A propos of everything, it’s ironic when I can invest several *hours* in purging the topmost level of thoughts about fear and how it has impacted my behaviours historically in costly manner, then spend an entire evening retreating into exactly those same damned patterns of fearful inhibition. Okay, so everything is tenuous right now and the rules ( Read more... )

I've been thinking a lot lately about choice, especially in how it relates to validation in relationships, which in turn relates to how people self-soothe (or don't) their anxieties through either self-validation or other-validation. this in turn has lead me to examine some of my own motivations through the years for selecting relationships, both ( Read more... )

...it seems inevitable that you will see things you've never seen before. and if you've got little or nothing to which you can compare the vista, it may seem enormous, lacking a comparative scale of measure. ( cut for the 93% of you who don't read relationship essays :) )

behavioural patterns are coping mechanisms we develop for specific situations; they become patterns through repeated usage in recurring situations, or in situations that strongly resemble the original situations for which they developed. patterned behaviours start to become ineffective when we start applying them to situations which are ( Read more... )

in the world of Contextual Therapy, the core principle of relationships is that we develop or dismiss/destroy relationships on the basis of merited trust, that being trust earned from having more positive transactions than negative ones on the relational ledger. try though some might to deny it, all relationships have ledgers, because all ( Read more... )

apparently the theme of my life this year is Realignment ( Read more... )

strange things hook together in my brain when i can't sleep in and haven't had coffee and don't want to be awake and don't want to get up yet because i know i'll be cranky. (so i'm writing this with fresh-roasted Tanzanian Peaberry, from the sofa in the living room. maybe there IS something to this "wireless connection" fad after all ( Read more... )

(yes, i know i'm writing the points out of order. deal :)

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