As transsexuals, only we know our pain. We can relate statistics and stories, but even a very high suicide rate doesn't convey the daily impact of the emotions running through our head.

Disjunction of gender is probably what most of us feel the most. I'd say the primary emotion we feel is despair. Part of that despair is caused by an intense ( Read more... )

OMG OMG OMG. I was just at a an event where it’s almost always women. So I spent an entire day being with women. It was awful. All day it was continually reinforced that I was a man. At the same time I’m hiding my breasts.

Every single moment I have to concentrate on my gestures, my voice, my mannerisms. I can’t slip up and I can’t ever be less ( Read more... )

I think I've hit the half and half stage - I'm floating somewhere between male and female ( Read more... )

Today I just got copies of a letter that my therapist ( Phyllis Tonkin)! I'm really... happy!

When I picked up the signed letters (I had seen drafts previously), I felt an enormous amount of relief. Finally! I'm officially diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder.

It says that I will be transitioning from male to female, dependent on preparing our ( Read more... )

The feelings of my body, particularly ‘down there’ have always seemed alien to me. It seems like I’m always conscious of it - crossing my legs, walking, martial arts - all reminding me of my physical maleness in an irritating way. It’s never felt like it was a part of me. For my entire life I always viewed it as abnormal.

Currently, I’m at seven ( Read more... )

 Today is this journal’s birthday. Thank you, TransHouston, for giving me this outlet. It has been extremely helpful in ways I can’t fathom.

This past year has been terrible and exciting from numerous perspectives. Though there were storms, Phebe and I have rededicated ourselves to one another.

HRT and therapy have been a gifts to me, particularly ( Read more... )

Well, it looks like I’m safe in the closet. While hearing my friends’ unfettered feelings hurt, it helped too. It made me realize that my closet is sealed shut against unwanted intruders.

The friends I’m talking about are very close. We probably see them once every 10 days on average. Considering how busy our lives are, that’s very often. We’ve ( Read more... )

We had some of Phebe’s and my best friends at our house. I also had my first encounter with a lack of knowledge regarding transsexualism. I should have expected it, yet it really hurt.

One thing you can say about the “pregnant man” is that he generates conversation. Our friends are very liberal, but they just don’t understand transgenderism. We ( Read more... )

I’m in the process of writing a book in order to assist in coming out. I’d appreciate if you could review the Executive Summary, which is intended to give an overall summary of the book. It also describes the following chapters.

First, Phebe and I will come out to the person we’re talking to and have a discussion. We will give them the book at the ( Read more... )

On the lighter side, Phebe’s come up with code words we use while discussing T-stuff when the children or other people are around and might overhear something we don’t want them to.

Think of the GLBT:

B = Bacon
G = Guacamole
L = Lettuce
T = Tomato

We don’t use them too much (otherwise the kids would pick up on something), but we thought it was funny.