Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

I’m starting to have hope again, and that’s even scarier than not having any. I mean, some things I know will never be to my liking, but those I can get over, right? I mean hell, I got over Baltes, didn’t I? Though admittedly, I only did because of what he told me when I ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

I’m getting so scared, the closer it gets to Friday (which is the last day here before getting booted up to hell). I mean, I’m un-medicated, I won’t get to see a therapist (and if I do, it’ll be back at that place in Bellefontaine, which sucked cuz that bitch psychiatrist ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

I want to cut so fucking badly right now. All everybody does is tell me that I have no choices, no other way to exist. My only option is to move in with mom and John and die inside. Or I could take pills and die on the outside as well. If I do move in with them, I’m sure I ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

Janet tagged me for this awhile back, and I just now saw it. *huggles* Danke, hun.


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Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

It’s starting to look like I’m going to be moving back to Lakeview soon. Jim’s kicking me out because Home Depot fired me, so I’m going to have to find a place to live, but since I have no money, I can’t go anywhere else. I’m going to try for SSI, but I doubt I’ll ever get ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

I find myself getting more jaded by the day, and I’m fairly certain it’s not the depression. People are starting to show their true selves to me, and it’s quickly reminding me that I’m an anti-humanist for a reason. I mean seriously, lately, a lot of my “friends” are ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

So yeah, I think I’ve decided something. I’m going to stop looking. Now that my brain is working a little bit better, i realized that I probably didn’t love all those guys I’ve been going after lately, I’ve just loved one or more qualities they’ve possessed. So I’m going ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

As you may have guessed, I’m back from the hospital. I went in Friday night, shortly after writing my last post if I remember correctly, and I got out late Thursday afternoon. I ended not cutting when I went in, but while I was waiting to see if they were going to send me ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

Almost ended up in the hospital again last night. It seemed like all I ever did was fail. The thing that set me off was figuring out that I was fired. No one had the common courtesy to come up and tell me, but I managed to figure it out. After next week, I’m no longer on ( Read more... )

Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.

The secret to a happy life, I have found, isn’t so much having nothing bad happen, it’s the ability to look at those bad things, experience them, live through them, and keep on smiling afterward. I’m learning this. I am happy with everything in my life. I am happy with my ( Read more... )