Its weird to be here again after so long and after so much has changed. Who is left ( Read more... )

Everybody fails sometimes. Depending on how big your own personal failure is the scent of defeat may stick around for a long time.

I admit it, I failed hard.

Its pretty much every serious student's worst nightmare to have to leave their college and come home and attend a community school. That's exactly what happened to me. Everyone tells you that ( Read more... )

Sometimes, I consider going back to the days where I decided that I didn't have emotions and acted accordingly. But just because no one can see that you're hurt doesn't mean you aren't.

Often, I really dislike the way that I make myself feel.

I just get stuck inside my head, its like Inception. I think too much and end up trapped in a particular train of thought. Trapped in how depressed I feel. Its like a black hole, I've already crossed the event horizon and there I am compressing.

I suppose I deserve all the things that have ( Read more... )

Its like watching someone kill me slowly in the mirror, some of these days. Its deliciously disturbing watching yourself die piece by piece, bit by bit and knowing its all the the product of something that you can't control. Something, you can't combat. Not like this. Its like being stuck in the dream from one of my favorite movies, old enough to ( Read more... )

I'm just really not feeling it today. Its gray and rainy too.

Another day, serving ungrateful people.

Well, everyone. It's official. I've withdrawn from Drexel University and am returning home to go to NoVA Community College for the next term. It was an intensely difficult decision to make and many tears were shed while I was making it. But, the bottom line is I was miserable at Drexel and I really wasn't doing well in my classes in any way.

My ( Read more... )

Well here I am looking at my life and my choices and thinking about how they couldn't have gone much differently. First off, I would like to say that I have the best, most loving boyfriend in the entire world. Russ drove over 400 miles (just one way, mind you) to be with me last weekend. This was also the day after his 19th birthday. He cares about ( Read more... )

I have reached the point of worrying where I can't do it anymore. If you will recall the title poem of this blog, in the stanza that contains the line "locked inside this awful chest", that is about where I am right now emotionally. Recently, I had to make a decision that caused me such... emotional turmoil that even though I was exhausted, I lay ( Read more... )

I sincerely hate getting all dressed up to end up going nowhere. This happens to me surprisingly often. Like tonight.

I look really great, and now I'm not going anywhere.

Its nights like this that reaffirm my decision to leave Drexel.