sometimes i just want to drive my car into oncoming traffic ( Read more... )

i stood there, in the midst of the bittersweet emotion and intensity that filled the air. i leaned up against the wall and closed my eyes. i thought about how i felt, right then and there. i thought about how many different things ive felt in the past month. i thought about what the future may hold. and i took a deep breath ( Read more... )

quick update ( Read more... )

i keep writing because the doctor told me too. i think i also do it because i dont know what else to do. i just get tired of writing though. i get tired of being alone. i get tired of acting like im okay ( Read more... )

i went to the doctor today. he changed my medicine and i hope that was a good decision. i just want to start feeling well again. i just want to have joy back in my life. i just want to feel good again ( Read more... )

so i shouldnt have went to the show tonight. no, let me correct that. i was at the show first and having a great time and then i wasnt. i wasnt having fun anymore because i had to watch the one person i love more than anything in the world from across the room. i didnt say anything, in there, because i didnt want to cause a scene. the more i stood ( Read more... )

i really did have fun tonight. i really have been having fun. im really glad i had a heart to heart, and im really glad i didnt cry in front of anyone. im really glad my medicine is working, even though i think im experiencing some side effects. im really glad josh and dylan are going with me to see winds of plague. im really glad im going to see ( Read more... )

ive been trying my best to have as much fun as possible and be as happy as i can be. its been really hard. i keep wanting to pick up the phone and just call him. i dont though. i really really want to but i dont. i shouldnt, and id only be hurting myself more ( Read more... )

its good to know that his parents still care and love me. i love them and care about them very much too. i just wish he still loved and cared. i just wish i could get him to sit down and talk. but maybe it is too soon ( Read more... )

im on an emotional rollercoaster. one might think i was bipolar right now, or crazy. i think to put it best, im hurt and confused and trying to pick up the pieces. today was a rough day. i didnt want to leave the house but i had to because i had to go to work. i woke up and had such a deep hurt in my chest. ive felt that every morning since the 5th ( Read more... )