On Friday, driving home from work in Guelph for the last time as my contract wrapped, I was struck by a peculiar thought I had not entertained previously. That thought, as I posted to FB after I got into downtown Kitchener ahead of the survival celebration at Imbibe, was,

"And unexpectedly, the thought from nowhere that slammed home like a steel ( Read more... )

I came back to the early summer noodlings on fear and shame yesterday. (I could tell you how I got back to them, but it's a regular, recurring process rooted in hormonal surges that I recognize and understand, and while I don't exactly welcome the process or what it portends biologically, I have in the past year or so taught myself to listen ( Read more... )

I was thinking this morning about irony being a bitter pill to swallow, with specific context in mind and associated pains to illustrate my chosen stance, and was composing the post in my head on the drive to work. By the time I had time to try and marshal thoughts into words, however, I found that I had let go of the bitterness, and the Narrator ( Read more... )

In response to this post, a friend emailed to ask me about time lines, in response to my reference to "a baker's dozen years after the [self-discovering] process began". His confusion over the math is explained by the fact that this process started *before* Matthew, and to some extent even before J and I met and began working with Gloria ( Read more... )

The gulf is widening at home as Matthew last night requested time later this week to start the logistical discussions leading into his physical departure. It was a reasonable discussion, for all that it continued the trend of what feels to me like an ongoing stream of mixed messages; this is unsurprising, given Matthew's own admitted ambivalence on ( Read more... )

...how what can be perceived on the one hand a a plausibly-healthy redistribution of responsibility and workload, can also be seen through a different filter as its own Fear Reaction ( Read more... )

I noted on FB yesterday:
[S]omething I noted early Saturday morning as I was filling the tank for the day trip to Trillies: In April I filled the tank four times, once per week. With yesterday's fill, that made a total of EIGHT fills in June. If anyone is wondering where I do all the mental processing I've had to do in the past three weeks, ( Read more... )

There's a subtle difference between dwelling in the past and using hindsight to power forward momentum, something along the lines of being the difference between dwelling on the "what ifs" as if the past itself were malleable, and looking for the patterns than can be foreknown and possibly altered in future experiences. It's a hard thing to train ( Read more... )

Wow, did last night ever reach unprecedented new lows of "Hard", as I sat for an initial consultation with new clients, a married couple who, I swear to ghods, could have been me and Matthew in different hairdos. It was the weirdest sensation watching someone else unfold our recent life (with variations on some themes and a couple of pertinent ( Read more... )

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