My brain is currently revisiting old thought processes in a new situation, hoping that the outcomes will be different in an attempt to get back to a normal state of regulation and processing.

I'm not used to someone who is secure and emotionally available and well adjusted. This is an awesome thing though. However, as I revisit old thought ( Read more... )

The strangest thing happened on Sunday. The feelings of anger had begun to subside from the weekend, when all of a sudden I get a text message at night. I was in the middle of vacuuming the laundry room floor. It was a text from him. It said, "Hey. Good luck at your new job this week! You are going to kill it! You are awesome!"

I was so dumbfounded ( Read more... )

Last night, I was the most angry and the most furious I had ever been in a really long time. I couldn't stop thinking about how betrayed, hurt, tricked, fooled, blinded, deceived, and used I was. It made me feel like maybe the last 9 months of my time really had been wasted by someone full of false promises and hope. Everything suddenly felt like ( Read more... )

Last night was an eye opening moment. A metaphor has finally been created in my mind, that of a puzzle. Each of my amazing friends have come together over the past week to hand me a puzzle piece, each with an important lesson, word of advice, helpful concept, or outside/objective perspective. Together, these puzzle pieces  shattered the illusion of ( Read more... )

It's taken some time to analyze everything, which my brain can't stop doing. Countless conversations, countless reminiscing. I think I wanted the relationship to work so bad that I couldn't notice my rose colored glasses and didn't want to take them off.

The things he couldn't let go.

Looking back, I noticed some instances that seemed kind of ( Read more... )

About 1-2 years ago, I finally sat down and really began to think about what I wanted in another person. I've made lists before as a teenager and young adult, but this list is the most accurate representation of my thoughts. I've been through so many relationships now, and I keep discovering what I do and don't like. Below is the conclusion of ( Read more... )

Reflections, lessons, thoughts.

The past few days have been really hard. I was finally able to sleep a little better. Wednesday morning I woke up feeling numb, but then the pain and emotions slowly rolled back in like dark storm clouds. I've already lost 4 pounds from my loss of appetite.

The crying didn't stop. I cried all day Wednesday and half ( Read more... )

I've been through so many breakups.

That doesn't make today any easier. Right now, I'm supposed to be downtown doing Pokemon raid hour with my boyfriend. We're supposed to be frantically catching legendary Pokemon and cursing each failed attempt and celebrating when we finally catch the Pokemon. I had no idea last Wednesday was going to be our last ( Read more... )