Bones Fanfic: Stuck In A Moment (4/27)
Title: Stuck In A Moment
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Future Fic! B/B!
Word Count: 2,760
Spoiler: None
Preview Chapters: One - Two - Three
A/N: Thank guys for the reviews. I know this is a tough story to read, so I appreciate that you guys are sticking around. Hopefully it won’t be as hard to read from now on.
Also, Happy New Year to everyone. Lots of happiness and love to you all.
Song “Slow Motion” by David Gray
While I was watching you did a slow dissolve
While I was watching you did a slow dissolve
While I was watching you did a slow dissolve
Did I imagine or do the walls have eyes
Did I imagine they held us hypnotized
Did I imagine or do the walls have eyes
Life in slow motion somehow it don't feel real
Life in slow motion somehow it don't feel real
Life in slow motion somehow it don't feel real
Snowflakes are falling I'll catch them in my hands
Snowflakes are falling I'll catch them in my hands
Snowflakes are falling now you're my long lost friend
Chapter 4
Brennan knew this was the day he was coming to get his things. She knew she would breathe much easier once he was gone. She would take Cooper out and try to keep his mind occupied so he wouldn’t dwell on the fact that Daddy had been gone all week and that today he was moving out.
Brennan would let Booth explain it to Cooper. She couldn’t tell him herself - she felt like a coward, but she couldn’t be the one to break his heart. She would let Booth take the blame and the tears. She would let him deal with their son and the tantrum. Why not? She knew inside she was being selfish, but a part of her couldn’t care less. She would let him take charge one last time.
She roamed the house before his arrival, thinking back to the day they decided that this would be their home. They had been so happy then. They were thrilled at the prospect of making new memories and having a family. Now it was over. No more memories for them. It should have made her sad, but it didn’t. She was so numb now. So broken, the only thing she had now was regrets. She regretted setting eyes on Seeley Booth. She knew she shouldn’t have agreed to work with him back on their first case. Falling in love with him had been the beginning of the end. So many regrets.
X-X-X-X-X-X
He let himself into the house. He looked around, saddened by what his life had become. The emptiness surrounded him. No sound of running feet or giggling laughter as both of his kids ran into his arms when he arrived from work. He would hoist Cooper up onto his shoulders and perch Elizabeth on his hip. He would try to listen to them both chattering in his ear. He would smile at all the stories only wide-eyed children could tell.
His eyes rose to the beautiful circular staircase. Booth and Brennan had argued about the color. Brennan had won the decorating fights. She was right, light peach was perfect in the circular room. He had thought it should have been green. So Brennan, to humor him, had let him pick the wall-paper - to include him in the decorating. Of course, he had picked fights over decorating only because he wanted to have those little banter matches with her. In the end, he trusted her with everything in their house. He closed his eyes remembering all the wonderful compromises they had made over the years. He didn’t realize he was going up the stairs until he stood in front of the door.
He hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. He pushed open the door. The setting sun was glowing in over the window seat as Brennan had predicted it would, sending rays of golden light over the white rocker. It was a beautiful room; only missing one thing. Booth closed his eyes as he pictured her in here - having a tea party for her dolls, begging him to twirl her around and around until he was the one who got dizzy. He loved her; he loved the softness of her skin, the innocence in her eyes and the way she looked at him with a ‘Daddy’s girl worship’ smile on her face that reminded him of her mother.
He walked around the room, tears falling unnoticed. As he was remembering everything about his little girl, he felt as though she was watching him, giggling at what a funny guy Daddy was. Only Daddy wasn’t funny anymore. He looked back over his shoulder as he heard the echoes of her giggles, the tinkling sound of her laughter, and he was sure she must still be here. But she wasn’t. His heart broke a little more as his eyes took in all of her favorite things. She cuddled her favorite teddy bear, Mr. Buggy, each night. There was her music box, a present from Aunt Angela. He picked up Mr. Buggy and held him close to his chest as he remembered every funny face, every gesture unique to his little Lizzie. Quiet sobs racked his chest. It was too much. It was just too much for him to handle. He missed her too much.
He stopped in front of the replica dollhouse they had designed for her fourth birthday. It matched their house perfectly. They had so much fun surprising her. She had called it The Mirror House. When he asked her why, she said, “The looking glass Daddy.” She took him to the mirror and said, “There’s two - just like the house.”
He stayed by the dollhouse, staring at the perfect little make believe family. The Mom, the Dad, the teenaged boy, the little boy, and the baby girl. Those little dolls were all chosen by Brennan to resemble their family as closely as possible. Now his family was breaking apart at the seams, when just a few short months ago it all seemed so perfect. He buried his head in his hands, trying to get control of his emotions. He swore he felt Elizabeth’s hand pat his shoulder as she sometimes did when she sensed he needed comforting.
Finally, he moved slowly towards the room he shared with Brennan. They had put so much thought into the perfect house, with perfect rooms. He took in the peaceful appearance, the inviting colors, the fireplace, and the master bath, and of course, the huge walk-in closets.
All of his perfect suits were lined up in perfect order. The quilt and pillows placed on the absolutely perfect bed. Everything was so perfect, too perfect. He should have known it wouldn’t last.
He slowly opened his suitcases, placing them next to each other on the bed. What was the proper etiquette for leaving? Should he take some now, and send for the rest later, or should he clean his presence out of the house entirely? Brennan would prefer the latter, no doubt. He saw it in her eyes the last time he spoke with her. The conversation had been strained and stilted.
“You told Cooper?” Brennan asked curiously.
“Yeah, he knows.” He answered sadly; he hoped he would never see that sadness in his little boy’s eyes again.
“How did he take it?”
“How do you think?”
“Did he cry?”
“Yes, he cried.” And Booth had cried with him.
“Well, does he understand?”
“Oh hell yeah Bones, he’s not even eight yet for God’s sake!”
“Don’t shout at me!”
“I’ll damn well shout if I feel like it!”
“You do what makes you feel good Booth, like always.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I’ll be out Saturday, all day; feel free to get your stuff!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!” Brennan shouted and stormed out, leaving him with another piece of his broken heart.
As he returned to the here and now, he saw that somehow his luggage was filled, and he’d done another excellent job of auto-piloting. He shut the suitcases. This was it. Here he was after seven years of marriage, left with two suitcases and a broken heart. He wondered if he would ever live here again. The thought of walking out and never returning nearly made him change his mind, but he had no choice. This was what Brennan wanted.
He wouldn’t stay where he wasn’t wanted.
X-X-X-X-X-X
After Brennan had dropped the bomb that she was quitting and had gotten into a fight with Booth in Angela’s office, she had grabbed her purse and left the Jeffersonian in a hurry. She didn’t want to stick around any longer that day. So, unfortunately, she had to come back to turn in her letter of resignation and to pack her office.
Cam had called Booth to let him know, and he had made some excuse just to see her. When he arrived, he kept his distance and went to the platform to stand by Cam and the others, but he watched Brennan. He ached to reached out and go to her and beg her not to do this, but he knew she needed some time.
He would always remember her last day at the lab; he watched her pack up her last cardboard box. Twelve years thrown in a box haphazardly, as though the years had never happened. It was as though they had never had fallen in love and worked side by side. Day after day, she was disregarding him completely.
Booth decided that the best defense was to withdraw. He wouldn’t let her see that this was killing him. It was a slow, torturous death, worse than anything he had ever had to face or imagine. He tried to hide within those walls that had protected him, before he had let them down for her, but he couldn’t blot out the pain anymore. He felt the excruciating sensation of his family dying.
He watched silently from the platform as she made her way to everyone except him. She hugged them and told them she would keep in touch.
She made no promise to him, barely a glance at his direction, and then she was gone. He stood there, staring at her empty desk, for what seemed like hours. The others tried to stay quiet, allowing him the time to let the realization sink in.
Finally, he turned without focusing on his friends; he made his way to her office and shut the door. He didn’t want to take any calls, so he turned his cell phone off. He wanted to relive all the memories he had with her, all the Thai food they had shared over the years, all the cases they had solved together. There were so many good memories. So he lost track of time. and he didn’t come out until everyone else had gone home for the night... or so he thought.
As he prepared to leave, he felt a strong hand touch his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. Hodgins had stayed late, probably on purpose. They had become really good friends over the years. Hodgins would never forget how Booth had saved him from The Gravedigger, but this wasn’t about repaying a debt. This was about one friend needing another.
“Hodgins.”
“I know. You want to close up inside and just let her go. I remember feeling that way when Angela…” Hodgins finally had his attention; Hodgins had gotten back together with Angela, even though they weren’t married back then. “You guys have been through so many things already. You’re survivors Booth, and this is just another storm. I don’t believe it’s over, not for you, and not for her either.”
“She’s different now Hodgins. You see it too, don’t you?”
“Of course, but Booth, she… you’ve both suffered an irreplaceable loss, and even though she left the Jeffersonian today, it was just papers. You know when she wants to come back, she can. None of us accepts that this is it,” Hodgins tried to reassure him.
“What if it is? What if she goes through with the separation? I mean she agreed to put it off for now… but … she’s like a loose cannon. I could get the divorce papers next week. And you know the worst part?” Booth ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head sadly.
Hodgins listened; glad Booth was willing to talk to someone.
“I don’t even know what I did. She hates me, but she won’t tell me why.” As he said it, he realized how much she might hate him if she knew the whole truth.
“I know you’re dealing with a lot of pain right now, and maybe this is her way of dealing with hers. You have to give her time to work through it.”
“What about me, Hodgins? How do I work it out? I need her in my life! I can’t get past the grief as long as I’ve lost her too. I can’t understand why we can’t be a family. I mean I know it’s not the same anymore, but my son needs his…” His voice broke, and he couldn’t finish.
Booth felt Hodgins’ brotherly hug and he clung to it. He had tried to keep the pain from all of them as best he could, running things as normally as possible. He had taken two weeks off right after Elizabeth’s funeral, but it drove him insane to be in the same house with Brennan. She snapped at everything he did or didn’t do. She would come in and swoop Cooper out of his arms whenever he was relishing the free time to spend with his son. So he went back to work - burying himself in it was his only escape. Going back to work had turned out to be the best thing he could do. He caught the bad guys to make sure no other little girls died on his watch.
Booth moved out of the embrace. “I’m scared,” he confessed.
“Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be at a time like this?”
“I know. I remember feeling like this when I found out I had the brain tumor.” Booth had never talked to anyone about this, not even Brennan. He had no idea why he was opening up to Hodgins, but it felt good to talk to someone. “I was afraid to die, but specifically I was afraid to die without telling her how much I loved her. So I survived, I told her, it was a miracle that she felt the same way. She loved me. Can you believe that?” Booth asked, surprised that he ever had the courage to ever tell Brennan how much he ever loved her. Then she got pregnant with Cooper. Booth had asked Brennan to marry him when she was five months pregnant, and she told him she would think about it. Even though she didn’t believe in marriage, she did believe in him. After a month and nine days, she accepted his proposal. They married two weeks later. Elizabeth came two years later, their little girl.
“Yes, everyone could see that you two only had eyes for each other. It was obvious.”
“Not anymore - she doesn’t love me now, she doesn’t want me.” The sadness in his eyes was evident.
“Maybe you need more time off,” Hodgins suggested.
“To do what? I’m living in a hotel for God’s sake… I couldn’t go back home, after she told me she doesn’t want me,” he said it again, feeling even more lost and hopeless.
“Why don’t you move in with me and Angela for a while?”
“What? No.” Booth shook his head. “I think I need to be alone right now… I wouldn’t be good company… but thank you. You have been a good friend to me these past few months.” Booth forced a smile.
“The offer is always open if you change your mind. You know Angela and I are always here for you if you need us.” Hodgins knew there was no quick solution to his friends’ problem. “Booth, let your friends help you… don’t be afraid to talk to me, or Angela, or Cam, or anyone here. We are here for you both, you and Brennan. You’re family. Don’t ever forget that.”
“I won’t… Thank you.” Booth gave his friend a sincere smile.
Hodgins left the Jeffersonian, leaving Booth in front of Brennan’s office, sadly lost in his memories.
A/N: Thanks again for reading. Please let me know what you think? Reviews are very much appreciated.