Every night is the same. Every day. I go to bed earlier to drown out the futures effect on the present but still end up heavy and drowning under the darkness of the what's to come that now makes the night unbearable. I really resent, really Hate this soul destroying knowledge 😟😥 I don't want to put the light out because the dark brings it all ( Read more... )

Lots of unexpected today, I'd started to Fablon the sewing cupboard this evening when I was startled because the large Labrador puppy from the stables came trundling in and threw himself straight into my lap for a cuddle!! A friend asked me if I actually liked dog cuddles and this is the thing, whether I did or didn't - I was still getting one! I ( Read more... )

I am tired of it all. The anger, the rants against an entire race or religion with No understanding. No intelligence shown. Stupid posturing instead. There's been such utter hatred and bile online, it's like a poison. Violence breeds violence. I am so tired of everything. I have my own problems too, that loom darker and darker and terrify me. I ( Read more... )

I don't even know where to start. Saturday was beyond terrible, violent stress produces violent breakdown and I'm ashamed of what happened. It was horrific and I felt broken beyond belief. I still do. This is legal situation is destroying Three households. I am trapped beyond belief and cannot talk to anyone about it due to the legalities. There ( Read more... )

Yup, a lot of feel good posts tonight. Things going on here I can't cope with and several agency problems have been profound. I am useless at coping with stuff like that, let alone saying what has happened or is wrong. Why can't I ever Say???

Was rushed to doctors today as emergency due to extreme pain from my face & BLINDING violent pain just above the damaged eye thanks to dental anaesthetic fkup Monday. My mouth has dropped on one side and eye lid same side won't close properly. Closed I can see out of it. I have no sensation in the eye. At least I have movement still, she's not ( Read more... )

What happened.... ... Hard to believe it's just over 2 weeks since I felt that I broke. I have had some extremely hard stressful situations going on ( Read more... )

My depression is the hardest it's been many years. Today my carer was introducing me to a new one. He said we all like this lady, she's always happy, always smiling so makes us smile, she's lovely. Yesterday I was startled as my chiropodist said how pretty I looked (no-one other than my mother has said that to me for years ( Read more... )

It's 3.40am I should be asleep but instead I'm wide-awake & wondering about tomorrow. I have No idea what time my call starts other than 'lunch', have NO idea who will cover it & know nothing , not even a name of or about any staff other than the lady to be my main carer who I met New Years Eve. i know how long the call was meant to be,but with the ( Read more... )

I know I should be updating but really there's nothing new situation wise to report. Of my 5 person care team, 4 had No idea my Care package has been dropped (the 5th I haven't had contact with). Each of them has expressed deep shock & 2 in tears so far.
On Sunday I asked about my rota to this week's main carer (I wasn't going to ask the boss) she ( Read more... )