what is this? what's going on here? is it too early to tell? yep. there's so much impatience here. what is "too patient"? at what point will I become disinterested? will I ever become disinterested? at what point am I doing my self harm? has that point arrived? i don't think so. I definitely tend to take it personally. And like he said, how ( Read more... )

there is no where I can express this frustration but here. Again you totally have a legitimate reason to not see me tonight. I'm not sure how much of my frustration is legitimate and how much is driven by shadow. I'm attempting to stay aware though. I'm having trouble expressing my anger right now. Why am I angry? Is this anger legitimate? I ( Read more... )

I need to get something off my chest ( Read more... )

no entry for a while.....so, here are some things I've been witnessing ( Read more... )

you're laughing, but I can feel you crying. I breathe in and think about torture. I so badly want to take your suffering away. I melt away and become you. As you I feel what you feel and I see what you see. You are so terrified. Your eyes only see chaos. Samsara continues to drag you around. When there is a subject all of the objects ( Read more... )

I haven't been writing much lately. I suppose I just haven't been in a writing mood. There wasn't anything for me to say this whole time. What would I have said about all of this? "I'm sick still, blah blah blah," "I'm recovering from surgery still blah blah blah." It would have been pointless. Today is an interesting day. I am still ( Read more... )

Today.... maybe it is actually better that I'm not thinking right now. It's not intentional, I'm just not thinking. Maybe I've been worrying less lately. I think so. Today doesn't feel easy and I don't feel like talking, but I don't need to analyze it. I'll just keep going and feel all of these feelings and then before I even realize it they ( Read more... )

well, I thought I had things to talk about haha. that happens quite often. I'm not sure what that aching feeling was for. I thought one thing, I thought another... I feel so out...rather, I feel so in. Almost trapped in. However in this instance the trapper and the trapped are one and the same. Really the trap is an illusion. And my level of ( Read more... )

hmmm. practice= difficult, then less difficult, then even less difficult, then pretty easy, then easy and then the next aspect of self that is aching to evolve presents itself and the whole thing starts again. "Where" am "I"? hahaha. brutal. This has not been easy. I have so much to say, but I'm going to go ahead and give myself a break here ( Read more... )

well, I don't think lonely is the right word. It's just something I want. I want to be able to cuddle and kiss on a regular basis. I want to start anew and open up completely. I want to be alone and together. I love being able to feel a body pressed up against mine and I don't get to experience it as much as I'd like to. I don't like worrying ( Read more... )