(no subject)
my last post was good stuff. i regret to inform you that feeling has faded. im not exactly back at where i began, but im definitely not joyful. im definitely still hurting. im definitely still confused.
so i went to the doctor today. he put me on celexa(sp?), but it wont really start taking affect for a couple of weeks. ill go back in a month to see how things are going. i can only hope they are going to be better than they have been. i pray that they will. i dont like where i am in life right now. i dont like waking up in the middle of night thinking of him. i know that hasnt happened to him. i dont like longing for his kiss, because i know he isnt longing for mine. and while im so angry and frustrated with the situation and the circumstances, im not the least bit angry at him. i still have all of the love in the world for him and would give my life for him.
i hate being the victim. you know i didnt ask for this. i didnt ask to have everything taken from me. i see now that this had to be for me to realize a lot of things. but i dont like how some people wont speak to me. i dont like how some people continue to distance themselves from me. i dont like how some people say they are your friend but dont act like it when you need them most. i just continue to pray for them, because i feel like they are dealing with things that they arent handling well right now. i pray for them, because i know they are confused just as i am. i pray for them, because right now they feel more like my enemies instead of my friends.
i am human. i have made mistakes. God has forgave me. cant you do the same? i guess you have to know a little something about God's love and mercy in order to live out that practice.
lets run off to orlando. sun, fun, and opportunity. that's where my eyes are set, for now.
so i went to the doctor today. he put me on celexa(sp?), but it wont really start taking affect for a couple of weeks. ill go back in a month to see how things are going. i can only hope they are going to be better than they have been. i pray that they will. i dont like where i am in life right now. i dont like waking up in the middle of night thinking of him. i know that hasnt happened to him. i dont like longing for his kiss, because i know he isnt longing for mine. and while im so angry and frustrated with the situation and the circumstances, im not the least bit angry at him. i still have all of the love in the world for him and would give my life for him.
i hate being the victim. you know i didnt ask for this. i didnt ask to have everything taken from me. i see now that this had to be for me to realize a lot of things. but i dont like how some people wont speak to me. i dont like how some people continue to distance themselves from me. i dont like how some people say they are your friend but dont act like it when you need them most. i just continue to pray for them, because i feel like they are dealing with things that they arent handling well right now. i pray for them, because i know they are confused just as i am. i pray for them, because right now they feel more like my enemies instead of my friends.
i am human. i have made mistakes. God has forgave me. cant you do the same? i guess you have to know a little something about God's love and mercy in order to live out that practice.
lets run off to orlando. sun, fun, and opportunity. that's where my eyes are set, for now.