hurt she would think otherwise.
Brennan didn’t want to keep this up; too many emotions were threatening to take over. She wouldn’t let them in, she couldn’t let him in.
“I hope so.”
“Don’t worry Bones; I will never lose contact with my sons.” His life was fragmenting into unrecognizable pieces. First Liz, now Brennan... he would never let go of his sons.
She felt a twinge of guilt. He’d lost a child already; what in the hell was she thinking, accusing him of ever forgetting his boy? “I’m sorry… I guess… I’m sorry.”
Booth calmed down. “I know. It’s okay.”
He wished with all his heart he could sweep her up and take her home. He wanted to take care of her, to treasure her. He wanted to get her to eat and sleep and to take care of herself. He wanted to be with her so badly it hurt. But there wasn’t one sign she wanted the same. Their separation remained indefinite, like being in a purgatory. Booth couldn’t stand this much longer. His heart sunk further as he realized his life with Brennan was all but over. The protective father in him wouldn’t rest, though, until he knew his son’s emotional welfare was being cared for. If Brennan was this far gone, how could Cooper be living with her when she was so depressed? He would probably have to take matters into his own hands, whether she liked it or not.