Bones Fanfic: Stuck In A Moment (21/27)
Title: Stuck In A Moment
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Future Fic! B/B!
Word Count: 1,864
Spoiler: None
Preview Chapters: One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen - Fourteen - Fifteen - Sixteen - Seventeen - Eighteen - Nineteen - Twenty
A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. You guys have been incredible.
Song “Stay” by U2.
Red lights, gray morning
You stumble out of a hole in the ground
A vampire or a victim
It depends on who's around
You used to stay in to watch the adverts
You could lip synch to the talk shows
If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...and the day would keep its trust
Stay...and the night would be enough
Faraway, so close
Up with the static and the radio
With satellite television
You can go anywhere
Miami, New Orleans
London, Belfast and Berlin
And if you listen I can't call
And if you jump, you just might fall
And if you shout, I'll only hear you
Chapter 20
Booth couldn’t believe that he was here, because he knew he should stay the hell away from her. She didn’t need the kind of heartache that he was giving her.
“Seeley? What are you doing here?” Emma’s voice was breathless. Seeing him did nothing to quench the ache in her heart. She knew it was too soon for it to be what she was hoping for.
“I’m sorry. I should have called, but I was afraid you would say no.”
“Come in. Nick’s in bed, so we will have to talk quietly.” She offered him a seat.
“I’m here… because I have been thinking about everything that you said, and the thing about fighting. I know you are right; I have to go in with an open heart, Emma.” He shook his head not wanting to disappoint her. “I can’t make the promise I made to you and pretend that I’m going back to her with everything that’s in me. If I have you in the back of my mind as some kind of refuge, it wouldn’t be fair to you or to Bones, or even to me.”
She nodded, blinking back the tears.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t even know if I will get past the damn door. I can’t do it knowing that you believe that if I fail, we would have a life. Because if I fail, it will be like breaking in two all over again. You don’t need someone to put back together again. You have yourself and your son to take care of. You are such a beautiful, caring, loving woman, and I would be so lucky; but I’m not ready for you. I wish…”
“Seeley…”
“I can’t let you wait, I can’t promise you. It was wrong, and it was unfaithful. The kisses and the thoughts, I’m not free. And if I ever were to come to you, I would have to be free or… I wouldn’t come.”
Her chin quivered and her lips trembled. “I know. That’s why I love you so much. And it’s okay. Trust me. It’s okay, Seeley.”
“It’s not okay. Because I know I could fall in love with you, too.” Booth confessed. “I’m so sorry about this, Emma. I’m sorry that I can’t. I still love her so much. I have loved her since the first day we met, the kind of love that I have for her, it doesn’t end. It won’t ever be gone. If I told you that it would, I would be lying to you, and you deserve to be first. You know it and I know it. I’m not saying that we couldn’t have had an incredible life together, but you were right. I would compare you to her, the way that she was, the way that we were. She’s the love of my life and that is the truth. Sometimes, you don’t know how much I wish it could be otherwise.”
“Don’t wish for that! Even I can’t bring myself to wish Temperance away because I know how much you two love each other.” Emma’s voice cracked.
“You have made me see where I need to go from here. You have brought me back to life, and now I have to try to bring her back…”
“Yes, you do.” Emma whispered.
“So, I guess that I came to tell you that I’m fighting, I’m going to do everything humanly possible to get her back.”
“I’m happy for you. I hope that you get everything that you want.” Emma looked up at him through the blur of tears.
He couldn’t leave her like this. His hands went out and she leaned against his chest sobbing. She didn’t know how to say goodbye to him. Finally, after showering his shirt to dampness, she stopped, looking at his eyes one last time. “If you ever need me… even if you can’t come freely. I will be here, Seeley, because I have to be. Don’t be afraid of hurting me. I want you to feel that you can turn to me if everything doesn’t work out. I won’t expect anything. You don’t have to promise, just know that I’m here if you need anything. Please, know that a part of me will always, always love you.”
Booth stood, his eyes stained with tears too. “And if you ever need anything…”
“I know.” Her voice ended in a deep sob.
“Will you be okay?” He had to know that he hadn’t ruined what was left of her life.
“Yeah, and I hope with all my heart that you are okay too, and that you win the fight ahead of you. I will be praying for that.”
“You and Nick… I hope… he’s a great little guy.”
“Yes, he is. And I’m one lucky woman.” The tears cascaded down her face as she said it. “I’m never going to regret meeting you and knowing you, Seeley; never.”
“I won’t either.” He said it. It was killing him to know the pain that he was causing her.
She walked him to the door, and he knew that if he touched her, he would lose all his resolve, because he couldn’t bear to be the one hurting her so deeply.
“Goodbye, Seeley.” She said it for him.
“Bye, Emma.” His voice was a ragged whisper.
X-X-X-X-X-X
Booth was with Cooper again, he hadn’t made any moves on Brennan yet. He wanted to know what to expect. He wanted to know what was going on with her and his son first.
“Hey Coop, it’s just about time to go back to Mom.” Booth said it gently.
“Do I have to?” This was the first time that Cooper had protested in all the long months that he had been enduring the back and forth routine; his face wasn’t stoic, it was full of dread.
“Why don’t you want to, son?” Booth’s heart hurt double for his boy.
“Because she’s not the same anymore, Daddy. She looks awful, Mommy was so pretty but she looks sad and sick all the time. And she tries to be happy with me, she smiles and plays games, but it’s like she’s not there, Daddy. I think she misses Liz too much and she’s always thinking about her.” Cooper’s wisdom amazed Booth.
“Yeah, I think so too.” Booth nodded and hugged Cooper to him.
“What about your friends, have you seen anyone lately?”
“Only Aunt Cammie and Aunt Ange when they come to visit, and Daisy, but Mom hates it when she comes.”
“You haven’t seen a friend or gone to anyone’s house still?”
“No.”
“Okay, you know what? I think you are long overdue for another sleepover. Let’s call Angela and see if Grace would like some company tonight?”
“Really?” Cooper’s voice squeaked.
“Yeah, really.”
“But what will Mom say? I’m supposed to be back.”
“You leave Mom to me. You get to have some fun, let me worry about everything else, okay?”
“Thanks, Daddy. You are the best.” His happy face was all Booth wanted to see. A little boy should not be wracked in heavy emotions and a frightened existence.
Booth went into the kitchen and called Cam, Angela and Daisy. He got the same answers. Brennan had been cold and unreachable. She refused countless invitations for Cooper and she had kept completely to herself ever since the one fateful night she went out with Cam and Angela.
“She says no all the time?” Booth felt a sick ache in his stomach. Had he stayed back too much? Had his guilt caused this? He never should have left; things had escalated and become worse. What was he thinking agreeing to her demented idea that he step back and leave her alone?
He noticed the progressively quieter uncommunicative little boy. He remembered the kids Cooper normally had play dates with. Booth would drive him over to a friend’s or they would have them over to the house. Almost every weekend a buddy would be there for an overnight visit. He decided to do his own research. He made a few calls asking innocently if Cooper had by any chance left his baseball cards or electric remote card, or whatever Booth could think of to worn an answer out of the unsuspecting parent. All the answers were unanimous; Cooper had not been over to play in months. He had been invited but all the invitations were refused without explanations. What was she doing to him?
X-X-X-X-X-X
When Angela came to Booth’s apartment to pick up Cooper, he asked her to make a call. She hung up the phone biting her lower lip.
He looked up hopeful.
Angela merely shook her head sadly.
“What did she say?” Booth’s eyes shimmered in fear.
“She said she had a very busy schedule and she really couldn’t make a date for him right now. She said maybe another time.” Angela closed her eyes regretfully.
Booth looked at his watch. “Angela, it’s time for me to get back into my son’s life. Can you keep him until I call you?”
“You know I can Booth.”
“I don’t know how long this will take?” He wasn’t certain Angela realized he was going into a war zone.
“Take whatever time you need, my babysitter can watch them both when I go to work tomorrow.”
“Thanks.” Booth was so grateful to have these friends.
“Good luck. I will be in your corner.” Angela told him sincerely.
Booth hugged her hoping that he came out a winner; this was the most crucial battle of his life. He couldn’t lose. He couldn’t let Brennan fade away forever, and he knew that was where she was headed too. He couldn’t let her go so easily, she was ingrained into his heart, his soul and his life. He felt a surge of energy infuse inside, he would fight this fight for his sons and for Brennan and most of all, and he knew he was fighting for Liz too, because he knew she was watching. He felt her little sweet hand patting his back encouragingly; helping him to get the strength that he needed to save what was left of his family.
A/N: Next chapter is coming soon, especially because I know it’s the one you guys have been waiting for, or at least I think so. Thanks again, what did you guys think? Review away, please?