i thought the last thing i had to worry about was you answering my calls. i thought you would do that out of respect for me. i thought you would do that because you know how hard all of this has been for me. i thought you would do that, because i thought part of you still cared. i guess i was wrong ( Read more... )

my last post was good stuff. i regret to inform you that feeling has faded. im not exactly back at where i began, but im definitely not joyful. im definitely still hurting. im definitely still confused ( Read more... )

i really feel like i was delivered tonight, from so much. from pain and guilt, from burdens and hinderances. for the first time, in a long time, i feel like i can breathe without any weight. i feel light, and i know that's God ( Read more... )

today was a rough day. i woke up last night, well actually about 5am this morning, because i had a dream he was calling me and i literally picked up the phone and said hello. he wasnt on the line, of course. that was a terrible way to wake up and not easy to go back to sleep after that ( Read more... )

i went to the opthomologist on wednesday and the swelling of my optic nerves has went down. he also told me he could tell that i had lost some weight and he said as long as things keep going well, i may be able to go off of my medicine sometime this year as long as i keep the weight loss up ( Read more... )

so, its safe to say im at the lowest of lows. i mean everything that could go wrong has, and this is only the 3rd month of the year. it is time for something way awesome to happen, for sure. God, anytime you want to pour out some blessing, im right here ( Read more... )

was the worst night of my life. i lost the one person in the whole world that meant everything to me and he doesnt want anything to do with me anymore. he says he doesnt want this anymore and he doesnt have any faith in anything working for us ever again. im alone in my desire for a relationship with him, for a future with him, and it kills me ( Read more... )

ive been giving some more thought to going to the monastery for a weekend ( Read more... )

man the past few weeks have been absolute heck for my everything ( Read more... )

its been awhile since my last post. there is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now but im not really stressed about any of it. God has really been pouring out the blessings. he truly has given me a peace that surpasses understanding, and i am so grateful for that ( Read more... )